“……”
Still, I wish I could laugh and chat with people outside, like everyone else seems to do. My lips, which had been about to form words, sealed shut, and I inadvertently sealed away the sincerity I was about to express.
“……”
“……”
My father and I locked eyes in the air for a long time. It was a standoff with not an inch given on either side.
“No.”
In the end, I was the one who stepped back.
The outcome was predetermined. There was no way I could surpass my father.
“I must have had some foolish thoughts, Father. I’m sorry.”
With my quick agreement, the intimidation in my father’s eyes, who had led the conversation to the desired outcome, disappeared. As if he had been waiting for this moment. No, as if he had known from the start that it would turn out this way.
“Good. If you have nothing more to say to me, then return to your bedroom. It’s almost time for bed.”
“Yes.”
I stood up, acknowledging the end of our conversation, and gave my father a soft smile.
“Good night, Father.”
***
From the next day, I began looking for an opportunity to tell Ian my secret. My thought was that if it was something that had to be told someday, it would be better to say it quickly and be done with it. Plus, it was obvious where Ian could be, so there was no need to drag out time.
Yes, I certainly thought so until a few hours ago…
“Ian. Are you here?”
I called for Ian and looked around various parts of the garden, but he was nowhere to be found.
Eventually, having given up first, I leaned against a tree and crouched down. My legs were throbbing from walking around for so long trying to find Ian.
“Where on earth could you be.”
I grumbled quietly and hugged my trembling knees.
Initially, I planned to secretly call Ian out during lunch and tell him then.
However, Ian, who usually doesn’t eat much for lunch, skipped the meal.
Because of that, I searched the mansion for Ian from after lunch till the sun began to set. I checked Ian’s bedroom, study, living room, dining room, training ground, and even the garden. There was no place I hadn’t checked.
But throughout my search, I didn’t even catch a glimpse of a single strand of his silver hair. It was as if someone had made it so that he was invisible only to me.
It seemed impossible to find by myself, so I asked the passing servants if they knew where Ian was. One by one, they shook their heads with expressions of not knowing.
At this point, the nagging thought that Ian was intentionally avoiding me began to creep in.
But why would Ian want to avoid me? It’s not like I made any big mistakes yesterday.
I racked my brain to see if I had done anything unknowingly that would disappoint him.
“Hmm…”
After pondering in that stance for a while, I couldn’t come up with an answer and had to get up. It was getting close to dinner time, and the sky was starting to cloud over.
He would still come for dinner, no matter what. So, I’ll tell him my secret after dinner and ask him. What was he doing all day in the mansion that made him unseen? Or, as I guessed, was he really avoiding me?
With that vague resolution, I dusted off the dirt from my dress with a light gesture. It was at that moment, with a much lighter heart, that I started walking towards the mansion.
“…!”
“!”
I encountered Ian’s clear blue eyes, who was watching me from behind a nearby tree.
(TL/N: PEEK-A-BOO onee-sama)
“…”
For a long while, I exchanged glances with him and then, pulling up the corners of my mouth, I smiled.
Feeling better for no particular reason, thinking I had finally found him.
First, let’s ask what he was doing here. Then, step by step, let’s find out where he has been and what he has been doing.
If I pressured him without thinking, given Ian’s personality, it was clear he would run even further away from me. Therefore, I had to act with utmost caution.
I organized in my head what I needed to do next and slowly approached Ian.
However, I realized too late that it shouldn’t have been done that way. Even if it meant scaring Ian, I should have run to him quickly, grabbed him, and spilled out all the questions I had inside.
If I had done that…
“Ian!”
I wouldn’t have been standing here so emptily watching the back of Ian running away.
“Ah…”
Watching his silver hair getting farther away left me speechless.
…Is he really avoiding me?
A small ember was lit again in the suspicion I thought had disappeared.
“Surely not.”
The small ember engulfed the forest in a moment.
***
It was a leisurely morning.
Lying in bed, I gazed blankly at the ceiling and then pouted my lips.
“It’s clear Ian is avoiding me.”
Two days have passed since that day, and I could assert that whenever Ian sees me, he runs away as if his life depended on it.
If we bumped into each other in the hallway, he would awkwardly turn around and run or quickly pass by my side.
The only times we faced each other were during breakfast and dinner, but even those were brief since Ian would bolt as soon as he finished his meal.
“Sigh.”
Finally, after letting out a short breath, I slowly got up from the bed and stretched.
I was so engrossed in worrying about Ian, who oddly enough was avoiding me, that I almost forgot today was Wednesday.
“I should go see Ruth. We made a promise, after all.”
Murmuring quietly to myself, I picked up the books that Ruth had asked for, along with the clothes Tommy had lent me.
