You are at the End of the Downfall

Looking back on Kaela’s life, she hadn’t been truly happy since she was twenty-one. She had more memories of shame and resentment than joy and pleasure.

“So you also regressed.”

The color drained from Peon’s face as he looked up. He froze, as if he’d heard the most terrifying words in the world.

“Then the Your Highness I remember and the Your Highness now are the same person.”

She spoke in a polite and respectful tone.

“You dislike me, don’t you?”

No, I don’t dislike you. Peon unconsciously shook his head. Kaela came down from her chair to meet his eyes at the same level.

“You don’t need to do this. I’m not someone worthy of such consideration.”

With each word Kaela spoke, he fell deeper into panic. Anger and disgust would have been better. This was an outcome he hadn’t anticipated.

Or perhaps it was a result he’d known about vaguely but had been too afraid to face. There was nothing he could do for a Kaela who had lost all motivation.

“You know, Your Highness.”

I don’t know. Peon wanted to say he didn’t know. He wanted to cowardly remain ignorant forever.

But he didn’t dare, truly didn’t dare to stop Kaela’s words. He had stopped her so many times over those four years. So now she needed to say everything she wanted to say, even if it might have been better left unheard.

“I’m from the South.”

Peon squeezed his eyes shut. He should have silenced all those pointing fingers and gossiping mouths. Now Kaela herself was saying those words.

“I’m the Emperor’s nephew. You cherish Lady Ravalley, not me…”

When Kaela spoke the brainwashing formula that had long suppressed Peon, he couldn’t help but shudder in disgust.

“Please, that’s not it. You know that’s not true.”

That detestable brainwashing shouldn’t have come from Kaela’s lips.

“I disgust you, don’t I?”

But even worse words kept pouring from those pretty lips.

“…What?”

Each word hit the back of Peon’s head like a hammer, leaving him only able to respond stupidly. A ringing started in his ears again. What? Who disgusts whom? Who? Who to whom? How dare they?

“You said touching me disgusts you.”

Don’t you remember that? Kaela asked, studying him.

[Just touching you…]

At that moment, his brain, which had already surpassed human capacity, recalled a memory he had conveniently chosen to forget, though it remained crystal clear.

[Disgusting.]

Along with his clear voice, he remembered everything about that moment – the space, the time, and Kaela’s expression as she heard those words. It was two years after Kaela’s marriage.

By then, she had already lost much hope, received many wounds, and gathered both stubbornness and bitterness, only to face repeated frustration. Still, she made a reasonable request as a wife.

[The conjugal duty of producing an heir. I want to fulfill my duties, at least.]

As a noble princess, speaking of such things first must have been quite embarrassing and bold for Kaela. But when she said those words, her face was already expressionless. She had steeled herself thoroughly.

His response to that resolve had been so cheap. So insulting. The restraints screeched.

Not understanding any of this, Peon had thoroughly despised Kaela. Something scratched at him inside. Something was wrong. He wanted to quickly hide the fact that he had done something he shouldn’t have.

The restraints made such an unpleasant sound as he was greatly shaken. It was humiliating. In that moment, he had wanted to touch Kaela. To him, it had been such a sweet and tempting desire.

A wife who should never be trusted, who was merely being watched to see what she might do – her stiff words had become an overwhelming temptation.

Peon doesn’t know how much he disgusted himself for feeling that way. That’s why he lashed out with even more vicious words.

[I’m barely holding back my nausea right now. Conjugal duties? I’ve never considered someone like you my wife.]

He was even more disgusting for saying such things. He was more nauseating for pushing a young wife with no family support to the edge without even basic courtesy.

So why were those words now coming from his young wife’s mouth?

“I disgust you, don’t I?”

Karma always returns. That’s what it was. The words spat out, the looks thrown away – all of it returns, even across death. It was an unforgivable sin, one that required him to be revived just to pay the price again.

“That’s not true…”

The sinner covered his face, desperately suppressing the hot emotions welling up inside him. His eyes stung, but he dared not cry. He could only deny what he had said countless times before, saying that wasn’t it, that wasn’t true.

Because of the restraints, he hadn’t believed her, and not believing led to natural hatred. Like anyone might, he had thought: if she somehow bears a child, she’ll try to place that child as the Emperor’s puppet and control everything from behind the scenes.

But that wasn’t it. Even with his reason bound so he couldn’t think clearly, Peon knew he had no excuse. He should have thought harder. If he had no reason, he should have created it to think things through.

