YIDW Chapter 33

Chapter 33- The gap that opens every moment

I knew this would happen. Always like this, always dragging me into conversations like this.

“Not yet.”

Mellie said with a forced smile. She tried to avoid this topic as much as possible, but it was of no use. They kept nagging at her.

“Oh my, you must be very worried. What did your doctor say?”

“That’s… …”

“What else would he say? He might have said it was a side effect of a miscarriage, and told her to wait.”

“That, you can’t just wait. How about you take a more proactive approach?”

“Yes. The elders of the Felton family also seemed to be waiting a lot. Aren’t you being too complacent, Duchess?”

That was exactly why Mellie was reluctant to go to the banquet.

Mellie found out about her pregnancy shortly after she got married.

She was more bewildered than happy. She was so young, and she thought that pregnancy would always lead to childbirth, so she wasn’t particularly impressed.

Since she didn’t have morning sickness, Mellie went about her daily life comfortably. Then she accidentally tripped on the stairs.

One of her feet slipped off the edge of the stairs and Mellie rolled down the stairs. She must have hit her head and lost consciousness. When she woke up, she was lying in bed, and everyone was looking down at her with miserable faces. And… … sticky blood was gushing out from between her legs.

But now Mellie knows

Pregnancy and childbirth are never a given thing.

Life isn’t born and brought so easily. Mellie realized this painfully over the next three years, waiting for a child who didn’t come despite numerous attempts.

But what good is it to realize this after losing it? Every moment just adds to her guilt.

“Oh, Mrs. Felicie.”

One of the ladies looked over Mellie’s shoulder with a blush on her face. Mellie turned around.

Mrs. Felicie, who appeared in a flowing dress and with minimal makeup, was approaching them with a bright face.

“You must be having a hard time. The third child, Did you plan it?”

“No way.”

Madame Felicie’s voice stabbed Mellie’s heart like a thorn.

“We are married for a long time now, and we loved each other everyday and then it just happened.”

***

Edric looked at Mellie through the people passing by.

She still couldn’t fit in with the ladies.

It had been five years already.

Edric sighed and shook his head.

He was a person who thought that anything could be done with effort, but he learned this from watching his wife.

There are some people whose nature can never be changed no matter how hard they try.

He did everything he could.

Whenever Mellie made a mistake, he fixed it so that she wouldn’t get in trouble, and he didn’t scold her for fear that she might lose courage.

He took her around every day, created an atmosphere where she could naturally blend in with people, and practiced conversation repertoires that the ladies would like with her.

However, like pouring water into a bottomless pit, all his schemes became useless once Mellie got her hands on them.

Edric saw the ladies talking to Mellie in a friendly manner at this moment.

They were trying to somehow talk to her and involve her in the conversation. However, Mellie consistently ignored their kindness with a sullen face.

She looked around with a drowsy smile, as if she was looking for him.

It must have been to tell them that they should go back.

Edric drank the martini in his hand in one gulp and turned away before their eyes met.

***

The two of them were silent the whole way home.

They looked out the window close to them, each enjoying the night view, and they seemed more like fellow travelers than a couple. They happened to be going in the same direction, so they ended up riding in the same carriage.

With only the sound of the carriage wheels rolling on the pavement dispelling the silence, Mellie suddenly turned her head from the window.

“Hey… … honey.”

Then Edric also looked away indifferently.

Mellie chewed her lips several times, then opened her mouth with considerable difficulty.

“I was thinking about getting a proper gynecological examination. What do you think?”

“Why do you want a gynecological examination?”

“It’s just that the aftereffects of the miscarriage seem to be lasting quite a while. Plus, it would help us figure out why I am having trouble getting pregnant, so I guess…”

“Melissa.”

Melissa shrugged. She knew she’d be reprimanded every time he said her name like that.

“I think you’re a little too impatient.”

“… … .”

“I don’t know why you’re so impatient. We’re still young.”

Still young… … .

Yes. If that was the only consolation for Mellie, it was a proper consolation. She was only twenty-four.

But what if a little more time passed? Was she sure she wouldn’t feel anxious then?

“Youth passes quickly… … .”

Mellie weakly lowered her gaze.

Edric’s eyes, staring blankly at her, were hard.

He didn’t like the way Mellie always talked about children after the banquet.

It must have been because she had seen a few pregnant women.

Why couldn’t she be a little more detached?

I often took her to the noble houses with children not because I want her to feel lost but to see how difficult it is for them to raise children’s, but was my consideration for nothing?

‘If she was healthy, it would be different.’

Edric saw Mellie’s delicate curves clearly visible even in the darkness.

