“Ah…”
It was hard to believe that just a few days ago, we were so deeply in love. But all of this happened because of my inadequacies. Kelian got hurt because of me, and he lost his memory because of me. I had no right to complain or be sad about this situation. I stifled my sobs for a while.
The next morning, I only left the inn after confirming through the innkeeper that the party had departed for the rare dungeon. I was fully armed, with my inventory stocked with necessary items like potions.
“Is this the place?”
According to the townspeople, who freely shared dungeon information, the underground dungeon was not far from the village entrance, located within an advanced hunting ground. Without hesitation, I entered the dungeon.
[You have entered the Maze of Frost.]
[Difficulty: SS Grade]
Although it wasn’t a rare dungeon, being an SS-grade meant I couldn’t let my guard down. As soon as I entered, the blizzard whipped through, soaking my vision. I gripped the club in my hand tightly.
Soon, one by one, monsters began to appear on the vast snowfield.
“Kwaaak!”
I fought off the screaming monsters, thinking that I couldn’t remember the last time I had hunted alone. I might have to get used to this situation again, but even in the midst of battle, I felt lonely and depressed. It was a stark reminder of how complacent I had been.
A monster’s blade slashed my forearm, tearing my clothes. The sharp pain and blood flow prompted me to quickly pull a potion from my inventory and drink it. I narrowly dodged another monster’s attack, then lifted my club high once more.
Earlier, I couldn’t bring myself to see the party off. They had gently knocked on my door before leaving for the rare dungeon. Kelian had even paused for a moment in front of me as I lay under the covers, pretending to be asleep, but he hadn’t woken me up.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see them. I just couldn’t pretend to be unaffected in front of them as they headed off to the rare dungeon, so I stayed under the covers, clutching my aching heart.
There was no denying that I wasn’t suited to be part of the Warrior party. Despite the tears I shed through the night, there was no sense of injustice. But…
What if my level increased further? What if I could clear high-grade dungeons multiple times on my own? Wouldn’t that give me some right to stay by their side?
I knew it was a naive hope, but I couldn’t just sit still. That’s why I had come to this dungeon.
“Kwaaaah!”
“Ugh!”
Unable to dodge the attack of what seemed to be the leader monster, I was flung far and hit the ground. Fortunately, the piled snow cushioned the impact, but more monsters had appeared in the meantime.
Gritting my teeth, I picked up my club and charged at them. I knew the best strategy was to lure them out one by one, but there was nowhere to hide, and I preferred to fight wildly instead.
Clearing the dungeon took a long time. The leader monster was persistent, and I worried about the final boss, but it turned out to be weaker than the leader. It seemed the key to this dungeon was dealing with the hordes of monsters and the blinding snowstorm that obstructed visibility.
[Dungeon cleared.]
[Rewards granted.]
As expected, clearing a regular dungeon alone didn’t result in a level-up. However, being an SS-grade dungeon, the rewards were quite valuable. They might not be useful for the Warrior party, though.
“Haa, haa.”
I was out of breath, like someone who had just sprinted. Of course, fighting monsters had a similar effect. I had sustained dozens of injuries from running and rolling in the snow. Despite using many potions, I emerged from the underground dungeon covered in wounds.
While the party could clear rare dungeons alone, I had barely managed to clear a regular one. My efforts to compensate for my inadequacies only made the gap feel even wider.
“…Let’s try one more time.”
Feeling desperate, I muttered to myself and re-entered the dungeon. Although I cleared it a bit faster this time, there was still no level-up. Even after several more attempts, the result was the same. Despite not expecting much, I couldn’t help but feel bitter.
I eventually used up all my potions and emerged from the hunting ground in a ragged state. I had to accept it. No matter what I did now, I wasn’t fit to be part of the Warrior party.
As I entered the village, passersby gasped at my appearance. Anticipating this, I had changed into new clothes, but the wounds all over my body must have made me look intimidating. It was clear that the party would be shocked if they saw me like this, so I decided to stop by a shop to buy potions.
“Ah, we just ran out of potions.”
…If the shop had any stock, that is. Incidentally, this was the only shop in town that sold potions. I looked for a place where I could get treated, but it was already…
The shop was closed.
“What should I do…”
After pondering for a while, I decided to cover myself with a robe. I planned to go to my room, hide under the covers, and come out early the next day.
I wrapped myself in Kelian’s large robe and returned to the inn. It would have been better if there was another robe, but I didn’t have the luxury to be picky right now.
