When she opened her eyes, it was as expected. Peon, his face dark with exhaustion, had been silently watching by her bedside and was the first to notice that Kaela had regained consciousness.
With a slightly contorted expression as he quietly looked at Kaela, he immediately called for the doctor. Denise woke up Darinka, who had been taking a short nap, and brought her in.
“Fortunately, it didn’t take a week.”
After giving his place to Darinka, Peon stood a few steps away, quietly observing Kaela. He would occasionally force himself to look away as if it pained him to watch, but his gaze inevitably returned to her.
“Since you’ve already caught a cold, you must be careful. You know we can’t let this develop into pneumonia, right?”
For someone as frail as Kaela, even a cold was that frightening. With stories being common of people who had just a mild cough passing away months later, it wasn’t an overreaction for the maids and Peon to be so protective of her.
“However, if you bundle up too much, you might get sick in this hot summer. The important thing is to eat well and rest properly, that’s what I mean.”
Kaela didn’t even have the strength to nod. Her entire body felt languid and weak. Having a weak constitution had always been a major limitation.
She often envied Beatrice, who could dance freely at balls, wondering why she herself was in such a state. Such small envies eventually accumulated into a large inferiority complex.
Even now, she dozed off while half-listening to Darinka, breathing heavily. After falling into the water, her entire body felt exhausted. When she regained consciousness again, everyone including the maids had left, and only Peon remained standing at the foot of her bed.
Why is he standing so far away?
“…Even if you’re sleepy, you should eat something before sleeping.”
Kaela nodded a couple of times. I know. Peon seemed like he wanted to say something more but remained silent. As she stared at him, she thought it was still fortunate.
Previously, she had been unconscious for nearly a month, but waking up after just three days was a huge improvement. From what Darinka was saying, they had expected it to take a week, but three days – that’s remarkable progress.
While thinking this, she must have dozed off again. When she opened her eyes, a steaming thin soup had been placed before her. She naturally assumed Peon would feed her, but he just stood watching. When their eyes met, he actually moved further away.
“Eat. I have urgent matters to attend to.”
He left after that brief statement. Kaela blinked. He must be busy. Well, he’s a man with many responsibilities, too busy to tend to a sick wife.
Marie, her eyes swollen from crying, fed her the soup whose taste she could barely distinguish.
“I don’t want to eat anymore.”
Kaela shook her head while eating. Her mouth felt rough, making it difficult to eat.
“How much have you eaten? You need to finish this entire bowl.”
“It’s hard. I’ll eat later.”
Her voice must have sounded too exhausted, as Marie couldn’t press further.
“You must finish it later, Your Highness.”
“Mm. Thank you.”
“Not at all, Your Highness.”
Kaela closed her eyes. Her stomach growled belatedly with hunger after eating just a few spoonfuls. But somehow, she didn’t want to eat. Eating was too exhausting.
****
“Kaela.”
A voice full of sighs woke her. She wasn’t too sleepy due to hunger, her eyelids not feeling as heavy. The low voice neither rushed nor reprimanded her. It just called her name slowly until she woke up.
“Kaela. Wake up.”
After receiving the report that she had only eaten five spoonfuls before refusing more, Peon had no choice but to return. He had left to let her eat comfortably, thinking she wouldn’t want to see the husband who had forcibly saved her, but she hadn’t eaten.
Though they said to leave her be, Peon was already the one who best attended to Kaela’s meals in this household.
He had been the one ensuring all three meals, feeding Kaela directly until she met Darinka’s prescribed portions. He couldn’t bear not doing so.
Thus, despite his words to let Kaela be comfortable, even before Darinka could chase after him saying this time was different, Peon rushed back to Kaela.
He ordered three different soups to be prepared: her favorite mushroom soup, a potage of boiled potatoes mixed very smoothly with butter and cream, and a clear chicken broth.
Whether it needed to be thin or not, it had to be delicious for her to eat, right?
“Let’s drink some water.”
Rather than coaxing her to eat, he had to start by asking her to take just one sip of water.
“Sit up for a moment.”
