“Lilac fragrance?”
Suddenly, upon hearing Ruth mention the scent of lilacs, I sent a puzzled look his way and took a deep breath.
However, I couldn’t detect the slightest hint of the lilac fragrance he mentioned. After all, the perfume I use is mostly a light fruity fragrance, so it doesn’t make sense for there to be a lilac scent.
As I tilted my head in confusion, Ruth glanced at me and then shrugged his shoulders, walking towards the bed.
Before sitting down, he gestured for my permission with his eyes, to which I responded affirmatively with a gesture of my own and took a seat in the armchair. Then, Ruth, who had settled onto the bed and crossed his legs, murmured softly,
“Perhaps it was the lilacs before… Never mind. Don’t worry about it.”
“Hmm.”
Saying that only made me more curious. I swallowed the words I couldn’t bring myself to say and let out an awkward laugh. The laughter that slipped through my teeth vanished into thin air without even leaving a trace.
Despite my reaction, he shifted the topic with a posture that firmly indicated he had no intention of saying more.
“So, about those documents, could you give them to me? I’ll read them quickly and return them. I promise.”
“Ah. I’ve already gone through most of them, so it’s fine if you don’t give them back. Take your time reading.”
As I handed over the documents to him, my eyes sparkled. Watching Ruth fully accept the documents, I cautiously opened my mouth.
“As soon as you look at the document, you will realize that the information about a maid named Derena is known very differently among the servants. And from this, we can infer two possibilities: one is that this situation has arisen due to the servants’ misunderstanding…”
“It must be information disruption.”
“Exactly. But if you look closely, you can see that there are connections between Derena and Duke Hazel. Although it’s just a suspicion, if Duke Hazel is indeed behind Derena, everything falls into place. That’s because Duke Hazel, the head of a family with enough power to disrupt information in the royal palace, has ample motive to threaten the royal authority following His Majesty’s accession to the throne.”
“That makes sense. Please, continue.”
Ruth, who had been listening attentively to my story, gently set down the document he was holding.
After a quiet deep breath, I pondered on how to arrange and deliver why Duke Hazel aims to threaten royal authority and why he targets me as his steppingstone.
While the former might be unknown, the latter requires me to confess every detail of what happened at the Duke Dright’s banquet, and it was doubtful whether Ruth would care about such a minor friction experienced by ‘Serbia’.
Should I just not say anything? Would it be okay to beat around the bush? It seemed better than feeling hurt.
Engulfed by these echoing thoughts, I tortured my innocent lips for a while but eventually decided that, indifferent or not, rather than making things more complicated with lies, I would inform him about what had happened between me and Duke Hazel.
“I had briefly seen Duke Hazel at a banquet held at the Dright mansion before. At that time, Duke Hazel mentioned that the reason I had collapsed and held my right wrist during our engagement party wasn’t just because of my frail health, but it seemed to be related to an issue with my wrist, so I initially denied it but ended up sustaining a minor injury.”
“Are you referring to… that bruise?”
“Huh? Yes, how did you know?”
“…”
As I tried to summarize my story as concisely as possible, Ruth’s complexion turned pale, soon filled with a voice tinged with self-reproach. It was as if he was recalling that moment, his eyes unfocused, seemingly absorbing all the light scattered around.
Staring blankly at the colorless scene, I soon woke up to reality, eyes wide in surprise. I had never dreamed that Ruth was aware that I had harmed my wrist back then. Whether intentionally or unconsciously, he hadn’t seen my wrist injury.
Yet knowing this, and moreover, that such memory induced guilt in him.
I was secretly pleased. The fact that I occupied a corner of his emotions and thoughts. It might seem like a child’s greed but an indescribable joy washed over me.
Just as I was about to smile lightly and tell him it was nothing, a profound sense of apology began to etch itself in those purple eyes that held only me. That growing apology eventually weighed down his shoulders.
“I’m sorry…”
“Huh? Why are you saying this all of a sudden?”
“It’s about the wound on your wrist that time. I deliberately ignored it. I’m sorry for turning my back on you, trying to protect some foolish pride. Just, at that time, I thought it was the best thing to do. I thought avoiding the strong winds was best for the flower to stay healthy.”
“What does that mean…?”
