Chapter 3
“In truth, the statement that I have always been dead is not entirely incorrect. Until I resolve this issue, I might as well be a death-row prisoner with an appointed day to die, It’s been a few days since the fact that I am a walking corpse became known.’’
Today, after a long time, I sat next to my father at the breakfast table. Normally, someone who wouldn’t bother to show their face, he unexpectedly called me to enjoy breakfast together.
“…Don’t call the doctor again.”
It had been a few days since Persor informed my father about my illness. So, it was absurd for him to say that he would call the doctor again only after a few days had passed since learning about my illness.
Despite living in the same mansion, my father only called me after all his urgent matters were settled.
“It’s not necessary.”
I kept my gaze fixed on the food on the plate, and my father didn’t even look at me.
“Get another examination, I heard it’s some unknown incurable disease. Since each doctor may have a different opinion, you might discover a treatment.”
My father’s gaze was also fixed on his plate. He seemed indifferent, discussing the weather while eating steak since the morning.
‘’Isn’t eating meat excessive from the morning.”
“It seems like you don’t even know what your favorite meal is.”
“I’ll take care of it myself.”
Even in the midst of the conversation, Father’s knife continued its relentless dance.
The sharp movements of the knife on the plate were unsettling.
Watching it, my appetite vanished, and I set down my utensils first.
“Whether I live or die doesn’t matter to you, Father.”
I don’t know how Father reacted to my words. He didn’t even glance in that direction.
After rinsing my mouth, I wiped my lips with a napkin, signaling the end of the meal.
“I’ll choose the venue for the memorial service after I die, so don’t worry, As a filial daughter, I should help with Father’s affairs.”
Since my mother passed away due to illness when I was young, Father immersed himself in managing the family.
And I was excluded from the family affairs.
It was exactly around that time. Father distanced me, commanding me to wear gloves all the time.
He didn’t embrace me, and he was afraid of my hands touching him.
Father hired a good governess and a excellent home tutor for me.
Perhaps that’s why.
“Since my childhood, I have hidden my feelings because I had nowhere to rely on. During the social season, I never made an effort to attend events and my father always provided a suitable excuse on my behalf.’’
It could be because I was afraid of my abilities, or perhaps there was concern that my abilities, if known publicly, could tarnish the family’s honor. I don’t know. How could I know what was going on inside? I neither want to understand nor do I want to know.
As a result, most nobles didn’t even know my face.
So, my only friends were Détor and Delia.
That was the problem. Exactly that.
And that’s why I felt betrayed by Détor and Delia.
“Anyway, if you marry Détor, I’m planning to leave. You’ve been preparing to produce an heir, so go ahead and choose a good person to continue the lineage.”
Although I stood up first, my father’s words continued without pause.
I silently shed sincere tears while watching my consistently indifferent father.
“If Father had even a bit of interest in my death, if he had even a tiny bit of concern for me while I was alive, in the midst of so many deaths… just once, really just once, I wouldn’t have died so easily.”
“…What do you mean by so many deaths.”
“So, please don’t pay attention to it this time either, It suits Father.”
“Reperentia.”
“And I haven’t been enjoying meat since this morning. It upsets my stomach more, you know that too, right?”
After finishing my words, I turned away from the breakfast table. The irritating sound of the knife finally stopped.
However, the sound scraping at my insides still didn’t cease, continuing to torment me.
“What should I do… Huh, our Leah. How could such a thing happen…”
I looked at the drifting clouds while pressing on my stomach.
I did step onto the stage for this village drama, but it feels unnatural to fit into it.
“Ugh, sniff, oh Leah. How could this happen…”
“Delia, please stop crying… If you cry, Reperentia will be sad…”
“Sniff, Detor, sniff. Leah, she’s… Leah…”
The problem is that this village drama is just too dramatic to feel fitting at all.
Delia crying sorrowfully as if mourning my impending death.
Detor comforting and consoling Delia in front of his fiancée who is about to die soon.
“Truly unwavering, now I sincerely want to cheer for them……”
If there is a love that doesn’t change in this world, could it possibly be these two?
“Even in such a critical situation, Vilenthus doesn’t show a hint of worry on his face!”
Bang!
Dettor slammed the table hard with his palm.
I turned my gaze away from the drifting cumulus clouds. Suddenly, my eyes met with the sad gaze of Prince Belleral.
