Unexpectedly, I Became the Emperor’s Fiancé

“To become a jester like them.”

I repeated the phrase Countess Sirael had written and sighed briefly.

After all, everyone was a jester just the same. Therefore, I only needed to decide what kind of jester to become. There was no need to desperately try to escape the role of a jester; I could perfectly blend in with them.

Wearing a flawless mask like them, hiding my shadow-stained sincerity.

“Ha ha.”

It was hollow.

I appeared so foolish to myself for not seeing such an easy answer right before my eyes. At the same time, the reality that I had to wear another mask felt bitterly ironic.

Countess Sirael, who looked at me with pity as I laughed without any joy, said,

“I told you earlier. The blank space between those two circles is for you to fill in the future.”

“Yes.”

“Now, what you fill in there will depend on what choices you make, that is, what kind of jester you become, just like all the empresses before you.”

“……”

Just like all the empresses before me. Does that mean all the empresses went through the same process as I am?

I was inwardly surprised.

I thought the reason I’ve been pondering so much was because I was inexperienced in social circles. But to find out that all empresses went through this, it somehow felt both surprising and reassuring. In other words, it wasn’t because I was lacking that I fell into this panic.

What a relief.

As I was secretly sighing in relief and muttering to myself, Countess Sirael continued in a soft tone, “Looking at the deeds of the former empresses, hypocrisy, sacrifice, kindness, malice, frailty, and so on. The words that can fill that void are countless. And this means,”

She paused for a beat and looked directly at me, her lips stretching long for emphasis.

“That there are many choices available to you, my lady.”

“…!”

Only then did I realize what Countess Sirael was trying to say, and my eyes widened in surprise.

The situation flowing as if it’s pre-determined by someone else’s plot was also due to my choice.

Therefore, I wasn’t a pawn that couldn’t move forward or backward. Rather, I was a queen who steered the situation through numerous choices given to me.

Though, a fake queen armed with lies.

“Classify carefully the people you will keep by your side and those you will cast away, my lady. Precisely, whom you will condone their intentions.”

My prolonged contemplation ended the moment Countess Sirael’s voice reached me.

But the precious enlightenment remained intact in my mind.

“……I’ll keep that in mind, ma’am.”

I nodded slightly and answered in a firm tone.

Like a lie, the chaos that had been recurring eventually ceased.

***

As the lesson with Countess Sirael ended, it was already early evening.

I instructed Isabella to bring me the letter from Helen that I hadn’t read last time, on my way back to my bedroom after having an earlier dinner than usual.

Upon receiving my instruction, Isabella soon disappeared somewhere and returned with a red letter.

It was Helen’s letter.

“Please leave now; I want to rest alone.”

“Yes, please pull the bell rope when you need me.”

“Got it.”

As I gestured for her to leave after taking Helen’s letter from her, she left those words behind and turned to exit the bedroom.

I watched the bedroom door shut firmly and then slowly opened the sealed letter.

The scent of roses grew stronger as I took the letter out of the envelope.

“Sigh…”

Before reading the letter, I took a long breath and composed myself. And finally, I started reading the letter.

Contrary to my anticipation, the letter was not filled with significant contents. It began with talk about the weather warming up and ended with expressions of looking forward to meeting at an upcoming ball soon.

After scanning the contents of the letter a few more times, I let out a hollow laugh.

The letter was filled only with topics suitable for exchange between close friends. There was no sign of anything suspicious.

That made it all the more puzzling.

The only thing Helen could gain from becoming close to me was connections. But even now, Helen’s network was impeccable.

If what Helen wanted from me wasn’t connections, then what on earth could it be?

I pondered the unresolved question, thinking over it again and again. Eventually, I reached a certain speculation.

What if what she wanted to gain wasn’t through me, but through Ruth?

“My goodness.”

A low exclamation escaped.

If we assume that she approached me because she wanted something that she could obtain through Ruth, then everything made sense.

Then, what does she want to gain through Ruth? Wealth and honor? Or, if not that, the position of empress?

“……”

My stomach churned with the naturally ensuing thoughts. I tried to soothe the nauseous feeling by lightly punching my chest, but it didn’t help much.

For now, let’s exclude that possibility as much as possible.

Helen didn’t see me as a rival, after all.

Being swayed by premature suspicion was poison. Therefore, I did not want to be consumed by even the slightest doubt.

