While You're In Love

Aslan  who had been silent for a long time, hesitated and opened his lips.

“Well, that is, those words meant….”

Is  he trying to make an excuse?

However, Aslan did not finish the sentence and closed his mouth. He scrunched his eyes as if he’d bitten his tongue.

“…….”

I stood still, waiting for his next words, but he didn’t speak for a long time.

Why isn’t he saying anything? Even an excuse. Even if it’s an unbelievable excuse, if he says it, I…

…I felt a light shock as if someone lightly hit me in the back of my head.

Unbelievable, it seemed like I once again had hope. Hope that Aslan would give me some sort of explanation.

But it wasn’t the case. Aslan did not offer me any explanation or excuse.

Because there was no need to.

I cursed at my own foolishness, which almost led me to have another misconception. I bit my inner cheek, causing pain.

While my tingling pain was calming, it seemed like Aslan had made up his mind on how to handle the situation.

He suddenly stood up and said to me as if giving me an order.

“Let’s talk again next time, no, tomorrow.”

Instead of making excuses and resolving the situation by explaining that there was a misunderstanding, Aslan chose to avoid the uncomfortable situation.

“Let’s calm down for a moment and we’ll talk again tomorrow.”

Aslan quickly blurted out these words and left the office before even listening to my reply.

Bang!

The door slammed shut.

I was left alone in the room as the owner left, silently staring at the closed door.

Does he think that I demanded a divorce in anger?

So, instead of making excuses and trying to resolve the situation, he chose to keep his distance, as if pacifying a child.

Did he think I’d wake up after a night’s sleep and retract my hasty decision?

No. I thought long and hard about my decision.

“Ha.”

I let out a long sigh.

Despite the warmth of the early summer air surrounding me, I felt cold.

I turned my stiff neck to the side. There was evidence that he had been sitting next to me.

When I placed my hand on the slightly faded sofa, I could feel a faint warmth. The place where he had been, but now he had left me.

Feeling that, it became even colder.

This coldness was not a sensation that touched my skin. It was a more primal coldness that spread through me, making me shiver.

Loneliness.

It was so familiar that I hadn’t been aware of it until now, but now it overwhelmed me.

“Ha.”

Taking another deep breath, I touched my forehead with cold fingertips. I felt dizzy.

At that moment.

Hee hee hee!

Faint laughter could be heard from outside. I stood up from my seat as if possessed.

I walked towards the window and leaned on the railing, looking outside. In front of the main entrance, there was a large family carriage, and Aslan was getting on the carriage.

But there was someone else inside the carriage.

Because I saw a hint of red dress fluttering through the carriage’s open door, I could easily guess that the person inside the carriage was a woman wearing a red dress.

“So, the promise he mentioned was a promise with Rosalyn.”

Bitterness lingered in my mouth.

Aslan, who was fulfilling his promise with her, left me behind to keep his promise.

I didn’t have to wait until tomorrow to find out what he really wanted.

“Let’s leave.”

I walked out of the office, slowly but steadily, not staggering.

All the way to my bedroom, I didn’t stop walking.

---

It didn’t take me long to get ready to leave.

There wasn’t much to pack in the first place. Because there wasn’t anything that truly belonged to me here.

This dress, that necklace, and this book. Everything I have is a gift from Aslan.

I had been so undeserving of his care, and I didn’t want to be indebted to him when I am leaving his side.

I packed only what truly belonged to me. Although there are so many things in the mansion, only a few truly belonged to me and they all fit in just one bag.

“Pfft.”

A laugh escaped. It wasn’t because of my miserable appearance right now.

It was because I felt free, free of the lies and vanity that had surrounded me for so long.

The weight that had been pressing on me all this time vanished, and breathing became easier. How long has it been since I felt such a light and refreshing feeling?

I took a deep breath and lifted the bag. The journey ahead didn’t seem difficult.

“Oh, right.”

Just before leaving the room, I remembered something I had forgotten.

Even though it’s just leaving after the contract ends, I shouldn’t disappear without saying anything. Of course, from our conversation in the office earlier, he could guess that I left…

But still, I should properly say goodbye so that he doesn’t worry about me suddenly disappearing.

I started writing a letter to Aslan. I put effort into each letter, even if my handwriting is not as graceful and beautiful as his.

After writing a short letter, I wrote his name on the envelope.

< To my dear Aslan. >

I hesitated and took out a new envelope.

And I wrote again.

< To Duke Tordell.>

At the bottom of the envelope, I wrote the sender’s name.

