“You look really tired.”
I clapped my hands as I thought of something to do, after looking worriedly at Lilia with dark circles under her eyes. Then, cautiously observing her reaction, I asked gently,
“Do you have a moment by any chance?”
“I do have the time, but… what is it?”
Thank goodness, she is available.
Seeing Lilia asking back with a curious expression, I quietly reassured myself and smiled slightly.
I had to talk to her about the handkerchief I wanted to give her during the hunting contest, and also discuss matters regarding the eldest son of the Harvest family.
I had planned to seek Lilia out later, but was internally delighted that the situation unfolded so serendipitously.
“There’s something I’d like to ask Lilia. Would it be okay to have a chat in my bedroom for a moment?”
“Yes, I can, but could I first deliver these to His Majesty? They are documents that need immediate approval.”
“Of course. Please go ahead.”
“Thank you for understanding. Then, I’ll come to you shortly.”
Lilia, asking for understanding while gesturing to the documents she was holding, showed me a bright smile upon receiving my easy consent.
Then, she hurried past me towards somewhere, seemingly headed for Lord Ruth’s office.
Watching Lilia’s pink hair getting further away, I started heading towards my bedroom. My steps were light, making me feel good.
***
Upon arriving at the bedroom and waiting for about 20 minutes, Lilia, neat in her attire, came as promised.
“I am a bit late. I apologize.”
As soon as Lilia entered my bedroom, she approached me, sitting in front of me on a chair, and stood with a poised posture. Judging by her heavy breathing, it seemed she had run here without further delay after being caught by Ruth.
I looked up at her, trying to hide her weariness, and my eyes curved into crescents.
“No, you’re not late at all, so there’s no need to apologize, Lilia.”
“Thank you for understanding. Where should I sit then?”
“Ah. Please, take a seat here.”
As I pointed to the chair opposite me, Lilia blinked in acknowledgment. Then, with efficient movements, she sat down and tightly tied her hair that had fallen loose.
Like a year ago, she still exemplifies noble etiquette.
Watching this sequence of actions unfold naturally, I murmured in admiration. Indeed, becoming an imperial advisor is not for just anyone, a realization that struck me once more.
After catching her breath for a moment, Lilia finally spoke in a calmer tone.
“So, what would you like to ask me?”
“What do you like?”
“Yes?”
Was this too out of the blue?
I looked at Lilia, who was giving off a huge question mark, scratched my neck awkwardly, and then explained the intent behind my question.
“I was planning to give Lilia a handkerchief during the hunting contest. So, I’m about to start embroidering the handkerchief, but I don’t really know what Lilia likes.”
“Ah. So that’s why you were asking what I like.”
“That’s right. Just to let you know, almost anything is possible as long as it’s not a person. So, feel free to tell me.”
Lilia, who had chuckled at my jest, pondered for a while before opening her mouth.
“If that’s the case, please make it a hydrangea.”
“Hydrangea?”
“Yes.”
I was slightly surprised by the unexpected answer.
Most people would ask for a sword to symbolize strength, a rose for beauty, or their family crest. So, I had assumed Lilia would request something along those lines.
But hydrangea? Why?
As I stared at her quizzically, Lilia, as if she knew I would be puzzled, explained.
“Do you know the meaning behind the hydrangea flower?”
“Not really. What is it?”
“Of course, the meaning changes depending on the color, but usually it’s ‘sincerity’. And in case you were wondering, blue hydrangeas represent indifference, white hydrangeas represent fickleness, and red-purple hydrangeas represent health.”
“I see…”
I trailed off as I absorbed the information she shared.
It was fascinating to learn that the meaning behind hydrangeas varied with color and that hydrangeas themselves symbolized sincerity; I found it quite romantic.
It also made me curious why Lilia would request hydrangeas to be embroidered on the handkerchief she planned to carry to the hunting contest. Had the flower’s meaning been strength or courage, it wouldn’t have seemed suspicious.
However, the sentimental language of hydrangeas did not seem to match the context of hunting, which only deepened the mystery in my mind.
Seeing the curiosity in my eyes, Lilia rubbed the corners of her eyes.
“The reason I specifically asked for hydrangeas to be embroidered on the handkerchief is because the flower resembles you, my lady. It’s common to embroider something related to the participant or the giver on the handkerchief for the hunting contest.”
“But… how do hydrangeas resemble me? In what way?”
“Umm. It’s a bit hard to explain, but don’t you think the flower’s meaning resembles you?”
I listed the various meanings of hydrangea flowers that Lilia had just told me, feeling perplexed.
Indifference, fickleness, health, sincerity.
“……”
I almost grimaced in frustration.
I couldn’t fathom what Lilia was thinking, saying I resembled the language of hydrangeas.