I put down the letter and lay down on the bed. I had been here long enough that the smell of the blanket felt familiar.

Helen. Ruth. Purpose. Jester.

Among the words aimlessly wandering through my mind, there were moments of disconnection and connection.

Instead of dwelling on those words, I reminisced about the events of the day.

Today, I met Ian, had a lesson with Countess Shirael, and finally read Helen’s letter. Perhaps because I had done three things in a row in just one day, today seemed especially long.

“I miss Ruth.”

While reflecting on the day, Ruth suddenly came to mind. Funnily enough, it seemed like seeing his brilliant platinum hair and deep eyes would relieve my fatigue.

If it were when I was younger, I would have immediately prepared to go to Ruth as soon as this thought came to mind.

But now, I couldn’t do that. It was impossible.

“Ruth, I miss you.”

Because the distance between him and me was too great.

The boy who used to stand within arm’s reach, had now become a man unreachable even if I took ten steps toward him.

“…I’m tired.”

Eventually, I closed my eyes.

The day was too long.

***

A few days later, the day of the ball finally dawned.

I began to prepare for the ball with a mixture of excitement and complex feelings, a nauseating mix tangled together.

From bathing in warm water to getting my hair done, the preparations continued without a break. In between, I managed to eat about half a plate of salad.

“This is something I’ll never do again.”

As soon as the maids who had finished applying my makeup left, I murmured weakly.

Perhaps because I had been busily moving since early morning, I was already tired even before attending the ball.

As I massaged my sore shoulders and glanced at the mirror, my face, brighter than usual, caught my eye.

The light makeup over my skin, spread with fine pearl powder, harmonized beautifully, and my curly hazelnut-colored hair was neatly arranged and glossy.

Pretty.

I briefly looked at myself and left a short critique.
It was a dry appreciation, but above all, it was sincere. My properly adorned appearance for the first time in a while would have had Isabella, if she were by my side on her day off, praising me for an hour straight.

It was just that I was not particularly moved because it was a familiar face.

Eventually, I took my eyes off the mirror and looked at the clock. There wasn’t much time left until the ball started at 6.

Soon Ruth will come to pick me up. Originally, partners are supposed to enter together.

I waited thinking that. Hoping for Ruth to come find me.

How much time had passed?

Knock knock.

There was a knock from the door.

At that, I cleared my throat with a dry cough and opened my mouth.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Wilson, my lady.”

“Ah.”

A faint feeling of disappointment rose at the deep voice coming from outside the door.

“Come in.”

Trying not to show my disappointment, my voice came out more firm than I intended.

Once I gave permission, Wilson entered the bedroom with cautious gestures. Then he placed his hand near his chest and slightly bowed.

I watched him for a moment before breaking the silence.

“So, what is it?”

“His Majesty has sent me to inform you that due to urgent matters that have arisen, he will not be able to escort you, my lady.”

“……”

I chewed on my bottom lip helplessly as I couldn’t find words to respond to the story Wilson had conveyed.

There’s no way Ruth wouldn’t know the treatment one would receive entering alone. Yet, telling me to go to the ballroom by myself meant that it didn’t matter to her how I would be treated by others.

…No, there must be something more important at hand. Ruth, too, is busy with her own struggles.

Suppressing the rising sadness, I tried to rationally understand her decision. And with a painstakingly composed expression, I responded to Wilson,

“Okay. I understand.”

“Yes. Then I will take my leave now.”

As if that was all he came for, he left immediately after hearing my answer.

“…….”

Watching Wilson’s back disappear behind the door, I checked the time once more.
6:01. I hadn’t even realized it was past 6 o’clock while waiting for Ruth.

Realizing the dance had already started, I hurriedly rose from my seat.

“I need to hurry.”

It would be the worst if I was already going in alone and also ended up being late. So, clutching my dress in both hands, I rushed forward with urgent steps.

*Sigh, Haah.*

Walking in hurried steps, I arrived in front of the banquet hall and, catching my breath, I sneaked a glance at the wall clock positioned at the front of the hall.

6:05. Fortunately, I wasn’t terribly late.

After quickly reviewing my attire one last time, I gestured to the knight standing in front of the banquet hall’s door. Recognizing my signal, the knight loudly announced,

“Presenting the young lady of the Serbian Obelton Duchy!”