“Harvest family, you mean?”
“Yes.”
“……”
As I briefly answered, Ian fell into a thoughtful silence with a strained expression on his face. Seeing his slightly furrowed brow, it seemed like he was caught up in some uneasy thoughts.
Is it a bad story?
I was wrapped in a slight nervousness as I looked at Ian’s lips, firmly closed and showing no sign of opening.
The fact that his mouth, which had easily opened until now, was sealed meant one of two things. Either it was information that was better off not knowing, or it was information I shouldn’t know.
…I hoped it wasn’t the latter.
As I was internally uttering my worries, Ian slowly said,
“There is, but I don’t know the exact details.”
“So, there is one?”
“Yes. I’ve heard it’s a bastard child that Count Harvest fathered outside.”
A bastard child.
I pondered over Ian’s answer, tapping my lips lightly with my index finger.
Even if it was a family’s disgrace like a bastard child, as long as they were related by blood to the head of the family, their name should have been listed in the family tree.
However, in the Harvest family’s genealogy, that name was not only missing, but the space was also left blank. As if someone deliberately erased it.
After pondering for a while longer, I was unable to come to a conclusion and ended up looking back at Ian.
“Ian, if it’s alright with you, could you also look into the Harvest family’s hidden bastard child?”
“…If it helps with the task you’re undertaking, then, alright.”
Ian’s expression, delayed by a beat, had oddly hardened compared to before.
I was somewhat concerned about it but decided not to show it. After all, if he was determined to hide his true feelings, I would never be able to find out.
I quickly shelved my unnecessary concern for Ian and smiled softly, filling it with my overflowing gratitude.
“Thank you.”
“There’s no need to thank me. I’m doing this because I want to.”
“Even so, thank you.”
As I emphasized my thanks again, Ian found his kind smile once more, like the spring sun, and chuckled lightly.
“I should be the one thanking you.”
“Why?”
“For writing to me.”
“….”
Surprised by the unexpected reason, I was left speechless. I felt guilty for not having sent him a single letter, blaming it on my busyness.
Come to think of it, Ian and Mother must have been really worried about me. I should have written a letter when I had the time, just to let them know I was doing well.
Regret washed over me like a high tide, but it was a futile regret for what was already past.
“I’ll write letters more often from now on.”
As I spoke with resolve, the joy in his eyes, twinkling like those of an uncontrollably happy puppy, overshadowed his expression.
“You promise.”
“Yes.”
I blinked in acknowledgment and smiled back at him, and soon Ian’s ears blushed the color of rose petals.
His look was so similar to when we were young that I momentarily fell into the illusion that we had returned to those times. With a playful face, I grabbed Ian’s hand, and he, though bashful, did not shake off my hand – a return to those times, which, though scarce in good memories, felt precious.
Looking down at Ian’s now significantly larger hand, I aimlessly clenched and unclenched my own hand.
“……”
I clenched and unclenched it once more.
***
Ever since then, as Ian and I chatted away, before I knew it, the sky had turned a pale blue in the afternoon. I had arranged to have a lesson with Lady Sirael, the countess, in the afternoon, so, regretfully promising Ian to meet again next time, I went to the other living room where Lady Sirael was waiting.
“Lady Sirael.”
“Oh, my lady.”
As I entered the living room and called out to her, Lady Sirael, who had been admiring a painting on the wall, turned her gaze towards me.
I caught a glimpse of the painting she had been looking at while staring into her obsidian-like shiny eyes.
The painting, named “The Lover and the Lady,” depicted a scene where a woman looked at a couple embracing each other.
Oddly, the woman being embraced by the man and the one looking at them looked similar.
Were they twins? Or was she a look-alike of a former lover?
While I was unintentionally examining the painting, Lady Sirael’s calm voice reached me.
“It’s a beautiful painting, isn’t it?”
“Huh? Oh…”
Only then did I snap out of it, awkwardly lifting the corners of my mouth after taking my eyes off the painting.
I was embarrassed for getting distracted by the painting when I had come to the living room to have a lesson with Lady Sirael.
“I’m sorry. The painting was so fascinating that I just… got a little carried away.”
“There’s no need for you to apologize. I was enjoying the painting myself until you arrived, my lady.”
Countess Sirael smiled warmly, as if understanding my feelings.
