“Ah…”
As I let out a low breath, the tears that had formed around my eyes streamed down my cheeks. I tried to lift my hand to hurriedly wipe away the tears, but Ruth opened his mouth again.
“Don’t cry alone, Serbia.”
His voice was hoarse and pitiful, as if longing for an unreachable illusion.
“It feels like if you keep crying like that, you’ll suddenly disappear somewhere.”
“…”
When I slightly raised my gaze, I saw Ruth in a disheveled state. His parched lips opened and closed repeatedly, and beneath his furrowed brows, his violet eyes shimmered with a desperate light.
Slowly examining his face, my expression contorted in response.
…Ruth, you haven’t forgotten.
“So please…”
The moment Ruth, who had been carefully pulling me towards him, stopped speaking was right then. Ruth, maintaining a gap of about a hand’s length away, eventually tightened his lips. His eyes, which had been cloudy just moments before, had now cleared.
“…What are you, exactly.”
After a moment to assess the situation, he growled softly.
As if asking when he had cried, a cold shadow loomed over Ruth’s face. The grip on my wrist tightened even more.
“Ugh.”
Despite my attempt to pull away from the pain that felt like my wrist would twist, it was futile.
As I grimaced from the pain in my wrist, Ruth sharply rebuked me with a tone mixed with sharpness and tears.
“Who are you to confuse people?”
“……”
Then, he quickly shifted to a self-deprecating tone.
Watching him like that, I was engulfed in indescribable emotions. It was a mix of sympathy and empathy, with emotions in between.
Ruth, sensing my silent gaze on him, fiercely retorted.
“Don’t look at me like that. It makes me sick to myself, wanting to die.”
“……”
Even though I didn’t respond, his mockery intensified.
“Want to know something funny, darling? I actually see other people through you. Even now, and I’ve been doing that all along.”
It was clear that he brought up this story intentionally. For some reason, he wanted to shock me.
But contrary to his intention, I wasn’t really shocked. I had known it anyway for a long time. Besides, that “other person” was another me, too.
Rather than being surprised, Ruth continued to speak without any change in his expression, with an unfathomable confidence.
“How is it? Isn’t it creepy?”
“……”
“Well, I thought so, but it wouldn’t be unlike you to feel the same. So, do you want to run away now?”
The question seemed to offer me a choice, but for some reason, it sounded more like a plea for me to disappear from his sight. Therefore, I had to ponder for a long time about how to answer that question.
What could be the reason for Ruth revealing the hidden truth now? Could this also be the reason he’s been pushing himself too hard? Then, what should I do? Should I say I understand, for Ruth’s sake?
Amidst the pouring doubts, an old memory surfaced.
“Do you think I wouldn’t do that? How can you be so sure? What if I really am worse than a beast, a disgrace as they say, and burnt mother’s keepsake with malice? Would you still say the same to me now?”
What had I said back then?
“……That’s impossible.”
Immediately following, the chaotic thoughts in my memory cleared up.
I understand what I should respond to you.
I chewed over the ringing young voice in my ear as I steadily faced those wavering eyes.
“Why me?”
“What?”
My response seemed unexpected to Ruth, his pupils flickering, even though it might appear to be a natural answer.
I slowly smiled and pulled my wrist out of the loosening grasp of his hand.
Anyway, I have to live as my sister until Ian and mother can cover up my sister’s absence.
Moreover, now that I’ve already committed lese-majesty, I had to do so even more.
But more than anything, I didn’t want to leave Ruth in such a shattered state. Although I hadn’t realized until now how hard it had been for Ruth, I wanted things to change from now on. I wanted to be a source of strength.
“Whether Your Majesty sees another woman through me, or treats me like a sack of barley, it doesn’t matter. I’ve made a contract with you, and I plan not to give up until that contract successfully ends.”
“…”
“Besides, we agreed not to have personal feelings for each other, didn’t we? So, cheer up, Your Majesty.”
At my playful scolding, Ruth wore a blank expression. Then, he washed his face with his hands, as if lost in thought.
Seeing the look of confusion in his eyes, it seemed that he needed more time.
I gently wiped my wet cheeks and around my eyes with the handkerchief Lilia had given me, then squinted my eyes into a crescent shape.