“Do you remember the story about my first love that I told you about the day I went to the casino?”
“Yes. Why do you ask…?”
Wait a minute. If we’re talking about what happened that day, shouldn’t Ruth have rightfully forgotten everything…? When I checked the next day, he definitely seemed to not know.
As I was about to reply to Ruth, I was filled with doubt. If, by any chance, he had really forgotten everything because of the alcohol, our current conversation would be highly contradictory. But even so, there was no reason for Ruth to pretend not to remember the conversation we had.
Hmm.
After much thought, I decided to let it go. No matter how much I pondered, it was a problem without an answer.
As I reached this conclusion, Ruth continued speaking.
“Until a month ago, I was even more heartless towards you, trying not to be swayed by you because of that first love. Now, I really regret acting that way.”
“Ah… But why do you regret how you acted now?”
“I’ve decided to finally admit it. First love is first love, the present is the present, and you are you.”
“……”
Even if I wasn’t exactly sure what it meant, one thing seemed clear. Just as I have changed, Ruth has changed as well. Maybe in a way that’s better for ‘Serbia.’
“Anyway. So, I’m sorry. I promise not to behave indifferently towards the lady from now on.”
“I would appreciate that, but don’t overdo it. You should always think of yourself first, Your Highness.”
“Then you should think of yourself first too.”
“I’m already doing that.”
“Hmm, really?”
Ruth asked a meaningful question in response to my bright answer.
“If so, why does it seem to me like the lady does not truly understand her own feelings?”
“What?”
“Each time you mentioned Duke Hazel, your hand trembled. It was a very slight tremble, so someone not as sensitive as me would likely not have noticed. Anyway, I was quite surprised because I thought you would also tell me about your relationship with Duke Hazel, but you only mentioned what happened.”
Ah.
Ruth’s sharp criticism elicited a sigh that ultimately could not escape his throat, falling downwards, continuously descending. Trapped in a never-ending swamp, that sigh awakened a tranquility that had been resting in unease.
“I suppose you wouldn’t want to hear it.”
“Why would you decide that? I’m the one listening.”
“But Your Highness, there’s absolutely no need for you to listen to my personal stories.”
“Just because it’s not needed doesn’t mean it’s not desired.”
“…Why would you want to?”
“I wonder.”
Another meaningful remark sprang from him.
Ruth, who used to react within a somewhat predictable range, has lately been acting in a direction completely different from what I had thought. Perhaps that’s why my heart felt tumultuously stirred.
Is it a delusion?
As soon as overly sweet imaginations surfaced, I deliberately donned a negative perspective. If I continued the fantasy only to realize that it was based on unrealistic content, it felt like something remaining inside me would shatter completely.
While I was thinking this, Ruth swept his hair back swiftly.
“What do you think?”
“I don’t want to know.”
“Hmm? Why?”
“Just because.”
It was, precisely, an evasion. It was a selfishness that wanted to delay accepting an uncomfortable truth as much into the future as possible.
Struggling to finish my sentence so as not to arouse Ruth’s suspicion, I painted on a broken smile.
“Just because. I think it would be hard if you knew, for me.”
“Then I guess I need to try harder.”
“Please don’t. You’re already done enough, Your Highness.”
“Thank you for saying so.”
Seeing him smile with his eyes in a crescent moon shape, I somehow regained confidence.
Confidence that he would listen well even if I told him about my past. Thanks to that, I felt much more at ease and opened up.
“When I was, well, when I was 12 years old, I met Duke Hazel. Though it was only for a moment.”
“Go on.”
“When Duke Hazel greeted me, it felt like I was facing a snake. The scariest things to me at that time were snakes and darkness, and Duke Hazel, possessing both, appeared as fear itself.”
“Hmm.”
“Thanks to that one encounter, I think an instinctual fear towards Duke Hazel was ingrained in my bones. It feels like it solidified over time, becoming a concept that doesn’t disappear no matter how much I deny it.”
“Have you ever tried to deny it?”
“Huh?”
I gave a look that asked for further explanation when suddenly asked if I had ever tried to deny it. Then, Ruth, rubbing his emotionless lips a few times, looked straight into my eyes.
“What I mean is, have you ever tried to escape from the ‘fear’ fence that you built around yourself, even once, my lady?”