I shouldn’t touch her. I shouldn’t get close. I should just speak. Despite countless such resolves, his hands were already shamelessly brushing aside her hair and stroking her jawline with the back of his hand.
His hands trembling at the almost-contact, Peon clenched his fist and pulled back.
“Kaela.”
Her face was so small and white without a hint of color. That bloodless face that made him anxious every time he saw it. Then, without warning, those blue eyes beneath long lashes opened halfway.
Peon knew very well that just seeing those eyes made him stupid. He had already been staring mindlessly at her face with closed eyes, but when she opened them, he became truly powerless.
“Drink some water.”
He wanted to save her. He desperately wanted to save her. He wanted her to experience all the brilliant parts of life that Kaela hadn’t tasted yet.
Kaela moved her eyes slightly before accepting the water he carefully brought to her lips.
Just the act of her drinking little by little dissolved all the tension and sharpness in his heart that had been tortured for three days. She rightfully deserved to live, to enjoy life.
“Want to drink more? Yes. Let’s drink more.”
But Peon didn’t even know what the brilliant parts of life were. The most brilliant thing among everything he had seen and experienced in his life until now was this unfortunate woman.
He had only glimpsed this woman’s misfortune. Even that he considered brilliant. It was dazzling and beautiful. Because among the crushing pain that broke bones and cut flesh, and amid the pouring violence, she was the only righteous value and evidence he had to protect.
“Does your throat hurt? No? Alright. Now that you’ve had water, shall we try eating a little of this?”
Therefore, he could never gift Kaela any of those brilliant days people speak of. Because the highest value he knew was just her, who died tragically and miserably.
Knowing nothing, he clumsily imitated what others talked about, and with rough, forceful hands tried to grasp her – delicate as a porcelain doll – and pull her into life, but the situation only worsened.
Among the worst situations, this was the absolute worst.
“What is there…?”
“Things you like. Want to see?”
He extended his arms to help her sit up, and she leaned on them to raise herself. The body in his arms was too light. Yes. This was all the sin he had committed.
No matter how hard he tried, Kaela only became more broken. There was no way life could be happy. If she was so miserable and in pain, if she kept trying to die because it was too hard, shouldn’t he let her go?
“There’s mushroom, potato, and one with meat.”
As he opened the lids of the hot, heavy bowls one by one to show her, Kaela’s eyes widened slightly. He wanted to feed her all kinds of delicious food in the world.
The world was vast and changing quickly, so if she ate one new thing each day, Kaela would be around sixty by then. He selfishly wondered if by then she might feel that living had been worthwhile.
“You can eat all of them.”
Kaela, who wanted to eat a lot but couldn’t eat well, might find even the process of consuming and digesting food torturous. So, shouldn’t he just let go of this terrible desire?
Anyway, every night Peon stood in the North Tower, experiencing Kaela’s death over and over and over again. No matter how many times he experienced it, rather than getting used to it, it became more painful, hurtful, and shocking – but that was his problem alone. It wasn’t Kaela’s concern.
“They all look delicious.”
A tiny voice whispered. That single phrase made him so grateful and happy, but that was Peon’s circumstance alone.
“Shall we eat them all? Then let’s try them all.”
“I’m hungry.”
“If you’re hungry, why didn’t you eat earlier? Did you not want to?”
“It was scratchy and wouldn’t go down…”
“I see. This will go down well.”
When he feeds her with a spoon, she accepts it bit by bit. If she eats a little, takes her medicine well, and becomes healthy enough to make her own choices, wouldn’t it be alright to let go then?
“Winter will come soon, Kaela.”
At Peon’s words, Kaela, who had been eating what he fed her, tilted her head. Summer was still in full swing.
“Winter comes early in Lusenford. Go to Ostein.”
He swallowed the words “I’ll take you there.” If he kept putting it off with “just a little more, just a little more” and adding conditions, there would be no end. If he thought of it now, he should say it immediately. That way, there would be less chance of withdrawing it.
“Is that really okay?”
“After suffering this much, what wouldn’t be okay?”
If you’re in Ostein, wouldn’t you live a little longer? There, you might be happy for a while, and perhaps decide to live on.