He was the only man here who looked at me with genuine pity. No, he might be the only person in the entire empire who felt that way.
“Niriel Yeongae, I will send the imperial physicians. There are individuals known for their exceptional skills within the empire, so let’s reconsider…”
Today, Dettor, Delia, and the imperial Prince gathered in a meeting intended to comfort me, who was soon to face death.
“I’m fine, Your Highness. Another doctor has already confirmed it… I don’t want to undergo examination and be confirmed again.”
The breeze gently carried Prince Belleral’s violet-colored hair, resembling cotton candy, as it softly fluttered in the air.
Prince Belleral was a gentle and kind-hearted man, earning popularity among the imperial citizens. His gentle nature and consideration for others earned him praise from those working in the imperial palace.
“It’s okay, Your Highness. I appreciate the concern, but I’ve already had another physician confirm my condition… I don’t want to go through another examination just to be confirmed again.”
The breeze carried Prince Belleral’s violet hair, a color neither dark nor bright, as it gently danced in the air. Whenever I gazed at those mysterious strands, time seemed to slip away, and I often found myself lost in thought.
Bellial, the blue-eyed prince, responded to the firm rejection with eyes glistening like tears. Through several iterations, he had always been kind and gentle in every situation.
I couldn’t help but wonder if my fate would have been different if I had loved such a man.
“How many months do I have left?” Dettor, scratching his eyebrow, asked with a hint of transparency in his question. Laughter escaped my lips at the obvious intention behind the question.
Shrugging my shoulders, I hid a smirk in my tea cup. Before taking a sip, I glanced at the three people present. Seeing them all in good health after drinking the same tea reassured me that there was no need to worry about dying from it.
‘Living in constant fear of when and how I’ll die.’
Even being alive didn’t feel like truly living.
“There’s about half a year left,” I replied.
“Ah….”
“You’ll have plenty of time to get things in order, so don’t worry.”
Dettor sealed his lips tightly, furrowing his eyebrows as if troubled. As the gazes of the two men turned toward me, Delia’s sob suddenly became louder.
“Sniff, sniff, Lea, it’s okay. Stay strong. I’ll always pray for you.”
Huk, huhuk. Lea. It’s okay. You, you stay strong. I’ll always pray for you.”
Delia sobbed, deliberately leaving her tears untouched. As Delia’s sobbing intensified, Dettor wrapped his arms around her shoulders and comforted her.
Feeling a pang in my ears from the continuous crying, I nodded vaguely and changed the topic of conversation.
“But is it okay for Prince Hwang to be here? I heard that Princess Repleo went to the temple to pray.”
“Oh… yes, His Majesty ordered the marriage with a prince from another country, and um, the princess ran away to the temple.”
Surprised that I suddenly spoke, Prince Valial blushed and answered shyly.
“I heard that Princess Nirielle isn’t particularly interested in news about others….”
“Still, you should know about the major events in the empire.”
“Indeed… you are wise.”
Prince Valial nodded and smiled with a face that had turned red to his ears.
No matter when I saw him, he was always a handsome man with a charming smile. As I stared intently, Prince Valial’s face grew increasingly warm. Soon, he averted his gaze as if feeling shy.
Dettor, who had been watching the exchange of glances between me and Prince Valial, let go of Delia’s shoulder and turned his upper body toward me.
“Reprentia, I will definitely get the medicine.”
“…Dettor, you?”
“Of course, Reprentia, just because you’re in pain doesn’t mean our marriage will break or that I’ll turn away from you. Since I’m a ticking time bomb anyway, I won’t deliberately damage our image, I suppose.
Marriage could be prolonged for a while, and after my death, marrying Delia could benefit both families, maintaining a positive image.
“Reprentia, even if we could turn back time, I would always love you. I’m so proud of you.”
“Yeah, me too.”
I’m proud of myself too.
Delia, who used to cry when Dettore showed affection towards me, was now pouting her lips.
Why didn’t I foresee these seemingly easy scenes?
Suppressing thoughts of numerous revenges, even talking face to face felt repulsive, but I had to endure.
I had to endure because those two were soon going to be the reason for my death.
“Lea is in so much pain… As a fellow guardian family, I dislike the Violethuntus family, who never visits during times of illness. They always send representatives. If this continues, they might not even attend Lea’s memorial service, right?”
