TISND Chapter 158

Chapter 158

Caligo decided to leave Horion for two days. Last time, he had sent the medicine Helena was taking to the physicians separately. He had heard it might be effective, so now he was on his way to find out if it truly was. In any case, it was a difficult time to ask for forgiveness or even speak a word to her. From his perspective, this was the most rational decision given the situation. Still, the thought of leaving weighed heavily on him. When he returned, it would likely be to take the children away.

So, as if to say goodbye, he took a walk around the house. He lingered a little, wanting to leave a word of farewell for Jeremy and Joshua, even if just in spirit. The children were playing joyfully with others who came to visit during the day.

It had been so long since he’d seen them smile so brightly. Even Joshua, who usually dressed neatly, was playing without noticing the grass stains on his sleeves. The sound of their laughter brought an inexplicable sting to his eyes.

On the table, there was a half-finished drawing left behind by Joshua and Jeremy. The children loved to draw—so much so that they once sent him pictures instead of letters while he was on the battlefield. He remembered how they used to draw three people together. But now, there were four—both Joshua and Jeremy included.

If only he had taken Helena’s outstretched hand back then, perhaps the scene in the picture would have become reality. And maybe she wouldn’t fear him as she did now. He used to believe that fighting on the battlefield was the only way to protect peace at home. But now, he wondered: was that really the only answer? Perhaps there had been another way all along.

As he slowly examined the drawing, Caligo noticed a letter placed in the corner of the table. Helena had often scribbled something there while the children played. The ink still smelled fresh—she must have only just written it.

It was a letter addressed to her lawyer. In truth, it was closer to a will. She detailed exactly how her estate should be handled in the event of her death—how to divide the assets among those rescued from Bacchus, how to establish a foundation to help them rebuild their lives…

As he read, his eyes began to burn. He could vividly picture her, facing death alone while shouldering responsibilities that should have belonged to the nation.

The letter, imbued with a woman’s anguish, carried a faint scent of forget-me-nots. Caligo couldn’t bring himself to hold it. He stifled a sob with the back of his hand.

> [If I die, please erase every trace of me from the world.
> The house in Horion would be perfect as a playground for children to safely enjoy.]

> [When winter comes, please ensure no one in the North dies from the cold for lack of warm clothes.]
> [This is the legacy of someone who committed grave sins. Please use it generously for the victims.]
> [Don’t tell anyone that the money came from me. Anonymity is enough.]

The edges of the letter were slightly crumpled with tear stains. As he gently ran his fingers over the creases, he felt his already broken heart being torn further apart. His breath caught in his throat, as if someone were choking him. It hurt so much, he almost wished to die right then and there.

***

After leaving Horion, Caligo summoned physicians and scholars from across the country. If necessary, he would dig through legends and myths to gather any scrap of information. Crown Prince Raul even brought his own physician with him when he visited Horion. Under the protection of both the crown prince and the duke, renowned scholars and physicians from across the empire gathered—something that wouldn’t happen outside of a major academic conference.

But it turned out that there was no known cure for Asehimmo to begin with, and without the patient being there in person, there wasn’t much they could do.

Moreover, the medicine Helena had been taking only temporarily reduced the episodes of fainting. It didn’t slow the progression of Asehimmo at all.

The unexpected result was disheartening. As time passed, hope continued to fade, burning a hole inside him. The once-hot breeze had grown cooler—it was autumn. The forget-me-nots that had blossomed across the fields were now withering and falling to the ground.

Caligo stared out the window at the fragile blossoms fluttering helplessly in the wind.

She had said that she was like a poisonous mushroom—that she was useless and only brought harm to those around her. But Caligo knew that wasn’t true.

Even if she hadn’t been Eskel, he would have chosen her from the start. From the moment he first laid eyes on her, he had been captivated.

The moment he saw her shy smile beneath the leaves, he had already decided to marry her.

She believed her presence would only bring him harm, but she had become the warm earth in his dull life, the gentle sunlight.

How could someone like her be a poisonous mushroom? If anyone was poisonous to her, it was probably him.

It was he who had ruined Helena’s life—the very person who had brought him warmth and comfort. Helena had reached out to support him, but he was the one who rejected her. She was the first woman he had ever truly wanted, yet he couldn’t have her. Instead, he dragged her into a pit of suffering. He believed it was a choice made for the sake of his family, but foolishly, he hadn’t even been able to protect them. In the end, he had achieved nothing.

In front of him, the physicians and scholars were deep in heated discussion. They had tacitly accepted the fact that there was no antidote for Asehimmo and were now simply scrambling to find ways to buy more time.

“Your Excellency.”

A scholar who had been buried in a book approached him and said,

“What if we gave her medicine to strengthen the body instead? There’s that famous remedy brought from Kansharok, isn’t there? It purifies the blood and boosts energy. It’s said to be one of the rarest and most precious medicines in the world.”

A physician sitting across from him responded,

“It could be poisonous for someone who’s taken Asehimmo.”

“R-Really?”

“No matter how miraculous a remedy may be, if it doesn’t suit the patient, it can become poison instead.”

The physician added,

“Just like how a deadly poison can sometimes become a cure. No matter how rare or potent a herb is, its use determines its effect. Sometimes it becomes medicine; other times, it’s a toxin.”

“…A cure.”

Perhaps it was because the word ‘poisonous mushroom’ had been echoing in his head.

“It’s time we accepted there’s no antidote for Asehimmo. But is there a treatment?”

“Well, we did look into treatment methods as well, but… for a poison with no antidote, claiming there’s a treatment is a stretch…”

“Even if there is one, it would be extremely dangerous.”

“There’s no guarantee the patient would survive it.”

The physicians shared their thoughts.

“I once read in an old text that a child with tuberculosis showed dramatic improvement after being stung by a scorpion.”

“There are rare cases where poison has been used for treatment.”

Caligo, listening to the discussion, spoke.

“So far, we’ve focused on researching antidotes and treatments. But have we ever considered studying the poison itself?”

No one thought of using poison to save someone’s life—especially not when the person was already poisoned.

“What if we try to treat Asehimmo with poison?”

There was little time left, and they needed to pursue every possible option.

“…It will be a dangerous gamble,” one physician said.

“There are so few documented cases, and the research is sparse. Information is limited. There’s a real risk the patient might die during the process. Should we still go through with it, Your Excellency?”

At the mention that she could lose her life, Caligo’s eyes visibly trembled. It was a question too heavy to answer easily. He couldn’t bring himself to respond aloud. ‘She might die?’ There was a possibility he might be the one to kill her with his own hands—cutting short the few days she had left.

‘Was it not enough that I destroyed her once? Now I’m to end it myself, with these very hands?’

His body grew cold, and his hands began to tremble.

But… still… He couldn’t just stand by and do nothing. He had to try something, even if it was a desperate, last-ditch effort. Otherwise, he felt like he would go mad.

The weight of guilt would be entirely his to bear. Even if she hated him. Even if his sons came to resent him. Caligo didn’t want to give up. He didn’t want to lose this chance—however late it had come.

“I will take responsibility.”

And so, Caligo made his choice.

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