TISND Chapter 157

Chapter 157

The image of her, turning her head to avoid his gaze, wouldn’t leave his mind. Even the way she trembled in fear, despite being with him, lingered. Every time he thought of her, his breath would catch in his throat, and his chest felt as though it might shatter from the agony.

Yet, Caligo couldn’t stop thinking about her. It felt as if his whole body was being torn apart and shattered. The thought that she had erased him from her life was almost impossible to shake off. He felt that he was no longer needed in her life.

‘I’m scared of you.’

Instead, he was no longer a source of protection or support for her, but only a threat. Helena Eskel feared him.

‘I’m so scared to be alone with you like this.’

She had confessed this with a pale, terrified face, clutching herself. He had come to Horion to save her, yet she was more afraid of him than Salizar, who had come to kill her.

How had he reacted when he heard those words? He couldn’t remember. The only thing he recalled was standing there with a dazed expression before leaving the room.

Now, he only wished to have her by his side. He no longer wanted her erased from his life—he had come to the conclusion that he couldn’t live without her. But Helena had said she was afraid of him. What words could he possibly say in such a situation?

The biggest problem was that, even from Caligo’s perspective, it made sense that she feared him. How could she not? He had continually silenced her, removing anyone who was involved with her. He had even locked her in a room without any intention of protecting her, allowing her to be confined amidst absurd rumors. From the very beginning, he had made the wrong moves, foolishly seeking her forgiveness, trying to do something that could never have been undone.

His image of asking for forgiveness must have felt more like a threat to her. After having threatened her so much, how ridiculous must he have seemed, now asking for forgiveness?

The more he pondered the past, the more suffocating the feeling became, as though he could no longer breathe. In the end, Caligo had been bedridden for several days. Even though he had fought through injuries that would have sent most men to their graves, he now lay unable to leave his room, suffering from a fever so intense it felt like he would be consumed by it.

Perhaps it was an attempt to escape reality, but even while ill, he kept dreaming. Helena appeared in his dreams. Despite his delirium, he desperately sought sleep just to see her face. Even though seeing her face almost tore his heart apart, he couldn’t stop sleeping. Helena. His Helena. In his dreams, at least, she no longer feared him as she did in reality.

From the beginning, Helena hadn’t rejected him. On the first day they met, she had willingly opened up to him. Despite his calculated approach, it was Caligo who had fallen in love with her. The time spent with her was indescribably wonderful. Helena had listened to everything he said without any prejudice. At times, she would even give him realistic advice.

While everyone else treated him as the Lord of Frantor, Helena treated him only as Caligo Frantor. But he hadn’t treated her purely as Helena Eskel. The one who pushed her away was him. He was the one who had driven her to the edge.

The image of the old Helena in his dream struck his chest like a painful wound. The thought that he would never again see that look in her eyes sent a sharp feeling of loss, like a giant hole had opened in his chest. ‘No, don’t go. Come back. I was wrong. I will never do that to you again… Please.’

“My God, you look like a mess.”

After several days of receiving no replies to his letters, Prince Raul finally visited Horion. Throwing off the robe he had worn to disguise himself, Raul clicked his tongue at his old friend, who wasn’t even giving him a glance.

He had heard that Caligo had been bedridden for a while. However, after hearing that he had gotten up, Raul thought he was fine, but it was clear he was not. He looked as though he was only half-conscious.

“You’ve been diligently looking for an antidote, and you even sent the medicine she’s been taking to the physicians, right? I thought you two had made some progress, so I was relieved… But…”

When Helena had left the Frantor estate and he had discovered her true identity, he hadn’t been this bad. At least then, Caligo had kept up some semblance of normalcy. But now, it seemed as though his life had completely fallen apart.

No one would have believed that this was the legendary hero Caligo Frantor.

Let’s see… His eyes looked completely vacant. Raul examined him closely and noticed the untreated wound on his arm. A knight’s arm was akin to his life. A serious injury to it was irreversible. Even Caligo, who took little care of himself, would have been cautious with injuries to his arm, shoulder, or hands.