Delia subtly took control of the conversation, expressing her concern. In her words, “Then I won’t forgive you!” there was a hidden nuance of hoping for my death.
“Delia, are you trying to scold me? Rumor has it you’re fierce enough to make even horses run away,”
Delia, who was scolding foolish Dettor for the sake of her friend, found it cute, patting her on the head as she laughed.
It seemed like the two had forgotten who was on the opposite side.
“But still, I’m Leah’s friend! I won’t forgive you!”
“If the North is left unguarded, the demons invade or something like that, What’s the use of being granted the title of a duke? I can’t even attend the reconciliation of the guardian families.”
The Valentus family, guardians of the empire against demons, protecting the North from demon invasions.
Dettor, belonging to the same guardian family, but guarding the land where demons appear, the North, was always envious of the special treatment the Valentus family received.
“Spending your whole life stuck in the North hunting demons. What’s so difficult about demon hunting that they act like they’re the only ones doing it every time? The Valentus family got the responsibility just because they are physically superior in demon hunting. As if being superior means anything, how superior can they be?”
“Have you ever met the Crown Prince? He looks so scary that real demons would run away at the sight of him.”
Delia asked, blinking her eyes cutely at Prince Belial. Prince Belial rubbed his chin and after a moment of contemplation, gave a subtle answer.
“Well, I’m not sure. But I’ve heard that when the Valentus Duke visits the palace, everyone finds it uneasy. There have been rumors that by looking into his eyes, he could kill a person without a second thought.”
“There you go, I knew it.”
Dettor tapped her knees, happily munching on cookies. It seemed like she had a newfound respect for the Valentus family’s reputation.
“When you see a snake, it looks like it’s about to crawl away on all fours….”
“Enough, Let’s not talk about people who aren’t here.”
I didn’t want to see Dethor demeaning others to boost his self-esteem. As I spoke firmly while sipping my tea, the atmosphere turned icy in an instant.
“Wise decision, Lady Nirel.”
Prince Belial, trembling like a thin sheet of paper in the wind, raised his thumb to me, and Dethor, perhaps in a sour mood, grumbled, “I feel like having a drink.”
“Lea, We’re not talking about someone who isn’t here; we’re talking about Dethor! Saying that he’s the head of the most prestigious guardian family in the empire!”
Delia quickly read the atmosphere and supported Dethor, giggling. Dethor, whose mood had been spoiled, wrapped his arm around Delia’s shoulder and exclaimed, “Delia is the only one who truly understands me!”
“Ugh.”
The insects that played so well in my tears when I was dying were, as always, having a good time.
Time passed quickly.
Fesol diligently followed my requests. Sometimes he prescribed medicine claiming to reduce hair loss, and other times he pretended to treat me for a fever.
Recently, pretending to eat less due to illness, I had lost weight, and I really looked sick.
“Even if I’m hungry, let’s endure it for a moment.”
The rumor that I was terminally ill spread, but nothing changed. Gifts of comfort from the family came flying in, but that was all.
No one came crying for me or offered to call a doctor. Even the visits from Détor and Delia were becoming less frequent.
Pesor seemed to have some understanding of why I wanted to leave this family, and he added that.
Time passed without any significant reaction from me, even as the would-be murderer, who was trying to kill me, went unharmed until the day before the wedding.
With the new variable of my terminal illness, I was worried that a new death might be imminent, but fortunately, that wasn’t the case.
“That crazy bastard must find meaning in the act of personally killing me with his own hands to decorate the end.”
Since my life had a reprieve, he would probably watch me closely, not killing me immediately, and then kill me after observing me freely.
“I feel terrible.”
I was enraged at his actions, as if my life depended on his hands.
So, before that lunatic made a move, it was my turn to act.
“Détor, Delia.”
On the eagerly awaited day before the wedding, I called Détor and Delia early in the morning and let out a deep sigh.
“Why, why are you like this, Lea.”
Delia, who sensed the uneasy atmosphere, asked with concern.
“Yeah, there are a lot of stings, so it must be like that.”
“Sigh.”
I deliberately sighed louder and touched my forehead. I could feel the two exchanging glances.
It’s like bugs butting heads with each other.
You bugs.
“Is it because of the wedding tomorrow that you’re so disturbed? Reprentia. I promise I will never abandon you….”
