He couldn’t understand. Peon couldn’t comprehend it. No, his rational mind was completely paralyzed, and he couldn’t think at all.
After dismissing the emperor’s envoy with just a few words, he went looking for Kaela. While walking down the corridor, he heard voices conversing. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop. His hearing had long surpassed that of ordinary humans anyway.
But just from that conversation, his mind stopped working. His brain froze, and his body rushed inside to confirm with his own eyes. The evidence was clear, and now Peon had nothing he could do.
“I expected you’d get tired of me someday.”
Kaela desperately shook her head. Her blue eyes anxiously looked around. They were already outside the office, in some dark place. It was unfamiliar to her.
“No, this is a misunderstanding. This is a misunderstanding.”
“I may be a fool, but I won’t be foolish enough to ignore what I clearly saw and heard again.”
His striking voice was low, fierce, and fast. Each word declared like a hammer striking down. I absolutely won’t listen to your excuses. Kaela, who usually explained everything calmly no matter what, tried to speak one more time.
“No, you’re doing it right now. No, really, I was going to tell you!”
“Then you should have told me earlier. You shouldn’t have let me discover it, you should have told me right away.”
Kaela, who had only thought about whether to do it or not, whether to make the medicine or not, let’s try it first and discuss it finally – if not, then not – bit her lip. This time, Peon had every right to be angry.
“You’re just that indifferent.”
Though the conversation topic had shifted strangely, it was true nonetheless. Kaela had been indifferent about this too, thinking “if not, then not.” Sometimes even talking was tiring.
Still, she was in the wrong. So she needed to apologize for startling him and calm him down. Unfortunately, the problem was that he had no intention of listening to anything she had to say.
“I’m sorry…!”
“From the beginning, I only wanted one thing from you – to stay alive by my side. That’s still true now.”
“I said I’m sorry…!”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses.”
Kaela felt her heart sink. Peon had rejected her. A familiar sense of déjà vu clawed at her sunken heart, spreading an icy chill as it crept up. Would they go back to how things were four years ago?
“Is living that difficult? Do you think dying is easy, Kaela?”
No, that wasn’t it. That was too easy and obvious, yet outdated assumption. His reddened eyes held her firmly and wouldn’t let go. Would never let go.
“I told you to live as long as possible and die naturally. You can’t die, Kaela. Do you think death is your escape route? Do you think you can get rid of me by dying?”
Ha ha, Peon laughed as if crying and grabbed her arm. He had already bound the pure and clean her, clinging to her very soul.
How could fragile Kaela shake off something so tenacious it could return even from death? With these thin, delicate arms, she’d need to put on more weight first by eating well to shake him off.
“If you die, I die too.”
That was a confession he had harbored for a very long time. It burst out from his strained throat without a moment’s hesitation.
“I’ll follow right after. You know? You can’t abandon me even in death. You think it’ll all be over if you just die after making me live? You think I’ll let you go that easily?”
He would bind her even in death, until the very end. From the moment he reached out and grasped her, he never had any intention of letting go.
All the blood rushing through his body raged because of Kaela, and she alone was the one who made his head explode and threw him down to the most base places.
“If I was going to let you go, I wouldn’t have come this far. It’s too unfair for you to try to escape alone after making me like this, Kaela.”
Kaela swallowed hard. She needed to somehow explain the situation and apologize to Peon, who was becoming increasingly miserable. Just as she opened her mouth, Peon sharply cut her off.
“Keep your mouth shut. I said I don’t want to hear it.”
He was determined not to listen to anything she had to say today. He knew he would stupidly accept whatever Kaela whispered with a simple “I see.”
He would let Kaela take that poison again, and then anxiously worry about when she would drink it, when she would abandon him. Well, when had it ever been different?
He had always been given so little. Though he was being aggressive, his purple eyes sank deep with contempt instead. The dragon’s cold power began to coil around Kaela’s ankle.
“Don’t talk to me like that!”
With a sharp voice, her clenched fist struck him hard. Kaela closed her eyes tight and hit him anywhere she could. Her fists rained down on his chest and shoulders with soft thuds. She pattered against her solid husband, her face red with anger.
“You’re bad! You’re bad! You, you, you idiot!”
