While You're In Love

With fingertips as cold as ice, I rubbed the corners of my eyes which were filled with tears.

My head was aching maybe because I cried for a long time. The pain from the swollen eyes pierced my brain sharply.

Perhaps this is the punishment that I inflicted on myself in the present.

I have already caused enough trouble for Aslan by being here up till now.

Once upon a time, when I was locked up in the attic by myself, I made a promise to myself…

‘That’s right. People need to know their place. Don’t be overly mistaken, and don’t have any false hopes.’

“Now let’s go out. Jenna might be looking for me.”

I wiped my eyes once more with my damp sleeves and stood up.

My hair, face, and clothes must have been a mess.

I didn’t want anyone to notice my shabby appearance, so I walked more carefully than usual.

So,no one noticed my presence.

Was it a virtue or a fault? But as I was climbing down the stairs, I heard a story which the maids were talking about on the stairs.

“But don’t you think the two look really good together?”

“Who are you talking about?”

“My lord and Miss Rosalyn.”

“What?”

The conversation continued while I was wondering if I should let them know I was there.

“Why are you saying that now?”

“Why? Can’t I speak what’s on my mind?”

“You’ll be in big trouble if somebody hears you!”

“What do you mean?”

“How upset must the Madam be when she hears it. And if the Lord knows that…….”

“But I’m not the only one who thinks so, everyone does.”

“Everyone?”

“The ladies who came to the mansion at the invitation of Miss Rosalyn the other day.”

Those words reminded me of the women I had met in the drawing room. They were praising Rosalyn while waving their fans, and they looked at me with displeasure.

“If the lady hadn’t been here, the seat next to the owner would have been Ms. Rosalyn’s.

Was there such a story spreading?

These days, I know that the nobles and the workers who work and come to the mansion keep their mouths shut when they see me even while talking.

I thought the back story about me must be the same, but I didn’t find out what was going on in detail.

I thought it would be nothing but gossip about me, who took the title of Duchess of Tordell with the same luck as before.

‘That’s what’s being said about Aslan and Rosalyn.’

I didn’t know.

Since I’m not the only one with eyes, it was not strange that there are rumours about the two.

“Well, isn’t that not even wrong? I can’t help but admire someone as great and wonderful as our master, so I’m sure Miss Rosalyn is fond of him too. Seeing how the master treats Miss Rosalyn, I don’t think he hates it.”

“What nonsense! He feel sorry for Miss Rosalyn’s situation, so the kind owner treats her well. It’s not because he have special feelings towards her.”

The maid, who stood up for me, added.

“ How much the master cares about the madam!”

However, the maid, who was insisting that Rosalyn and Aslan were a good match, immediately refuted.

“Isn’t it because his wife loves him?”

“What?”

“She is the only mistress of our master. He is also kind to lower-class people like us, so of course he’s going to try to be nicer to his wife as well.”

Without realizing it, I gave strength to my clenched fist. My nails pierced painfully into my palms.

“So, you mean that the master cares so much about the Madam just because she is his wife?”

I closed my eyes tightly because I felt dizzy. However, the family that I had turned away from because I was afraid to face came out through the maid’s mouth.

“If the master had married Miss Rosalyn, he would have cared as much as he does now, or perhaps even more-“

“Stop!”

A startled voice interrupted.

“Let’s stop talking about this. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. If the Lord knows, like before…… Oh, I don’t know!”

Behind the words full of anxiety, the sound of footsteps hurriedly leaving the place scattered in the air.

“Let’s go together!”

Even after the sound of their footsteps completely disappeared, it took a long time before I came out of the shadow .

“Ha.”

I was tired. I was about to faint. I wanted to fall down.

I wanted to lose my mind and sleep forgetting all my worries. A deep and long sleep. So that I don’t think about anything.

I managed to move by dragging my feet back to the bedroom.

And I fell into a dark sleep as I wanted.

