Chapter 7. Confrontation
“Please, don’t shake me up anymore, my lady.”
That night, after sharing that much, Ruth was soon swallowed by sleep. Though he seemed fine while talking, it appeared he had actually been quite drunk the whole time.
Because of that, without a clear conclusion to our conversation, I had no choice but to follow Ruth and lie down in bed. After all, there were tasks awaiting me the next day.
With countless unresolved questions, the dawn deepened, and as soon as I closed my eyelids, bright morning came.
It was a new day.
***
“Mm.”
I frowned involuntarily at the piercing bright light. It didn’t take long to realize that it was sunlight shining down on me from above.
Being gradually awakened by the sunlight that interrupted my sleep, I blinked a couple of times. Then, I slowly lifted my body, heavy as a soaked cotton.
Still not fully alert, I stared blankly at the bedroom wall when suddenly, a part of the conversation I had with Ruth last night came to mind.
“I think I became desperate in a different sense after realizing that.”
“A different sense?”
“Yes. At first, I just wanted to confirm with that child that I was innocent, but after that, I wanted to protect the child so they wouldn’t be eroded by reality anymore.”
“Ah…”
A small smile unconsciously formed on my lips at the voice that vividly echoed in my ears. Perhaps because of the unusually warm sunshine today, a corner of my heart felt drowsy as though it had been hit by spring rain.
I wonder if Ruth is awake. He didn’t seem like the type to sleep in.
Thinking whether he might be on the other side of the closed door or not, I began to ponder what kind of greeting I should start the day with, and what I should say about last night.
A small, but definite happiness rose from the tips of my toes.
I was sitting absent-mindedly, diving into endless imaginations.
“Miss, I have vowed to protect that child and swore to love only them. This means, I will not love anyone other than that child.”
“?”
“So, let’s stop here.”
The memory from last night that hadn’t yet faded suddenly brought a cold wind. It dragged the fading senses back into harsh reality, as if warning not to be caught in a vain dream.
Ah…
The moment my drifting heart firmly settled, I fully woke from sleep. At the same time, something that had been tickling my heart vanished in the blink of an eye.
I stretched, brushing through my disheveled hair, with the intention of moving my languid body slightly.
Then, I felt as if blood started circulating throughout my body. After feeling the air pressing on my shoulders lighten, I got out of bed.
“…I want to wash my face, but I wonder if the bathroom is free.”
Muttering to myself, I left the bedroom and saw the living room spread out with a shallow silence.
It was a sight where no trace of life could be felt, bringing a sense of unease. Where is Ruth? With a feeling of curiosity, I looked around. Just in case, I also checked his bedroom.
However, Ruth was nowhere to be found in the guest room since early in the morning.
“Hmm…”
I leaned slightly against his bedroom door, staring at the white bed that was perfectly tidy without a speck of dust.
Given that the bed he used was not at all disheveled, it seemed quite likely that Ruth had woken up early, tidied up the bedding, and then left. Where he went was unknown, though.
It would have been nice if he had said something before leaving. Well, I was probably asleep then, so it couldn’t be helped.
The slight regret that spontaneously arose was immediately justified by the circumstances that followed.
Just as I was about to move away from the door, thinking it was time to wash up, someone entered the room with a click.
“Milady?”
It was Ruth. I looked at him as he quickly approached me, my eyes slightly curving into a crescent shape.
“Your Highness, where have you been?”
“I went for my morning training. It’s a daily habit, and my body felt stiff for not doing it just for today. More importantly, how are you, Milady?”
“Me? Why?”
“Did you sleep well?”
“Ah, yes. I slept well.”
“That’s fortunate.”
His eyes softened at my response, as if he had let go of a worry. His gaze seemed like a handful of violets in full bloom on a warm spring day had been placed within them.
I secretly chewed on the inside of my cheek as I looked at his transparent purple irises. For some reason, Ruth’s expression felt strangely alien to me.
…Why doesn’t he talk at all about what happened last night? As if he has completely forgotten everything.
I quickly clutched my gown, scared by the speculation that suddenly occurred to me.
Even though he was drunk, Ruth, who had spilled his past yesterday, seemed to be much more sober than usual. Therefore, I was sure that he remembered everything he had done while being drunk.
But now, feeling anxious at the thought that my certainty might be wrong.