“It seems you are not in your best state today, so I’ll visit you again later. I sincerely hope you recover swiftly.”
Ruth was immersed in thought until I finished my farewell, looking as if he had just woken up from a nightmare.
I stared at him for a moment, then carefully turned around. I quietly left the bedroom without making a sound.
Throughout this, Ruth didn’t hold me back.
“…….”
“…….”
Or perhaps he couldn’t.
***
When I came out of Ruth’s bedroom, I saw Lilia and Isabella waiting for me in front of the door.
They were pacing the hallway with anxious expressions, but brightened up and approached me as soon as I came out.
“Lady!”
“Lady. You’ve come out.”
Seeing them visibly relieved, I couldn’t help but smile. It was clear to me what Lilia and Isabella had been worrying about.
“Did I take too long?”
“No. It was only an hour.”
“Then why such a fuss?”
“That… Well.”
Even though I knew the answer, I playfully asked Isabella, pretending not to know. She glanced at Lilia for permission.
When Lilia gestured that it was okay to speak, Isabella’s face lit up as she explained.
“There seemed to have been a loud noise from His Majesty’s bedroom. So, we were worried if the Lady was alright.”
“Ah, I see. Fortunately, there was nothing to worry about.”
I spoke in a monotone and after a moment of hesitation, I added quietly,
“And there likely won’t be in the future either. So, you don’t need to worry like this next time.”
I will try to change for the better from now on. Therefore, there should be no reason for Lilia and Isabella to worry like they did today.
As I was about to step forward with that resolution, I suddenly remembered Lilia’s handkerchief that I had with me.
“Right. Assistant.”
“You can just call me Lilia comfortably.”
“Then… Thank you for lending me your handkerchief, Lilia. As you can see, it’s too wet to return as is, so if it’s okay with Lilia, I’ll buy you a new one later.”
I took out the wet handkerchief, showing it and smiling awkwardly. Then Lilia smiled with her eyes and shrugged her shoulders.
“It’s okay with me. I’m happy enough knowing you made good use of my handkerchief.”
“Still…”
“If it still bothers you, could you gift me a handkerchief at the hunting contest happening four months from now?”
“At the hunting contest?”
“Yes. At the hunting contest.”
Come to think of it, the hunting contest is indeed four months away.
Hearing Lilia’s words made me realize that the hunting contest wasn’t far off.
The hunting contest is held every spring when animals awaken from hibernation and begin to be active.
Here, the person who catches the most prey is called ‘Leopard’, receiving high honor.
But the reason the hunting contest attracted much attention was not just that. The winner, Leopard, could gift their glory and the hunted to just one person.
And ‘Leona’, chosen by Leopard, also received public attention.
So far, every Leona, regardless of gender, found a good match. Did someone say last year’s Leona married a princess from a neighboring country?
I shook my head, trying to clear it of those thoughts. Seeing this, Lillia sent a curious look my way, but I pretended not to notice.
Getting back to the main point, to be chosen as Leona, one had to gift a handkerchief to wish the contestant well in the hunting contest.
An interesting fact here is that, while Leopard could only receive a handkerchief from one person, Leona could give handkerchiefs to many.
Thus, Leona was usually someone with a wide network of connections. Wait. So is Lillia saying she wants to receive that handkerchief from me now? I was caught in a mix of emotions, smiling at Lillia.
It was the first time. I had never received unconditional kindness from someone else. Isabella and Wilson were kind to me because I was Ruth’s fiancée, and Lady Sirael because of her past acquaintance with my sister.
But Lillia…
Before long, having swallowed down something that had risen to my throat, I gave her a smile in return.
“Thank you. I’ll definitely give it back to you, the handkerchief.”
As I muttered as if making a promise, Lilia’s laughter deepened.
“Thank you. Then, have a good night.”
“Have a good night too, Lilia.”
With that, after saying goodbye to her, my steps felt endlessly light. The feeling that I could go anywhere was pleasant. Intoxicated with that feeling, I acted differently than usual.
“Isabella. The moonlight is so beautiful today; I feel like taking a walk.”
“Shall I get your coat?”
“Would you?”
“Yes!”
Watching Isabella trot away, I unwittingly made such a misjudgment.
The day might have started off poorly, but it seems to be ending well.