I didn’t forget the thick history book I brought last time either. Since I was planning to go directly from the library to the cabin today, I intended to drop it off on the way.
“Ugh.”
The addition of the history book made the load considerably heavy, and I couldn’t help but grunt.
The thought of bringing the history book back after visiting the forest later was tempting, but it was better to finish everything in one go rather than moving twice.
I came out of the bedroom, holding the books in my arms with slow steps.
“Huh?” As I was about to turn towards the study, only the small cloth pouch hanging on the doorknob caught my eye.
What is that? I looked at the blue cloth pouch hanging from the doorknob questioningly, put down what I was holding, and reached out my hand.
“Hmm.”
As I fiddled with the pouch that fit right into my grip, a rustling sound came from inside. Without realizing it, I narrowed my eyebrows and carefully opened the pouch because I couldn’t guess what was inside just by the sound.
“This is…”
As soon as I checked what was inside the pouch, I tilted my head. Inside the pouch, there was a candy the size of a finger joint and a note.
Since the servants and family knew that I didn’t particularly like sweets, it probably wasn’t them who left it.
Therefore, there was only one person left.
(TL/N: Me)
Could it be Ian?
A boy with silver hair and a gentle gaze materialized blurrily before my eyes. Specifically, his back as he hurriedly ran away whenever he saw me.
“Wasn’t he avoiding me?”
I was inwardly pleased, but a remnant of pride at the back of my mind spawned a grumpy mood. Yet, I couldn’t help but let my lips twitch in amusement.
After composing my expression for a moment, I pulled out and read a note from my pocket.
[I’m sorry.]
The note was written in a shaky handwriting, containing an apology that was hard to understand.
“‘I’m sorry’?”
I read the apology aloud and furrowed my eyebrows.
Could it be an apology for avoiding me?
“Hmm.”
Despite it being a plausible reason, I was left with an unsatisfying aftertaste, causing more wrinkles to form between my brows.
I decided that I would figure out why Ian was apologizing later. Time was still passing by as I pondered here.
As I was about to put the note back in my pocket, I suddenly remembered the existence of the candy that came with the note.
What to do…
I hesitated as I took a candy out of my pocket. I still didn’t like eating sweet candies, but I couldn’t just ignore Ian’s thoughtfulness.
After much deliberation, I closed my eyes tightly and shoved the peeled candy into my mouth. It was just one piece; it couldn’t be that bad, I thought carelessly.
“Eugh.”
However, contrary to my firm resolve, the pink candy was too sweet.
Having managed to swallow the candy, I grimaced. My throat felt gritty as the candy melted away, making me want to rinse my mouth with fresh lemon tea immediately.
***
As I had initially planned, I placed the history book in the study and then headed to the cabin.
Standing in front of the quaint cabin, my heart unexpectedly fluttered, drawing an involuntary smile across my lips.
I quickly composed my flustered expression and, out of habit, swung open the old wooden door, then hesitated. This place was now where Ruth stayed, so barging in as before would startle her quite a bit.
Even if we were acquainted, it was only proper to show the minimum courtesy.
I cleared my throat with a cough and concluded. Then, I knocked on the door a couple of times, calling Ruth in a gentle tone.
“Ruth.”
But contrary to my expectations, there was no reply.
What’s going on?
I tilted my head, peering into the cabin through the dusty, dim window.
Ruth was perceptive enough to precisely aim her dagger at a target, even in a severely injured state. Therefore, I was certain, if he were inside, he would have definitely heard my voice and the knocking.
…Could it be?
A sinister premonition crawled up my spine.
“Could he not be in here?”
Uttering what seemed like the closest guess, a weight settled in my heart.
Given the size and number of wounds on Ruth’s body, it was clear that he would not recover within a week. Thus, I vaguely assured myself that it would be about three weeks later, when the wounds had almost healed, that Ruth would leave the cabin.
But there was something I hadn’t fully realized. Ruth had not told me that he would leave after he was fully healed, nor had I told him to leave only after he had completely recovered.
“Ruth!” I called his name louder than before.
The ominous premonition that became increasingly clear soon transformed into something named anxiety. By the time I recognized that the emotion was anxiety, it had already grown too big and devoured me.
It was strange. I had only met Ruth twice, and I had known for a while that we would eventually part ways. So why was I feeling this way?
Trapped in the grip of inexplicable confusion, I muttered in a low voice.
“If you’re in there, answer me.”
This time, as before, the ensuing chilly silence made me finally place my hand on the doorknob out of impatience.
“Can I come in?” I warned one last time before I applied force to the doorknob, but only the sound of spring wind brushing through the leaves filled the quiet surroundings.
I listened to that sound for a few seconds, then slowly applied force to my hand. Then the door creaked open.