Fortunately, the first floor was quiet, and I felt relieved knowing that the party hadn’t returned yet. However, Sayiris appeared silently like a ghost.
“Gah! Say… Sayiris, when did you get here?”
“….”
Her piercing gaze scanned me up and down. Although I was covered in the robe, I felt exposed as if I were naked. I tried to act as nonchalant as possible.
“It’s quite cold in the north, so I wore a robe. Haha. I’m quite tired today, so I’ll head to bed. You should also rest… Ah.”
A sudden burst of blue light caught me mid-sentence and pulled me back, forcing me to sit in a dining chair. Without a word, Sayiris cast a healing spell.
The pain that had been throbbing all over my body vanished, thanks to her always-amazing magic. My head gradually lowered towards the ground.
“Thank you, Sayiris.”
“You’re welcome.”
Sayiris’s expression softened ever so slightly, a change that was hard to notice unless you spent considerable time observing her. I carefully spoke again.
“How was the rare dungeon?”
“It was fine.”
“What was the difficulty like?”
I regretted asking immediately. For someone over level 100, what significance would a lower-grade dungeon hold?
However, Sayiris’s response was unexpectedly heartfelt and touching.
“It wasn’t interesting without you, Aine.”
“Sayiris…”
Our friendship, built on unique tastes, often manifested in unexpected moments. This was one such instance. Not missing the opportunity, Sayiris pulled out her newly decorated staff, and I spent some time sincerely complimenting it.
“I’m going to take a bath now.”
After parting with Sayiris and heading upstairs, I unexpectedly ran into Kelian near the staircase.
“Oh.”
Both of us stood there, our eyes locked in a strange silence. It was then that I realized I was wearing his robe. I thought about taking it off and returning it, but worried that it might be stained with blood, I hastily hid it behind my back.
“I’m sorry. I’ll wash the robe and return it to you.”
“….”
Kelian remained silent, his gaze steady on me.
I quickly hurried past him and up the stairs. There was no voice calling me back.
Later that night, I heard the door open and close. If it had been anyone else, they might have woken me or said something, but the quiet footsteps heading to the other bed told me it was Kelian. Instinctively, I knew it was him.
“……”
Lying with my back to the wall, pretending to sleep. Kelian silently sat on the bed. He was usually quiet, but this silence felt more daunting than ever before.
“Aine.”
Suddenly, he called my name, and I involuntarily turned to face him. Kelian’s eyes, contrary to my expectations, still looked indifferent.
“I heard that’s your name.”
“…Oh, yes. That’s my name…”
I thought his memory had returned. The hope that had risen quickly dissipated, and my voice faded along with it.
“There seems to have been a misunderstanding yesterday.”
He seemed to be trying to start a conversation, so I sat up out of courtesy, though I still felt listless. I couldn’t bear to meet his eyes, devoid of affection, and my gaze gradually fell.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go to the dungeon with you.”
His voice, while devoid of the affection it once held, was respectful towards me, a woman who was once his lover. The ache in my chest intensified, causing me to lower my head even further.
My downward gaze accidentally landed on Kelian’s pants. It was purely coincidental.
“…”
This was the worst timing, but I couldn’t help but think about what was inside those pants. It didn’t take much effort to recall; even in its non-erect state, it exuded a substantial presence. I vividly remembered the times it had relentlessly pounded into me, its grotesque size and shape pushing my limits.
“I heard you had a close call in the rare dungeon before… Aine?”
“Yes?”
I quickly looked up, finding Kelian staring at me with a curious expression.
“Is there something on my pants?”
“Oh, no! Nothing.”
Maybe it would have been better to say there was a bug. At least that would have been more reasonable than staring intently at someone’s pants.
An awkward silence fell between us. I didn’t have the courage to guess what he might be thinking. Using the dim lighting to my advantage, I spoke, my cheeks flushing red.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to go to the dungeon with me. I’d understand if my level doesn’t match yours.”
I said what I didn’t mean, trying to cool my overheated body. The words felt like thorns, piercing my heart.
“That’s not true.”
Kelian’s response was unexpected.
Kelian spoke in a firm tone, making me flinch and look at him.
“I was only concerned for your safety. However, I believe I misjudged. It would be better to keep you close by.”
It felt strange hearing such words from him, as if I had heard something similar before. Despite his memory loss, Kelian’s manner of speaking was the same as it had been before. I sincerely expressed my gratitude.
