While You're In Love

Aslan Tordell, now 25, remembers being 30.

Although he didn’t tell anyone, he vividly remembered how the 30-year-old Aslan Tordell lived and what his fate was.

Did he die and returned to the past, or had he foreseen the future?

Four years ago, when he awoke with the memories of a thirty-year-old Aslan, he pondered over these questions in his hazy mind.

Unfortunately, his memories were not complete.

They were like fragments of a dream he had the day before, and only blurry memories remained.

For example, he remembered something like this:

[I’m not Helena Larestine, I’m Lyla. Lyla Violet.]

It was what Aslan, at the age of thirty, had heard from his wife.

It happened a month before he died, and it was the last vivid memory he could recall.

At the time, Aslan could hardly believe the confession of the woman he had been married to for three years.

It wasn’t because of the truth she finally revealed.

He had known long before that his wife was a double for Helena Larestine and that her real name was LylaViolet.

No matter how much it was a marriage that was half pushed by his dead mother, there was no way the controlling Aslan would have failed to investigate his would-be spouse.

His naive wife probably thought that he would never doubt her…

That must be why she said those things.

[I’m sorry I deceived you, but you never had any faith in me in the first place, so I guess you don’t feel betrayed, which is a good thing]. His wife believed that she had coerced Aslan into marrying her.

She always approached him, who pushed her away without hiding his displeasure.

Her feelings of guilt couldn’t be hidden sometimes. It was absurd yet endearing.

No.

At first, it was amusing. He felt more discomfort than affection toward her.

But things changed as they continued their married life. His feelings towards her changed, and so did the way he looked at her.

Her irritating behavior, sharp tone, and stern expression that he used to find dreadful, now looked pitiful like a frightened child, so he only wanted to hug her. As she revealed her vulnerable inner self that she usually kept hidden, he wanted to hold her even more.

…But he couldn’t.

A couple that started with a contract, a couple with more hate than affection, a love that couldn’t be expressed, and a couple who are awkward and indifferent to each other.

That was their relationship…

[What’s wrong with you? You didn’t listen to  what I just said, did you?]

Lyla, who was talking to the silent Aslan, spoke in a sharp voice.

It was obvious she was trying to get on his nerves, but Aslan was rather pleased that his wife, who had been so weak the entire time, was finally being her usual sharp self.

[I’m listening].

Aslan replied nonchalantly, and Lyla’s eyes narrowed.

With a small sigh, Lyla spoke again.

[So what I’m saying is, our contract might as well have never existed. Our marriage was null and void from the beginning.]

In a suppressed voice, she continued, and her eyes reddened with determination, but she didn’t know what expression Aslan had on his face.

[I’m letting you go].

This memory ends here.

A very short, not very informative glimpse into the future.

The value of this memory, which Aslan had judged when he first recalled it, approached zero.

He wished he had remembered a memory that contained important information about his business, or the weaknesses of his political opponents who were trying to ruin him.

That’s what twenty-one-year-old Aslan Tordell had thought when he first saw the future.

However, one thing remained in his mind – the unfamiliar name “Lyla Violet.”

Was it because she was his future wife? Was it because of what she said? Or was it because of the intense and complicated emotions he felt when facing her?

Although he knew many other useful and significant things about the future, the memory that was most deeply embedded in Aslan’s mind was just that.

Perhaps that’s why.

The reason he couldn’t take his eyes off young Lyla when they coincidentally met at the party.

The reason he traced Lyla’s footsteps and learned about her hidden past.

The reason he appeared in front of her after observing her daily life in advance.

Giving her cufflinks to contact him if she wants his help, and gladly accepting Lyla’s wishes, who came back with them later.

Maybe that’s why.

The timing and place of meeting Lyla were also different from the past.

In his memory, his wife had been desperate to get close to him.

[Are you mistaking us for a real couple?]

Aslan didn’t care if he stabbed her with his thorny words.

Even when Aslan asked sharply, she didn’t show any sign of backing down.