He should have done more than just pity Kaela – he shouldn’t have stopped her reaching hand. Instead of turning away thinking she might be a spy while secretly watching her, he should have at least treated her like a person.

“Conjugal duties are meant to be shared, and Your Highness spoke correctly.”

The sinner carefully measured each word while holding back his near-madness. No excuses were allowed, nor could he let familiar speech slip out. A sinner must confess like a sinner.

“Your Highness fulfilled your duties. You never failed in them. Aren’t I the disgusting one? Isn’t that right? Even after committing such sins, I still wanted you.”

Don’t you want to punish me? Don’t you want to hurt me? Don’t you want to hit me? Peon searched desperately in Kaela’s clear eyes for hatred, disgust, or anything similar.

She furrowed her brow and looked away briefly, lost in thought. Peon waited. He waited, praying – no, hoping – for condemnation to burst forth.

“I did something wrong.”

Her blue eyes beneath thick lashes moved rapidly because she was trying to find what she had done wrong.

Her face, too calm to the point of innocence, even smiled slightly as if she had finally found it. She looked happy. Happy to find a reason to die. That was the only reason for happiness in Lusenford.

“People saw me, saw me sneaking out of Your Highness’s bedroom while you were sleeping. Right? That time, yes, that’s it. That night, I stole from Your Highness.”

There had been many rumors about a woman shamelessly, without any sense of propriety, being in her husband’s bedroom and leaving.

When these words gathered into a big rumor, and after the final evidence sent by Beatrice arrived following accusations about what she had stolen from the Grand Duke’s bedroom, Kaela became a criminal. It was a shameful end for the noble Princess of Ostein.

“Your Highness thought I was Lady Ravalley…”

No. Peon wanted to scream. The fear he had forcefully buried was finally showing itself.

“I, I did it. I committed such a shameless act.”

Her mouth, asking if she deserved to die, tried to smile but twisted as if crying. Kaela wished for Peon to understand quickly. She had failed to die three times.

Her husband – the husband she thought might be somewhat different – was the same husband who didn’t believe her and doubted her until the end. So nothing had changed. Then why should she live?

Poison didn’t work, nor did the food her body rejected. Wouldn’t it be better if Peon killed her decisively? If suicide wouldn’t work, murder would be good.

She who had always watched Peon’s mood and tried to please him was now trying her best to make him angry.

“…Is that true?”

“Yes, it’s true. Your Highness held me, mistaking me for Lady Ravalley. You were sick and intoxicated, either from medicine or alcohol, and didn’t know. That’s what I did.”

As soon as Peon asked, she nodded earnestly while speaking. She was trying so hard it was pitiful. Her pitiful madness carved into his chest.

“Then that… wasn’t a dream?”

Kaela looked at the painfully smiling Peon with confusion. Strange. The husband who had lived with her for four years should have glared at her by now, pushed her away, become coldly angry.

Knowing he would, she had immediately taken poison when confessing about the regression, so why wasn’t he angry? Why was he asking forgiveness? Everything was strange.

Regression was truly strange.

****

It was when they had been married for exactly four years. At that time, Peon was completely controlled by the restraints that had continued for years, yet he didn’t know what the problem was.

Of course his body would suffer with the restraints binding the dragon’s son, but he had no way of knowing that. It was just a sick day. Like when he was a young boy first arriving in Lusenford, it was just another day of being ill with what seemed like a cold.

The strong Grand Duke disliked taking medicine, saying it made him feel bad, and he hated showing weakness to others.

So the butler had prepared various medicines and withdrawn long ago. Only the naive and frustrating Grand Duchess thought that a sick person shouldn’t be left alone.

No, she was just worried. Even if he was a husband who didn’t treat her like a person, he was still sick, and he looked very ill, so she couldn’t just leave him be.

Her kind and gentle heart showed some worry and sympathy even for a husband who had lost all affection.

Or perhaps even then, she still harbored unrequited love for him until the end. Yes. The complicated mix of feelings couldn’t be defined as just one thing.

[Your Highness.]

The Grand Duke’s bedroom was a mess. Peon’s body, suppressed by the restraints and unable to even dream of awakening, was burning with fever, his consciousness hazy.

He had carelessly taken some medicine and laid down, but with his weakened hands mixing up the medicines, he didn’t even know what he had taken. He might have even done something foolish like drinking alcohol because of the pain. He was sick to the point of having almost no reason.

