“I’ve been doing well. What about you? Have you been well?”
“What could possibly go wrong with me? I’ve been doing too well, if anything. I was worried that I might be having it too easy while you continue to toil away in the royal palace.”
“All talk and no action, typical.”
I lightly slapped Ian on the shoulder in a joking manner and followed him into the mansion. The mansion, which I hadn’t visited in a while, seemed to exude a warmer atmosphere than before.
Whether this feeling was simply due to the joy of returning or because something had actually changed was unclear.
As I looked around with my mouth agape, Ian stopped for a moment and then gestured towards the stairs with his chin.
“Mother is waiting. Let’s go together.”
“Oh, really? We should hurry then.”
Upon hearing that Mother was waiting, I immediately picked up the pace, leading Ian by a few steps as I hastened to where Mother was likely waiting. My destination was the second-floor drawing-room.
Somehow, as I briskly climbed up the stairs, I found myself reminiscing about being 12 years old, carefully taking each step while tightly holding my dress with both hands.
It felt as though the younger me, Selena from that time, was walking beside me now. It was probably just my imagination, though.
As I wandered, lost in various daydreams, I found myself in front of the living room, where I could see my mother knitting through the slightly opened door. If I wasn’t mistaken, a faint scent of warm milk was emanating from inside the room.
Neither my mother nor Ian drinks milk, and I don’t usually drink it plain, so it wouldn’t make sense for there to be just milk prepared. Why then, could I smell warm milk?
Suppressing the growing suspicions welling up inside me, I carefully opened the door to the living room. That’s when I locked eyes with my mother, who had stopped her knitting mid-stitch to look up.
“You’re here.”
The greeting that came from my mother, devoid of any passionate emotion, was plain and simple. It was the kind of welcome a parent might offer to a child returning from hours of playing in the garden.
Perhaps that was why I felt a sudden surge of emotion deep inside, which I tried hard to ignore as I forced out a response.
“Yes, I’ve come back.”
“I’ve come back,” not just “I’m here.”
What I blurted out unconsciously was a privilege only those who had promised to return could utter.
It was also an instinct craving the comfort only an adult returning to their childish whims could seek—a longing to be embraced in the secure arms of adulthood.
Without realizing it, the tension I had been carrying on my shoulders relaxed.
Approaching my mother and sitting beside her, I glanced at something made of blue yarn sprawling down from her lap and covering the floor. It seemed like it might be a scarf, but I couldn’t be sure.
“What is this? What have you been making?”
When I gently asked, my mother, who had been knitting, lifted her work in front of me with a cheerful twinkle in her eyes.
“I was trying to make a scarf for you.”
“But winter is already over.”
“But your birthday is coming up. And you always loved the scarves I made for you.”
Even until a few years ago, to the extent that you would wear a scarf even in the scorching summer. My mother added with a smile as if a pleasant memory had come to mind and laughed quietly.
Liking the sight, I found myself smiling along with her.
Now that I think about it, my birthday was in two weeks after the hunting contest was over.
Although I couldn’t always spend a happy time with my family in spring due to my birthday timing, I cherished the scarf my mother gifted me every year just before my birthday.
Therefore, if it were up to me, I would wear mother’s signature scarf all year long. I wouldn’t listen even when others told me I might collapse from heatstroke without it.
The scarf felt like a symbol of my mother’s love, which I cherished.
“Now, I have enough wealth to consider buying something expensive, but I thought you’d like something I made more, so I prepared this. How do you like it? Are you happy with the color this year?”
“I couldn’t like it more. I love it, mom. I can’t wait to see the finished product.”
“Don’t worry, I will finish it before your birthday. By the way, Seri, are you thinking of spending your birthday at the palace this year? If not, I’m considering having a modest dinner party with the people of Obelton House at the mansion.”
As my mother spoke excitedly, she suddenly seemed to remember something she had forgotten, clapping her hands as she continued.
At her question, I was about to shake my head immediately but stopped myself. According to my plan, I would reveal my true identity to Ruth at the hunting contest and ask for his forgiveness.
And if that happened, I couldn’t guarantee what our relationship would be like after the hunting contest.
Primarily, even if I returned to being ‘Selena’, as long as there are people who know my face, all the lies I have told so far would be exposed.