Lyla tried her best to get closer to Aslan, who was trying to keep her at a distance.

[I want us to be a real couple. I love you. I love you.]

His wife’s plaintive confession, which expressed her feelings,  stuck with him ever since.

But why didn’t she do it this time?

“Why……”

The question he spat out like a sigh was filled with agony.

Ever since Aslan had a feeling that she left, he had been pondering the question that tormented him.

Why?

Why did she leave him?

He had given her everything.

He sacrificed everything he had and treated her like the most noble woman in the world.

But why?

‘I can’t let her leave me again.’

The recent anxiety that kept him from sleeping returned to overwhelm him.

It was the fear that she might leave him forever.

Now, it had become half of the truth.

Aslan wiped his eyes. The weariness that hung in his eyes was swept away by his fingertips.

Lately, he hadn’t been himself.

It wasn’t because of the busy schedule with his business, the parliament, and many other things that required his attention and the need to live each day meticulously. Those things alone wouldn’t have shaken his firm composure.

If Aslan had been less than Aslan Tordell lately, it was largely due to his marriage contract. More precisely, the three-year anniversary of its expiration was fast approaching.

Three years that he was able to hold onto her in the name of contract, but nevertheless never felt completely secure.

During that time, he consistently felt a distance from the woman who had been his wife.

He tried to bridge that gap, but despite doing everything else well, he couldn’t maintain a genuine relationship with Lyla, which was what he wanted.

While they learned more about each other as time passed, there hadn’t been any dramatic changes in their relationship.

They remained reserved, just like when they first met.

The more this continued, the more restless Aslan became.

The reason Aslan had shaken hands with Rosalyn Peridot was due to that.

He thought Rosalyn’s appearance could bring some change to their relationship.

So, despite his busy schedule, Aslan intentionally made time for Rosalyn.

He noticed how his wife responded particularly sensitively to Rosalyn.

Anxiety, jealousy, and emotions that were not visible in Lyila’s usual demeanor were all too clear to Aslan.

Aslan was delighted to see Lyla, who had lost her composure.

He was glad to see her jealous of the other women associated with him. He liked that she was not indifferent to him. He was pleased that she was desperate for him.

He thought that if they went a little further, Lyla would confess her hidden feelings.

After three years of the contract marriage, Aslan felt hopeful that it would finally end, and they could become a real couple.

By the time he realized that something was wrong, it was already too late.

Aslan didn’t expect Lyla to make that decision.

If her emotions had driven her to the brink, he thought Lyla would jump towards him, but he never imagined she would jump away from him.

Because she liked him, because the emotions she showed at times were saying love.

So, he didn’t think Lyla would leave. He never considered the possibility of her leaving.

However, when the time for a choice came, all the efforts he poured into the last three years were futile. He couldn’t hold onto her as she left.

“Ha.”

Aslan’s tired eyes looked away from the window and stared into the empty air.

“……….”

Aslan loosened the cravat. He thought it might relieve the tightness in his throat, but he still felt suffocated.

Aslan stared at the gradually brightening sky with deepened eyes.

Outside, the scenery had changed again. The continuous fields disappeared, and some buildings appeared sparsely.

Soon, he heard the sound of the train horn, indicating it was about to stop.

---

The newly built Eres station was good enough that it was hard to believe that it belonged to a local city. However, Aslan was not interested in the sight.

It was the only station in the area where Lyla and her family lived. It should have been bigger and more magnificent than this.

“Those messy things stuck to the walls should be removed, and we should add a spacious cafe inside.”

Aslan’s brow furrowed as he muttered his list of improvements.

But then he remembered that he’d be seeing Lyla soon and calmed down.

Aslan was pacing the empty station when his subordinate approached him.

“It’ll take about an hour to get to Elwood.”

“Alright.”

A neat carriage was ready in front of the station. Compared to the ones that Duke Tordell usually rode in, it was shabby, but Aslan didn’t care.