IYWHM Chapter 81

The unexpectedly soft skin touched Kisa’s lips briefly before pulling away.

It was a fleeting contact, just enough to tease.

Kisa unconsciously parted her lips slightly. She couldn’t quite comprehend the words she had just heard and what had transpired because of them.

But perhaps her reaction was interpreted as permission.

The second contact was much more brazen.

“Mmph.”

Seyard’s tongue invaded past her lips, swallowing Kisa’s short moan.

Then he slowly explored the intimate territory inside.

At the subtle sensation of his movement, Kisa tightly shut her eyes as if trying to escape.

Thinking she should quickly stop this act, she moved her arm to push against the man’s shoulder.

But her resistance, if it could even be called that, ended after just a couple of attempts.

Her slender arm, which had grabbed his shoulder as if it were a lifeline, trembled visibly.

Does she want to stop, or not? She herself couldn’t tell.

Sensing her confusion, the intruder surprisingly retreated of his own accord.

At last, Kisa was freed from the kiss.

As she caught her breath with a “haah,” Seyard wiped her small lips, moistened with a trace of saliva, with his thumb.

Meeting his gaze with trembling eyes, she saw he looked no different than usual. The same kind and gentle person.

But somehow, the familiar reddish-brown eyes seemed to have a darker gleam than ever before.

The unmistakable scent of desire hung in the air.

“Seyard.”

Kisa instinctively spoke his name but then fell silent, not knowing what to say next.

Everything in her mind was a jumbled mess of confusion.

It would be nice if he could draw her out with a clear answer as he always did.

Today, however, Seyard was frustratingly patient, waiting for Kisa’s next words.

Kisa decided to first ask about the shocking event that had just occurred.

“Why, why… did you kiss me?”

The answer to her fragile question came immediately.

“Because I love you.”

Love. Kisa mulled over the word that had come from his mouth with a dazed mind.

Come to think of it, he had said he loved her even before their kiss.

He says he loves her.

Seyard Hillan says he loves Kisa Vansfelt.

“……”

It was a surprising revelation no matter how many times she turned it over in her mind, but it wasn’t as if she had never considered the possibility before.

After all, Seyard had been excessively affectionate.

Theirs was a relationship formed on the shared understanding of wanting to avoid unwanted marriages, but if asked whether Kisa and Seyard had given equally to each other, the answer would obviously be ‘no.’

Compared to Kisa merely serving as his suitable marriage partner, what he had given was overflowing.

First, he had promised benefits to the Vansfelt family to persuade Count Vansfelt to agree to break off his daughter’s engagement.

Though she didn’t know exactly how substantial it was, it must have been considerable enough for the Count to change his mind.

Furthermore, Seyard’s reputation had somewhat suffered due to suspicions of stealing another man’s fiancée.

‘Above all…….’

He had devoted far more of his attention and time to Kisa than necessary in everything.

He had listened to her worries, sometimes offered solutions, and even when he couldn’t, he had always been a source of strength through consistent encouragement and support.

That’s why even in moments when they were pretending to be real lovers—holding hands and embracing to appear genuine to those around them—Kisa had harbored this doubt in the back of her heart.

The doubt that perhaps this wasn’t entirely an act.

But she had deliberately suppressed these audacious thoughts.

What had been the outcome with Daniel, whom she had loved for over a decade?

She didn’t want to agonize over man troubles anymore, and she was afraid of making Seyard the subject of such troubles.

She didn’t want to contaminate this already sufficiently pleasant relationship with the impurity of romantic feelings.

Seyard was already Kisa’s good friend, excellent mentor, and compatible companion.

If they were to become lovers who shared love, she couldn’t ask for more, but there was no guarantee it would work out that way.

It was potentially a destructive emotion that could ruin other aspects of their relationship.

After all, hadn’t she and Daniel, childhood friends, become worse than strangers?

Although Seyard was an incomparably better person than Daniel—no, precisely because of that—she didn’t want to have an awkward relationship with him.

Kisa was fearful of that deep down.

“Let me say it again, Kisa.”

And now, as if to shatter such fears.

“I love you.”

Seyard confessed his love.

“Um, I……”

Like someone searching for a place to escape, Kisa took a step back, but Seyard’s unwavering gaze stopped her.

Her desire not to disappoint him became an invisible wall blocking her path.

