You are at the End of the Downfall

It was an unspeakable taboo, a precious feeling she had quietly harbored. That’s how Kaela felt about Peon. She always felt sorry. Even Beatrice’s contempt for her seemed natural.

What a wicked girl, falling for someone who belongs to another. Such a wicked girl. While she berated herself, her feelings were also desperate enough to steal the night. Beatrice mocked her for this.

[People who only pine from afar without the courage to speak up are cowards. Just give up if you’re going to get rejected anyway. Being unable to do even that is just stupid and foolish. Ah, I guess you can’t understand your place because you’re so stupid?]

[He’s my husband.]

Every time she heard such words, something welled up inside her. She felt sudden resentment towards both Beatrice and Peon. Legally, he was her husband. Even Kaela’s surname had changed.

She and Peon were Ferraro, while Beatrice was Ravalley. Yet Beatrice and Peon were always one. Even though he was occasionally kind during their marriage, even though he rarely initiated conversation with her, she knew it wasn’t real.

Surely it was love at first. The feelings she had hidden away due to guilt and her pride as the Princess of Ostein became tainted with humiliation and betrayal.

Perhaps later, the sense of betrayal grew larger than the love. What was clear was that after nearly dying several times, Kaela had lost even the strength to hate Peon.

So there was no need to hide the feelings she had let go of anymore. After all, it was a feeling that Peon, Beatrice, no, all of Lusenford knew about and ridiculed.

Didn’t everyone treat her as a pathetic woman who, despite being the Emperor’s spy, tried to play the role of the Grand Duke’s wife but lost to the flower of society?

“You read this book because I read it?”

Kaela nodded as she waited for the ink on her letter to dry.

“When?”

Peon asked with an unconscious smile. Would it make her happy? It probably would have. If Peon had taken interest in something Kaela cared about, purely because of her, she would have been overjoyed. She probably would have been.

The affection etched in her bones still left traces, making her remember clearly what emotions she would have felt.

“When I was around ten.”

“You read this when you were ten?”

Kinero Jurani’s work wasn’t something a ten-year-old could comprehend.

“Of course, it was difficult and I didn’t understand what it meant.”

Her tutor had repeatedly and earnestly told the princess that there was no need to push herself so hard reading that book while she struggled with it.

“Then when did you read it again?”

“I just kept reading it from then until I could understand it. All the books that Your Highness read.”

She read them until the spines were worn out. As her knowledge gradually increased and she learned new subjects, she understood more and made new realizations.

Each time brought her joy. This must have been how Oppa Peon felt too. So this is how interesting it was. She was happy to learn. She was happy to know him.

“I fully understood it around eighteen, but I wanted to understand it sooner.”

Just like how Peon was now showing interest in her trunk of books. No, actually with an even more desperate heart.

“It’s creepy, isn’t it? I know.”

“That’s not creepy, it’s cute.”

So that’s how it was. Peon decided to forever cherish this precious fact he had just learned. It was Kaela’s affection that he had let slip by without knowing to be grateful. He was the truly creepy one, his eyes shining with joy at only now realizing this.

“…Come to think of it, every time we met, you always told me ‘what book you were reading’.”

That’s right. What book are you reading? What’s interesting? She had chattered away. Peon probably wasn’t even interested.

Kaela let the ink dry more before turning to look at him again.

“The letter’s finished, so read it.”

She frowned, not understanding why Peon needed to see it.

“I need to check if there are any problems.”

Kaela unhesitatingly handed him the letter she had carefully written to her father. She handed over his great sin that he should atone for, but could never fully repay. The Grand Duchess knew it was natural for her letters to be censored.

“I wrote it because you said I could. Still, please read it in case. I’ll fix anything that needs to be corrected.”

Peon tore his gaze away from the letter that had unavoidably caught his eye and looked only at Kaela’s wax-like face.

“I won’t censor anything.”

Kaela stared at him intently. Peon shook his head. His tongue felt stiff, making it difficult to speak properly. But he had to say it.

“I absolutely won’t.”

It was a pitiful denial. Despite resolving to walk the right path and never waver, the man who had been neither proper nor sensible to his wife was only now shaking his head.

Kaela hadn’t wanted special treatment. She had only wanted the minimum courtesy and respect he showed others.