“Détor, Are you dating Delia?”
Before my question even finished, Détor’s face stiffened coldly, It was the moment when the image of the kind man who doesn’t abandon his painful fiancée loses its shine.
“Tell me honestly, Have you two been together for quite a while?”
“What is this… Wait, Reprentia. What misunderstanding is this…?”
It sounded like Détor’s head was spinning.
He probably planned to smoothly get through this opportunity, marry me to connect with the Nirielle family, pretend to be sad when I die, and then marry Delia again.
If his feelings towards me changed, why couldn’t Détor decisively suggest breaking up?
“Every time I survived, I’ve pondered endlessly.’’
I had a reputation with Dettore.
In reality, when Dettore and I were first revealed to be acquainted, how much his name was mentioned in social circles!
People added to the talk of two guardian families meeting, saying they already looked forward to how remarkable the child born between us would be, and Dettore was immensely proud of it.
Dettore was the head of the Deberti family, and I was the illegitimate daughter of the Nirel family. And Delia was the youngest, pushed aside from the succession by her older brother.
That’s why he couldn’t abandon me.
Externally, because I could make him look even more impressive.
So that he could divert the attention of the jealous Duke Violentus, who had coveted the empire’s attention.
“Lea, Lea.”
But the foolish Delia seized this opportunity without missing a beat.
“How did you, how did you find out?”
Even in ordinary times, Delia must have itched to brag that Dettore was her man. Dettore turned his head in surprise and looked at Delia, His eyes asked why she was admitting it now, but Delia remained clueless.
“If you found out… there’s nothing I can do. Yes, it’s true. Dettore and I have loved each other for a long time….”
“Delia!”
Deltor rushed to call Delia urgently, thinking he had saved me. However, upon seeing my determined face, he closed his eyes as if everything was over.
“Now, what should I do? No, the truth is, everything about how Deltor will react is already decided. It’s difficult for me to turn my feelings around. If I try to turn away my feelings here, both Deltor and Delia could be lost.’’
So, I will try to protect at least one thing. It might be the best for Deltor to stand by Delia’s side, marry into the Palleo family, and form a connection.
“…Ha, Delia is right. Sorry, Reprentia.”
Deltor sighed, running his hand through his hair in frustration.
As expected!
You two are too consistent, How is it that in so many repeated lives, neither of you has ever deviated from my expectations?
And now it was time for me to act.
“How, how can you leave me… How could you?”
I pretended to be heartbroken, clutching my chest and shaking my head.
“How could you do this to my friend… Deltor, I trusted you.”
But no matter how hard I tried, tears wouldn’t come. I reluctantly took out a handkerchief soaked in water that I had prepared in advance and wiped my dry eyes.
“Lea, I’m sorry.”
Delia urgently clasped her hands in front of me.
“But… but you’re going to die anyway.”
She spoke with a sneer, as if uttering a malicious remark.
Fortunately, it seemed like both of them were easily deceived by my acting.
“I’ll, I’ll be happy for both of us, Lea.”
“I might not die, Delia.”
“That’s just your hope, Lea…”
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”
In the repetitive cycle, they never once apologized to me first. Of course, they never mentioned their relationship before the wedding.
Even if Detor was a fool intoxicated with arrogance and fame, why did Delia have to be like that too?
“I could have told you before you asked. Before the wedding tomorrow.”
“Sorry, Lea.”
“Reprentia, it was for you, Delia was really worried about you. After you die… we’ll wait, and then we can get married.”
It was nonsense to the point that it was a waste of time to listen.
“I, what was the point of all this if I don’t die?”
There was no answer from the two.
“If I don’t die even after six months, were you planning to kill me and get married?”
“Leah, I… I thought of you as a friend…”
Snap!
Now it was time to bring the curtain down on the play.
I trembled, dropping the teacup as if engulfed in shock. Then, I covered my eyes with my palm.
“…Dettore, let’s break up.”
Delia took a deep breath, as if finally fulfilling a long-cherished desire.
“…Alright, Repentia. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it. But remember, we really valued you as a friend.”
“Just leave now, I don’t want to see both of you right now.”
The two, perhaps thinking there was nothing left to say, held hands and left the drawing-room.
The door closed, and their footsteps faded away.
I removed my hand from my covered eyes and stood up.
“Now, should I try to die?”
Finally, it was time for me to die.
