“……!”
In an instant, the blue sky was dyed red with blood. The scene unfolding before me felt surreal, as I had never imagined such a large amount of blood could come from one person. The passage of time around me seemed to slow down, creating an illusion of everything moving in slow motion.
I couldn’t even scream at the sight of Ruth’s collapsing figure. It was as if his voice had been lost, like the princess in a fairy tale who had lost his voice. Suddenly, the tragic ending of that fairy tale came to mind.
With one hand holding his abdomen, Ruth glanced at me for the last time, then closed his eyes with a faint smile on his lips. Amidst all the red, his smile was the only thing that resembled the color of a primrose. The color I loved the most seemed despairingly out of place at that moment.
“……Ruth.”
As I began to sense his weakening breath, I regained my forgotten sense of reality. The damp earth beneath me, the cool spring air, and the thick scent of blood. The scent of blood.
I had only smelled such strong blood twice in my life: when I first met dying Ruth and when my father was beheaded by the former emperor. Since both shared the commonality of ‘death’, it was evident what this scent was indicating.
“No.”
I approached Ruth on my knees, having completely forgotten the fact that I was in a place akin to that of a demon. A voice, as if I had lost my soul, kept leaking out against my will. No. No. It was the manifestation of my desire to deny reality.
That can’t be. You’re the one I saved, aren’t you? You are….
I barely managed to compose my contorted face and hugged Ruth’s cooling body. No matter how tightly I held him, the breath that had left his body did not return. Just as the time that has passed does not return to us, so did life.
Before I could even ask him to please live, from someone who had already let go of life, there emanated a sorrowful scent of death. However, despite that, the smile on his lips was so peaceful, it was believable that he was merely in a deep sleep.
“Don’t joke around. This can’t be happening, right?”
Indifferent to the fact that my entire body was becoming covered in blood, I stroked Ruth’s pallid cheek. And I tried to stop the blood that was still gushing from his abdomen. It was futile.
“Please. Please… wake up, Ruth. Wake up. Please wake up.”
No, I don’t even wish for you to wake up. Just breathe, even if it’s a faint breath, please take it in.
I whispered this fervent wish quietly. The tears that had been hanging from my heated eyes at some point grew larger and then flowed down like a waterfall. It was an endless torrent of tears, like the relentless rains of midsummer.
I should have just left the child alone.
As regret deepened, my mind wandered aimlessly deep somewhere.
I shouldn’t have recklessly jumped in to save a child, driven by some pointless hero complex. No, I should have acted a bit earlier. I should have stopped the child from calling out to Ruth. I should have noticed beforehand that Ruth would try to sacrifice himself for me and stopped him.
Endless regret followed, and then continued. The night without morning was merciless. Even knowing it would eventually end, the cold that struck me now was unbearably sorrowful.
Ruth, you…
“Don’t cry alone, Serbia.”
“Listen well, my lady. A vicious cycle is already in progress within the royal court. Rebellion to secure the throne is just the beginning, and the successor becomes nothing more than a puppet emperor, a chess piece of power-hungry nobles. That’s why I will end this vicious cycle in my generation. I don’t want to leave an unbearable burden for the future generations.”
“Still, make a wish. As long as it’s not for something from the demon world, I’ll grant you anything.”
“My lady. I vowed to protect that child and swore to love only that child. This means, I will not love anyone else. So, let’s stop here. Please don’t shake me further, my lady.”
“I don’t know what happened, but rest a bit, my lady. No one’s here, so it’ll be alright.”
“I have always been here.”
…There’s still so much to do. So many things I wanted to do. So many things I wanted to give. So, I shouldn’t die like this. It would be too unjust to die like this.
“Ah, aah.”
I pressed my forehead against the chest of Ruth, who no longer ran, and cried my heart out. It all seemed to be my fault. I resented the world that had pushed Ruth and me into this situation, but then I felt so pathetic for not being able to protect Ruth in such a world. My mind was a mess.
I could feel a child looking at me cautiously and flinching from behind me. But I couldn’t afford to pay attention to that now; the weight of the one I was holding in my arms felt too heavy.