She looked smaller and thinner than when she was pregnant for the first time four years ago.

It didn’t seem very desirable to insist on pregnancy with that kind of body.

“I wish you would focus a little more on something other than pregnancy.”

“Something else?”

“For example, friendship with ladies.”

“… … .”

“They want to be close to you, but you don’t seem to open your heart.”

Not opening my heart…

A bitter smile appeared on Mellie’s face as she quietly repeated Edric’s words to herself.

“Really… … Do you think so? You think that those ladies want to be close to me?”

Edric said nonchalantly.

“Isn’t that obvious? I can tell at a glance that they’re trying to be nice to you.”

‘That’s all happened when you were around.’

But Mellie didn’t say that. He was a man who trusted his own eyes more than Mellie’s words.

“Yes. That’s right. They’re all good people.”

“… … .”

“But they’re the people that I don’t get along with.”

Edric’s lips twisted subtly at those words.

“Who do you get along with? Maybe the maids of the household? Or maybe your friends from the girls’ school you went to when you were young?”

Mellie closed her mouth at the sarcastic tone.

He was clearly criticizing Mellie for having held a makeshift tea party for the market people a few days ago as a token of appreciation.

“I wish you would dress up as a duchess.”

“… … .”

“Stop hanging out with the people of inferior status.”

He ended his sharp reprimand with his gaze.

Mellie stared at Edric’s profile as he turned away, her mouth opened widely several times before closing completely.

She knew that empty, scattered objections were worse than no objections.

Mellie also turned her gaze to the window on the other side.

She could see the village with its lights gathered softly below the hill, but Mellie felt no emotion from it.

All she could clearly perceive was the gap between them growing ever wider. She wondered if it would be possible to narrow that gap by even a centimeter.

***

“Would you like a cup of tea?”

The next day, as she was seeing Edric off and turning around, Ada asked Mellie for tea time.

“Yes, Mother.”

Mellie followed her into the living room of the inner house.

The inner house, decorated with antique mahogany furniture, was always elegant.

Originally, the inner house should have been the residence of the duchess, but Mellie willingly yielded this place to her mother-in-law.

She was satisfied with the name of Duchess Felton alone. No, she had nothing more to wish for than the fact that she was Edric’s wife. At least that was the case when they were getting married.

“So, how was the banquet? Did you enjoy it?”

Ada suddenly asked as Mellie was looking at the newly installed harp in the inner house living room.

“Yes. It wasn’t bad.”

Mellie answered calmly.

“My eyes can’t be fooled.”

“… … .”

“Those little things stressed you out again this time?”

Ada saw right through Mellie. Then, as if she was even more angry than Mellie, she bit her lips and spat out,

“Those fox-like things. If they get caught in my hands, I won’t let them go.”

Mellie chuckled at the somewhat harsh tone.

Mellie and Ada were on good terms again.

She was back to the Ada that Mellie knew, the kind and caring former Duchess. Of course, it had come at a high price.

Ada, who had been cold to Mellie, had changed after she had a miscarriage.

It was Ada who took care of Mellie, who had to take care of her body and mind alone without her mother. She personally made her nutritious food, saying that having a miscarriage was the same as giving birth to a child, and she also gave her a medicine to dry up her milk so that it wouldn’t flow.

If it weren’t for her restored relationship with her, Mellie would have had a hard time enduring Edric’s cooling affection.

“It’s really okay. I’m fine now. I’m trying to figure it out.”

“If that’s what you think, I won’t say anything more, but if it’s really hard to bear, tell me. I definitely know how to deal with those ladies who act like vixens, don’t I?”

“You do, mother.”

While the two were chatting amicably, Anna, the attendant, came in with a teacup.

She placed a clear rosemary tea in front of Ada.

She placed another cup in front of Mellie. It was a white porcelain bowl, and inside was a dark brown liquid.

Mellie knew what it was.

It was a medicinal juice that would help Mellie get pregnant as soon as possible. Ada had asked around for a famous herbalist and had brought it to her.

“I told her to bring something to eat anyway. Is that okay?”

“Of course.”

Mellie smiled brightly and sincerely and picked up the porcelain cup.

Ada Felton watched her gulp down the drink over the teacup.

The corners of her lips rose subtly.

Mellie put down the teacup and furrowed her brow slightly at the bitter taste as she looked up, and the strange smile on her mother in law’s face disappeared.

Her mother in law said with an extremely kind face,

“Eat diligently. If you finish this then, I’ll make you another one.”

“Thank you, mother.”

“You should have a baby soon. It’s such a shame.”