The princess’s blue eyes, having used the worst insult she could think of, welled up with tears before bursting. Peon hadn’t moved an inch since that moment – no, since she started hitting him.
“I said it was medicine! Something good for the body! You’re always saying I’m sickly!”
Her tears burst forth, and her angry fists continued their barrage. Though it amounted to nothing more than light taps.
“If it was poison, would I have asked Darinka? I would have hidden it! You fool!”
Her sobbing voice confronted him for the first time. Kaela, who always lowered her head and kept her mouth shut, showing no emotion until Peon went mad, was shouting. Disorganized words poured out.
“They say even poisonous herbs become medicine when used as medicine! They say it’s famous for being good! Everyone says they take it as a tonic! I wanted to take it and become healthy too!”
That’s why I bought it, she meant to say. Kaela swallowed the lump in her throat and breathed heavily.
“I’m sorry.”
The man who had been menacing just moments ago reflexively apologized first. His show of aggression wouldn’t last long anyway.
“You be quiet! I don’t want to hear it!”
Her Highness shot back with exactly the same words. She shouted while stamping her foot.
“That I didn’t tell you, yes! That was wrong, I’m sorry too! I bought way too much, much more than I planned to, of something they said was good for health!”
Impulse buying and bulk purchasing? Looking at the Grand Duchess’s face flushed bright red – she who always made planned purchases – Peon realized. The problematic herbs weren’t just perfura and carradin.
“I was going to tell you before taking it! I was going to discuss whether to take it or not! Though I just left it alone since it was obvious you’d stop me right away, because it was bothersome…”
Yes. That was an unavoidable indifference. Kaela knew too. As an aftereffect of her long depression, many things were just too bothersome for Kaela.
Sometimes even speaking up and gathering the strength to open her mouth was exhausting. Sometimes she would save and gather her tiny bits of strength to finally speak at the very end. Kaela simply expressed this as being ‘bothersome.’ Because it really was.
“Because you keep saying I’m weak! I was trying to do something, trying to become healthy!”
She closed her eyes tight and shouted like a child. She had never properly gotten angry before, so even this was clumsy. But she was too upset.
“I wasn’t going to take it if you said not to! But what?”
Her blue eyes shook off tears and glared at him. She glared, then bit her lip hard and hit his arm with all her strength.
The sound was quite sharp. Though her hand hurt, Kaela endured it. Thinking that if it hurt this much, it must hurt Peon a little too, she felt somewhat proud even in this situation.
“You make such a fuss about me living and then what? You’ll follow me in death if I die? Are you crazy?”
Thinking about it made her even angrier, and Kaela hit her husband while sobbing loudly. Peon just stood there taking the hits. He didn’t even sway from the hits. There was nothing to sway from – they were just cotton-soft fists.
“Why die! You should live! Live well! You told me to live! You said to live because it’s a good world! Then you should live too, why die!”
If he hadn’t said such things, she wouldn’t have had to cry and get angry like this, hurting her pride. He’s a bad person. Really a bad person.
“You should live well even without me!”
She had already known. Clearly, no matter how long she lived, she wouldn’t live longer than Peon.
No matter how much dragon’s energy she received, with her weak constitution she couldn’t possibly live longer than a dragon. That’s why she had hoped they could have children, so they could comfort each other even if one of them disappeared. They had been too lonely, so she hoped their later years wouldn’t be lonely.
“You bad person!”
Her accusation came mixed with breath sounds, as she didn’t even have the strength to shout properly. Kaela breathed heavily while tears dropped steadily. Her chest heaved up and down, and her face alternated between red and white.
“Why should I live without you.”
Peon muttered matter-of-factly. From that single sentence, Kaela recognized the desolate conclusion he had reached long ago.
After completing his blood revenge and setting fire to the empire, if Peon hadn’t had her, he would have turned his back on life right away. Because there would be no more meaning in living. Or because life would be unbearable.
“How could I live.”
When I don’t know why to live, when living is punishment.
“You have to live, you fool. They say that’s how everyone lives.”
“I don’t know about such things, Kaela.”
That’s why even when he told Kaela she had to live, he never said such things. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what a normal life is like. He just wanted to give her everything she couldn’t have.
