A person with no expectations has nothing to be curious about. Because if one is only waiting for death, nothing else means anything. That’s why Kaela hardly ever questioned or confronted him after she regressed.
Unless she was so enraged that she lost reason, or so happy and comfortable that something inadvertently slipped out, her mouth would forever remain tightly closed like a clam.
Moreover, if she happened to ask something unintentionally, Kaela seemed to regret having asked the question and would remain silent for a longer time afterward.
If only she would say something. Peon always eagerly waited, and waited again, for her to speak, ask, be curious, and interfere. He was exerting all his efforts to find even the slightest sign of a will to live from Kaela.
“Don’t you like my way?”
After comfortably seating Kaela and preparing a meal that he guarded more precisely than his own life, he asked.
He usually always waited for her to speak, but often the questions she would mumble would be swallowed and never come out. So when he felt it had been too long, he had to ask.
“If you don’t like it, I’ll change.”
“No.”
She shook her head.
“I don’t have the right to interfere…”
“You do.”
Like a thirsty person digging a well, the being who could barely be called human anymore was playing the role of a human, trying to please his wife. Kaela looked around briefly.
“There are no eavesdropping ears.”
Peon, who could understand everything just by the trajectory of her gaze, said this while completely blocking the surroundings.
If he clearly shows they are alone, Kaela will feel more comfortable speaking. At the same time, the fact that he only now understands this was consistently tearing him apart, trampling on him, and mocking him.
He knew just by looking at her eyes. Just by looking at what she was staring at, by her slightly moving lips and subtle expressions, he knew. Why didn’t he know this before regressing?
Back then, Kaela took care of everything for him and prepared what was needed. Though they say regret comes too late, he repeatedly and painfully pondered the many times he could have done more.
“…Is everything already decided?”
And he was so grateful for this rare question that he didn’t know what to do.
“Decided? What?”
He asked while making her eat cooked vegetables and finely ground onion soup.
The blue eyes that were wildly shaking at the food barely came to their senses when looking at him. The entire scene was bitter. He was also a kind of control device to prevent her from frantically shoveling food into her mouth.
“The thing you’re doing now. Is everything decided until the end?”
“There’s no end, Kaela.”
Peon smiled softly and confirmed her carefully sipping the soup.
These days, her compulsive self-restraint seemed to have improved, and the amount she ate was gradually increasing. Peon was obsessively checking the amount of food she ate.
“Nothing is decided.”
He had checked everything – how many spoonfuls of soup she took, with what size spoon, without her knowing.
“So if there’s something you want to do, tell me. I’ll do it.”
“It’s about revenge, isn’t it?”
Kaela tilted her head, looking puzzled. Should he pinch that cheek and make her cry? No, don’t interfere with her eating. He needed to make her meal as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.
“…Isn’t it?”
Kaela, who had always been told she was wrong, carefully added to her words. Pitiful yet adorable – he was going crazy. Peon closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and pushed meat dishes in front of Kaela.
“No, everything you think is correct. There’s nothing wrong.”
Is it true? Kaela scrutinized him multiple times. It was her habit to check whether he truly meant it or was just teasing her.
Peon nodded seriously multiple times until her eyes, full of doubt and wariness, were finally convinced.
“Really. Right now, there’s no one who knows me better than you. How could my father have gone so far as to kidnap you and send you to me?”
Come to think of it, he had been acting even less like himself since then. Even when he was young and taciturn, explaining things so detailed was one of the changes in him.
“I’m sorry for the kidnapping. About that time…, I’m sorry for everything.”
Kaela shook her head and continued to eat her soup little by little.
“Try this too. It tastes better if you eat it before it gets cold.”
“Your Highness?”
“I’ll eat too.”
In fact, Peon no longer needed to consume food at all, but Kaela found it more comfortable when he dined with her rather than just watching her eat.
Sitting together and pretending to eat sometimes brought unexpected gifts.