To Kaela, Peon, who had broken even basic common sense and earned not a shred of trust, must still appear as a low husband who censors letters and suspects his wife.

Though he knew how foolish and frustrating his actions had been, he realized it anew every time Kaela’s indifferent eyes gazed at him.

It was a great sin. The sin was so great that Kaela would never look back at him. He knew this, but his entire body ached unbearably with constant pain.

Though he had suffered all sorts of injuries through countless battles and endured all kinds of pain born from terrible tragedy, nothing hurt as much as the pain he was experiencing now. His vision was going dark.

But Peon didn’t avoid it. He forcibly held his trembling body and faced his sin directly.

“I have no intention to. I won’t suspect you either.”

He had prepared for this. He hadn’t held onto Kaela without preparing for at least this much. He wasn’t that weak, nor that conscientious. He had been terribly fierce and terribly selfish.

So he wished she would mock him. Mock him for only doing this now, ridicule him, even hate him for this shameful sight. Add anything to that lifeless expression.

“I see.”

But Kaela simply turned around with the letter and sat back in her chair. Since he said so, she seemed to accept it.

Without even making him promise not to say otherwise later, she silently folded the dried letter. She simply did what she needed to do, while Peon only watched her.

If he asked to see the letter again, she would show it without hesitation, and if he found fault with sent letters like before his regression, she would silently endure it as expected. Because she didn’t have even a shred of expectation for him.

“…Kaela.”

Because she didn’t even expect him to act like a proper person.

The reason she could confess past events so casually was because they were literally in the past. Her heart had left him forever.

“Since the waterway is fast, order plenty of good fabric too. You’ll need to make a new dress for the engagement ceremony.”

Knowing everything, Peon just smiled. Even though Kaela wouldn’t look at him, he smiled kindly and took care of her.

While enduring the throbbing pain in his solar plexus by gritting his teeth, he held onto her tightly and wouldn’t let go. His instincts had manifested in this twisted way. That’s how ugly and selfish he was.

He would live like this for the rest of his life. Though it would be a long time filled only with pain, he didn’t mind as long as he was with Kaela. Today was just another typical day, exactly like the countless days to come.

The Grand Duchess who died in winter remained stagnant like death in the cool palace even as spring came.

Peon made a final correction to the order form where she had reluctantly and passively ordered fabric for just one summer dress. Her father would send plenty of the most expensive, fashionable fabrics of every type and color for his daughter.

Paying for it was the duty of the son-in-law who had lost all joy. The son-in-law desperately prayed that his father-in-law, who loved his daughter too much, wouldn’t take even that joy away.

****

The world keeps turning. Kaela had long known that her pain had nothing to do with the world’s continuing motion.

However, Peon had included all the plans Kaela had advocated before the regression in the expansion plans she hadn’t even looked at.

The architects, carpenters, bricklayers, and stonemasons participating in the project received plans that clearly indicated the Grand Duchess’s opinions.

Kaela’s name appeared throughout the entire plan. Though she neither cared about nor considered such things important, the problem was that she encountered more people as Darinka’s prescribed walks increased in both time and range.

Whenever she walked through the warm spring sunlight, people visible from afar would remove their hats and bow their heads with respect toward her.

As the expansion construction progressed actively, the new vision of Lusenford that she had only imagined was being realized. Everything felt strange and awkward.

“You’re beautiful today too.”

Among all things, this man was the strangest and most awkward. While the people of Lusenford had become broad-minded and open-minded enough to show gratitude to Kaela, they seemed completely unaware of how Peon had changed.

His entire aura was clearly different. More overwhelming, much deeper, and darker.

It felt like he would instantly devour and plunge anyone who came close. It felt like even that fall would last long within his embrace.

Such a man always opened his eyes in the same bed as her, made sure she ate, and without fail accompanied her on the daily walks.

Though he must be incredibly busy since they started with repairing the castle walls, this busy man would immediately barge in and drag her out whenever she tried to crawl back into bed and lie there helplessly.

Even now, after finally getting her ready to go out, he held her hand firmly. It was even more bewildering and strange that his exclamation of her beauty was clearly sincere rather than formal.

While walking hand in hand, he made her link arms with him at the stairs. A carriage was waiting outside the hall. Where were they going?

“The harbor.”

