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TISND Chapter 91

TISND Chapter 91

Chapter 91

Helena’s interest in fields and farming when she was young began as an excuse, a way to cope.

Her room was in a separate annex, far from the main house where the Eskel family’s bedrooms were located. This annex often doubled as a storage space for items the Countess of Eskel no longer used or deemed valuable.

When Helena was five years old, she caught a cold. Fearing it might be contagious, the Countess moved her to the annex. From then on, that small, narrow room became her space. When her room was first relocated, the Countess oddly filled it with expensive furnishings. It wasn’t long before Helena understood why. The room had been furnished so she would stay there permanently. By the time Helena grew older and might have left, she was already too attached to the room. And just like that, she lost her chance to leave.

Unlike the main house, her room had no view. Even though it wasn’t winter, it felt cold and desolate.

Despite being filled with furniture the Countess had placed there, the room felt empty. Helena couldn’t leave that room. Even if she did, there was no one to meet, no one who would come looking for her. To her young self, her lightless room felt like a prison.

She felt like a ghost, wandering aimlessly, forgotten by people, belonging nowhere. Even as a child, she knew:

This was a room the Countess had designed to imprison her.

But Helena wasn’t the only one to realize this.

Sometimes, mischievous servants would lock her in the room and leave. They found it troublesome to look after her, as walking from the main house to the annex took time. When the door was locked, Helena had no choice but to remain trapped until mealtime. Occasionally, she was even left without food.

Each day, she stared at an empty tray in her locked room, feeling as if the world had forgotten her. It felt like no one cared, as if everyone had abandoned her. She was afraid. She feared she might die there, completely forgotten. The low ceiling seemed to press down on her, and when she lay on the bed, the world felt like it was spinning.

I have to get out of this room somehow!

Even when she clung to the locked door, it wouldn’t budge. Unfortunately, the window in the room was too small, even for her frail frame, to crawl through. Helena could only cry, clinging to the locked door. For the first few months, all she did was cry.

“Oh my, young lady! I’m so sorry. I thought you liked staying in your room. I locked the door so no one would disturb you. Were you upset? I promise I won’t do it again!”

“Oh dear, I completely forgot to unlock the door. Silly me!”

“Lately, there have been deer wandering around near the annex from beyond the hill. I locked the door for your safety, just in case.”

One by one, the servants added excuses for locking her in.

At some point, Helena began to respond to them calmly.

“Okay. Don’t do it again.”

Looking back now, even as a child, she had her pride. She didn’t want to show them how much she was hurt by their childish antics. She still remembered how she’d bitten the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying and answered them. She could never forget the surprised look in the servant’s eyes, as if they hadn’t expected her to respond that way.

From that moment on, she grew used to pretending everything was fine. She resolved to never let herself be broken by such cruel pranks. No matter what others said or did, she promised herself that she would live well for her own sake.

Still, Helena desperately wanted to get out of the room. That was when she discovered the field. One spring, she noticed dandelions sprouting nearby. Initially, she wandered over to admire them, but then she thought about tending to them.

She started with dandelions and some unknown flowers nearby. Whether they were weeds or not didn’t matter. She loved watching new life sprout from the barren ground she tended. Each time a new shoot broke through the soil, she felt as though she, too, could take root in the world and live.

Even so, Helena hated the person she had been in the past.

“What were you like when you were young?”

Aiden had asked her this during their academy days. They’d been talking about childhood memories at the time. Aiden had mentioned how he’d tried raising saltwater fish at home but failed, crying his eyes out over the dead fish.

“…Ah.”

Helena couldn’t answer his question right away. She only muttered that she couldn’t remember. In truth, the memories were vivid enough to haunt her dreams. But she lied.

She simply didn’t want to become the person she had been back then. She resolved that such things would never happen to her again.

And yet—

“Ah… ugh…”

She didn’t know how many days she had spent locked in her room this time. Each morning, Helena checked the locked door.

Each time, memories she wanted to forget stabbed at her like sharp fragments. She felt as though someone were choking her, stealing her breath. Memories of her younger self, crying and begging to be let out, flooded her mind.