“Thank you for saying that.”
“I hope you don’t misunderstand. Even if we can’t return to how we were before.”
Even if we can’t return to how we were before.
Although I had suspected this from his behavior since losing his memory, hearing it directly from him was doubly shocking.
I stared at his beautiful face in a daze before quickly turning my head forward. The beds were side by side, so looking straight ahead meant I wouldn’t have to see him. I almost cried, unable to hold back my tears.
“There aren’t any more interesting rare dungeons here, so we’ll rest and make our preparations before leaving the village soon.”
“Oh… I see. I understand.”
As the conversation seemed to end, Kelian stood up and headed to the bathroom. Only when his broad back disappeared through the door did I let out the breath I had been holding.
I felt a mess of emotions: sadness, fear, guilt… it all swirled around in my chest and mind. The most pathetic part was that despite everything, seeing Kelian had left me aroused.
“Ugh.”
Feeling a tingling sensation below, I quickly pulled the blanket over myself. Even before we were lovers, I had always been affected by Kelian, but now it had become so severe that I found myself aroused at any time. I hadn’t realized this until now because I couldn’t match Kelian’s stamina, but now it was all too clear. I closed my eyes, feeling the reality of it.
While it was good to think less about the painful emotions, the fact that my thoughts kept straying to inappropriate places was troublesome. The current Kelian wasn’t the man I knew. Getting aroused over someone who didn’t know anything was wrong. Especially after he had been so kind to me…
Hearing the door open, I flinched under the blanket. Kelian, unaware of my state, turned off the light and prepared to sleep.
Tonight, there was no moonlight, and the room was plunged into complete darkness. This was both a relief and an oddly unsettling sensation that made my toes curl.
After a while, I heard steady breathing from the side. Though faint, it was enough to confirm that Kelian was asleep. I swallowed hard, my throat dry.
In this complex situation, with my lover having lost his memory and uncertain if it would ever return… I found myself restless, imagining the man lying in the bed next to mine.
What am I doing? Get a grip… I scolded myself, but my body, accustomed to frequent intimacy, only became more excited. Perhaps the unresolved heat from earlier battles in the dungeon was also contributing to this.
But Kelian seemed to be asleep, so… Finally giving in to my desire, I slowly slid a hand down, parting my negligee. The deeper my fingers went, the wetter they became, evidence of my arousal since earlier.
“Ah…”
I tried not to make any noise, but my heavy breathing was unavoidable. As I massaged the moist flesh and pressed a finger into my entrance, it trembled.
“Mmm…”
I inserted a finger, recalling how Kelian used to lick and thrust there. The warmth inside welcomed my intrusion. With each movement of my finger, lewd sounds of wetness and friction filled the air.
Not enough…
The sensation of being licked and pressed by his soft tongue came to mind, making me even more desperate.
“Ha, ugh…”
I stifled a moan, but it escaped anyway. Without realizing it, I started groping one of my breasts with my other hand, rolling the nipple. My hands moved busily under the negligee that covered my body.
Although I was filled with arousal, I couldn’t reach the climax, which was frustrating. No matter how hard I rubbed and prodded, it felt clumsy compared to Kelian’s skilled touches. In the end, I gave up and stopped my hands.
Out of breath, I wanted to just sleep, but my wet fingers meant I had to get up. Quietly, I lifted my upper body and checked the other bed. Fortunately, in the darkness, Kelian seemed to still be asleep.
Guilt surged through me. What was I doing…? I felt terrible for taking advantage of Kelian’s unsuspecting sleep. I quickly wiped my hands and tried to fall asleep.
Just before drifting off, I thought I heard him move, but then I slipped into unconsciousness.
***
“Seduce him again.”
I was browsing a village shop when I heard those words thrown at the back of my head. Not realizing they were directed at me, I continued on until Dain snapped, “Are you listening?” and I understood he was talking to me.
“Huh? What?”
“Kelian. Seduce Kelian.”
“…”
I stared at Dain’s serious face in disbelief.
“You know what you’re good at. That playful, teasing act. Or flatter him like you do with Sayiris.”
Was he insulting me to my face? I hesitated, but Dain’s sincere tone made it clear he was genuinely trying to give advice. Even so, it didn’t mean I understood his point.
“You don’t mean to leave just because Kelian lost his memory, do you?”
“How did you know?”
His guess was spot-on, so I asked, and Dain scowled.
