I slowly walked through the imperial palace’s back garden while wearing the coat Isabella brought me. It must be because spring is near; the white snow that covered the garden had disappeared without a trace.
“Sigh.”
Still, when I exhaled, the pale steam filled my vision as before.
I’ve heard that the palace’s back garden is most beautiful in spring when the flowers bloom.
Looking up at the trees, which only had bare branches for now, I tried to guess when they might bloom.
Perhaps they will be in full bloom by the time the hunting contest is held. Fortunately, it coincides with the end of my contract period with Ruth, so I should be able to see it before I go.
I unconsciously thought this and then let out a small sigh.
My relationship with Ruth was bound by a contract, and I had to leave his side once the 150 days were up.
Then what should I do afterwards? Should I go to Ruth in my true form?
But, being a member of a family that once was engaged and then broken off from the emperor and just a plain Selena Obelton, it would not be easy to face the emperor personally. Moreover, if Ruth asks why I lied all this time, I cannot answer. I should not answer.
“…..”
My lips were tightly sealed.
I had no idea that the plan I initiated would backfire and trap me, leaving me feeling completely blindsided.
Let’s not be discouraged and think a bit more. If we ponder with some leisure, the answer will surely come.
I forced down my panic and started moving my feet again.
But not long after, my steps halted once more.
“Hey, have you heard that rumor?”
“Of course. Geez, to think I believed that ridiculous rumor that the princess was His Majesty’s first love.”
…What?
I frowned as I listened to the meaningful conversation of two maids walking towards me.
I had intended to pass them quickly, as I had resolved not to eavesdrop like before, but once my name was mentioned, I couldn’t just walk away.
The maids, seemingly oblivious to my presence, continued their conversation.
“Anyway, it’s one thing about His Majesty, but the princess too. If she wasn’t His Majesty’s first love, she could’ve just denied the rumor as soon as she heard it, instead of keeping her mouth shut so suspiciously.”
“True. That makes sense. But even worse is His Majesty, who proposed to her first and then hesitated.”
“Who cares. Ugh, I’m done paying attention to the affairs of these noblemen. The rich only get richer.”
Standing there, listening to the maids’ conversation, I remembered what Elleana and Countess Winter had said by chance.
“Indeed. With such rumors going around, the lady must be feeling uneasy.”
“A few days ago, I heard another rumor. About His Majesty and the noble lady’s relationship…”
Ah, could that ‘rumor’ they were talking about be this?
Now, everything clicked into place, frustratingly so.
I rubbed my arms as I felt my blood turn ice-cold. The surface of my skin was warm, but the cold sensation inside gave me chills.
As my mind began to blank, and I found myself chewing my lower lip, the sound of the maids’ voices got closer. Glancing over, the maids had already reached right in front of me.
Watching them approach, I slowly regained my senses. Then, my current situation became crystal clear.
If I were to encounter the maids like this, discord was unavoidable. And if discord with the maids arose, it would only worsen the already circulating bad rumors about me.
But that wasn’t all.
If the maids were openly talking about this in the imperial palace, it would certainly have reached Emperor Ruth’s ears.
But the fact that Ruth took no action could be seen as one of two things. Either he did not feel the need to address such a rumor that he considered as inconsequential as a passing breeze, regardless of its impact on mine or his reputation. Or, his position was so precarious that he couldn’t even deal with such a minor rumor.
As unjust as it felt, there was nothing I could do at the moment but to endure and look forward to the next opportunity.
I gripped my dress tightly and moved my feet that refused to move. I wanted to escape this suffocating situation, but my steps were frustratingly slow.
After what felt like an eternity, I finally walked out of the garden.
“Sigh.”
A wave of relief washed over me as I arrived at the main gate of the palace.
As I caught my breath, hands on my chest, a sudden question crossed my mind. Was my choice the right one?
The answer came surprisingly quickly. It might not have been the right choice, but it was the best one.
Then, did I truly overlook the rumors swelling in their own accord just to avoid making the situation worse?
This time, the answer did not come easily. It might have been the best decision at that moment, but it was the best decision for myself.
“…I ran away again, didn’t I, Selena. I cowardly did, afraid of getting hurt.”
I murmured softly to myself, let out a hollow laugh, and swept my hair back over my shoulders.
If it had been my sister standing here instead of me, she might have made a different choice.
She is assertive, so instead of running away, she would have chosen to scold the maids. And then, she would have definitely made an effort to quell the rumors from all directions.
That’s what she would have done, if it were her.
