Another similar day came to an end, as always. It felt like I hadn’t done anything particularly strenuous, yet my body felt heavy as lead, and I collapsed onto the bed the moment I faced it.
“Ugh, I’m exhausted….”
By the time the sun set, my energy was already drained.
But I couldn’t go to bed early, so I endured several hours in a state of lethargy until I could finally sleep. This was largely due to the healing magic I performed first thing in the morning.
To an outside observer, it might seem like I just sat still and received healing magic, but in truth, every cell in my body was actively working during the recovery process, meaning I was expending more energy than anyone else.
After receiving healing magic, I could only lie there for tens of minutes, unable to muster even the strength to move a finger. Each passing day, my recovery speed slowed down more and more.
“What’s Karl up to?”
Karl sent telegrams daily through the Louisette transmitter to ask about my well-being and share his situation.
While I was grateful and happy to hear from him, receiving just a single letter each morning often left me feeling more disappointed than joyful.
Lying in bed and staring at the white ceiling, a handsome face with black hair flickered in my mind—it was Karl’s face. When had I started to miss him so much?
When I first met him, I was filled with fear and a desire to avoid the male protagonist who aimed to kill Celeste. The future truly is unpredictable.
Recalling just a few months ago made me chuckle to myself. Did I ever think I would end up living with that man?
“What about Valerie…?”
The child from the future.
In the past, Celeste had never slept with Karl. Valerie was undoubtedly their child.
Although I was the only one who had slept with him, I was still far from dealing with pregnancy or childbirth, which led me to hypothesize that Valerie was the child of me and Karl from the future.
Honestly, there weren’t any other possibilities. In other words, I was somehow destined to bring Valerie into this world, though I didn’t know when.
Imagining this felt like something distant, sending shivers down my spine. Me, giving birth to a child?
Even though I was alone in my bedroom, I felt inexplicably embarrassed, pulling the blanket over my head. I curled up tightly, and as I rounded my toes, I was able to forget some of that embarrassment.
Though I tried not to, the secret moments I had with Karl would come to mind at night, making me wonder if he thought about our time together too.
“I hope so.”
Still wrapped in the blanket, I wiggled my toes. Recognizing how accustomed I had become to Celeste’s life and body made me feel oddly unfamiliar.
I can hardly remember what my life was like before; I have already become too much like Celeste.
Now, even the past version of Celeste seems like a part of my life. Perhaps I feel a sense of intimacy because the doubt that the past Celeste might have been in a romantic relationship with Karl has completely faded away.
As those thoughts intertwined, my eyelids grew heavier, and without even realizing it, I drifted off to sleep.
In my dreams that night, the past Celeste seemed to respond to my thoughts, showing me all her childhood memories. The dream was so vivid that it was almost unbelievable.
***
While steeping the tea, Laila wiped the remaining moisture from the vase with a dry cloth.
This was a space for Lady Pulcheria to relax. Here, well-maintained vases and gently brewed tea were always prepared.
Laila worked tirelessly to create an environment where Lady Pulcheria could rest comfortably among the things she loved and found enjoyable.
Wherever she went or whatever she did, Laila constantly thought of ways to assist Lady Pulcheria.
People remarked that they could hardly do that much for their own mothers.
While they understood her overflowing enthusiasm, the maids predicted that such excessive devotion wouldn’t last long, but they were mistaken.
With each passing day, Laila’s loyalty deepened, and her feelings for Pulcheria came to resemble filial piety.
“Hmm-hmm.”
Humming a tune, Laila placed the neatly cut flower stems into the vase.
“What’s got you so joyful?”
“Pardon?”
Startled by Lady Pulcheria’s sudden question, Laila turned her head, not even realizing she had been humming.
“Did something good happen?”
“Oh, no, my lady.”
“Really? It’s been a long, long time since I’ve seen you humming while arranging flowers.”
Only then did Laila raise a hand to cover her mouth, filled with embarrassment. When did she start humming? Her face was flushed with confusion.
“Anyone might think you’ve found an appealing man somewhere.”
“…….”
“What? Is it really true?”
As Laila’s face turned crimson from what was meant as playful teasing, Pulcheria set down her teacup. This reaction from the girl was new.
Thinking this was something out of the ordinary, Pulcheria shifted her posture and drew Laila close to sit beside her.
“Be honest with me. Have you met a man who catches your eye, or rather your heart, truly?”
“No…… no, I haven’t.”
Laila, her red face resembling a ripe tomato, kept her head low, saying no with her words but her entire body was responding ‘yes.’ Pulcheria’s eyes sparkled.
“Goodness, I always knew a day like this would come. Truly, I cannot let someone as lovely as you grow old alone. What kind of man from which family is it?”
“Ah, no. My lady, really, it isn’t that.”
“Isn’t it? Didn’t I tell you before that you truly lack talent for lying? So don’t even attempt such futile lies and be honest; I will help you so that anyone from my family can be by your side.”
But that’s not the case. Laila’s head, which had dropped down, sank even lower.
Of all days to run into His Grace, the Duke of Toskur, while out buying tea leaves.
And of all times for her hair to come undone, and for the Duke’s fingers to accidentally brush against her while picking up a ribbon…
Laila quickly shook her head, feeling pressured by Pulcheria’s probing. Though her thoughts were hers alone, she feared Pulcheria would discover the man in her mind.
Crazy, crazy. The Duke of Toskur. If Pulcheria knew I had him in my mind—the one man I shouldn’t get entangled with—she’d faint in disbelief.
She shook her head and even tapped her forehead with her hands, but it was useless. Pulcheria merely smiled at Laila, as if finding her adorable.
“Confusing, isn’t it, Laila? That’s how love is.”
I imagined how confused this innocent girl must feel for having harbored feelings for a man for the first time, even years after her coming-of-age ceremony.
With a warm smile, Pulcheria reached out and drew Laila into her embrace.
“It’s alright, it’s okay, Laila. It’s perfectly fine to have someone in your heart. That doesn’t betray me at all. Don’t you know that one of my greatest wishes lately is to see you happy? If you find someone you love and live happily, that would be the greatest joy for me. So, never feel guilty towards me.”
Pulcheria misunderstood Laila’s downcast demeanor as guilt stemming from the innocence and love she openly displayed.
Laila’s bowed head did carry some guilt, but it wasn’t the kind Pulcheria assumed.
It wasn’t the guilt from having a new love after pledging loyalty to someone; it was the remorse she felt for harboring thoughts of the one person she despised most in the world.
“No, my lady. Really… I won’t marry. I want to stay by your side until the very end.”
With what seemed like a big decision, Laila lifted her head and answered in a firm tone.
Fortunately, no one realized her resolute words were not for Pulcheria but a self-affirmation.
Even Laila herself wasn’t aware that her words were not genuine, that she hoped they would become true.
The warmth of Pulcheria’s hands around her shoulders and arms was comforting. Yes, this warmth is all I need. I don’t care about warmth from anyone else.
Laila made a vow to herself once again and placed her hand on top of Pulcheria’s hand. Then she closed her eyes.