Kaela wrung out a cold, wet cloth and placed it on Peon’s forehead, while quickly cleaning up the messy tray beside the bed and the floor, checking what medicine he had taken.

No one tells the southern woman who is the Emperor’s niece about the Grand Duke’s condition. Still, she had somehow heard he was sick and carefully entered.

She regretted entering even then. What would she hear later? In Lusenford, she had become afraid of every action she took.

She was startled when she heard the sound of steady breathing. He wouldn’t like it if they met.

She should just change the wet cloth and leave. With the medicine and alcohol bottles, it seemed he had taken everything he could, but since she wasn’t a doctor, there wasn’t much else she could do.

‘If only I were a doctor. Then I’d be useful, and whether he liked it or not, oppa would have to meet with me…’

Even such a professional relationship would have been something. Her thoughts had long since fallen to miserable depths.

Kaela already had a feeling then that her life here wouldn’t be long. She moved quickly. It was when she reached for the cloth on Peon’s forehead, intending to wet it one last time.

Snap – her hand was caught. In that moment, Kaela felt like she might really faint. Peon would be angry. He would despise her. What should she do? As soon as she saw his purple eyes opening, burning with dark energy, she burst out with excuses.

[I’m sorry. I heard you were sick and just came to check if you needed anything. I’m sorry. I’ll just change the wet cloth and leave right away.]

She apologized without pause. Later, when alone, she would probably feel pathetic. Because she was a wife who didn’t even have the right to care for her sick husband, she would feel pathetic. But that was for later; now it was important to end this quietly somehow.

“…Beatrice?”

Kaela, who had been terrified, suddenly felt drained. Her husband wasn’t in his right mind. So he was calling for that woman he loved again, like a habit. How nice. How nice it must be to be Beatrice.

Peon, who had grabbed the woman who had gently wiped his face and placed something cool on his forehead, narrowly opened his hazy eyes. The woman biting her lip slightly and looking down was smaller than Beatrice, with brilliant platinum blonde hair.

Right. Not silver hair. His eyes, momentarily clear from fighting the restraints, immediately recognized the woman with sky-blue eyes and cool lips.

[…Ah, it’s you.]

Peon smiled. It was his wife. Though he had been suspicious of her, though he had forcibly married her and chosen to watch her before his eyes, looking at her now, she was always working hard at everything on her own.

He had heard that she occasionally showed kindness in taking care of the servants.

[It was you.]

But the distance between them had already grown, and there would only be irreversible things ahead. That’s the kind of relationship they had. The Empress’s illegitimate child and the Emperor’s niece – of course it would be that way.

So this must be a dream or hallucination. He was seeing strange things because of the fever. That’s why Peon pulled her close. He just wanted to, so he pulled her into an embrace.

Joy he had never expected, secret desire, poured out. So this must definitely be a dream. Just something to pass by and forget, but somehow an unforgettable dream.

That’s why before the regression, Peon had hated himself for having such a dream, and after the restraints were lifted, he hated himself somewhat differently for wanting his wife and having such dreams despite what he had done.

****

“I… I wasn’t in my right mind then… what I did to Your Highness…”

This isn’t right. Kaela thought, watching Peon’s desperate face as he examined her. This wasn’t what she wanted.

He should be angry and contemptuous, but instead he looked at her with shocked eyes and worried. His pale face became so pale it turned bluish.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. That I dared to do such a thing…”

“I’m telling you I did it! I undressed Your Highness.”

“I pulled you close. I remember that. I embraced you, didn’t I? How could Your Highness resist my strength, I forcibly…”

“You didn’t force anything – I was the one who embraced Your Highness! I took off my own clothes too!”

Why doesn’t he understand? Is this not it? If not this, what else did I do wrong? Kaela frantically searched for reasons why she should die.

“Still, that wasn’t Your Highness’s fault.”

“No. It was wrong.”

Found it. After all, she was stupid and always making mistakes.

“I became pregnant then.”

Watching his purple eyes freeze instantly, Kaela felt relief. Yes. This would do it.

“I didn’t tell you about the pregnancy. So I carelessly lost your precious heir.”

Of course. She had been confined before she even knew she was pregnant.

“So I’ll just die. I can die well. I can die quietly without screaming. I’m good at it since I’ve died once before.”

The woman smiled vacantly. She tried to smile to appear good. Saying she could die well because she was nothing, because she was disgusting. She said this with eyes that were already dead.

Who had murdered her?