I wish I could at least shed tears of guilt like Rodilla, but nothing has been resolved yet for me to cry freely. I swallowed bitterness and got up from my seat and picked up my outerwear. The case was still ongoing.
“Are you trying to leave on your own?”
The girl who caught me turned her head at Fievel’s call. He was looking at me with eyes full of worry. He moved his hand that had stopped and pushed his remaining arm into his clothes, nodding his head.
“Yes. I need to make a move myself. Nothing will progress if I stay here, so I need to go out and see it with my own eyes and help.”
“It’s dangerous. You might get caught in an explosion.”
“Then I will die with them. Butler Fievel, you know that just because I’m here doesn’t mean I’m safe.”
It wasn’t that Fievel didn’t know what he was trying to say. Just in case, you want to tell her to take her family and evacuate. But this was my shelter and home. I didn’t want to do anything miraculous just to get out of here and be safe alone. A situation that could send people to hell. After asking the knights and soldiers to sacrifice their lives, I did not want to sit back and enjoy the happiness of their sacrifice. I stopped holding my hand, ignoring P. Bell’s persuasion to dissuade me.
“…Does grandfather know about this?”
“Viscount Ajstain has entered the study and is silent.”
I bit my lip, adjusted my robe and moved past Fievel.
“Please tell people to wait. I’m going to see my grandfather.”
“Miss!”
I left the room, ignoring Fievel’s voice urgently calling me. Perhaps because they sensed that the atmosphere of the castle was unusual, the faces of the occupants who greeted me were not bright. I wanted to tell them to relax, but I couldn’t get the words out so I just kept my lips moving. I arrived at the study and hesitated for a moment. What should I say? After thinking for a moment, I slowly knocked on the door. I didn’t hear an answer, but without waiting, I turned the handle and opened the door. It had a familiar and nostalgic scent. This was the study used by his grandfather, and it was like his own space. When I was young, I often read books here, but as I got older, it was a place I naturally stopped visiting. My grandfather would sit me down on a chair and watch me study or give me a book to read. It felt like a story from a time long ago.
“Lawrence?”
Hearing my grandfather’s call, I smiled and closed the door. As the door closed with a thud, the sound of a chair being dragged was heard. As I passed the tall bookshelf, I saw the desk my grandfather was using. My grandfather stood up with a welcoming smile. I also responded with a smile.
“Are you here?”
“It was noisy since the morning, so I was looking for a quiet place and ended up here.”
I shook my head as I held the hand of the old man who offered me the chair.
“Grandpa, it’s okay. I have to go out soon.”
“So?”
I smiled softly and knelt down on the floor in front of my grandfather, who sat back down in his chair. Whenever I sat like this, my grandfather would ask me if I had committed a crime. I only did it because I could sit like this and rest my head on my grandfather’s legs. It was awkward because I had never done it before as an adult. Still, he slowly placed his cheek against his grandfather’s thigh. My grandfather stiffened for a moment, probably surprised by my sudden action, but he gently ran my head down with his palm. He closed his eyes and felt warmth.
“It’s hard.”
“No. It’s not hard.”
I am happier and better now than in the past. My grandfather is by my side, and a man who understands and loves me is also by my side. I feel happy that I can trust someone again. grandfather.
“…sorry.”
It was a vague apology. I don’t know why I felt sorry, but I just felt like I had to apologize.
“What are you sorry for?”
It wasn’t a harsh voice. It was a warmth that comforted me. When I slightly opened my eyes, an old and quaintly scratched wooden desk came into view. A desk that has stood the test of time. I also went through those times. In the past, I was obsessed with just following the flow. I tried my best to protect my family by using my body to overcome the torrent, but I couldn’t do anything. So I’m pretty satisfied now. I realized what I was lacking and grew. I was able to meet better people and cover the stained memories of the past with colorful drawing paper. But I felt extremely sorry to my grandfather that my choice had brought about the current result. There have been no explosive incidents in the past. The series of events all seemed to be the result of me provoking Beralt and moving away from him. What would it have been like if you had made a different choice? If I pretended to be friendly with Beralt and took advantage of him, wouldn’t there have been more opportunities that I didn’t think of? I thought that I might have been able to produce a better result than now.
“I am…”
How should I express these countless thoughts and thoughts, fragments of emotions that I dare not put into words? I opened my mouth, but emotions that could not be easily expressed lingered in my mouth.