It would be a lie to say I didn’t hope things wouldn’t change after last night. It’s not like I’m an idiot not to understand what it meant for him to reveal the deepest wounds to me, “Serbia.”
Why hasn’t anything…
“Why do you say that?”
“Huh?”
Just when I was getting sucked deeper into my thoughts filled with indiscernible sorrow, Ruth suddenly broke the silence.
Trying my best to hide my surprise, I asked him to clarify, only for him to gesture with his eyes to the hand that I had on his wrist.
Huh?
A quick glance at where Ruth’s gaze pointed involuntarily widened my eyes. I hadn’t even realized that I had been holding onto him all this time.
Seeing my reaction, which didn’t even attempt to hide my embarrassment, Ruth asked in a bewildered tone.
“Were you holding onto me because you had something to say?”
“Oh, that.”
I was about to honestly tell him that I had grabbed him unconsciously but hesitated. The temptation that I might not be able to bring up last night’s conversation if not now silenced my lips that were about to spill the truth.
After all, if Ruth wasn’t going to bring up last night, then it was up to me to do so. There was no need to be overly anxious.
Gradually, the conclusion reached made the intangible pressure that had been constricting my chest weaken. Probably, it was thanks to the worries that had been tormenting my stomach disappearing like snow melting away.
“I wanted to ask you something.”
“Hmm? What is it?”
As I continued my words as naturally as possible, Ruth tilted his chin without much suspicion.
“About what you mentioned yesterday…”
“Yesterday?”
“?”
As soon as I carefully started to broach the subject, a question steeped in skepticism came back. It was as if he didn’t know what the word ‘yesterday’ meant at all.
Then, I had to admit, even though I didn’t want to, that he had completely forgotten about last night.
“No, it’s nothing.”
“…….”
As I deliberately trailed off, Ruth narrowed his eyebrows. It seemed he noticed that I was hiding something from him.
But soon enough, as if showing he had no intention to dig deeper, he sighed and stepped back.
“If that’s what you say, then it must be. We have to leave soon, so go get ready.”
“We’re going to the slave auction today, right?”
“Correct. So I hope you wear something less conspicuous. And make sure to bring a robe to cover your face.”
“Of course.”
When I replied playfully on purpose, a deep smile came upon Ruth’s lips.
After a moment of smiling, Ruth let out a thin sigh and then spoke.
“And about last night.”
“Yes?”
“I don’t remember well, but if I made a mistake to Young lady.”
Is he asking me to forget?
I couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh at the sight of his face, which seemed somber for some unknown reason. I felt pathetic for having made a fuss without realizing that Ruth had completely forgotten what happened last night.
And to salvage what was left of my crumbling pride, I cut him off before he could finish his sentence.
“Should I forget it?”
“No.”
“……?”
“Please remember it.”
“!”
I held my breath for a few seconds at his request, which was the opposite of what I had expected. I learned on this occasion that people can stop breathing when they’re too surprised.
As time flowed like an endless night and my senses became as blurry as if they belonged to someone else,
“Because that might have been my true feelings. Not embellished at all.”
A loud pounding as if from a drum suddenly erupted from my chest.
A sound all the more burdensome and clear, for it was not unfamiliar.
“Yes, yes. I’ll do that. So, I’ll go and get ready now, Your Majesty should also get ready, no, take your time.”
So, I ran away. Unable to bear that huge ringing, I just ran away.
Some may call me cowardly, but this was the best I could do. It was the best choice that the twelve-year-old Selena and the unchanging twenty-three-year-old Selena could make.
And so, I missed out again this time.
“……”
I wonder what kind of face Ruth is making right now, watching me run away.
***
Dressed in something light yet formal, I saw Ruth already returning the room key to the manager.
“Your… Ruth.”
I accidentally started to call him “Your Highness” but quickly changed the address, conscious of the eyes on us, and Ruth’s lips formed a beautiful curve.
“Have you come out, madam?”
“Sorry, I’m a bit late.”
“Not at all. You came out just in time.”
I struggled with choosing an outfit with a ribbon tied at the back. Normally, it would have taken me 10 minutes, but today it took over 30 minutes.
Ruth responded to my apology with a hearty laugh and stretched out one arm to me, as if to take it.
“Let’s go if you’re ready.”
To participate in the slave auction being held at the Lorante Opera House. He did not specifically add that, but it seemed like it was the implied destination.
