Lin Sitao’s heart was in turmoil. In an instant, it seemed like many things had found their answers, yet it also felt like everything was collapsing.
Old Wu called out to him again, “Go outside and be careful of yourself. “
Lin Sitao looked bewildered and lost.
There was a small, yellow, plastic-framed mirror hanging on the wall of his dormitory. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he could only see the top of his head. He was cute when he was a child, but when he entered puberty in middle school, he suddenly became awkward. He couldn’t say he was ugly, but no one praised him for being handsome either.
Old Wu reminded him to be careful. He should have thought like Old Wu that He Xian was a despicable person to do such a perverted thing. But he was bewitched. He couldn’t help but think about one thing – if, just if, He Xian liked him, what exactly did he like about him?
He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror – he had just come back from work at the construction site – his face covered in sweat and his neck stained with dirt that made it hard to tell if it was from sun exposure or just being dirty.
He sat down in frustration.
As for relationships between men, he had only seen funny effeminate men in movies or accidental lip-to-lip contact between two men that would inevitably cause laughter in the cinema.
None of these had ever caused even the slightest ripple or association in his mind. It was not as stimulating as Wu Jianghai’s remark, “He likes to play with men.”
If a man like He Xian liked men… then perhaps this matter wasn’t necessarily disgusting.
While no one was around, Lin Sitao took out the folder that He Xian had given him from under his pillow. He had already looked through the materials inside; but now, it seemed like he hadn’t absorbed anything.
That night, he called Xu Dan again, wanting to ask about what she had said the day before. He had his own thoughts to share but didn’t know who to talk to. However, Xu Dan didn’t answer his call.
The following days resumed their usual dull routine. He woke up early every day, went to work, dealt with cement and sand, and took breaks listening to his fellow workers chattering about trivial matters in their local dialects. He didn’t see He Xian again. When he lay down in bed, he would reach under his pillow and feel the smooth bump of the materials that He Xian had left for him. He felt guilty – they should be neatly arranged on a bookshelf or quietly opened on a desk. Not left there.
It rained heavily on Saturday, a rare day off at the construction site.
The workers gathered in the dormitory to play cards. They asked the youngest one, Lin Sitao, to go out and buy food. Lin Sitao only brought one umbrella and used a plastic bag to carry six boxed meals, hurriedly running back to the dormitory.
The sound of rain was thunderous, and rain lines were all around. Suddenly, Lin Sitao raised his umbrella and looked towards the bridge.
Someone was standing there with a checkered umbrella. It was He Xian.
He waved at Lin Sitao and made a gesture for him to come over.
Lin Sitao wished he could just drop the food and run over to He Xian. All he could do was shake the bag at He Xian. He waved again, and Lin Sitao had no choice but to run back to the dormitory, dropping the food under the window before sprinting off.
Old Chen called out to him, “Lin Tao! Aren’t you going to eat?”
Lin Sitao shouted back as he ran, “Not now!”
He was afraid that if he was even a second late, He Xian would have left.
He ran through two rows of long makeshift houses in one breath, heading towards the bridge, but He Xian was already gone.
Lin Sitao was dumbstruck. The bridge was empty as if the He Xian who had just waved to him was just his illusion.
He had run too fast and even turned his umbrella inside out. In the rain, he didn’t know where to go.
Suddenly, a black car drove up.
Lin Sitao stared at it as if hearing his call—
The driver’s window rolled down and He Xian’s handsome face appeared. “Get in the car,” he ordered crisply. He was driving today.
Lin Sitao didn’t hesitate and opened the passenger’s side and sat down.
He Xian fastened his seatbelt for him.
At this point, Lin Sitao realized that he had brought in a pool of water with him. He sat upright and didn’t dare to move too much. The car was spacious, comfortable, and pristine.
“Have you eaten yet?” asked He Xian.
Lin Sitao then remembered what Old Wu had warned him about.
“Where are we going?” He had no idea what would happen next.
He Xian only said, “Since you came here, have you ever been to any other places besides the construction site?”
Lin Sitao shook his head. “No.”
There was no time, nor money. His only entertainment was watching TV.
He Xian finally smiled. “Let’s go eat first.”