Harbor? Kaela blankly followed him into the carriage, not understanding what he meant. Lusenford did have a harbor.

A massive river flowed here too, connecting to the distant sea. But it would freeze solid in winter, and when it thawed even slightly, foreign tribes would invade along the river. Was there anything to see there?

“A ship is arriving today, Kaela.”

Her indifferent and blank face looked at him as if not understanding what he meant. The carriage began to move. Peon pulled back the curtain so she could see outside.

“A ship is coming from Ostein.”

Kaela, who had settled into her bedroom as quietly as a barely breathing plant, was dull to the passage of time. She just stayed still.

It was enough to drive observers mad with anxiety, so Peon involved himself in everything from feeding her, washing her, and dressing her. When fed, she ate; when washed, she quietly washed; when dressed, she stood still as she was dressed.

When seated at her desk, she diligently handled accumulated work, appearing to anyone as an exemplary Grand Duchess. However, there was not the slightest expression of her opinions or reflection of her preferences in it, making her no different from an emotionless machine.

One might argue how she could be an emotionless machine when she spoke and answered questions. But that’s how she appeared to Peon, who was desperately scraping and recalling his hazy memories suppressed by the taboo.

Gone were her frequent shy smiles, the diverse and unique opinions that would pour out when asked, and the passion that drove her to improve the castle and properly fulfill her role as its mistress.

“Ah.”

Now Kaela seemed to barely recognize even the passage of time.

“Has it already become like that?”

“Yes. It has. Look there. The castle walls have changed like that, and the weather has gotten warmer. You don’t need to wear fur anymore.”

By Lusenford standards, that meant it was summer, not spring.

New bricks had been laid on the broken castle walls, and proper foundation work had made them stronger. Through the wide-open curtains, people recognized the Grand Duchess’s carriage and unanimously bowed their heads.

Kaela’s dazed eyes fell on the children waving their hands, standing by the now-clean roadside. The carriage was passing by very slowly. She confirmed that the children’s cheeks and wrists weren’t thin.

Not being skinny meant food was plentiful. The children were each holding a steamed potato. Kaela, who was always kind to children, waved back with a slight smile.

“Wow!”

The children’s eyes widened, and they waved their arms energetically until they might fall off, smiling even more brightly. Money was flowing from Lusenford Castle.

As the castle workers received higher wages, money naturally circulated outside the castle as well. The children’s attire had become cleaner too. Things would improve further once they unloaded goods from the merchant ships from Ostein. But was this okay?

“Why?”

Peon read all of her subtle changes in expression.

“What’s worrying you?”

“It’s nothing.”

“No, it’s not nothing. Tell me what’s on your mind, even if you think it’s not something you should worry about.”

Usually, or rather before the regression, the person who would have put her in the carriage and ridden a horse outside was now sitting in the carriage with her, watching her with a gentle smile.

Honestly, every time she saw him, she wanted to ask who he was. She wanted to ask who he was to read her thoughts so thoroughly and show such concern.

But Kaela knew. This man was still Peon. Perhaps this was his true self that he hadn’t been able to show before.

“Is it really okay to spend military funds like this without anyone saying anything?”

“Who would say anything?”

You would, she thought. Or the people of Lusenford. Wasn’t it natural for people to point fingers, saying precious money was being wasted unnecessarily?

“We’ve driven away the invaders. My father’s only wish is to talk with his son, so he won’t say anything as long as he can communicate with his son. And I’m in no position to say anything to you.”

See? He sees right through her again.

“If others talk…”

The words about ripping their mouths apart would be too harsh in front of Kaela. Peon, still looking at his wife’s pale face, corrected his words.

“They’re smart enough not to talk.”

Word had spread about how the former head maid and butler had died, and the couples who had sneered or acted condescendingly when Kaela ate ferenco had met their fates – the husbands died in battle, and the wives lost their property and titles, ending up on the streets.

It was a time when everyone needed to watch their words.

“Look over there, Kaela.”

Even though they weren’t close to the harbor yet, three massive merchant ships were already visible.

Kaela had only requested enough cargo for one ship, but considering the goods to be loaded on one ship and the freight costs, it was clear that the Duke of Ostein had sent additional funds from his private purse.

“The ships have arrived.”

The dear people of Ostein had come to see their precious young miss, bringing with them the salty sea breeze.