“Grandpa… you know. I…”
I opened my mouth once again. At that time, my grandfather’s hands came down on my head and gently covered my ears. A silence came where nothing could be heard. My eyes widened slightly.
“Can you hear me?”
Grandpa’s voice came through the slightly opened tom. He closed his eyes in the warmth and nodded his head slightly. The sound of light laughter and a kind voice made me feel languid as if I was in soft water with bath salts dissolved in it.
“Loa, you are such an amazing child.”
‘I’m not great, Grandpa, I’m just a fool who failed once.’
“And a sweet kid.”
‘No. I only judge relationships with people based on the pros and cons…’
“Another child with a beautiful smile. The Loa I know is proud and confident, and has the ability to do so. My granddaughter is the most outstanding among the many people my father has met in his life, and she is smarter than anyone else and has the ability to clearly discern between interests and interests. .You are like that.”
The way people looked at me and evaluated me was always a burden. In a difficult situation, praise only served to tie me up. However, although the words were the same, the grandfather’s voice did not cause any pressure. Rather, he hugged me warmly, as if quietly healing me.
“I believe that no matter what decision you make or what you do, there must be a good reason for it. I believe that my granddaughter will not sacrifice and harass the people around her simply out of self-interest. So this incident also happened unavoidably. Loa, I believe that this matter will end without any problems, just like the past.”
I bit my lip. I was intoxicated by that voice that trusted me, and it felt as if this incident was nothing. Like a passing cloud, this incident seemed light enough to make me laugh when it passes by.
“….grandfather.”
“Then, when you are really tired, tired, and in pain, if you need a place to rest, you can always come back and pamper your grandfather like this. My granddaughter is all grown up and old enough to get married, but she is still so young and cute, so how can I let my grandfather go?”
I smiled at my grandfather’s gesture of gently pressing my cheek with his palm.
“Then should I not get married?”
“Do you want to?”
My grandfather pushed me to go… When I pouted my lips as if complaining, my grandfather, who was looking at me, smiled. Although I had very little affection, her grandfather was the only person she could comfortably fool around with. I put myself down a lot in front of my grandfather, so this kind of appearance came out well. If Ian sees it, he’ll go crazy, right?
“He’s a good guy. You know that too, right?”
“I know. But I don’t want to leave grandpa just yet.”
“What good is there in staying next to this old man? Start your family. You have to find happiness in it.”
Grandfather’s voice gradually became quieter. I quietly looked at my grandfather who kept his mouth shut. I saw his expression darken slightly. I guess he was thinking of my parents, so I held my grandfather’s hand and smiled brightly, even if I had to force it.
“I will. Just like you said, I will be happy with Ian, so you must live for a long time. Did you know? You must see my children and grandchildren.”
“I’d have to be over 100 years old to do that.”
I lightly hugged my grandfather, who smiled as if he had no regrets about the world. There was a fragrant apple pie smell.
“…So, I’ll be back. Please trust and wait.”
“Sure.”
I closed my eyes as I felt his hands patting my back.
* * *
After a short meeting, I turned around. Now it was time to go and she tried to move her legs quickly, but before she could, she heard her grandfather’s voice.
“Loa.”
“Yes?”
When I turned around, my grandfather was just looking at me. I tried to approach him, wondering why he was acting like that, but the grandfather shook his head gently and then slowly opened his mouth.
“Do you remember things from before?”
“The other day?”
I couldn’t tell when he was talking about the past, so I tilted my head. There were more than one or two things that could be referred to as the past, but it was vague, and the grandfather smiled faintly.
“Didn’t Ercia tell you about it?”
Why did Ercia… I narrowed my eyes.
“What are you talking about?”
“…no.”
My grandfather licked his lips, then shook his head and half-turned his body. Now, at the gesture that seemed to be telling him to stop, he couldn’t say anything more and just nodded. Why was Ercia suddenly mentioned? What do you remember…?
“Don’t hate that kid too much, Loa.”
“…”
In the past, that expression would have sounded like something he was saying simply because Ercia was sick, but now it was a little different. I thought it might have a different meaning. I thought about asking, but then stopped. That wasn’t what mattered now. I decided to ask later, and after answering that I knew, I turned around and opened the study door. It feels like I’m finding the things I’ve been missing one by one, so I’m a little confused, huh?
“Ian?”
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Translator Note:
Hello there! This is RJR. I hope you liked it <3
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