While You're In Love

I had to take advantage of whatever was available.

If someone was willing to help me they would have done it already, I can’t let this chance go to waste.

So, taking the initiative with what I knew was not an option, but a necessity. Even if that information was the death knell* for a man.

[ T/N : *knell – an event or sign that warns that something will end or be destroyed very soon]

“I…”

My dry lips parted and a hushed voice came out.

I stopped speaking, not wanting to say it.

Aslan jerked his chin as if asking me to say more.

I gathered courage and opened my mouth again.

“I know what you are hiding.”

“What I’m hiding?”

He repeated after me.

“…….”

Aslan, who was looking at me with a relaxed expression on his face ,gave me a leisurely look that urged me to say more. I couldn’t form a coherent sentence, my mind still torn between the choices. .

Biting my lip, I closed my eyes.

Then he asked.

“Are you sick?”

Was it just me, or did I hear concern in his voice?

I don’t know.

Unless I could see into his mind, I couldn’t tell if it was an illusion or not.

But one thing was certain.

“……No.”

I couldn’t follow the original.

I couldn’t take the easiest, fastest path to salvation.

Because if I did, the man in front of me would be bleeding from the inside with the most painful wounds.

I didn’t want to hurt the man who had been so kind to me.

I couldn’t let him fall off the cliff just because of the thorny path, I took.

So I was willing to fall off the cliff .

“I made a slip of tongue. Forget everything I just said.”

Silence filled the parlor.

I meekly placed my hands in my lap, waiting for the words to come out of his mouth.

Would he be mad at me for wasting his time with my nonsense?

I didn’t mean to tease him, but here we are.

I sighed automatically, but I had no regrets about my choice.

But I was at a loss.

What should I do now, where should I run to get away from them?

I was lost in my own thoughts when I heard his calm voice.

“That’s enough.”

“…….”

“Let’s do it, the marriage.”

“What does that mean-“

With a snap, I raised my head.

Aslan, who had been watching me for some time now, met my gaze affectionately, his lips forming a pretty curve.

He didn’t look angry. In fact, he looked pleased.

……Why?

“Let me ask you a question instead.”

I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I nodded hesitantly.

Aslan stared at me and opened his mouth.

“Why?”

“…….”

Is he asking ,what’s the reason?

It was difficult to guess the intention of the question, so I couldn’t answer it right away, and when I hesitated, Aslan stretched out the same question and asked.

“Why would you marry me? It’s also a marriage with a time limit of three years, where there seems to be nothing in it for you?”

He looked at me curiously, as if he really wanted to know.

“I find it odd , you wanting to woo me , then propose to me with a three-year deadline, giving me your inheritance and then leave with nothing.”

Tap, tap, tap.

He tapped his fingers on the handle of the couch, the small sound seemingly urging me to answer.

“…….”

He asked, not taking his eyes off of me.

“I’m curious as to your real reason for wanting to marry me. It can’t be that you don’t want something from me.”

Do I look that much suspicious?

Indeed, it is a valid question from anyone’s point of view.

It’s not like any rational person would come and ask him to marry them when it doesn’t even provide them a little bit of profit.

“…….”

I understood the meaning and intent of his question. But this time, I didn’t have a straight answer.

I couldn’t open my mouth.

Shame, self-blame ,remorse, and a whole lot of other emotions rushed through me.

 The last thing I wanted to do was show him my deepest wounds, so the last thing I could do was…….

‘I’ll beg.’

I wanted to make it so that I could get sympathy, so that I could be guaranteed the safety of myself and my family.

It wasn’t hard to do. I didn’t have to exaggerate, I just had to be honest about what I was going through and the situation I was in.

“…….”

Still, I hesitated because I still had some pride left.

I don’t care about others opinions on me , but I wanted to be seen as a decent person, at least by him, and that made me hesitate.

…… I hated this part of me.

I balled my fists and bit my lip.

Observing my pale face, he said.

“Tell me, what is it you want so badly that you’re willing to make such a big deal out of a marriage that doesn’t benefit you?”

His voice was soothing, like a caress to my hardened heart. My fists relaxed.

I stared at the crumpled hem of my skirt in dismay. Looking at the tattered, wrinkled mess I was now, I felt unbearably stupid for holding on.

He gave me a lifeline again that I thought I had already missed. Is there any reason to hesitate when it’s a chance not to go there again. Even if there is, I should think there isn’t.

I slowly parted my dry lips.

“The reason I want to marry you is…….”

I paused.

It wasn’t for the reason I’d expected.

Now I was determined to earn his pity by telling him all the musty secrets I’d been hiding inside.

But how far should I go?

I can never say that I have memories of my past life and know the future from the ‘original’ story.

I’d be seen as a madwoman and immediately thrown out or locked up in a monastery, and even if that weren’t the case, the credibility of anything I said would be lost.

But what else?

If I revealed that I was Helena’s stand-in, I might lose credibility for my terms, for my offer to give him all of Helena’s inheritance.

No.

In the first place, I was a commoner girl, and he would consider it abominable* in itself that I dared to deceive people by standing in for Helena Larestine.

[ T/N : Abominble* – despicable, horrible ]

My heartbeat quickened with nervousness. I could feel the sting of Aslan’s gaze as he stood still, waiting to hear what I had to say.

So far, he’d given me more than I deserved. But would that change after he hears my story?

The more I thought about it, the more I hesitated, but then I decided.

‘No more tricks.’

This is a man who has reached out to me time and time again. A man who gave me a warm smile and words, unlike the people who hadn’t treated me like a human being for four years.

I couldn’t care less what his attitude would be once he knew the real me.

What I need to do now is not to imagine the unforeseeable future.

Shake it off!

I jumped off the couch and fell to my knees.

“What the hell!”

I heard him jump up in surprise.

But I didn’t look up. Rather, I lowered my head even further and spoke pleadingly.

“Help me, help me.”

The trembling voice was unappealing even to me.

Maybe it’s for the best, these things will come together and make him feel more sympathy for me.

……I hated feeling like a weakling in this situation.

My hands were shaking because of self-loathing, then a shadow fell over me.

Aslan, standing before me, leaned down. He too knelt to make eye contact with my kneeling form.

“Young lady.”

He raised his arm as if wanting me to get up. But his hand stopped near my shoulder and couldn’t reach me.

While he hesitated for a moment, I spoke quickly.

“I am not the real Helena Larestine. Four years ago, I was kidnapped by Count Larestine.”

He paused.

“I was taken to the Larestine manor one day and was forced to live as Helena Larestine because I resembled their dead daughter.”

I stammered out what had happened to me over the past four years.

The fact that I became her stand-in because I looked similar to the dead Helena.

Not because I wanted to, but because I was threatened by threats of the safety of me and my family.

How hard and painful it was to be Helena’s replacement at the manor.

And how my position had changed after the Countess’s death, and how Glock had gotten his dirty hands on me.

“After ……Glock fell, I ran away because I didn’t think I could stay there any longer, but with nowhere else to go, I remembered…… the promise the Duke had made me, and I came here.”

What followed was a story he knew.

“That’s what I’ve been through so far. The reason why I asked you to marry me is because…….”

I licked my dry lips and finished talking.

“It was because I couldn’t think of any other way.”

After revealing everything, Aslan didn’t react much.

“…….”

Unable to withstand the silence, I raised my head.

His face was horribly distorted.