A long life without dying young, health and happiness, her husband’s love and high honor – he wanted to return all the things she should rightfully have had. He wanted to let her fully enjoy them. That’s all.
“I don’t want to know anything except you.”
So he especially didn’t want to know about life after Kaela’s death.
That was a separate issue from reuniting with his beloved parents. Kaela too chose death despite having her father. It’s just that for Peon, she was more important than death.
The way Peon looked at Kaela was always consistent. It consistently held only Kaela, and nothing else. Kaela, who had grown used to being swallowed and licked by those purple eyes, seemed to vaguely understand now.
Was this how frustrated Peon felt every time she threw away her life? Of course, since those were his emotions, the indifferent Kaela couldn’t fully understand, but still.
She pushed back her disheveled hair while catching her breath.
Peon thought that the way she calmly pushed back her picture-perfect platinum blonde hair was just like Kaela. It was elegant in her way. Unlike him who rolled in the mud, even when wishing for death, she would remain graceful alone even in hell.
“…This was my fault.”
See? She admits her fault without losing composure at all. Peon swallowed whatever it was – curse or admiration. Kaela, that woman who had started just as a familiar younger sister, had driven him mad without lifting a finger.
“But I hate that you talked like that.”
She tried her best not to sound like a child, but she thought she probably did anyway and felt very upset. She tried not to cry too, but tears streamed down again. Kaela squeezed her eyes shut.
“So sleep in separate rooms!”
She shouted again and turned around abruptly to run away. She ran very bravely despite not knowing where this place was. Left behind, Peon stood still for a moment before slowly running his hand over his face. His eyes flashed where his large hand had passed.
He was dumbfounded. Kaela knew him too well and manipulated him too well. Her shoulders trembled slightly as she walked without even knowing where she was. Peon let out a long sigh and folded up the space between them.
He immediately caught her waist as she was walking earnestly and pulled her into an embrace. He restrained her pushing hands and turned her around.
“Separate rooms, you say.”
Kaela involuntarily shuddered at his low voice. She could tell just from his voice. Peon was truly, properly angry.
“Are you serious?”
It seems today they would really have their first proper married couple’s fight. And over separate rooms of all things. That was practically the same as asking for divorce. Peon really hated when such words were thrown around carelessly.
Although he was a soft husband to Kaela, he absolutely could not tolerate their relationship growing distant or Kaela making dangerous attempts.
Peon tried to keep a stern face even while looking at her tear-soaked cheeks and eyelashes, and the teardrops falling from her chin. No, crying won’t work. Speaking carelessly and easily is absolutely not allowed. Moreover, separate rooms!
“Kaela.”
At his quiet call urging her to answer, she stubbornly kept her eyes firm and lips sealed.
She lowered her head and wouldn’t meet his eyes, not wanting to show her crying face. Fresh tears welled up in her reddened blue eyes and silently flowed down.
“I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
What could he do? His wife, seven years younger than him, was upset enough to cry – of course she could say anything. Facing that stubborn expression, he could only apologize.
The rage that had been boiling in his head had cooled down, subsiding to a manageable level. Since he had upset the proud Kaela, he would have to beg forgiveness for a very long time.
“I’m sorry.”
Her crying grew louder. Kaela cried like a child and buried her face in his embrace without thinking. She’s hugging me this easily? Peon was somewhat surprised, but quickly hugged her back as if caging her in, and stroked her.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for upsetting you.”
“Me too, I’m sorry too…!”
More childlike crying burst forth. Yes. How could he have a married couple’s fight with such a gentle wife who apologizes right away – the weight difference was too great.
“I’ll, I’ll try hard, to become healthy…!”
Kaela spoke as if squeezing out the words while gasping.
“Have lots of children, be very happy, I promise, I’ll do that…!”
Looking up at the dark lair ceiling, Peon thought. Well done. Very well done. The air you breathe is wasted. Why do you live, you madman.
“Lots of, babies lots of them, definitely…!”
“Yes, alright. Thank you. I understand perfectly well now so don’t cry, okay? I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
When he bent down, Kaela tightly hugged his neck and cried heavily again. She clearly had no intention of letting go, so Peon gave up and just kept stroking her back while staying bent over.
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