Therefore, even with the help of Ruth and the people of the Obelton Ducal Family, it would certainly be difficult to continue living as I do now.
Moreover, I couldn’t be sure about Ruth’s feelings.
It was certain that Ruth had been missing ‘that child’ and had feelings so far.
But recently, he seemed to be opening his heart to ‘Serbia’, and he no longer saw that someone in me. In this situation, if I reveal the whole truth to him, Ruth will definitely experience a mix of confusion and betrayal.
Whether he continues to distance himself from me or opens his heart to me using those feelings was unpredictable.
Still, it’s curious that my desire to reveal the truth to Ruth hasn’t died.
I felt a faint gratitude for no longer being trapped in a mire like I would have been in the past, consumed by fear and endlessly repeating my worries.
After organizing my thoughts, I shrugged my shoulders lightly.
“I’m not sure about that. I think we have to see how things go.”
“Why? Did Sister say you have to remain engaged to His Majesty for at least 150 days?”
Ian, who had been sitting quietly across from us, suddenly joined the conversation with a puzzled look. It seemed he was quite curious, moving like this when he usually would have just quietly listened.
Hesitating for a moment at Ian’s question, I decided to discard the plan I had to tell my mother slowly and started speaking.
Hoping for a good outcome from the news I was about to deliver all at once, just as the saying goes that it’s better to hit first.
“I’m going to reveal who I am to His Majesty.”
“…To His Majesty? Does His Majesty know who Sister, I mean ‘Selena’, is?”
“Actually, there’s something I haven’t told you and Mother. Father is… aware, but it’s about something that happened 11 years ago.”
Ian did not hide his surprise at my confession and bit his lips as my story continued.
As the drawing room fell into complete silence, I slowly opened an old, dust-laden box.
Then, I revealed a beautiful memory to my mother and Ian, something I neither wanted to share with anyone yet paradoxically wished to open and boast about immediately.
The story of how I collected jewels wanting to see the sea, the story of how I met Ruth and saved him, the story of how we gradually fell in love as we met now and then, and even the story of being imprisoned by my father.
I talked about it all without missing a single detail.
The expressions of my mother and Ian, who were listening to my past, were quite similar overall.
They smiled happily at the part where I wanted to see the sea, their eyes filled with surprise at the part where I saved Ruth by chance and met him, and they showed expressions tainted with regret and self-reproach at the part where I was imprisoned by my father.
“…So, yeah. That’s why I want to reveal it. That I am me. I am, ‘Selena’.”
I glanced back and forth between the two, who wouldn’t open their mouths, and clenched my fists tightly as I uttered the last sentence. Honestly, wasn’t 11 years too long to live behind a mask? It might be time to reclaim the name ‘Selena.’
As I anxiously awaited my mother and Ian’s reaction, Ian finally broke the silence.
“I will arrange a place for my sister… I will find a way to reclaim the freedom my sister has lost. If my sister continues to live like this, it would be too, too unfair… I didn’t know, and when my elder sister disappeared, what a disgrace I must have been to my sister…”
But soon, the words trailed off, stained with tears. There were no actual tears, but his eyes were so red it seemed like clear streams might flow if one were to touch them, even though I, the person involved, felt nothing at all. Really, I felt nothing at all.
“Please don’t feel guilty, Ian. And thank you for saying that. It seems I always have something to be thankful to you for.”
“Sigh…”
Ian eventually buried his face in his hands, unable to bear it any longer. He stayed like that for minutes, as if trying to control his surging emotions.
Just as I was feeling disappointed inside the radiant enclosure disappearing into his well-shaped hands, my mother murmured softly next to me.
“Seri.”
“Did you call me?”
“I…”
She stopped herself, poking the corner of her eyes with her fingertips before finally letting out a few words.
“Because I’m such a failed adult.”
Because I made it impossible for you to achieve your dreams.
By forcing you to live forever behind an unbroken mask.
For making you, who were so young, cry endlessly.
Now, if I were to express my too-late regret.
“I’m sorry, Seri.”
I’m sorry.
“It’s adult circumstances, baby. There’s nothing more for you to worry about.”
My baby.
It felt as if an apology that mother did not directly make was echoing from somewhere. From somewhere.