Of course, since it would be beyond Peon’s reach, he might hear news of her death there. Just thinking about it made him want to hold onto her. Even knowing it wasn’t right, he wanted to grab her, prostrate himself and beg, plead.
Kaela nodded with a rare smile. Color faintly bloomed on her bloodless face. She seemed to have found some enthusiasm, eating everything he gave her.
“Is it tasty?”
He asked because she seemed to be swallowing well, but unexpectedly, Kaela made a slightly tearful face. Peon’s heart dropped just seeing her furrow her eyebrows sadly.
“I can’t tell what it tastes like.”
Her throat hurt, and her nose was blocked. Watching Kaela shake her head slightly while breathing wheezily, he gave a bitter smile.
“Still, you ate well.”
“Yes. Because I’m hungry.”
“Shall we try the potato potage? If you finish it, you can have some pureed peach too.”
Kaela pouted her lips.
“And medicine too, right?”
“Do you dislike taking medicine that much?”
“Darinka makes medicine too bitter.”
“If you can’t taste anything now, you won’t taste the bitterness of the medicine either.”
“Bitter taste is different. It lingers in the mouth until the end.”
Peon stopped spooning the soup and laughed. Kaela’s eyes, which had no strength due to fever, narrowed.
“You just thought I was being childish.”
“Not at all.”
“Then why are you laughing?”
“Because you’re pretty. Because you’re pretty, let’s have just one more bite.”
She glared at him but still accepted what he fed her.
“How about this one? Can you taste it?”
“Similar. But I don’t like thin ones.”
“I know. If talking is difficult, you don’t have to say more.”
“You kept talking to me though.”
What should he do? She’s too pretty. She was so pretty and cute that he wanted to kiss her cheek. The way she looked up at him as if feeling wronged and annoyed, that expression was all lovely.
You shouldn’t disturb someone who’s sick. Above all, Kaela must have been upset that he had stolen away another chance for her to die. Peon stopped talking and fed Kaela the potage, which wasn’t even a quarter of a bowl.
“I want to see the newspaper.”
But it was Kaela who spoke again. She must think someone would listen if she spoke with a dying voice.
“There weren’t any interesting articles.”
“I want to see even the uninteresting ones.”
“The biggest news story is about you. Do you remember how you fell into the river?”
He had already thoroughly investigated, and discovered even the parts that weren’t revealed in the investigation, but Kaela might have seen something others hadn’t.
Since she kept trying to talk with that swollen throat, he should at least hear about the accident. All Peon could do was handle the aftermath so Kaela wouldn’t feel wronged.
“The pier was too narrow, and when the Princess came, everyone was pushing to make space.”
As Kaela seemed to be speaking at length, Peon quickly fed her another spoonful. She needed to rest between speaking too.
“Then Lady Wicksted fell, and Marchioness Bula beside her was pushed.”
Marchioness Bula was much older than Lady Wicksted.
“Since an elderly person shouldn’t fall in, I tried to steady myself but got pushed, and so…”
And so she fell in. It was a very Kaela-like reason. Peon swallowed the words asking if it was okay for her to fall in, and this time fed her chicken soup instead of potage. He had been worried, but fortunately she ate it well without grimacing.
“In the river, was there anything strange?”
He had seen with his own eyes the black malice violently pulling at Kaela’s thin ankles.
It looked exactly like the curse that had crawled up him, making him shudder. Since Peon hadn’t noticed it at all until he went back in time, Kaela, being an ordinary person, probably couldn’t have seen it while drowning.
Kaela, her throat gradually improving from continuously swallowing warm liquid, stared at him intently. Those blue eyes that had always desperately avoided his gaze now looked directly at him.
“I was scared.”
After brief contemplation, her eyes dropped that statement and looked away again. Whether remembering the terror of that moment, her blue eyes sank deep in thought.
“I couldn’t go up. Something kept pulling me down, like it was grabbing me…”
“…You must have been scared.”
At his words confirming this again, Kaela immediately nodded.
“Yes.”
Peon’s purple eyes, which had become rigid, darkened.
“Do you remember when I came?”
🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