While You're In Love

I barely managed to keep my eyes open.

The door to the closed office behind Dalton looked unusually large.

It never felt this huge before.

It didn’t look this hard or scary.

I stared blankly at the tightly closed door as if it would never open to me, and then I slowly opened my mouth.

“I…..”

I wanted to say something.

But I couldn’t spit out any words and finish the sentence.

“…….”

After biting my lips for a while, I turned around.

“Madam…”

Dalton hesitated and called me, but I didn’t turn around.

It was getting hard for me to get back to my room.

It was as if I was walking on a cliff or navigating through a swamp, so it was difficult to take even one step at a time.

I stopped at my path again and again, feeling out of breath, and walked for a very long time to get to the bedroom.

That night.

Without a wink of sleep, I stared at the bedroom door.

Even if after midnight, ‘today’ became ‘yesterday’ and the day he promised me became the past.

The weak hope of “maybe he’ll come” and “maybe he’ll remember his promise with me belatedly” has not been broken.

I sat on the edge of the bed and watched the closed door.

But the bedroom door didn’t open until the twilight down lit the room.

---

I woke up tired. I couldn’t sleep properly, so my limbs were shaking and my head was aching.

I was not feeling well, so I just wanted to lay in bed and sleep without worrying about anything.

“But that shouldn’t be the case…….”

In order to overcome the desire to be lazy, I had to gather all my energy.

I sprang up and sat down in front of the dressing table.

I felt like my whole body would be shattered with just the slightest impact, so I bit my lips tightly with every step I took.

“Ha.”

The reflection in the mirror was shabby.

I looked down at my ugly self in the mirror.

A pale face with blood, red eyes and chapped lips.

Just looking at my tired face, my condition looked extremely bad.

I couldn’t sleep and stayed up all night, so there was no way my weak body was going to be good.

‘It’s still a bit harsh.’

I can’t get out of the bedroom in this state.

Most of all, I didn’t want to look incomplete when I faced him.

I washed clean, oiled, powdered, and dyed my lips with red color lipstick to hide the tired complexion.

After smoothening my frizzy hair, I looked at myself in the mirror.

It was much better than before, but it was not enough to satisfy my heart.

Why?

I stared at the mirror.

The smooth skin was shiny, my hair was fluttering without any tangles, and my beautifully slender body looked quite attractive.

It was hard to believe that I was the same person as me three years ago when I first met Aslan, and it was so different from that time.

“Then… … I was really shabby.”

At that time, I looked more like a maid than a noble lady.

No. It was more shabby compared to even an ordinary maid.

Underneath the modest dress that was intended to match the assortment was a skinny body, stiff hair, and a gloomy face that was full of gloomy energy.

Instead of feeling grateful, it looked like I just wanted to avoid it.

Coming here, I was able to eat a balanced diet at every meal, bathe in water with perfumed oil every day, and received regular care.

So it was funny to compare the present Duchess of Tordell with me in those days when I wasn’t looking good.

I smoothed my mouth with a dry smile and examined the figure of the Duchess of Tordell in the mirror.

The face, which looked tired all night, looked as usual now because it was covered with makeup.

The duchess of Tordell is dressed up and well-organized.

But why can’t I be satisfied?

I knew the reason …

[Please take good care of me, ma’am.]

It’s because Rosalyn’s face kept flickering on my mind.

A beautiful woman, like a bright flower Rosalyn Peridot, who shines like the sun when she stands by Aslan’s side.

Compared to the rosy hair, my dark brown hair was too common and dull, and unlike the fresh green eyes, my yellow, light brown eyes were disgusting.

Unlike her lively, bright smile, my impression is blurry…….

“No, let’s not compare for no reason.”

I shook my head and tried to erase thpoughts about Rosalyn.

“Let’s stop comparing. I can’t be Rosalyn Peridot.”

The muttering voice disappeared into the closed mouth.

I stared at the floor stiffly.

‘Who am I?’

It felt like my stomach was turning. I couldn’t tell if it was my stomach or my chest.

“Sigh.”

I sighed and clenched my fist.

Even though I’m not Helena Larestine and no one here knows who I really am, though… … .

[Here, in front of me now, I am glad that you are my wife.]

I remembered Aslan’s words about ‘me’ and not anyone else.

Then he said he was glad that I was his wife.

Not Helena of the Larestin family, but me in front of him…….

“Yeah, let’s not compare. Because I’m me.”

Patting my heart throbbing with guilt and anxiety, I muttered as if I were determined.

After doing so, strangely, I felt much better.

But as if to ridicule such efforts,

“Good morning, madam.”

As soon as I left the bedroom, I ran into Rosalyn.

Smiling brightly, she was as beautiful as a flower. Like the name derived from the rose, it was so pretty and bright.

“Good morning, Miss Rosalyn.”

Unlike me, not elaborately dressed, she shone despite her modest attire.

The emotion, jealousy, and inferiority complex that I had been trying to kill until just before, raised again.

Rosalyn praised me in a bright voice, as if she could not guess what my ugly mind was like.

“You’re so beautiful, ma’am!”

She continued, looking up and down at me with her eyes shining.

“Where are you going? You must be feeling better.”

I kept my mouth shut because I had nothing to say, so Rosalyn didn’t mind.

“It was a pity that we couldn’t be together yesterday.”

“… Yesterday?”

My heart was beating fast.

Late in the evening, I remembered the two of them getting off the carriage and chatting.

“Yes, I really enjoyed the ball yesterday. Aslan must have been happy too. He laughed a lot. I haven’t seen him like that very often.”

Rosalyn continued, laughing as if she was delighted just by recalling yesterday.

“A lot of fun things have happened! Mrs. Pompinho…….”

Rosalyn kept talking, but I couldn’t concentrate on her story.

I was so curious about where the two of them went yesterday,but when I found out, I wished I didn’t know.

“Aslan escorted me. He must have been busy but I’m worried that I might have caused trouble. Am I being too frivolous, madam?”

Rosalyn, who asked me with her concerned face, tilted her head as if seeking an answer.

But I couldn’t offer her any consolation saying “No, it’ll be fine.”

“… … Aslan escorted you, did he?”

The words that came out of my mouth followed the creaking mind also stammered.

I was hoping she woud say no.

Please, I want you to say that you said something wrong.

But as always, my expectations were betrayed.

“Yes.”

Rosalyn answered shyly.

The moment I looked down at her red-stained cheeks, my eyes became dizzy.

“Madam, are you okay?”

As I stumbled, Rosalyn quickly came up to me and supported me.

I leaned on her and exhaled slowly. I could feel the subtle scent of roses. It smelled just like her.

The scent, which was making me feel at peace to smell it, woke me up as if I had been hit by cold water.

“It’s okay, I’m okay.”

I wasn’t all right.

I slowly recoiled away from her and reflected on the shocking fact I got to know.

Why? Why yesterday?

I waited for him yesterday. Until the night deepens and the day dawns.

Because yesterday was a good day.

It’s the day he has to come to me.

It’s the day he promised to be with me.

Yesterday… … .

[I’ll remember and congratulate you in the future, so don’t be lonely by yourself now.]

Yesterday was my birthday. The only day to prove that I exist in this world, not Helena.

The only day I have that makes me “myself” and not “Helena”.

And it was also the day Aslan promised to be with me to celebrate every year.

But he didn’t visit me yesterday.

He forgot all his promises and went to the ball with another woman, escorted her, danced, and laughed face to face to face.

I was waiting for him, and he didn’t care.