“Are you really thinking of leaving?”
I felt a slight sense of betrayal in his tone and quickly tried to explain.
“Kelian lost his memory because of me, and now I can’t call myself his lover anymore. Besides, my level doesn’t match yours…”
“So you’re thinking of finding a party that matches your level?”
That wasn’t what I meant, but it did sound that way.
“Is your resolve that weak?”
The more we talked, the more frustrated Dain seemed, tapping his staff on the floor. The shopkeeper glared at us.
“If Kelian lost his memory, you should think about seducing him again, even if it means getting cursed again. Why are you thinking of leaving without even trying?”
Get cursed again…? The extreme suggestion made me shudder, but Dain continued after a pause.
“Aren’t we friends?”
“…”
“Did you think you were in this party only because you were Kelian’s lover?”
That wasn’t it… I had vaguely felt that way, but hearing Dain’s words made the realization clearer. The unexpected mention of friendship from Dain made me smile slightly. His ears were already turning red.
“I’m sorry.”
I sincerely apologized. I truly regretted preparing to leave without discussing it with the party.
“You should be,” Dain grumbled, though his tone softened. “We all care about you, not just because you were with Kelian. We need you here with us.”
Touched by his words, I nodded, feeling a bit of hope.
“Alright. I’ll stay and try my best.”
“Good”
Dain replied, finally allowing a small smile.
The memories of the past two years, layer upon layer, included not only Kelian but also Dain and all our companions. I had overlooked the fact that they also felt the same way about me. My vision, clouded by a sense of loss, seemed to brighten a bit.
“I was thoughtless, Dain.”
“It’s fine as long as you realize it.”
Even his curt words didn’t offend me at all. When did we become such friends? I burst into laughter at the strange but reassuring feeling, and suddenly, I met Kelian’s eyes, who was waiting outside the store. His calm gaze stared intently at my face.
These days, our eyes met frequently like this. It was almost instinctive for my gaze to constantly turn towards Kelian, but I was both curious and not curious about what he might be thinking when he looked at me.
“I’ll sell the goods and come out, so if you have no business, wait outside.”
At Dain’s words, waving his hand as he finished speaking, I headed outside the store without a word. Before I could even touch the door handle, Kelian opened the door first to let me out. Even such a small gesture made my heart race.
“Dain said he’ll sell the goods and come out.”
“Yes.”
Kelian’s simple reply and his stance, which looked stiff like a guard, gave no hint of continuing the conversation.
Trying to flirt with someone like him… I couldn’t muster the courage to act as impulsively as when I was cursed. Maybe it was because the fear of rejection was stronger now.
“…….?”
But still, I could try talking to him. I swallowed once and cautiously opened my mouth.
“Do you, by any chance, dream, Kelian?”
……And I regretted it as soon as I spoke. I couldn’t help but think it was a really random topic. Was that all I could say?
While blaming my earlier self, I heard Kelian’s low reply.
“I do.”
“Oh… Can I ask what kind of dream it is?”
Before losing his memory, Kelian had said he didn’t dream much, so I was purely curious about the dreams he had now. Although it was still a random topic, I didn’t think it would be difficult to answer……. For some reason, Kelian remained silent and just stared at me.
“Kelian?”
“…It’s nothing. Do you dream, Aine?”
It seemed like he naturally avoided answering, but it wasn’t important, so I let it pass without comment.
“Yes, I…?
Ah. My expression naturally hardened as I recalled the nightmare I’ve been having lately. It was a dream where Kelian left me and went far away with our companions, saying there was no longer any reason to stay together. Although the lines were a little different each time, the content of leaving me behind was the same.
It was a terrifying dream that made me wake up with cold sweat on my back. To think about leaving first despite that, I suddenly found myself ridiculous.
“Me too… it’s nothing.
I awkwardly mumbled, unable to express my anxious state of mind to the amnesiac Kelian. He seemed puzzled, but perhaps because he didn’t answer himself, he didn’t ask further. The conversation I had barely tried to start ended awkwardly.
* * *
Dain came out so late that I couldn’t tell if he was selling or making the goods. Then he secretly tapped my arm, as if he had deliberately planned for Kelian and me to spend time alone. Haha. I let out an empty laugh, having wasted the opportunity he had created with talk about dreams.
“Hero?”
It was when we were moving to join our companions at another store. Suddenly, strangers blocked our path and called out to Kelian. Judging by their large builds and the sword sheaths at their waists, they were clearly knights.