Yet, he was leaving this wound untreated. Raul barely held back an expletive as he started to remove Caligo’s shirt.

“Just let it go, it’s fine.”

“Is that something you should be saying to your lord, who is taking care of his men?” Raul snapped.

“You won’t find anyone who will just watch you like this… Did you send away all the people who came to treat you like this?”

In the end, Raul managed to wrap a bandage and disinfect the wound. It took quite a while because his uncooperative friend wasn’t making it any easier.

“You said you were going to find her to ask for forgiveness, but I see it didn’t go well?”

This was the first time Raul had seen his friend in such a mess, so his heart was heavy. But it wasn’t that he didn’t understand Helena’s feelings. After all, Caligo had been in the wrong. He had been in the wrong for a long time. Yet, as someone who cared about his friend’s happiness, Raul could only hope that things would work out between them. Above all, Raul liked Helena.

Now, Caligo had finally found someone he could be with. He couldn’t just let go of such a person in vain.

“From now on, you need to beg. Even if you have to kneel, you must beg.”

Caligo remained silent, perhaps understanding, but his expression was still grim.

“Whatever she asks for, you must do it.”

“…”

“If it’s something difficult, I will help you.”

At Raul’s words, Caligo let out a bitter laugh.

“If her request is for me to leave her and never see her again, what then?”

“What?”

“She says she’s afraid to be alone with me. She’s afraid of being with me…”

“…”

“She says the words I said that day keep coming back to her.”

Caligo spoke with a heavy heart.

“She says she doesn’t need my help. Not even a title, nor protection… She even rejected my help to save her.”

“…”

“She doesn’t want anything from me. She has already given up on treatment, given up on life… She has erased me from her life entirely.”

Raul looked at Caligo, who seemed like an empty shell, his soul gone. The pain and despair in his eyes were so hollow they seemed to have no depth. Seeing his friend like this made Raul’s heart ache. It was painful to see the man who had always prioritized his duties and responsibilities now lost and broken. Perhaps he felt responsible for part of this. Caligo had always been busy protecting him, but Raul had never been able to protect his friend in return. It felt as though it was his fault that Caligo, who had sacrificed his personal life to live as a duke, had ended up in such a situation.

“Now is not the time for you to be picky about situations or methods. Forget about asking for forgiveness for now. You need to do whatever it takes to change her heart! You must find a way to make her receive treatment.”

“…”

“Are you just going to let her die? She’s the woman you’ve wanted for so long.”

Raul spoke desperately, his voice filled with emotion. He felt a strong need to snap his friend out of his despair. At this point, neither Caligo nor Helena had much time left.

“Can you really erase her from your life?”

No matter how much Raul shouted, his friend remained as still as a corpse. But at last, Caligo blinked and pondered the question.

And quickly, he came to the conclusion. No. Erasing Helena Eskel from his life was impossible.

Even after thinking it through several times, he came to the same conclusion. It was impossible to erase her from his life.

“No.”

Just like a horse without legs would soon collapse and die, it was clear that Caligo’s life would fall into ruin and despair if Helena were truly erased from it.

“No, I can’t.”

Caligo answered, his voice filled with certainty.

“So, I will save her. I will find a way to save her, no matter what.”

“…”

“Even if she never wants to see my face again.”

Raul looked at Caligo’s face, which was gradually losing its color, with an expression he couldn’t quite describe.

“Still, there’s some good news for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“The medicine you sent to the physician last time… I heard it might be effective for Asehimmo.”

Raul said this with a comforting gesture, lightly patting Caligo’s shoulder.

Hey Guys you can read advanced chapters on Patreon
If you liked my work and want to support me then you can visit my page for tips. As I can’t create Kofi because of the unavailability of Paypal in my country, I’ve made this tier which is being updated every week so that you won’t be charged again till you want to donate again by yourself or you can exit the tier after donating 🙂.

Happy Reading 🩷