【Chapter 42】
“There must be many reasons. Some might be feeling hopeless, others seeking power, or perhaps some are captivated by the allure of fire.”
“But… even if it’s the church, they don’t have a god to pray to. They can’t expect miracles…”
In this world’s religious system, it’s essentially an exchange of faith for benefits.
Humans offer their faith to the gods, and in return, the gods, through their chosen apostles and priests, bestow blessings.
How trustworthy is the existence of gods that one can directly perceive? However, the apostle seemed somewhat skeptical.
“Well, that’s hard to say. I’m not sure how that aspect will turn out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Human faith can make more things possible than one might think.”
Faith…
I suddenly stopped in my tracks.
‘Human faith is offered to the gods.’
But in the Church of Fire, there was faith, but no god.
“Could it mean that a new god could be born?”
“I can’t say for sure, but that’s what I think.”
“And what about Flendena?”
“Flendena hasn’t said a word about it.”
It didn’t make sense to me. If a new god were to be born, wouldn’t that mean less pie for the rest of the gods to share?
As I voiced my thoughts, the Apostle burst into laughter.
“Minuelle, you’ve always been peculiar since you were young.”
After laughing for a while and wiping away the tears that had gathered in the corners of his eyes, he said those words.
“Who worries about the affairs of gods? When you’re nothing but human.”
For a moment, the apostle’s eyes gleamed like glass beads.
It wasn’t the familiar gaze of the apostle that I knew. It was more intense and threatening…
‘Flendena?’
Unintentionally, I swallowed dryly. I had heard stories about gods inhabiting the bodies of apostles, but this was the first time I witnessed it.
‘Growing up, reading Greek and Roman mythology made the gods feel familiar. Surprising, isn’t it?’
…..The words rose up to my throat.
But rather than foolishly throwing myself at the god of beauty and risking baldness or acne, I naturally just asked a question.
“How can I return the power within me to the spirit stone?”
“It depends on the spirit’s will.”
“Huh?”
Does this mean that spirits also have thoughts?
But just as abruptly as the god appeared, disappearing was equally sudden.
The conversation ended there, and the Apostle blinked his eyes like a malfunctioning robot before smiling as if amused by something remarkable.
‘Oh, he’s back.’
“You’re asking questions without being surprised, aren’t you?”
“I was surprised, a lot!”
I was surprised, but my survival instinct was stronger.
“Yeah. I was surprised too. It’s very rare for Flendena to communicate directly.”
It was an incredible experience, but not getting a clear answer made me feel a bit down.
“I should have asked more questions instead of foolishly hesitating.”
For example, I could have asked, “Are you saying that you can communicate with spirits?”
“Just not collapsing in that situation is already impressive.”
The Apostle patted my shoulder and extended his thumb.
“You might even become the next Apostle, you know?”
If there were any hopeful applicants for his successor among us, I must have been mistaken.
I politely declined.
“I want to live in the secular world, Apostle.”
I want to live charmingly, attracting admirers. After hearing my loosely drawn excuse, the Apostle laughed heartily once again.
“It’s no different from the temple, right?”
Oh? That’s true.
As I chuckled, pondering whether returning to the temple was the right answer, the Apostle extended his hand to me.
“Since it’s been a while, how about we have some tea together?”
Would the other apostles be like this too? While anyone would think of it as an endless honor, he asked as if borrowing my time.
“Of course.”
I couldn’t refuse. With respect, I took the Apostle’s hand and smiled warmly.
“Oh my.”
Still holding onto his hand, we walked amicably and arrived at the Apostle’s private parlor room.
As if realizing something belatedly, the Apostle stopped in his tracks and slapped his forehead.
“Oh no. It seems I left the tea room key in the worship hall.”
“I’ll go get it. Ramande is probably still there.”
“No, there’s a lounge for the trainee priests right here. Just wait for a moment.”
“I feel bad interrupting their rest. I can just—”
“You’ve been walking around, you must be tired now. Go in and rest.”
So it was. I gratefully accepted the consideration of the Apostle and entered the parlor.
But there was a guest sitting inside.
“Minuelle.”
The person who rose slowly and looked at me was none other than Esadien, who had gone mad 360 degrees.
“Aaahh!”
There was about a two-second silence, and I immediately turned my body and grabbed the door handle with a tremendous scream.
But…
Click.
As the door locked, I heard the Apostle’s cheerful laughter.
“Hahaha. Minuelle, open your heart and have a chat.”
“Apostle!!”
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Despite banging on the door frantically, all I got in return was the receding sound of laughter.
“Apostle, how could you do this to me?!”
“I… Minuelle.”
“D-Don’t come any closer!”
I found myself shouting involuntarily, covering my mouth afterward. I didn’t want to provoke further by making loud noises.
‘No wonder. He comes every day, yet today, he’s nowhere to be found outside the door.’
But how did Esadien know I would be here today? And to receive help from the Apostle too…
Esadien spoke slowly, as if trying to reassure my suspicious gaze.