“I am Ralph, the first captain of the Black Knights of the Nerion Duchy.”
“…….?”
“I have come to deliver an invitation to the coming-of-age party for the young duke, which will be held soon.”
The man named Ralph handed a piece of paper to Kelian. It seemed to be the party invitation. Kelian’s expression turned cold as he looked at it. From my past experiences, I could easily predict the next words.
“I will decline.”
“…The party will be held over a week, so if you have plans on the first day, you can visit on another date.”
“I don’t see any reason for me to attend.”
Realizing that Kelian was genuinely refusing, Ralph’s expression hardened slightly, but he calmly tried to persuade him.
“Duke Nerion has a deep friendship with Marquis Aile, and recently an alliance was formed between the two families. Since the Aile family will also attend this party, if you could join us, Warrior…”
“Oh, here we go again.”
It was Dain who cut off Ralph’s voice with a tone of boredom. He sighed sharply, looking at the man who refused to take Kelian’s rejection seriously.
“Everyone knows that the Warrior has cut ties with the Marquis Aile family, so why are you pretending otherwise? You should learn to accept a refusal.”
He said everything he wanted to without hesitation, even to a knight sent by a high-ranking noble. As a result, the knight’s jaw tightened even more, looking like he was suppressing his anger. He glanced at the unmoving Kelian once more before tucking the invitation back into his coat.
“It seems I came too abruptly today. I will visit formally again soon.”
With that, he quickly walked past us with the other knights, not giving us a chance to refuse again.
At least there was no physical altercation this time, which was a relief. However, the promise of another visit soon made me sigh. From experience, I knew that the higher the rank of the nobles seeking Kelian, the more persistent and overbearing they were.
And to be a noble closely connected to the Marquis Aile family… It reminded me of Kelian’s half-sister, Seika Aile. I remembered her as having a rather bold personality.
“We’re being tailed.”
Kelian spoke not long after we resumed walking. Ah. I could easily guess what he meant by “tailed.” It was likely the knights from the Duke’s family who had disappeared a moment ago. They hadn’t given up and had put someone on our trail.
Well, it wasn’t surprising since they had said they would come again soon. However, the somber shadow on Kelian’s face made me involuntarily call out his name.
“Kelian.”
He had lost his memory. So he might be experiencing the violent urge to eliminate everything again, a feeling that had seemed to disappear recently. I felt pathetic for not realizing it sooner.
—
Worried, I gently cupped his cheek with my hand. Kelian had said that his bad impulses diminished when he was in contact with me…
“Ah.”
I noticed his slightly dazed eyes fixed on my face, and I suddenly came to my senses. What was I doing? The Kelian who said his bad impulses diminished with contact was the one before he lost his memory. The current Kelian was looking at me in a state of confusion. I quickly withdrew my hand from his cheek and awkwardly apologized.
“S-sorry.”
“…It’s fine.”
The atmosphere became quite awkward, but perhaps because he was so flustered, Kelian seemed to forget the incident quickly. Fortunately, he seemed to feel a bit better than before. I was just busy blaming myself for not letting go of the habits from when we were lovers. Dain, who briefly met my eyes, gave a thumbs up with a blank expression. At least my mistake seemed to have pleased someone.
After that, we warned off the spies, and there were no more visits with party invitations from the Duke’s household.
***
We promised to meet at the square in the afternoon, but only Kelian showed up. He conveyed that Jenin, who had led the promise, suddenly had a stomachache and couldn’t come. There was no news from the rest of the group.
“I think we got tricked.”
I couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief as I realized Jenin’s plan. They had been oddly busy making plans for us to have free time and meet up for delicious food in the afternoon. After joining us at the store yesterday, Dain and Jenin seemed to have serious talks, and now it seemed to be her turn to act. I was grateful and sorry for her consideration to let me spend time with Kelian.
“Shall we walk together?”
Kelian nodded at my light suggestion. Though the square in the small village wasn’t very large, the scenery surrounded by mountains was quite peaceful and beautiful, making it enjoyable to walk. Of course, my feelings towards Mount Philaeus were still not good.
As I looked at Kelian’s side profile, walking expressionlessly, I cautiously brought up the issue I had been worrying about since yesterday.
“Kelian, have you had any bad thoughts lately?”
