While You're In Love

‘A good father’

In the past, Lyla had dreamed of such a thing.

Next to Aslan, who would most likely be a doting father, she wanted to be a good mother and raise their children together. Sometimes she might make mistakes and blame herself, but she thought it would be okay as long as she was with him.

However, during their three years of marriage, they did not have any children. There were many rumors about Lyla’s inability to conceive.

Lyla also wanted to have children who could inherit the legacy.

She didn’t even handle the duties of a hostess, nor could she contribute anything to the Tordell family with the property she brought when she got married.

She was a useless Duchess in the Tordell family, and that was something she wanted to change.

However, the task of bearing children was not something Lyla could undertake alone.

In the first place, the two of them had never shared a bed.

It’s not like a child would fall from the sky; since they didn’t even try to have a child, it was impossible for one to appear.

No, that’s also a long way off.

Lyla and Aslan had never even kissed. Apart from the brief kiss during the marriage vows where their lips touched, she had never had any intimate contact with him.

Although they slept in the same bed very often, Aslan never touched her while they slept.

Sometimes she would even wake up in the morning and he wouldn’t be there. It was a good thing if  it was because he had to go to work, but when she found him sleeping separately on the couch, she wanted to cry, she wondered why he was so averse to sleeping with her.

“Teacher, here, please spray water here!”

Fortunately, the feeling of gloom did not deepen.

“Yeah, where?”

Lyla moved her still hand. Being amidst the cheerful children left her no room to dwell on anguish and regrets. It was fortunate.

Although she hadn’t been running around and had only been playing in the sand while squatting, she felt drained.

Due to her already weak body and lack of stamina, Lyla apologized to the children and sat down on the mat she had laid out earlier.

The children remained lively as ever. Without dwelling too long on Lyla’s absence, they continued playing amongst themselves.

“Phew.”

Lyla, feeling drained, let out a long sigh. Her arms and waist felt sore.

“Tomorrow, I might end up bedridden.”

With a pained groan, Lyla stretched out her legs and closed her eyes.

Sitting beneath a tree, the shade cast by its branches shielded her from the scorching sun.

Merely seeking refuge under the shade, Lyla felt refreshed.

While she rested, sipping on the water she had brought, she suddenly sensed a presence. Before she even opened her eyes, a voice sounded above her forehead.

“My throat is dry, do you have any water left?”

Sure enough, when she opened her eyes, there was Aslan. He seemed relaxed, perhaps from playing vigorously with the children.

His neatly combed hair was tousled, partially covering his eyebrows, and his bare forearm protruded from rolled-up sleeves. A couple of shirt buttons were undone, revealing his sturdy chest.

“…Yes, here.”

Aslan, taking the water bottle Lyla handed him, drank the cool water. His Adam’s apple bobbed steadily.

But that wasn’t all. Even in small movements, his muscles moved dynamically. Watching his muscles flexing, Lyla felt an inexplicable dryness in her throat.

‘What’s gotten into me, really!’

Surprised, Lyla turned her head. It would be best to ignore him if possible. That way, she could erase the embarrassing thoughts that had just crossed her mind.

Lyla tried to calm her fluttering heart by looking up at the lush foliage and the clear sky visible between the branches.

However, Aslan, now sitting beside her, exuded an undeniable presence.

All her attention was directed towards Aslan now sitting next to her.

Lyla bit her lip, but she couldn’t divert her attention elsewhere.

Still, Lyla steadfastly avoided Aslan. She was afraid that facing him might trigger the tense, inexplicable anxiety she felt. She was  curious  about what might happen if she did but didn’t want to know.

But Aslan didn’t leave Lyla alone.

“…!”

Startled by the sudden sensation of being grabbed, Lyla turned her head. Aslan was staring into the distance.

Her hand felt trapped.

Perplexed, Lyla lowered her gaze, only to find her small hand tightly held in Aslan’s large hand. His big hand completely engulfed hers, hiding her wrist from view.