Seeing my increasingly strained expression, Lilia hurriedly waved her hands.
“Please, don’t misunderstand. It wasn’t meant in a negative way at all.”
“I didn’t… misunderstand.”
“That’s a relief. The meaning of hydrangeas I referred to wasn’t about the color-specific meanings but the overall meaning of ‘sincerity.’ Somehow, when I think of sincerity, I think of you, my lady.”
“What?”
As her explanation went on, my skepticism only grew, almost blooming like a flower bud about to fully open. That was until Lilia suddenly laughed and pressed the bridge of her nose with her index and middle fingers.
“It seems, my lady, that you have a habit of scrunching up your face whenever you’re curious about something. Although it’s cute when you do that, it looks much better when you don’t, so please relax your face.”
“Ah. I had no idea I had such a habit. I’m sorry if it was unpleasant to look at, Lilia.”
“You don’t have to apologize. Anyways, if we continue, do you remember that day? The day when His Majesty fainted due to overwork.”
“That day…… Of course, I remember.”
I listened to Lilia’s story while slowly retracing the memories of that day, which still vividly come to mind.
That day, right after attending a tea party hosted by Helen, I came back to find Ruth had collapsed. Seeing Ruth looking exhausted, I realized that he was just as tired as I was.
Perhaps that was the turning point where my perspective changed. And it seems that’s when I could perfectly distinguish between ‘me’ and ‘Serbia’.
After briefly looking back on my memories, Lilia saw me nodding and continued to speak.
“I still vividly remember how you, madam, were in tears that day.”
“To be precise, I didn’t cry.”
No, I did cry. It’s just that it wasn’t in front of Lilia, but in front of Ruth.
Different from my lips that spat out lies, my brain presented the correct answer, and I maintained a calm and composed expression despite feeling resentful towards it.
However, the fact that I cried like a child, being found out by the endlessly mature Lilia, somehow felt embarrassing. It was like a troublemaker hiding their flaws in order to become the boss of the alley.
Perhaps sensing my feelings, Lilia let out a light laugh and shrugged her shoulders.
“Then let’s go with that.”
“I’m serious.”
“Yes, I understand. But haven’t you wondered about the rest of my story yet?”
Instead of changing the topic, Lilia, jesting, ultimately shifted it for me, who couldn’t bring myself to.
Immediately recognizing her intention embedded in her monotonous tone, I blushed slightly and stuttered.
“…I’m curious.”
“I thought so. So, back to the point, that day was the first time I ever saw someone being sincere with someone else.”
“First time?”
It seemed impossible for someone like Lilia.
The remnants of the question I couldn’t ask lingered in my mouth like a ghost.
Upon seeing my grimace, she eventually burst into a hearty laugh.
“My parents are with me because they deem me a valuable child, my friends because I’m the only bloodline of the Harvest family, my colleagues because I am the advisor to His Majesty. All of them would leave my side if none of these reasons held, all of them.”
“…..”
“You may be in a similar situation, Your Majesty. Some say that you are the Emperor of the Empire, and others that you are single, so they will be by your side. And if by any chance you are dethroned or get married, they will all leave. Certainly.”
The word ‘certainly’ was laden with an indescribable weight, as if it wasn’t a proposition that could be changed by an accessory but rather a premise that has already become common sense.
Therefore, I couldn’t respond to her properly. The best reaction I could show was to gesture with my chin for her to continue talking, as if to say, keep talking.
“But the lady I saw that day was, how should I say… like a dandelion that bloomed in a splendid rose garden. It’s as if she appeared at a masquerade without a mask. That’s why I said hydrangeas, which mean sincerity, reminded me of her.”
“I see. Thank you for thinking so highly of my immature self, Lilia. Honestly, I too wish I could skillfully hide my feelings and blend into society, but it’s not easy since I’ve lived as a commoner for so long.”
Moved by Lilia’s honest confession, I unknowingly poured out a story that had been buried deep in my heart. Then Lilia, with her pretty irises fully visible, widened her eyes in surprise and soon flusteredly waved her hands in response.
“No, don’t think like that! Who says being skillful is good? I actually prefer the lady as she is now. Honest and straightforward.”
“Lilia……”
“In fact, the reason I came to like you, Lady, is all because of that aspect of you. The actions you are taking now… they are so similar to that person… oh.”
Noticing that I seemed crestfallen, Lilia’s lips, which had been rapidly unfolding her words, suddenly sealed shut.
In her trembling silver eyes, a mix of panic and regret swirled together.
“Who might that person be?”
“That is….”
Upon seeing my puzzled look, Lilia merely chewed her lower lip in vain for a short while, before she seemed to let everything go with a shallow breath. Then, she forced a clearly fabricated smile.
“It’s about my brother.”
It was the moment an unopenable box was opened.