Although the situation with the Nerion Duke’s family had been safely resolved yesterday, those seeking the Warrior Kelian wouldn’t end with them. If such incidents continued, there was a high chance that Kelian would once again feel destructive impulses. It would be good if I could play a role as his partner like before, but since I couldn’t, my worries were endless.
“If you mean bad thoughts.”
Kelian slightly furrowed his brow as if trying to read the intent of my question. Even that looked stunningly handsome, which made me feel absurd. I continued speaking as indirectly as possible to avoid sounding presumptuous.
“I know that you are committed to fulfilling your duty as a Warrior, and I respect that… but I think it would be nice if you could be more at ease in front of me, or rather, in front of all of us. If you ever find it hard to endure troubling emotions, I would appreciate it if you could let us know.”
“…?”
“I really like you, even when you’re not the Warrior, Kelian.”
In my rambling, I ended up revealing my true feelings unintentionally. Startled, I quickly added to cover it up.
“N-not just me, everyone likes you!”
My steps naturally quickened due to my embarrassed state. Kelian, who seemed to be pondering my words, didn’t respond for a while. I just hoped I hadn’t overstepped.
“Can I ask a few questions?”
As we passed the fountain, he suddenly announced his intent to ask questions. Half fearful of what he might say and half happy that he seemed interested in me, I answered.
“Yes?”
“What kind of relationship did we have?”
Ah… I felt a strange sense of difficulty trying to explain the relationship we had to the person I had dated. So I started with a distant memory, the story of when we first met.
“Back then, I was cursed with a rare curse…”
I repeatedly glanced at his reaction as I recounted how I deceived him to break the curse, but fortunately, he listened without furrowing his brows. Perhaps because he had heard it once before, or maybe because he no longer felt any betrayal, I couldn’t tell.
I gathered my courage and continued.
“And then, your sword broke, so Kelian… Ah, how did we clear that dungeon again?”
There were so many joyful and thrilling moments in the past two years. As I recalled each moment, my voice softened, and a smile appeared on my face.
Kelian looked at me with occasional questions or short replies, signaling that he was listening.
The brilliant sunlight poured over our heads.
—
“Did I talk too much?” I asked, feeling embarrassed after a while. We had walked around the village and were now standing in front of the inn where we were staying.
“No,” Kelian denied immediately and then quietly added, “I’d like to hear more.”
“Oh, sure. Then, how about in the evening with the others…”
“Is it difficult to talk now?”
My throat was a little sore, but if Kelian was curious, I was more than happy to talk. However, I felt I had said enough, and if I were to recount the past, it would be better to do so with Jenin, Sayiris, Dain, and Barkrud.
“Then I’ll quickly check if the others are in the inn.”
“Aine?”
Kelian’s firm voice stopped me. The Warrior with serious eyes spoke.
“Just the two of us.”
“……”
“I want to spend more time with you.”
Uh… I stared at him blankly before hurriedly answering.
“Yes, yes. Me too.”
So we walked together again. One step, then another. I could feel him matching his pace to mine. I was so focused on the man walking beside me that I didn’t even know where my feet were taking me.
The physical distance between us became quite close, our arms almost touching.
“Shall we go to a restaurant?”
Feeling a bit hungry, we headed to a nearby restaurant. The food wasn’t particularly good, but just eating face-to-face with Kelian made the time very satisfying.
“It seems like you really liked the past me.”
He spoke as if he were talking about someone else. Naturally, I affirmed, “Yes,” but I felt it wasn’t enough, so I added,
“I still like you very much now. And I will continue to.”
Kelian stared at me silently for a moment. Ah, was that another sudden confession? Such expressions might be burdensome for him now, but my true feelings kept slipping out without my control.
As I awkwardly closed my mouth, he naturally changed the topic. He seemed to have a lot of curiosity, asking about my hometown and friends, which made me dig through my memories several times.
“Ugh.”
By the time we left the restaurant, the dusk had already settled. It was definitely a bit cold in the north. I shivered at the chill touching my skin.
And right after, we almost simultaneously took out robes from our inventories and handed them to each other. It was an awkward moment for both of us.
“Oh, I’m fine. Aren’t you cold, Kelian?”
“I’m fine too.”
“But please take this. You might not remember, but you lent me this robe before, and I cleaned it thoroughly.”
When I didn’t withdraw my hand holding the robe, he reluctantly accepted it. Whether he was truly not cold or not, the two robes hanging on his palm soon disappeared into his inventory.