< From Helena Larestine, with gratitude .>

I wrote Helena Larestine’s name instead of Lyla Violet because the name written in the contract was Helena. The person who wrote the letter was a woman who had become his wife through the contract and spent three years together.

And the wife of Aslan Tordell is Helena Larestine, not Lyla Violet.

So, in a way, I have never been his wife.

“…Why am I lingering on this now?”

I finished my thoughts and removed my finger, which had been lightly touching the names Aslan and Helena written on the envelope.

I took out two more sheets of paper from the drawer. They weren’t for Aslan. I had already said everything I wanted to say to him in the previous letter.

This time, I was going to write a letter to Jenna and Dalton.

Even though I don’t know other people, I felt like I should say my final farewell to Jenna and Dalton. Only to the two kind and gentle people who treated me sincerely while I was here.

I couldn’t explain the complicated situation by meeting them face to face and having a conversation. So, as a coward, I decided to do it through letters instead.

But I hope that this would  convey my feelings.

Inwardly justifying myself, I put the written letters into the envelope.

I placed them in a conspicuous place so that they could be easily found and pressed a book on the corner so that they wouldn’t fly away with the wind.

“Alright, it’s done.”

I have finished everything I needed to do here.

All that’s left is to leave quietly without causing any commotion.

---

Some servants who noticed me leaving alone glanced at me strangely, but no one tried to stop me.

Normally, I would have been hurt by their indifference, but now I felt strangely at ease.

I arrived at the train station without any obstacles.

I got off the carriage that I had caught near the Tordell mansion and entered the train station.

“Wow.”

Unconsciously, I exclaimed at the sight before me.

No wonder, it was my first time coming to a train station.

In the past, when I was fourteen, I didn’t take the train when I came to the Central with count Larestine.

[ T/N : It’s about the time when the count kidnapped Lyla from her family ]

The memories of that time, when I traveled on a rough country road for twelve days in a carriage, were vague.

Whenever I opened my eyes, I felt nauseous and kept sleeping, so the only memory I had of the long carriage journey was the hardship.

This time, based on my past experience, I chose the train instead of the carriage, but…

The train station I saw this time in my current life was completely different from the train station in my past life.

The size of the train station, the interior, the appearance of the train, the people walking inside, the atmosphere inside, everything.

I liked the train station in this life better.

“One ticket to Eres, please.”

I bought the ticket without hesitation. The destination was a port city at the southern end, where my family was currently staying.

Although it had been two years since Aslan found my family and arranged a new home for them, I had never visited them.

It was because of guilt and fear.

If it weren’t for me, my family would have lived peacefully. I felt sorry for the hardships they went through because of me.

And I was scared. I was afraid they would resent me. I was afraid that because of me, their peaceful home had been shattered. I was afraid of how my family would feel.

So I only heard news of my family through Aslan and never made an attempt to meet them.

But…

‘If I leave Tordell Manor, I will have nowhere to go except to be with my family.’

I didn’t like my selfishness.

I felt tense just imagining how my family, whom I hadn’t seen in seven years, would react when they would see me.

However, when I actually arrived at the platform and boarded the train, my body felt light.

It had been a long time since I felt this good.

Due to the exhausting life at Count Larestine’s manor, my health had deteriorated significantly, and I had been living in pain every day at Tordell manor.

But now, I didn’t have the recurring headaches that used to torment me, and my limbs, which had felt heavy as if weighed down, were light. My body didn’t tremble as if I had caught a cold.

‘It’s strange.’

Did my body become comfortable because my mind is at ease?

With a pleasant sense of wonder, I looked around and found my seat as indicated on the ticket.

“Phew.”

I entered the empty compartment, put my luggage down, and sat down.

Even though it hadn’t even been half a day, I was already tired.

‘There have been so many things happening.’

As I massaged my tired legs, the train started moving with a loud miraculous sound.

As I watched the quickly disappearing scenery outside the window, I realized that I was truly leaving the capital.

“Goodbye.”

I said farewell to the people who would be there.

Thinking about the people I would never see again made me feel a bit down, but when I thought about leaving Central, which was filled with painful memories, my heart felt light.

“Goodbye for real.”

Tall and low buildings disappeared, and wide fields appeared. Fluffy clouds floated in the blue sky.

“The weather is nice.”

As I rested my chin on my hand and absentmindedly stared outside, a natural smile formed on my face.

It was a smile filled with abundant joy and happiness, regained after losing it for a long time.

5. THOSE WHO LEFT AND THOSE LEFT BEHIND