“It’s a curious painting, isn’t it? At first glance, it depicts a woman looking at her lover, but upon closer inspection, you see that the woman is actually looking at another woman, not a lover.”
“But the title of the painting is ‘The Lover and the Woman.'”
“That’s why it’s intriguing. The title is ‘The Lover and the Woman,’ but the content suggests otherwise.”
Is that so?
As I listened to her story, I looked at the painting. Contrary to Countess Sirael’s words, to me, it simply looked like the woman was gazing at her lover.
Perhaps the painting appears differently from other viewpoints.
Prompted by a sudden curiosity, I moved a few steps to the side, but the perspective seemed unchanged. The woman was still looking at her lover.
Eventually, I gave up trying to see the painting differently and sat down opposite Countess Sirael.
“So, what’s today’s lesson?”
“Ah, right”, today…
As I asked, Countess Sirael paused and gently pulled a bell rope attached to the wall.
Shortly after, a maid came with a sheet of paper and a fountain pen. It seemed she had been instructed to prepare these in advance, judging by how promptly she brought them over.
Lady Sirael, written in the center of the paper received from the maid, continued her words with “social circle.”
“Just in a few days, a grand ball will be held, so as I mentioned before, we will have a lesson on the correct mindset you should have,” she said.
“The correct mindset I should have?”
“Yes. Starting from the correct mindset will make it easier to learn the court manners that you will be taught later.”
She nodded gently and drew two circles of different sizes under “social circle,” partially overlapping them.
On one circle, she wrote “Purpose,” and on the other, “Position.” The overlapping part was left blank.
Looking down at what Lady Sirael had drawn, I asked with a voice full of curiosity, “What is this?”
“This is a rough sketch of what I’m about to discuss.”
“Then why is this area empty?”
Throughout Lady Sirael’s explanation, the blank space between the two circles bothered me.
According to her explanation, the somewhat alien-feeling space should be filled with today’s lesson.
So, as soon as she finished speaking, I pointed at the blank space and asked another question.
Lady Sirael checked where my fingertip pointed and shrugged her shoulders lightly.
“That place is for the lady to fill.”
Then, after putting down the fountain pen she was holding, she calmly laid out undeniable facts.
“It may sound harsh, but since you are His Majesty’s fiancee, there are hardly any who would approach you purely wanting to be friends.”
“……”
“Most likely, everyone has their own reasons for approaching.”
What those reasons may be would vary greatly from person to person.
She added that, gesturing towards the words “purpose” and “position” with her eyes.
I wanted to respond to Countess Sirael, who made me realize my situation, but I couldn’t.
I thought of Helen, who wanted to befriend me with a face that had calculated the gains and losses.
Once again, Countess Sirael was right. People approached me with different purposes, wearing the label of the emperor’s fiancee, without caring for my real name, ‘Serbia’.
At first, I thought it would be easier for me to navigate as people behaved this way. I was happy that they reached out to me first.
But as time went on, I became lost on how to deal with calculating people. My self-confidence significantly dropped.
Eventually, I found myself stuck in a situation that was neither here nor there, like a pawn that could neither move forward nor back.
Whether she glimpsed the turmoil in my heart, a warm light flickered in Countess Sirael’s eyes.
“But as you are human, Lady, it’s impossible to fully understand others just by appearances. Sometimes, you might feel like you’re dealing with a jester who hides their true intentions behind a smile.”
A jester hiding their sincerity behind laughter, she said.
I mulled over Countess Sirael’s words and stifled the laughter trying to escape.
Like in the previous lesson, her choice of words was rather bold for a noblewoman.
Yet, it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. In fact, this felt more genuine than any pretense.
Moreover, her comparison to jesters wasn’t incorrect. The only difference between nobles and jesters was whether they brought joy to people or not.
Feeling a secret agreement with Countess Sirael’s comparison of nobles to jesters, I cautiously asked,
“…So, what should one do in such situations?”
What do you do when you feel like the biggest jester of them all?
“Hmm.”
Understanding what I was trying to ask instantly, Countess Sirael quickly scribbled something on a piece of paper before sliding it towards me.
I looked down to see what she had written.
“When that happens, you just need to become a jester like them, my lady.”
“……”
There, written in small letters, was [jester].
(TL/N: Jester means a person who habitually plays the fool. Here she means to act like a fool of not knowing anything)