Therefore, I can’t even reach the tips of my sister’s feet, let alone her shadow. Because I am still Selena, who longs for the outside world from within her small one, yet fears it.
The version of myself that I’ve confronted properly turned out to be more pitiful, weaker, and more insignificant than I thought.
…And that was deeply saddening.
“……”
The endlessly continuing thoughts were soon put to an end by a cold that felt like it was biting my hands.
I looked down at my fingertips, now ghostly pale. Judging by the warmth that had lingered in my hands vanishing, it seemed quite some time had passed.
After clenching and unclenching my fists several times to regain the lost sensation, I suppressed the emotions that were disturbing my mind.
The strange feeling that started since seeing Ruth collapse eventually brought me face to face with myself. As if to say I should see my true form and wake up from a dream.
“Ugh.”
In that moment, a dull headache came, perhaps because of the cold wind I had been exposed to for too long.
I pressed my throbbing head with the back of my hand and headed towards the building. Between the clacking sounds of heels, a sharp cracking noise of breaking glass came from somewhere. Probably, that glass shattered into pieces.
Chapter 4. The Contradiction of Both Sides
The mild headache that visited me that day came with a slight cold.
Because of that, I unexpectedly ended up being bedridden for a few days.
Although I was a bit disappointed that my lesson with Countess Sirael had to be postponed, taking a proper rest for the first time in a while didn’t feel too bad either.
After resting for a few days and finally shaking off the illness, Wilson came to me with a message from Ruth, asking to have dinner together.
And now, I stand in front of the restaurant door, trying to calm my trembling heart.
It’s probably nothing. I muttered to myself, trying hard to keep my drooping lips up. It was my first time having a meal with Ruth even though more than a month had passed since I entered the palace.
So, while it felt good, I was also incredibly nervous.
“Aren’t you going in?”
Isabella, who was quietly observing me from behind, tilted her head and asked. Now having organized my thoughts, I opened my mouth with a determined expression.
“I was just about to go in.”
And when I gestured to the attendant standing by the restaurant door, he quickly caught on to my meaning and promptly opened the door.
As soon as the door was opened, the rich aroma of various dishes stimulated my sense of smell.
I took a deep breath before entering the restaurant.
“You’re here.”
Ruth, who was already seated at the table when I arrived, greeted me in a flat tone.
Considering that the dishware in front of him was still clean despite the food being served, it seemed he had indeed been waiting for me.
A smile naturally came to my face at the small act of thoughtfulness.
“It’s an honor to join you for the meal, Your Majesty.”
“There’s no need for such formalities.”
I shrugged off the compliment as if it was nothing and sat down opposite Ruth.
Seeing me seated, Ruth gestured to the attendant standing nearby to come closer, then glanced my way as he started to say something.
“How about a glass of wine?”
“I’m fine, thank you. I’m not much of a drinker.”
“Oh? Is that so, then.”
Unlike before, he did not insist further and easily backed off.
Ruth instructed the servant to bring water for me and then looked at me.
“I wasn’t sure what you like, so I had everything prepared just in case. I hope you find it to your liking.”
“What?”
“The food.”
“Ah.”
I scanned the table filled with food following Ruth’s explanation and smiled.
“Everything looks delicious. Thank you for your consideration.”
“Well, that’s good to hear. Go ahead and dig in.”
With that, the dining room filled with the sound of clinking cutlery.
I was just nibbling on the appetizer bread and about to bite into a nicely grilled salmon steak when Ruth casually hastened the conversation.
“I heard you’ve been ill. Are you feeling better now?”
“Yes, thanks to His Majesty’s concern, I’ve completely recovered.”
“Such eloquent words.”
“It’s true.”
It was not a lie, but heartfelt.
Thanks to the medicine prepared by the royal physicians that Ruth sent, I had recovered relatively quickly from my cold.
He grinned at me as I said this and rubbed the back of his neck.
“That day’s incident… It was my fault. No matter how out of my mind I was, I shouldn’t have taken it out on someone who didn’t deserve it.”
“!”
I was quite surprised by the guilt-ridden look in Ruth’s eyes.
Honestly, I hadn’t anticipated receiving an apology from him. After all, he was in a mentally and physically weakened state at that time.
Yet, seeing Ruth apologize so readily, I couldn’t help but feel secretly pleased, to the point where it tickled my stomach.
“I understand if you don’t want to accept my apology…”
“I’ll accept it.”
“What?”
“I said, I’ll accept your apology.”
