In the cold and desolate Lusenford, heating devices were highly developed. Fireplaces were essential, and each household had five or six tangpa (heated cushions). Even men would knit warm and fluffy garments as a hobby when they had nothing else to do.
However, Kaela learned last night that human body heat was much warmer than any of these heating devices.
“I’ll stop here for now. Go to sleep.”
Peon, who had been gently nibbling her neck like a madman, suddenly smiled tenderly and caressed her eyes.
“Why…?”
“When you’re healthier, then we’ll continue.”
His murmuring voice was extremely languid and seductive. At the same time, his heaving chest pressed against her narrow shoulders was threatening, as if he was holding back. His feverish eyes and the bulging veins in his neck proved that he wasn’t as composed as he seemed.
“We’ll do a little more then.”
Perhaps because of his long-term intimate relationship with Beatrice, he handled her quite skillfully.
‘Much more than then… no, how is that possible when “then” is years from now?’
Kaela recalled a certain night but soon fell asleep, lulled by his caressing hands. It was only when she woke up in the morning, feeling warm from head to toe, that she realized Peon had promised a future encounter. This wasn’t just a one-night affair.
“Did you sleep well?”
He had stayed with her until morning, holding her tight. As if he had no intention of pretending last night didn’t happen, he kissed her forehead and cheeks before getting up.
Kaela was too surprised to answer, knowing that Peon usually had many tasks to attend to from dawn, such as training his body and inspecting the army.
This was the first time she had woken up in bed with him, despite all her unusual experiences.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Peon smiled gently and lowered himself to kiss her eyes again. As she blinked several times, his large, firm body holding her tight shook slightly with laughter. As if they had been one body, he shared the same body temperature as her.
“You must be…busy.”
“Ah, it’s morning, so we must return to formalities. I am not busy, Your Highness.”
The kisses showered on her cheeks and shoulders didn’t stop. Who had said he was indifferent and almost emotionless?
Kaela had to wonder if Peon, who kept smiling at her, might be drunk. She had only seen him smile this much when he was intoxicated once before.
“How do you feel? Are you not tired?”
Kaela shook her head, not knowing what to say. It was frustrating that she couldn’t respond sophisticatedly in these situations, but it couldn’t be helped. She lacked experience.
“I see. Then that’s fine. Let’s have breakfast together here.”
“What?”
He’s going to stay for breakfast too? Peon’s eyes immediately drooped sadly at her surprised question.
“Don’t you want to?”
It was the first time she had seen this man – who was scary, inscrutable, yet so captivating that she couldn’t take her eyes off him – looking dejected.
Kaela, who was experiencing many firsts today, broke out in a cold sweat at the sight of Peon, who could only be described as ‘crestfallen’.
“Was yesterday the last time you’ll dine with me?”
“No, that’s not it, Your Highness…”
“I know you’ve changed your manner of speech to be more dutiful since our marriage, given your conscientious nature. But isn’t dining together natural for a married couple?”
The husband she met after death seems to be unhappy even with the manner of speech Kaela had grown accustomed to using for the past four years.
It was ironic that Peon was upset about her speech habits, which she hadn’t chosen to adopt but had become ingrained due to his refusal to treat her as a Grand Duchess or a wife.
“Isn’t it natural?”
Kaela bit her lip at his prompting question, but eventually nodded. His gaze was too affectionate for her to meet his eyes. It felt too awkward and strange. The Peon she knew never acted like this. No, he was only like this when they were young.
Could this be someone else? Is this reality a different world? Could that be possible?
“Alright. Take your time getting up.”
A refreshing laugh broke near her ear, and a final, regretful kiss landed on her cheek.
Seeing Kaela clutching the blanket, unable to distinguish if this was a dream or reality, Peon finally couldn’t resist and cupped her small face to kiss her.
Even in the morning light, which typically dispels hazy dreams and reveals cold reality in place of beautiful illusions, he simply couldn’t come to his senses.
No, it was because Kaela looked too pretty in the morning light. She was the most beautiful and adorable creature he knew.
Now he wanted to say it without holding back.
“You look even prettier in the morning, my Highness.”
He said this happily, even though her face was likely swollen and unattractive. Ironically, it was Peon who remained refreshingly handsome even in the morning.
“You’re pretty,” Peon said once more. The more he said it, the clearer it became that he had been holding back these words for a long time.
He should have looked directly at Kaela instead of averting his gaze. He should have stolen more glances, even if it pained him. He should have listened to her voice instead of avoiding her words. And he should have spoken more.
The emotions he had forcibly suppressed, ignored, and buried, he thought had died and been entombed. But the more he looked at her, spoke to her, and faced her, the more those emotions mocked him, rising up with their enormous, hidden form.
It was beyond what he could handle. It was so big that even the act of burying it was a sin. It was irresponsible and ethically wrong to turn away without completely erasing it. Perhaps he was still avoiding the truth even now.
“Eat plenty.”
In front of the breakfast table brought to the bed, he begged again and again. The warmth he was embracing for the first time in decades was too comforting to face the truth.
So he begged. Not yet, just a little more. A little more. Please, just a little more.
Peon, whose only physical contact with the opposite sex had been Beatrice’s sudden, seal-like kisses, had struggled to resist the urge to touch Kaela more last night.
He was very clumsy, and all he knew about marital duties came from the bawdy talk of soldiers in the army.
He knew that women experience a lot of pain. Peon looked anew at how small Kaela was, sitting beside him.
“Your Highness, please eat too.”
“Yes.”
Her shoulders were too narrow, and she would fit in his arms with room to spare. So he had to hold back and become more skilled.
“Does it suit your taste?”
She nodded when he asked. She had answered his question. Maybe this could be a new opportunity.
Maybe this time they could be happy. No, it didn’t have to be happiness or an opportunity. Even if just for a moment, for a really short time, just once, he wanted to do for her what he couldn’t before.
“What will you do today?”
“I have to work.”
“Don’t overdo it. Only do as much as needed to keep from being bored.”
Kaela was weak. She was fatally weak to his coldness and indifference. There were reasons for his indifference. Because he couldn’t betray Beatrice and his mother, because Kaela was likely to be the Emperor’s spy.
Looking back now, those reasons, which could only be called foolish and pathetic, were justified when evidence emerged that Kaela was the Emperor’s spy. The wall built over four years finally served its purpose then.
“Yes.”
“Don’t overdo it with entertaining guests. We need to focus on the investigator, not Lady Ravalley. Don’t pay any attention to her.”
So, even if just a little. If he could do even a little of what he should have done for her, even now, he would give his life. He didn’t mind being accused of satisfying only himself.
“Pardon?”
“Yes.”
Although he got an answer, Peon had no intention of feeling assured. He believed Kaela would handle things capably on her own. What he couldn’t trust was Beatrice Ravalley.