“I’m sorry. It’s too sudden.”

Seyard shook his head at Kisa’s apology.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who suddenly revealed my feelings, and I’m the one waiting for your answer with a guilty conscience.”

He raised his right hand and tucked Kisa’s disheveled hair behind her ear.

“I’d like to hear your honest feelings. What do you think of me?”

Honest feelings? I’m not sure. Her mind was too complex for her thoughts to be organized.

“……”

Although Kisa kept her mouth shut for a while, Seyard spoke as if coaxing her, without showing any impatience.

“Then it doesn’t have to be thoughts about me or an answer to my confession. It doesn’t matter what it is, could you just tell me the emotion you’re feeling right now?”

Encouraged by his voice, gentle as a spring breeze, Kisa managed to move her lips.

“I don’t know if it’s an emotion… Actually, there’s something I’ve been curious about.”

“Tell me.”

“What is it about me that you like, Seyard?”

After asking, she rambles as if making excuses.

“No, I just don’t understand. Why would someone as wonderful and remarkable as Seyard like someone like me-.”

“What kind of person is someone like Kisa?”

“Huh? Ah, I don’t have any particular talents, and compared to Seyard, my family isn’t even that prestigious……”

Of course, she had received countless compliments on her exceptional beauty since childhood, and she wasn’t particularly averse to them, but for some reason, she felt that Seyard wouldn’t love someone simply for their appearance. Though that might just be her wishful thinking.

But Seyard’s response was unexpected.

“Is that important?”

He instead questioned Kisa back.

“I don’t agree with your excessively pessimistic self-assessment. Kisa is a much better person than you think you are. But even if that self-assessment were correct, it wouldn’t be a reason for me not to love you.”

While Kisa couldn’t respond and just blinked, Seyard continued.

“To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what part of you I fell for either. When I came to my senses, I found myself increasingly paying attention to you from some point.”

The hand that had been hovering around Kisa’s face after tidying her hair came down to her cheek. Very slowly.

“When we first met, you were crying. Since then, I’ve been curious moment by moment.”

His touch brushing below Kisa’s eyes was respectful.

“Whether your tears had stopped by now, if you were still suffering from the same worries, if your eyes were sore from too much crying.”

Kisa looked up at the reddish-brown eyes that now shone with a softer light than before, as if entranced.

“That led me to seek you out again, to want to keep watching over you, and finally to realize that the emotion making me like this was love.”

Seyard caressed Kisa’s shoulder with an extremely careful touch, as if handling a glass sculpture.

“Well, I’ve ended up saying it again.”

I love you.

Only after he had said it three times did those words fully reach Kisa’s heart.

Kisa could finally feel the reality that Seyard loved her.

His gaze, his touch, and his voice told her it was undoubtedly true.

“Seyard.”

Now all that remained was for her to respond to his feelings.

Seyard said she could take more time to answer, but Kisa, moved by his sincere confession, wanted to tell him right away.

Kisa looked deep inside herself, at what she had been avoiding with various excuses.

How did she feel about Seyard?

In truth, there was no need to ask. How could she not like him?

For quite some time, he had been more than just a good friend, excellent mentor, and compatible companion to Kisa; he had been someone who gave her heart-fluttering emotions.

She now honestly admits it.

The reason Kisa had been so concerned about Gabriel wasn’t solely out of responsibility. She was curious about the outcome of his love because she had misunderstood that he was in love with Seyard.

It was also why she couldn’t simply dismiss Daniel’s words about Seyard’s suspicious past.

Because she couldn’t regard him as just a contract marriage partner, Kisa had even gone to St. Pavela Monastery.

It wasn’t only Seyard who had introduced personal feelings into their contract-based relationship.

And so she opened her mouth.

“I actually……”

Just as she was about to confess her honest feelings, that she liked him too—

[The things you wanted but couldn’t have.

I will take them all.]

The eerie voice of a pitiful boy brushed past her ear.

Why was she reminded of that passage from the diary at this moment?

“Kisa.”

As she was thinking about it, Seyard lifted Kisa’s chin to meet her gaze.

“Forget everything else, just tell me how you feel.”

Ah, she had seen this look before.

The look of a dominator that made her unable to resist.

Kisa unconsciously blurted out.

“I love you, Seyard.”

At that moment, he smiled.