While You're In Love

He glanced down at the watch on his wrist, checked the time, and gave me an embarrassed look.

“I’m sorry, wife, but I have an urgent appointment, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it. Can we talk another time?”

I wondered what the appointment was. Before, I’d assumed it was just business, but now I had an oddly clear image of a woman’s face.

Was he going to see Rosalyn again?

My heart throbbed, my chest ached.

I wasn’t used to his rejection.

No matter how busy he was, he always made time for me, saying it was a courtesy to his wife, and he was always true to his word.

But now…….

‘You look troubled.’

He says he has an appointment, but a few minutes of his time would be fine.

But he’s deliberately sending me away because he doesn’t want to be in the same room as me.

He’s avoiding me. As he has for the past month.

I knew why.

I came on purpose because I knew it. To do what I have to do, even if I have to endure the immediate misery.

So he wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of avoiding me anymore.

“I won’t keep you long, so just give me a few minutes.”

I repeat my request, and Aslan nods slowly. My heart sank again at his reluctant permission.

I forced myself to smile. I wanted to leave with a smile on my face, not a stony face.

“Aslan.”

“Yes.”

I took a moment to choose my words.

There was just one thing I wanted to ask before I got down to business.

“Three days ago, were you busy that day?”

“Three days ago?”

He raised an eyebrow as if to ask why I was asking this.

‘Yeah. Three days ago.’

He frowned again, then closed his eyes for a moment. It was like he was trying to remember the day.

The day I was referring to was ‘my’ birthday, the day I’d waited all day for him.

The day he’d gotten out of the carriage with Rosalyn, the day I’d lost sleep in anticipation of Aslan’s late arrival.

In truth, there were many questions I wanted to ask.

There were things I wanted to know more than what happened that day. His kiss with Rosalyn, when did his relationship with her started, what does he want to do in the future, and many more.

I wondered about those things, but I didn’t ask.

I was scared.

They were things……I wanted to know but didn’t have the confidence to listen. I was afraid.

Nevertheless, I asked him what had happened three days ago, as if only knowing what had happened that day would make the stabbing in my heart go away.

After a long silence, he spoke.

“Nothing much happened.”

“……Is that so?”

“Yes, but why are you asking that?”

He really didn’t seem to know anything. He didn’t seem to remember anything.

Sadly.

[So are you saying that today is your real birthday, then what about the one you put on the paperwork?]

[That’s not ‘my’ birthday].

[I didn’t know that].

[No one would know. No one.]

You’re the one who said something I didn’t want to hear.

[In the future, I’ll remember and celebrate with you, so now don’t be alone and lonely anymore].

I’d rather you didn’t say that.

Why were you so nice to me and made me look forward to it?

If you were going to forget it like this.

If you were going to make me cherish it alone, expect it alone, and grieve it alone.

“It’s nothing.”

He looked unhappy by my dry answer.

Before he could probe further, I raised my hand to stop him.

“I’m here to talk about our contract.”

“The contract, you mean?”

“Yes. Our marriage contract.”

I tried to sound as grave as possible. My voice quivered slightly, but thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice. I was so glad.

“You remember, don’t you? The contract we wrote before we got married.”

“I remember.”

“Then of course you remember the contents of it, right?”

He nodded, then suddenly stopped moving and stared at me.

I smiled brightly. The corners of my mouth quivered, but I didn’t let that stop my forced smile.

I wanted to look at least okay, I didn’t want to be a gaunt figure in his last memory of me.

So I steadied my trembling and spoke in a calm, clear voice.

“This contract shall be terminated in three years, on the day Helena Larestine turns twenty-one.”

Three days ago was my birthday, and today is “Helena Larestine’s” birthday.

Helena Larestin, who is the same age as me, turned twenty-one years old today.

So the contract …….

“The contract is over, and so is our marriage.”

……is over.

He stiffened as if in shock at my words.

“Thank you for everything, Duke.”

I bowed, calling him by his title that I hadn’t used since our marriage.

“…….”

A stifling silence lingered in the office.

I wondered what expression he must be wearing right now.

Is he happy that the moment he’s been waiting for has arrived, or is he relieved that I spoke first?

……I hope he’s a little disappointed.

If not, I hope he’ll be businesslike and not show any emotion.

Because if he’s happy that I’m leaving, it’s going to break my already broken heart.

“…….”

The silence was getting too long. I lifted my head impatiently.

“……?”

I was stunned by the unexpected look on Aslan’s face.

Aslan Tordell, the man who had once been my husband, the man I still loved, was staring at me helplessly.

Like a child who has lost its mother, like a man whose world has collapsed.

‘Why does he look like that?’

At first, I wondered if I was looking at the wrong person.

The Aslan who acted like he’d lost his world when I left existed only in my head.

The real Aslan, I thought, would be a little wistful, but then he’d turn and see me off.

I closed my eyes several times and opened them.

Aslan was still staring at me, mesmerized.

“Aslan?”

I called out softly, and Aslan quickly covered his face with his hands.

Most of his face was hidden under his large hand. However, he could not hide his firm mouth and veins.

‘Why are you doing this?’

I couldn’t help but wonder at his repeatedly uncharacteristic behavior.

But I couldn’t ask Aslan what he was thinking as he swept a dry hand across his face.

“Ha.”

He sighed, and a moment later, he lowered his hand, his face as plain as ever.

I thought to myself, ‘It’s Aslan, after all.’ I was disappointed.

I also wanted to break his heart a little, I know it was a mean thought, but still…

Aslan began to speak, so I cleared my head of the thoughts and focused on him.

“Wait, wait, wait, wife. What does this mean all of a sudden?”

He spoke quickly and seemed uncharacteristically slow.

“Have I done something wrong, or have you been unhappy with your stay here, or is there something you don’t like about…….”

“No.”

I shook my head.

There was no such thing. I was always just grateful and sorry for him.

I’ve taken so much from him, and there’s nothing I can offer him.

I’ve done him more harm than good just by being around him.

Even if I wanted to repay him, I would never be able to do so.

“But why? Why are you doing this?”

When he asked me why, I tried to shrug it off.

But then I said something impulsive.

“Actually, I overheard your conversation with Ms. Rosalyn.”

“What…… do you mean?”

I was embarrassed to admit my eavesdropping, but once I spoke, I couldn’t stop myself.

“That you told, Miss Rosalyn, that you didn’t marry me because you were in love with me.”

“……!”

“You only entered into a contract marriage with me out of necessity.”

“…….”

“You said you didn’t think it would last this long, that it bothered you.”

I choked up as I spoke.

I bit my lip and glared at him.

I could see Aslan’s hand trembling with embarrassment.

But I wouldn’t take his hand.

I don’t know about anything else, but for that conversation, he was too much.

No matter how much he hated being with me, he shouldn’t have talked about me like that.

Don’t express your feelings to others.

The string of thoughts made me nauseous, and I blurted out what I’d been trying so hard to hide.

“I’m sorry I’ve been bothering you. Please be happy with her.”

The way I spoke was calm, but the content was sharp.

It was the first time I’d ever said anything offensive to Aslan in this way. His eyes widened in surprise, like he’d been struck by lightning.