Read only at Moonlight Novels

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The week passed by quickly.

Nothing changed in this long or short time. It was because I didn’t do anything.

Why didn’t I do anything? I asked myself. Why can’t I give up on him easily even though I know he has someone he loves?….

This is the result of careful consideration. Leaving his side is like losing the world to me. My world has been him since I signed the marriage contract three years ago. I couldn’t help but hold myself completely to him, who saved me from dying and gave me a new life.

That’s why.

I cannot easily leave Aslan, who has become my everything.

It’s not even funny.

I knew from the beginning that there was an end. For the past three years, I have emptied my mind and heart, reflecting on that fact every day.

I believed it was empty.

But my heart is still full of all kinds of feelings for Aslan. I thought it was empty, but in fact, I couldn’t empty anything.

‘I don’t want to drag Aslan down with myself.’

So I have to leave…….

‘I need to accept the reality and stop parasitizing in the Tordell mansion.’

I was not offended by people talking about me because I was an a shameless woman who sucked the blood of the Tordell family.

There is nothing wrong with what they say. I have been, and still have been, a nuisance to the Tordell family for the last three years, leaning on Aslan’s goodwill.

I’ve been living in my bedroom all week.

I didn’t want to do anything, I didn’t want to see anyone. I just laid helplessly on the bed and looked at the ceiling.

I didn’t want to see Rosalyn and Aslan together again while looking outside, so the room with the curtains on the window was dark.

In the darkness without a ray of light, I turned a blind eye to reality.

I was doing such a stupid thing, like a bird who believed that burying its face in the ground would overcome all the crisis.

knock, knock.

“Madam, I’ve prepared a meal.”

“…….”

“I’ll leave it in front ……I only prepared what you like, so please eat it.”

Even my exclusive maid, Jenna, I did not let her in.

I won’t look good now because I have been in the bed all day long without anyone to take care of me.

On the subject of having nothing. Noble status, beauty, and wealth. Far from helping Aslan, I don’t have any qualifications to stay with him.

‘But now I’m even lazy and dirty.’

I thought, blinking my stiff eyes. The breathtaking self-loathing was pathetic.

knock, knock.

“Wife.”

It was Aslan.

“Are you sleeping?”

My body trembled at the sound of his voice.

“I heard you didn’t let the doctor in who came to see you. Are you sure you’re okay?”

He stood firm even though no answer came from me.

I could easily imagine him talking to me over the door. His fine eyebrows must be frowned for worrying about me, and he must be holding the doorknob even though he can’t open the door.

“I’m worried. I can’t even focus on things because I’m thinking about what you’re doing right now.”

The more his voice continued, the clearer my head became.

Aslan was a busy man. To cause such a nuisance to him, who has been busy with construction, is to avenge his kindness.

“I heard that the amount of food has decreased. Don’t you have any appetite? Or, is the meal not to your liking? I told the cook to mind…….”

Tsk. He clicked his tongue as if he didn’t like the situation. My shoulders were lowered because it seemed like it was reprimanding me somehow. Even though I know it couldn’t be.

“If you feel uncomfortable, feel free to tell me. This is your home, isn’t it? If anyone seems disrespectful, I’ll fix that habit firmly…….”

His kind words brought tears to my eyes. I bit my lip.

“Your home” was an overstatement. Can I refer to this place where I cannot stay for the rest of my life with the warm word ‘home’?

And scolding the users because of me. Even the maids who moved around behind his back acknowledged his generosity. I shouldn’t have hurt his reputation.

“I am not trying to urge you wife, But please, let me take care of your body.”

He was sweet to the end. So it hurt me more.

At the same time, I came to my senses. I didn’t want to hold him here even more because he was wasting time because of me.

This time I was quick to make up my mind maybe because I locked myself in this room for a week, my mind swamped with thoughts.

I felt refreshed.

I felt like the lingering feelings that had been holding me were falling off now.