While You're In Love

I picked up a lilac petal that was near my finger. The water-soaked petals were beautiful.

I stared at it and tilted my head.

I don’t think anyone knows that I like the scent of lilac .

“That’s very strange.”

But the person who knew didn’t come back soon.

Fiddling the petals with my fingertips, I convinced myself.

“I must have misheard her.”

Jenna must have said something like she thought I might like this scent. Not that I liked this scent.

That made a lot more sense.

“Ha, seriously, I shouldn’t be so distracted.”

Beating myself up, I dived inside the water to the top of my head .

I brought my knees up, hugged them with my arms, leaned my cheek against them, and closed my eyes.

It was warm and comforting. I felt like I was inside my mother’s womb.

Whoosh, I breathed out, and bubbles flew out of my mouth. I couldn’t help but smile.

I came out of the water after being submerged for a long time because of the worried call from Jenna, who had returned before I knew it.

“Miss? miss!”

Jenna’s voice sounded worried like something was wrong, so I peeked my head out to see her back with various bath products in hand.

“The water felt really warm, but, um, my face was cold.”

Jenna didn’t respond to my strange excuse.

“Oh…….”

But after a moment of awkward silence, she asked me cautiously.

“Do you mind if I wash you?”

“…….”

I wanted to refuse because it was burdensome, but when I saw Jenna’s face hardened with responsibility, my mouth couldn’t move.

Eventually, I washed myself awkwardly under Jenna’s care while the water cooled.

It wasn’t just my body that warmed up in the hot bath. It melted my nerves and hardened heart. As if something has already been done, even though nothing has been done yet.

Even as I worried, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of peace that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

---

When I got out of the bath, the ugly clothes I had worn were gone.

What should I wear? Surely I shouldn’t leave in my bathrobe?

“Uhm, where are my clothes?”

“They’re in the laundry room right now.”

“Oh…….”

So what am I supposed to wear?

As I stuttered in embarrassment, Jenna held something out to me.

“Why don’t you change into this?”

It was a very expensive looking dress.

It was made of velvet, mauve in color, and embroidered with delicate flowers in gold thread. The intricate and sophisticated pattern caught my eye.

Even a country girl that doesn’t know much about dresses could have guessed that it was worth a fortune.

I tore my gaze away from the dress, which was mesmerizing, and asked.

“Do you have any other clothes? This is too much for me to wear.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything else for you to wear except this dress.”

“Oh…….”

No clothes for me to wear?

Come to think of it, there was no noble women in this mansion. Aslan Tordell was single, had no sisters, and his mother was not in the mansion.

‘But that’s what an aristocratic woman wears.’

Jenna in front of me was definitely a woman.

I asked, my face lighting up like a child’s when they come up with the right answer.

“What about maid clothes? If there are spare maid clothes, I want to wear them.”

Jenna was speechless for a moment; she stared at me in bewilderment.

“It’s really all right.”

I said it over and over again. I was really okay.

But Jenna, who came to her senses at my words, was adamant.

“No, I can’t. I can’t give a guest something like that, and my master insisted that this dress should be given to the lady.”

Jenna’s face remained rigid and unflinching.

“Ah…….”

I snapped.

There was a moment of silence, followed by the loud ticking of a clock. I checked the time.

Suddenly, I realized where I was.

Aslan Tordell must be waiting for me right now. I cannot keep him waiting much longer for the favor I have come to ask.

I can’t stay in my robe, and I don’t have the ability or the time to convince her. 

I had to change into the dress that Jenna handed me.

Yeah. Obviously I was unwilling to wear this dress.

But when I finished wearing it…….

‘I’ve never worn anything like this before.’

After becoming Helena Larrestine, I participated in several dances, but this was not what I wore then.

The dress chosen by the Countess Larrestine was in accordance with the taste of her dead daughter, whom she remembered.

I was in my mid- to late-teens, wearing a dress with a childlike design that didn’t suit me.

The countess used to say,

[Helena, what do you think, do you like it?]

My reflection in the mirror was grotesque. No wonder people gossiped and laughed at me when I went outside.

It seemed like I had stolen my younger sibling’s clothes, so I sighed whenever I looked in the mirror, and how funny would it be if others saw it.

In addition, the fabric was dyed to make it colorful, and it hurt my skin to wear it for long periods of time.

But since I was just a doll for the Countess, my taste in clothes were never respected.

I couldn’t refuse clothes because they were uncomfortable or because I didn’t like the design.

During the time I was forced to wear what was given to me, I realized that clothes were just a piece of cloth to cover my body.

‘It feels good now…….’

The softness of the fabric against my skin and the beautiful design made my heart flutter.

My heart was pounding inside my chest, wondering if I had found the right dress.

It was hard to take my eyes off the mirror, but I couldn’t keep the Duke of Tordell waiting any longer.

I muttered to myself that I must not forget why I had come to this manor and returned to the parlor.

The hem of the dress that wrapped around my legs tickled my heart, so I kept fiddling with the hem of the dress without realizing it throughout the walk.

It didn’t take long to reach the parlor.

Jenna knocked on the door and was told to come inside.

With awkward steps, I entered.

Aslan Tordell stood by the window, his back to the door, staring out the window.

Deep in thought, he turned around, perhaps because he felt me coming in through a small step.

“……!”

His eyes widened when he saw me.

What is it? Do I look good in these clothes or the clothes, do they not fit me?

My mind raced. I felt like an idiot for getting so excited about my new dress.

Standing awkwardly, I fiddled with the hem of my skirt and lowered my head.

I tried to avoid his gaze, but the persistent gaze on my shrinking shoulders did not fall.

“…….”

“…….”

Unable to endure the heavy silence, I bowed timidly.

“Thank you for the bath, the dress, for all your kindness.”

“…….”

He said nothing.

There was no polite reply.

I raised my head cautiously with a complicated mind that was puzzled, shy, and ashamed, and my eyes met with the one who was staring blankly at me. The unfocused blurry blue eyes were strange.

“Duke?”

“A lot.”

He cleared his throat, apparently awakened by the cautious call.

“I apologize. You’re a lot…… than I expected.”

(T/N : Here Aslan is saying that the dress suits her a lot more than he expected.)

“…… Yes?”

Instead of clarifying, he smiled and took a step toward me.

Aslan gestured to the couch he’d been sitting on earlier.

“Have a seat.”

I obediently followed his lead. As I carefully settled in, he sat down across from me and asked.

“What do you want from me?”

Thrown off by his straight-to-the-point manner of speaking, I reflexively spoke up.

“I want you to marry me.”

“…….”

He seemed dumbfounded by my out-of-the-blue request.

“……Marriage, you mean?”

He muttered back, only to have him stare at me with a searching gaze.

No matter how much he told me he’d reciprocate my kindness, to suddenly ask him to marry me.

It was too much to ask for a handkerchief.

I knew it, but I couldn’t help it.

‘I must not miss this opportunity.’

The fear that clawed at the back of my neck drove me insane.

I wanted to grab whatever was in front of me, even if it was a rotten rope.

So I spoke brazenly, as if I didn’t care.

“All I want is a legitimate husband who can take me out of the clutches of the Larrestine family.”

He looked at me in silence.