“…..”
My lips, having lost what to say, gave up on their function.
I was supposed to be the one needing comfort, yet I couldn’t comprehend why I felt the need to comfort him instead.
At the same time, a delusional thought sneakily made its way into my heart. Could it be that Tommy likes me?
I mulled over this delusion for a moment before cautiously opening my mouth.
“You.”
“Yes.”
“Do you like me?”
“……”
Tommy didn’t say anything. That silence was an answer even more definite.
Good heavens.
I bit my lower lip, shocked as if I had been punched in the gut.
Tommy likes me?
A scenario I had never even considered was unfolding, causing a different kind of queasiness in my stomach than when I get car sick from riding in a carriage.
“Tommy, I…”
“Here is the potion you were looking for.”
Barely suppressing the urge to vomit out anything, the moment I opened my mouth, Tommy interrupted me and extended a small bottle. It was the potion I had been looking for.
As I looked at it with a confused gaze, he drew a self-deprecating smile.
“Take it. You need it.”
“Why do you have this?” I asked.
“I’m the master of the tower. I have crates of these potions.”
“That’s not what I’m asking. I mean, why do you have this potion right now? It’s as if you knew I needed it.”
The understanding of Tommy’s heart, which once occupied a corner of my mind, had become blurred. Instead, it became curious why he had the potion I needed at this very moment.
Come to think of it, Tommy had been like this when I encountered Ruth as ‘Selena’. He always appeared at just the right moment, offering a helping hand. As if he knew something was going to happen to me. Even though that seemed impossible.
I’ve felt it since before; it’s strange. Definitely strange.
While I had let it go previously, this time I decided I must unravel this puzzling contradiction. And I faced Tommy’s gaze unflinchingly.
As I watched myself reflected in his eyes, Tommy wore a small smile on his lips.
“I wonder. Do I have to answer that?”
“Tommy.”
“It’s a coincidence.”
“……”
I frowned at Tommy, who nonchalantly told a lie.
Of course, a ‘coincidence’ was the starting point for everything. However, coincidences that repeat are not coincidences. Because they’re not the phenomenon we usually call a coincidence but ‘constructive intention’.
Therefore, even though Tommy claimed his actions were a coincidence, there was no way it could actually be a coincidence.
It was the moment I took a breath, gathered my thoughts, and was about to open my lips that had been sealed. Suddenly, Tommy, who had glanced towards the door, placed a potion on my hand that had yet to receive one.
“Take this for now. The young lady’s maid will be here soon.”
At his words, I listened to the sound from outside the door, and light footsteps that grew closer to the bedroom were heard. The sound, reminiscent of a trotting puppy, was none other than Isabella’s footsteps.
Ah.
I swallowed the sigh that threatened to escape.
It was odd that I hadn’t heard such clear sounds before. More precisely, it was strange that I hadn’t noticed Isabella coming when her approach was so distinctly audible.
Until just moments ago, wasn’t the surroundings incredibly quiet? As if someone had intentionally blocked out all the noise around us…
“!”
I tried not to show my surprise at the assumption that had unwittingly formed in my mind. However, the more I poured doubt into the possibility that Tommy could have actually done that, the lighter my shoulders felt.
Tommy, who had been silently observing me, eventually wiped the sweat off my forehead and removed a stray hair sticking to it. His touch, as he straightened my wavy hair, was extremely gentle.
After gathering my hazelnut-colored hair that had slipped down to my chest and tucking it behind my ear, he finally withdrew his hand. The action, devoid of any ulterior motives, was clean through to the end.
Tommy looked down at me, now tidier, with satisfaction and briefly pressed his lips to the back of my hand. This too was devoid of any ulterior motives, and felt almost sacred.
After a few seconds of this kiss, a serene light flickered across his face as he straightened up. His face, beyond impassive, seemed almost dead to emotion, sending a chill down my spine.
“And concerning what you just asked, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it. So, young lady, please don’t worry about it.”
“Tommy.”
“I told you, my real name isn’t ‘Tommy’, it’s ‘Thomas Levin’.
Please, young lady, call me by my real name next time.”
As soon as I realized that Tommy was giving up on something again, I called out to him with a voice clearly tinged with anxiety.
However, he drew a line with me with an expression as if nothing was wrong. It was a clear and cool line, as if to say that it was time to stop playing house.