He took Lin Sitao to the university town area.
During lunch, the rain subsided a bit. He parked the car on the side of the road and led Lin Sitao to a small restaurant that seemed to be doing well. There were mostly students inside, many of whom were carrying backpacks. Lin Sitao finally relaxed a bit – his T-shirt was too old, already washed with small holes, and his shoes were dirty and unsightly. But blending in with the students didn’t make him too conspicuous.
They ordered several signature dishes. Afterward, He Xian went to the freezer and grabbed a box of ice cream for Lin Sitao.
Lin Sitao opened the packaging and scraped off the snow frosting on the lid with a spoon. He couldn’t help but ask, “How did you know I like this?”
He smiled and said, “Guessed it. Don’t all kids like ice cream?”
Lin Sitao blushed when he called him a kid and didn’t argue.
The meal was simple but delicious. After eating, He Xian drove him to a nearby bookstore.
Lin Sitao hadn’t picked up a book in a long time. But this time, he stood among the bookshelves, picking up one book to look at, flipping through another, feeling both nostalgic and pleased.
Despite the heavy rain, the bookstore was still bustling with people on the weekend. He Xian walked off to pick out a few books for himself. Lin Sitao held a novel in his hands, but couldn’t help but look up from behind the bookshelf at He Xian.
He Xian was tall with long legs and stood out in the crowd. He was dressed casually in a blue shirt with rolled-up sleeves, dark jeans, and brown leather shoes. His hair was neither too long nor too short and was thick and black.
Lin Sitao thought he was too handsome – he didn’t need to try hard to look good, unlike guys who spent a lot of effort dyeing their hair.
He was so good-looking that he couldn’t help but stare. Unexpectedly, He Xian turned his head and their eyes met. Lin Sitao quickly looked down at his book.
After a few minutes, He Xian walked over and asked him, “Have you found what you’re looking for?”
Lin Sitao asked him, “Are you really going to give it to me?”
Accepting a gift so suddenly made him feel uneasy.
He Xian said, “You can buy as many as you want. When it comes to books, taking them without permission is not stealing, and giving them as gifts is not improper.”
Lin Sitao was meticulous in his selection. He didn’t want He Xian to think he had no taste, nor did he want to appear pretentious by selecting books he couldn’t understand. After browsing through the shelves, he finally settled on an English dictionary he had always wanted, as well as two classic detective novels.
He also picked up two romance novels to give to Xu Dan. He explained to He Xian, “These are for a good friend of mine who likes this author.”
He Xian went ahead and grabbed the other books in the same series by the same author, completing the set.
He Xian then went to grab a bunch of study aids and reference books that high school students could use, filling up an entire box of books.
After making the purchase, He Xian had the bookstore package everything up and send it to Lin Sitao’s home via courier.
He Xian didn’t ask Lin Sitao about his decision on whether to continue studying or drop out to work. He seemed to have faith that Lin Sitao would return to school and continue preparing for the college entrance exam.
Lin Sitao felt embarrassed to tell him that he hadn’t made a decision yet.
“What if I don’t end up using these books?” he asked He Xian.
He Xian glanced at him and replied, “You will use them.”
On the way back, Lin Sitao became too comfortable in the car and dozed off.
He was half asleep when he felt the car come to a stop. He was about to open his eyes and ask if they had arrived, wanting to get off early and walk back to his dormitory so as not to be seen by anyone…
Then he heard He Xian say, “You don’t have to make this trip, I won’t see you.”
He Xian was on the phone with someone else.
“……What does it have to do with anyone else? This is between you and me,” he said in a calm tone, devoid of any emotion.
Lin Sitao didn’t know whether he should open his eyes at this moment. He could faintly hear the voice of a man on the phone, passionately questioning something.
Quietly listening to the man on the other end of the phone ranting, He Xian replied, “If you must think that way – fine, I admit it, I have fallen in love with someone else. You can give up now.”
After saying this, he hung up the phone.
Lin Sitao’s eyelids twitched and it seemed like his heart was about to jump out of his mouth. After a while, he heard He Xian let out a sigh.
─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───
Author’s note:
This time it’s genuinely pure love.
T/N:
I also need a He Xian who would buy me books!