How could there be a way…
“!”
I held onto his body, which was becoming stiff and hard as the blood coagulated, with all my strength, and soon let out a sigh. There was a way, it wasn’t that there was no way. There was a way to save Ruth.
Golden blood.
…But if I feed the golden blood to Ruth, he’ll forget me again. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be forgotten again. I want to be remembered. If possible, I want to live in his memories forever.
I glanced down at my smooth right wrist and squeezed my eyes shut at the whisper of my trembling instinct. I resented myself for knowing this was the only answer yet not being able to do it.
I have to save him.
I don’t want to be forgotten.
I must save Ruth.
I want to be remembered forever.
He died for me.
What should I do if Ruth forgets me?
“Still, I need to survive.”
After a fierce battle of wits, it was reason that took the upper hand. Realistically, saving Ruth was beneficial both for the empire and for my heart. It’s just that he will forget about me.
But if Ruth lives, we might meet again someday. So, I’m okay. I have to be okay.
One thing I’ve learned as an adult is that you have to say it’s okay even when it’s not. And now was precisely one of those moments.
“My child.”
After making up my mind, I turned to look at the child trembling behind me. Fortunately, the monster was distracted, licking Ruth’s blood off its tail. This gave me a momentary respite.
At my call, the child nodded with frightened eyes.
“I’m going to cast a spell now.”
“A spell…?”
“Yes, a spell. But in order for me to cast a spell to save this person, no one can see. Because the spell I’m going to cast is the kind cast by fairies.”
“Okay.”
“So, will you go over there, close your eyes, and count to a million? I’ll finish quickly and come to get you.”
“Yes.”
Upon my direction, the child ran towards the direction I pointed to without any complaints.
I watched the child close their eyes tightly and frowned.
You can do it. You can do it.
Despite deciding to use the golden blood, unlike before, my body hesitated to move. Perhaps now, I understand the weight of the lives I can save. It’s because I now know it’s never light.
“Ruth.”
After taking a deep breath, I bit my right thumb, tearing it. Then, I watched golden blood flow from the fresh wound and laughed without tears.
“You said you would grant me one wish last time.”
Watching the golden blood flow down my finger to my wrist, I slowly brought my right hand to Ruth’s lips. The blood flowing towards my wrist sluggishly changed direction, moistening his lips.
“My original wish was for you to recognize my true identity.”
Watching the golden blood being successfully fed to him, I felt as if something inside me was breaking.
“But now, I want to wish for something else.”
I imagined Ruth’s face, beaming with a dazzling smile, and bit my lower lip hard. As a result, a bitter taste filled my mouth, but it didn’t bother me much.
“Live, Ruth.”
Live to see tomorrow.
It’s enough if only I have our memories, so live.
Drip. Drip.
Somewhere, drops of water fell. It was the spring rain.
The sky, which had been purely blue, darkened in an instant, and the drizzle that had been gently falling soon began to pour heavily.
At the same time, I heard the sound of many people coming from afar. Thus, I realized that the reinforcements had finally arrived.
According to the book, people called the emperor with the golden blood a person who received the love of the gods. However, I know that’s not true.
The reason the gods gave humans golden blood was not because they loved them dearly, but because they wanted them to be ruined by death, an inevitable thing. Golden blood is a curse.
“See you later, Ruth.”
I hope you have sweet dreams.
Before the people fully gathered, I kissed his forehead briefly, regaining my breath, then stood up and walked in the opposite direction of the noise, clutching my dress.
The dress, drenched in rain, felt heavy, and I felt dizzy with heat all over my body. Nonetheless, I walked as uprightly as possible. I did not want to show Ruth any sign of vulnerability.
My shoes, stained with mud, soon caught on the ground. Thus, without a moment’s hesitation, I took them off and continued walking barefoot. Forward, always forward. I walked ceaselessly.
Seventy-five… seventy-six… seventy-seven…
The sound of a child counting faintly echoed from somewhere.
“….”
It was a perfect ending indeed.