Since that day, Helena hadn’t been able to properly see Joshua or Jeremy. Nor had she spent much time with servants like Jane or Emma.

Through the window and down the hall, she could hear the laughter of servants mocking her. The pointing fingers and growing whispers of blame spread like wildfire. From all these rumors, Caligo remained silent.

Helena remembered his cold eyes, the way they looked her over like a snake. Eyes filled with hostility and reproach.

I can’t stay here like this.

Struggling against the heavy weight of despair, Helena slumped to the floor in front of the door.

“I need to get out…”

Looking at Bahen’s letter about the difficulty of investigating the Eskel, and thinking of Aiden, she vaguely felt it—she needed to leave the mansion.

But the growing rumors and worsening circumstances kept delaying her chance to leave. Slowly but surely, the end of her life was creeping closer. She couldn’t let this continue.

Would she really be able to escape from here?

Occasionally, Caligo visited her under the pretense of keeping watch. Each time, he would hurl harsh words at her.

Each time, Helena realized she could no longer look at him with the same fluttering heart she once had. To say she didn’t feel any resentment or bitterness would have been a lie. No matter how much she tried to ignore it, a dull anger toward him stirred within her.

Whether out of pride or spite, Helena lifted her head high every time he spat venomous words at her. She clenched her lips shut, pretending to be unaffected, as though she didn’t exist. Even though her body and spirit were slowly breaking, she endured it all.

“I feel like I’m talking to a corpse every time I face you, Helena.”

“…”

“Why do you always keep silent in front of me?”

She couldn’t answer his question. She couldn’t bring herself to pour out the emotions bottled up inside her. There were too many feelings to articulate, too complex to put into words. Silence was her only response. Every time, his fury only seemed to grow fiercer.

“Your Grace, no matter what, keeping the Duchess locked in her room is…”

“Are you trying to tell me it’s unjust?”

The butler had grown increasingly concerned about the Duke’s recent behavior. Caligo, who had always maintained composure, had become unusually irritable.

He was particularly sensitive when it came to the Duchess. Every mention of her seemed to provoke an emotional reaction. This wasn’t an unfamiliar sight—his hot temper and stubborn pride reminded the butler of Caligo’s teenage years.

But now, he seemed even harsher than before.

“Don’t misunderstand. I regret not locking her up from the very beginning.”

“But—”

“I should’ve done this from the start. From Frantor, I should’ve ensured no one could approach her.”

He wasn’t lying. The thought of her being out of anyone’s sight brought him a strange sense of relief.

Why should I care about a woman like her?

Until now, Caligo had resisted revealing his feelings for her, keeping his emotions tightly locked away. But now, he felt a strange sense of liberation. It seemed foolish to keep suppressing his emotions. He should have done this from the start.

Locking her up had been an impulsive decision. He didn’t care what happened to himself, but he couldn’t bear the thought of her being preoccupied with someone else.

He’d thought that if he kept her confined, like the simple and shabby watch he carried in his pocket, he could fully possess and control her—at least for the one year of their contract. That modest, unassuming watch had occupied his mind ever since he first saw it. Owning it had brought him a sense of peace.

This time, too, he believed that placing her within the confines of his control would dispel his restless thoughts.

But somehow, it wasn’t enough.

Was it because of that doctor still lingering near the estate? Like a parasite, the doctor was constantly lurking, waiting for an opportunity. The thought of him hanging around grated on his nerves.

“Your Grace.”

The butler, sighing softly, brought him some news.

“This morning, there was a request to meet with the Duchess.”

“Why are you telling me something you could’ve dealt with yourself? Do you expect me to personally reject every request?”

“…It was from Mrs. Gertrude Baron.”

“Mrs. Baron?”

The name “Baron” filled him with instant displeasure. But the mention of “Mrs. Gertrude Baron” sparked a different thought.

Perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to let Helena meet her.

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Comment

  1. lemmeread says:

    His level of toxicity keeps rising, gah
    I read someone commenting before that it will take a little longer of enduring this sweet potato moments?? Im choking

    1. Sid says:

      Yeah but next few chapters will be having nice moments. Stay tuned and thanks for reading 💕

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