The weather was chilly, but it was bearable as we walked. Rather than borrowing a robe from Kelian now, I decided to shake off the cold by moving more energetically.
As I hastened my steps, what unexpectedly stopped me was Kelian’s soft voice.
“It does seem a bit cold.”
“Huh?”
His graceful eyes, slightly downcast, made my heart flutter. Though he didn’t look cold at all, he held out his empty hand this time.
“I think it would be better if we held hands.”
…Really. Even though I tend to overreact to anything related to Kelian, I couldn’t miss that this was a bit of a ploy.
Seeing his shameless face calmly waiting for my reaction, I felt a ticklish sensation at the corners of my mouth as I placed my hand over his. The two hands pressed together as if they had been waiting for each other.
—
Holding hands with Kelian as we walked, the cold retreated, and the shivers in my body quickly subsided. Instead, I felt a warmth spreading from our joined hands, making me secretly fan myself with my other hand. We continued holding hands until we reached our destination.
When we arrived at the inn, our companions seemed to have already gone to bed, as there was no sign of them. Feeling embarrassed for having spent time outside wanting to be alone, we entered the room. Kelian followed me in and closed the door.
“Do you want to wash up first?”
I didn’t know why this question felt so embarrassing. Trying to act natural, I asked and then looked away.
“Then I’ll use the bathroom first,” Kelian said without hesitation and went into the bathroom. If he hadn’t lost his memory, he might have suggested we go in together. The strange atmosphere that had followed us all the way to this room seemed to say so.
I felt odd. It was definitely good that Kelian was interested in our past, but somehow it felt like I was dating a different person… even though both past and present Kelians were the same person. Maybe it was because during dinner, he asked about my stories as if he were meeting me for the first time?
“Aine.”
While I was lost in my thoughts, Kelian finished washing and came out. As I glanced over, I saw the handsome man fully dressed, and I felt a pang of disappointment. Caught by his gaze, I quickly ran into the bathroom.
I deliberately took a long time washing, as if I were a knight training my mind. After washing, I put on my usual nightgown. Kelian wouldn’t mind, and it was the most comfortable to sleep in.
Kelian was leaning against the headboard, reading a book. As I climbed into the adjacent bed, I casually asked,
“What are you reading?”
Even though he didn’t need to, Kelian closed the book and looked at me as he answered.
“How to Suppress Desires.”
“Desires…”
It felt strange that a man with such an ascetic aura, seemingly devoid of desires, would read such a book. Of course, before he lost his memory, Kelian was far from ascetic… but that was irrelevant now. So, I assumed the title was misleading and the content was entirely different.
“Is it interesting?”
Kelian laughed lightly. His smile was so beautiful it made my heart flutter.
“It’s not interesting. I don’t even know if it’s helpful.”
“Helpful for what? Suppressing desires?”
My joke elicited a serious look from him. I froze with my lips half-smiling.
“Yes.”
There was a moment of silence. I was so flustered that I couldn’t find a proper response and just lowered my head. My lower abdomen started to tingle, as if I hadn’t fully recovered from what I did last night while he was asleep.
“I’m curious about something, Aine.”
Kelian, who had lost his memory, was very curious. Hesitating, I answered, “Yes,” as if giving permission.
“Did the past me ever… do something to you?”
I wasn’t sure what he meant by “do something.”
“For example?”
“Like, force himself on you.”
From his tone, it didn’t seem like he was referring to violence. But I couldn’t take it lightly and cautiously asked for clarification.
“Force himself… as in?”
He nodded as if confirming. I was momentarily speechless. I couldn’t figure out the right answer, and my head spun.
Kelian seemed determined to hear my response, as he placed his book on the bedside table. I couldn’t just brush it off with a clumsy laugh.
“We were lovers… but he never forced anything.”
At least, that’s how it mostly started. Once we started, he wouldn’t stop.
He made a subtle expression at my difficult reply. I was curious about what he was thinking, but I also worried that he might have figured out what I did last night.
“Why do you ask such a thing, Kelian?”
Kelian stared at my face. It was probably my imagination, but his eyes seemed to hold a strange heat.
“When I see you, I…”
When he didn’t continue, I gripped the blanket tightly, waiting for him to finish.
“…No, it’s nothing.”
Frustratingly, he cut himself off and started to get up from the bed, so I quickly grabbed his sleeve. In my haste, one knee ended up awkwardly on his bed, and my nightgown rode up, revealing my lower abdomen.