“Minuelle, I’m not crazy.”
People who are truly crazy never admit they’re crazy!
I remained silent, pressing myself against the door.
Watching me like that for a moment, Esadien let out a faint sigh and pushed a chair towards me.
“Sit down. It must be exhausting.”
Then he walked over and leaned against the wall on the opposite side, far away from me.
“Is this enough distance? I won’t leave this spot. I promise.”
“….”
“I mean it. I wish I could prove it somehow, but I don’t know how.”
Esadien looked noticeably gaunter in the past few days. His jawline was more pronounced than usual, and his lips were chapped.
‘His exhausted appearance suits him, but he’s naturally more beautiful… No, that’s not it!’
I shook my head abruptly.
That audacious look is really…
Anyway, it seemed like Esadien’s condition had improved slightly since the last time, so I reluctantly took a seat.
‘I should replenish my energy in case I need to run away. Damn.’
Just my sitting down seemed to ease Esadien’s tension, as he relaxed his shoulders. But that was all. He remained silent, his left hand resting on the hilt of his sword as he stared at me intensely.
‘No, why is his posture… Could he be trying to kill me?’
Did I offend him by calling him crazy? Come to think of it, he did try to kill Lafesch last time…
‘Did he sit like that to strike my neck in one go?’
No, that couldn’t be it. Whether I’m standing, sitting, or kneeling, Esadien could easily strike me down in an instant.
Thinking so, I swallowed hard and scooted back a little further.
“S-so, why are you appearing like this?”
“That’s…”
Esadien lowered his head, as if assessing my reaction.
“As I mentioned last time, please keep it brief. It’s uncomfortable for just the two of us to meet like this after we broke up.”
“Broke up… I told you clearly that I won’t accept it, Minuelle.”
“I also told you I won’t forgive you, Your Highness.”
“…….”
The silence made me suspicious. Was he really vacillating like this?
“Don’t tell me you don’t remember….”
“I remember!”
“Oh, okay.”
If he remembers, why shout and cause a scene? Clearly not in his right mind…
“I’m telling you, I’m not crazy.”
I felt sheepish.
‘He’s quick on the uptake.’
No, he’s quick to pick up on cues, so why didn’t he understand my feelings…?
Ugh. Thinking about it only makes me more annoyed. I should just forget about it.
‘Inner peace, inner peace.’
As I secretly practiced Ramande’s breathing technique, Esadien spoke slowly.
“Last time… I apologize. Even if you misunderstood my mental state, I have no excuses.”
“….”
For someone of his royal status to speak like this, there must be some pride involved.
I hesitated, then met Esadien’s eyes. Unlike last time, his gaze was calm, resembling the serene sea I knew. Seeing that, I couldn’t help but acknowledge the validity of Esadien’s claim.
“I’m also sorry. I jumped to conclusions.”
Honestly apologizing seemed to bring a slight smile to Esadien’s face.
“I thought this happened because I was too hasty in hiding my emotions. So I tried to express them…”
“Ahh.”
Reflecting on Esadien’s fluctuating state of mind, it made some sense now. It was like repeatedly raising and lowering the volume while watching TV.
“It must have been difficult to control.”
But now, it seemed like he had grown accustomed to it. The bitter smile on his lips confirmed it.
“At times, I even wished I were crazy. Then I could live in the moments we spent together.”
It was an eloquent and unmatched statement. Though my expression turned cold, Esadien, who kept bowing his head lower, didn’t see it.
“I missed you so much that I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I asked Flendena’s Apostle for help.”
There’s a perfect song for situations like this.
‘Do it right when you have the chance. Don’t regret it.’
“I told you last time. There’s a time for everything.”
“I’ve thought a lot about that phrase.”
Esadien lifted his head. He seemed to want to come closer, but he hesitated, reminding himself of the promise. It was more pitiful than I had anticipated.
“Minuelle, aren’t we just caught up in a misunderstanding? If you point out my shortcomings and I fix it, would you consider…”
His throat seemed parched as he swallowed hard.
“Am I being too selfish?”
“Not at all. It’s understandable that you might feel that way.”
“In that case…”
Esadien’s eyes sparkled with hope.
Had this person always been this easy to read? I chuckled to myself this time, feeling somewhat relieved.
“What you expect, I understand, but I can’t comply. Above all, I don’t feel fluttery anymore when I see you, Your Highness.”
Rekindling a flame that has gone out is impossible, and my feelings for him have burned out completely.
“…”
“So I’d appreciate it if we could just sign the engagement annulment papers now. I’d rather not prolong this any further.”
As I moved to conclude the conversation, Essadien urgently called out to me.
“Minuelle.”
“Sigh... Your Highness, even if you say…”
“No, just wait a moment.”
“What?”
Esadien’s expression changed in an instant.
With that expression still on his face, he held a finger to his lips, as if trying to listen for something. I instinctively held my breath and leaned in to listen carefully.
💧
Thank you for reading!