The food he would first taste and recommend that she would eat an extra bite of, the casual remarks – all of these were precious gifts beyond measure for him.
“Why did you choose this method?”
This gift was too much. After eating for a while, she abruptly threw out a question. Peon tried not to raise the corners of his mouth.
“You don’t have to say it.”
Meanwhile, Kaela seemed to regret asking the question unintentionally. Peon did not say, “I will always answer your words.”
He knew that responding to everything she says over multiple occasions was more important.
“I reconsidered because you would dislike completely overturning everything at once. Looking back, your words were always right.”
That doesn’t seem to be the case. Kaela lowered her gaze. She had always been reckless without knowing anything, always wrong when she stepped forward, and hadn’t that shortened her life?
“This time too, your words were right.”
But the most powerful voice she knew cut through her thoughts mercilessly.
“My parents suffered for thirty years, and with me plus you, ending it in one go would be too lenient.”
Kaela unknowingly thought the words were correct. It was too lenient.
“The Empress must have suffered greatly.”
“That’s right. Not just my mother, but my father, who couldn’t do anything, afraid that his son, who couldn’t communicate with his mother, might die or get hurt…”
He paused in thought.
“Trembling before mere highway robbers.”
The noble dragon had done so.
“It’s my fault. If I had grown properly according to my bloodline and could communicate, I wouldn’t have made them suffer like this.”
He should show her a good eating appearance to encourage her to eat more, but even sitting still was a challenge.
The feeling of despising his own incompetence was growing deeper with each passing day.
Beatrice, the Emperor, and those in Lusenford had skillfully covered and rationalized the crimes they committed with reasons like “it had to be done”, “it was unavoidable”, “it was justifiable”.
They were truly remarkable in how they glossed over things. Peon, however, could not do the same.
“Couldn’t communicate?”
Kaela tilted her head slightly and carefully asked, “What’s so difficult?”
Peon almost laughed but ultimately couldn’t, as the memory reminded him of when she used to ask if her oppa had time to play with her when she was young. He had destroyed that innocent and pure young lady.
“Yes. I couldn’t understand at all. I didn’t even know who my father was, and I just called him a dragon… and would just lead the army and attack…”
The desperate image of his father, who had shown himself directly to his son multiple times and tried to communicate, made Peon feel suffocated.
Both his father and Kaela had tried their best to have a proper conversation with him, but he had consistently refused to listen.
“Well, that’s just like me.”
It was an inappropriate conversation, especially since Kaela was the one listening. Elaborating on his answer to her question would be no different from complaining about his circumstances in front of her.
Peon stopped there. His wounds were something he had to bear, and the wounds he inflicted on Kaela were also his responsibility.
“Can you understand now?” Kaela cautiously asked, glancing at him.
Peon nodded and pretended to continue eating.
“Now?”
“Now.”
“Are people originally unable to communicate with dragons?”
“They can.”
Having lost his appetite long ago, Peon found that after answering, it wasn’t the food he was sick of, but life itself. However, he had to live. He had to follow the command she gave him to survive.
“It’s like an innate talent. There are quite a few people who can understand dragon language. Not everyone, but they exist. My mother could, the first emperor could, and the current emperor understands dragon speech immediately.”
The corners of Peon’s mouth twisted viciously.
“Of course, outside Crania’s borders, my father could use magic to communicate, so that would solve everything.”
Kaela opened her eyes wide and stared at him intently.
“Haven’t you gone across the border and communicated via magic?”
Though he wasn’t sure how, she was precisely thinking what he had in mind, so Kaela nodded. Peon picked up her fork, stabbed some roasted mushrooms and duck meat, dipped it in sauce, and handed it to her.
“Eat this first.”
Kaela reflexively accepted and ate, then regretted it while chewing.
She should have taken the fork and eaten it herself. Feeling embarrassed by her childish act, Peon watched her eat and then selected the next food. He would feed her again.
“During battles, crossing the border was quite frequent. My father tried to communicate via magic, but I couldn’t understand. The emperor had been playing tricks since I was very young, ensuring I couldn’t comprehend anything.”