She raised her head again. At some point, her gaze met Aslan’s, who had been watching her.

While Lyla’s pupils were shaking uncontrollably, Aslan gazed at her with serene eyes.

‘Am I the only one feeling this way? Am I the only one whose heart races, whose breath catches, whose chest tightens like this?’

If that were the case, it felt unjust.

However, the longer Lyla gazed into Aslan’s blue eyes, the more she realized something. There was a ripple in his seemingly calm eyes, like waves stirring.

“Why…”

Lyla murmured like a sigh. Her small question vanished in her mouth without forming a full sentence.

It was an insignificant gesture. But it was enough to provoke Aslan.

Suddenly, Aslan’s gaze converged, fixating on Lyla’s full, red lips.

He paused for a moment, breathing slightly. Lyla felt a breath filled with incomprehensible heat.

After a moment, he began to draw closer. Lyla stared blankly at Aslan’s approaching face.

She gazed at his eyelashes sparkling in the sunlight, revealing the slightly obscured blue eyes staring back at her.

The tip of his straight nose touched the round tip of Lyla’s nose. It was a mere expression, the distance where noses touched.

Just a little more, if they tilted their heads and closed the gap, their lips would touch.

If someone nudged them, even lightly, in the back, they would be completely locked together. It was a tense situation like that.

Even as her mind recognized the situation, Lyla couldn’t escape Aslan.

It was unclear whether it was because of his intense gaze that seemed to hold her captive or the thick, refreshing scent emanating only from him.

Perhaps her head was spinning in the summer heat, and she didn’t realize it. Like this, she wanted to surrender to impulse, feeling dizzy as if intoxicated…

“Teacher!”

“Huh!”

Startled, Lyla gasped hurriedly. She pushed Aslan’s shoulder. He could have resisted, but Aslan simply moved away from her.

Lyla quickly turned her head towards the children and shouted, flustered.

“Uh, yeah! I’m coming!”

In her confusion, Lyla scrambled to her feet. Aslan’s hand, which had gone up towards her back and then slid down, held nothing but regret.

‘Oh, what do I do!’

Walking over to Zeke, who had called her, Lyla pressed her palm against her burning cheek.

Heat emanated from her palm. She keenly felt how flushed her face was.

Biting her lip, Lyla realized how embarrassing her recent actions had been. Her head was spinning.

But amidst the panic, there was an emotion creeping out from the depths of her heart.

…Regret.

‘Nonsense.’

Lyla barely managed to close her gaping mouth. She couldn’t believe the emotions she had just experienced.

‘What am I regretting? If Zeke hadn’t called me, then in that strange atmosphere, I would have definitely-‘

Their lips would have met.

If Aslan, who was slowly but surely approaching her, had not momentarily paused at Zeke’s call.

They could have shared a kiss, something they had never done even when they were married, something she had only dreamed of.

‘It could have happened. But if it did, it would be an accident, a scandal.’

Lyla struggled to hold onto her clouding mind.

But her still racing heart insisted that the emotion she felt was regret.

Her head throbbed. Aslan was a man who would leave. Once he regained his memory, he would return to where he belonged, meet the people he needed to meet.

After all, wasn’t that’s why Lyla had fled to this place in the first place?

Lyla tried to recall the emotions she had felt when she boarded the train at Central.

How suffocating, gloomy, and difficult it had been to stay at Tordell Mansion. And how she, by Aslan’s side, had concluded that she was a pitiful existence, and leaving him was the only repayment she could offer.

Above all, he was not in a stable state now. Regardless of why he was acting this way now, he would surely regret it once he regained his memory.

Lyla didn’t want to be a wrong choice for Aslan.

‘This can’t go on. I need to keep my distance.’

Laila vowed to herself.

She wanted to quickly sort out her confused feelings and return to the serene lake-like state it was in before he had arrived.