I couldn’t say anything to him. Now that I had realized how Tommy looked at me, the only option left for me was to step back. It was selfish to continue seeking his consideration without intending to accept his feelings.
Should I apologize… Can I?
While I was pondering over this and barely moving my lips, Tommy took a step back and murmured.
“It’s you,”
“…….”
“I wish the young lady wouldn’t feel lonely.”
Really. He added softly at the end of his sentence and smiled with his eyes in a crescent moon shape. Then, flicking his fingers, he vanished, leaving behind only a gentle breeze.
I stood still, forgetting even to breathe until Tommy completely disappeared from my sight.
The wish he left behind before disappearing lingered around my ears like dandelion seeds.
He wished I wouldn’t be lonely.
Chewing over his wish, memories that haven’t faded away yet bubbled up.
“So, I needed Serbia to sit next to His Majesty the Emperor. If it’s unpleasant, I’m sorry. But I don’t want to retract my thoughts.”
“But Miss Obelton. I can only serve as bait for a rabbit to you.”
With those I met by necessity.
“Don’t cry alone, Serbia. When you cry like that, it feels as if you might suddenly disappear somewhere.”
“Sometimes the hardest emotion to recognize is sorrow, my lady. Because sorrow can be dyed in tens of thousands of colors. Please keep this handkerchief. It’s the value of the handkerchief you lent me last time.”
With those I met out of necessity.
“How about the little lady? Do you feel very lonely?”
The question Tommy asked when he recognized who I was expanded like paint spreading and then deflated like a balloon losing its air due to two memories that followed each other in quick succession.
“We’re going to play hide and seek from now on.”
“Yes. At first, I just wanted to confirm that I was innocent to that child, but after that, I wanted to protect them so they wouldn’t be eroded by reality anymore.”
“……”
I gripped the potion firmly and flopped down into the armchair. The plush cushion absorbed the impact inflicted by my body.
Now, my chest ached in a different sense. It wasn’t akin to the pain of being struck by a sharp nail, but more as if the frost of deep winter had enveloped my whole body. Conversely, my heart pounded fiercely.
“Do you like His Majesty?”
“Well, I wonder. Is liking someone feeling like crying yet wanting to smile every time you see them? Or is it wanting to be with them yet wishing to be as far away as possible at the same time? If not, is it having a pleasantly ticklish stomach yet feeling like you might vomit something out?”
“That’s not liking someone.”
“Right. It’s impossible for the feelings of liking someone to be this contradictory. So, no, I don’t like His Majesty, officer. It’s just that I’m harboring some emotion that has festered and must be resolved.”
I recalled a part of the conversation I had with Cedric before.
At that time, the question I had failed to properly answer melted the cold frost stiffening my body.
“Ha.”
A short, hollow laugh escaped me.
Why didn’t I see it? The reason why I haven’t felt as lonely lately as before. It’s all too obvious when you think about it.
“Ah.”
I am,
“After all.”
To Ruth,
“It has come to this.”
I’ve fallen in love again.
Desperate because of love, pained because of love, and enduring because of love.
What’s so great about this darned love.
Just when my racing thoughts were slowly consuming me, Isabella knocked on the bedroom door.
“Lady! I’ve brought you water!”
“…Isabella.”
Only then, returning to reality, I grabbed my throbbing head and slowly got up from my seat. Then, I poured the potion Tommy had given into my mouth and glanced at the mirror.
There was ‘Serbia’ reflected.
Feeling relieved, I opened the door myself. Then, I saw Isabella holding a cup in both hands, her eyes wide open.
“Lady. Are you alright now?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I think I just had a bit of dizziness. Thank you for worrying.”
“I was really shocked, thinking the lady was seriously ill. I’m really… really relieved you’re okay.”
Quietly chuckling, I took the cup from her. The water in the cup was cool enough to settle my face, flushed with intense heat, in an instant.
I took a few sips of water and walked over to the window, where I gathered the letter I had started folding earlier and handed it to Isabella.
“Can you send this to Ian? Please, as soon as possible.”
“Got it!”
Isabella, nodding at my request, quickly headed somewhere.
After she left the bedroom, I collapsed onto the bed. Perhaps due to a loss of taste or the overwhelming fatigue.
“……”
Finally, it was silent.