“He always tried to lure me out somehow, and I, knowing nothing, was always taken in.”
He only broke the taboo after dying, and only understood his father’s words after death. He could only enjoy his innate ability after sacrificing his life.
“You always won.”
“What parent kills their own child? A young human, a mere teenage boy, trying to challenge a father who has lived for a very long time?”
Peon let out a small laugh.
“My reputation was created by my father. I did nothing. The fact that I never lost was because my father allowed it. Even when crossing borders, I couldn’t understand a single word he said.”
His expression was empty as he spoke this shameful and embarrassing truth to his young wife.
“I knew how to do absolutely nothing.”
His voice was cynical, filled with self-loathing. Meanwhile, he twirled noodles prepared Keruzhan-style and held out the fork.
At that moment, Kaela realized he was speaking these secrets to feed her just a little more.
“No.”
When she shook her head in front of the fork, Peon tried to soothe her.
“Just one bite. Everyone says it’s delicious. Just taste it.”
“No, that’s not it. You didn’t just fight the dragon, your father, but you also fought against ethnic minorities extremely frequently.”
Kaela refuted his statement with an expression of disbelief, as if he was speaking nonsense.
She didn’t want to let this pass, having witnessed the truth for four years with her own eyes.
“Ethnic minorities invaded up to thirty times a year. Didn’t your father intervene each time? No, he didn’t. Why did he do nothing? Why are you saying such strange things?”
“Kaela.”
A flustered Peon called her name. He quickly put down the fork, extended his hand, then withdrew it, not knowing what to do. He had a bad feeling that she would open her eyes wide and might cry.
“Don’t say such things. You’re a great person. I… I could only look at you and didn’t dare to even speak to you.”
Her voice trembled with resentment. Anger and resentment filled her blue eyes. Peon finally reached out to her. Cold sweat began to form.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Kaela. I misspoke. You’re right.”
“That’s why I kept loving you. Even though I knew you disliked it, I still loved you. Because you were great and impressive.”
There were two absolute propositions in Kaela’s cold and narrow world: Peon and Beatrice must love each other forever, and Peon was a man respected by nobles and admired by ladies.
This was an unbreakable truth. The tragedy began when Kaela, who was incomparable to Peon, sat in the position of Grand Duchess.
That’s why she was upset and angry when he completely cut ties with Beatrice after regressing.
The relationship with Beatrice was their own matter. But the fact that Peon was a great man and the victor of the North was an absolute truth.
Peon was so exceptional that someone like Kaela couldn’t even approach him.
She was upset and angry again. He was still perfectly great, yet unable to pull himself together in front of her, speaking such nonsense.
She found his self-deprecating attitude unbearable. She didn’t know why, but she just hated it.
“If loving you was a sin, and now you’re saying even the reason I loved you is wrong, what does that make me?”
Her reddened eyes were misty with tears. Peon was captivated, feeling a shock that pierced through him.
“I’m sorry.”
With trembling hands, he caressed her cheek. She lowered her head to avoid his touch and mumbled.
“I don’t know what I’m saying. Forget it. I said something strange.”
But his persistent, large hand completely enveloped her face, trying to comfort her.
“No, you spoke clearly. I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
Success. Peon pulled her into his embrace before she could look at his face. This was it. This was how it was.
Finally, Kaela, who had been quietly still, reacted. She became angry and felt wronged. Forgetting formalities, she returned to her old way of speaking and protested.
The man who must always remain perfect silently laughed, looking into the void. His wide-open eyes and raised corners of his mouth were filled with a tingling joy.
“I’m sorry.”
You’re responding because of me, and me alone. Carrying emotions, getting angry. I’ll make you get angry more, feel more wronged, and express your emotions more. I’ll hold you so you can live more vividly.
Peon held Kaela carefully, afraid she might break or hurt, trembling with elation. He was happier than he could ever compare to the emperor going mad.
