This time, everything was successful.
There were certainly some risks and gambles involved, but the child survived and even became the fiancée of the Emperor of the Empire. And after many twists and turns, she was able to fully reclaim her name.
In this opportunity, Tommy made an extra effort as much as his blindness allowed. During the time he was separated from the child, he looked for ways to restore the barrier, and after reuniting with the child, he helped ensure she didn’t repeat the same mistakes as before.
Although he made some foolish mistakes as he got swept up in his emotions, in the end, he was able to face a quite satisfactory conclusion.
“Now it’s just for me to disappear.”
Tommy muttered to himself as he sat on a tree branch, enjoying the breeze. Everything was finally over. What he had wanted to see from the beginning was a child who hatched from an egg achieving happiness, so his wish had come true. What happens after the marriage was beyond his capabilities.
“Hmm.”
Humming a song he learned from the child, Tommy closed his eyes. He had blocked his magic so he wouldn’t feel anything, even though he couldn’t see anyway. Then, perfect silence poured over him.
“So, are you happy now?”
He suddenly remembered something the World Tree, a kind being whom he had encountered in one of his many returns, had asked him. It was such a futile question, yet for some reason, it continued to linger in his mind.
“I’m happy now.”
The child had reached a happy ending, and my goal had been achieved. Tommy added inwardly, trying to faintly smile, but the corners of his mouth fell as if something was blocking it. Feeling as if this sentiment doubted his sincerity, Tommy mumbled excuses to someone who didn’t exist.
“I just made the right choice.”
Really. Really… He wanted to be assured by someone, but the words that failed to find reassurance disappeared into thin air. Soon after, a belated question arose.
Are you really happy?
Are you truly happy right now?
“……”
Tommy couldn’t answer. He didn’t know whether he was happy or not. In fact, nothing was clear.
If what he had been feeling was merely the transference of emotions from past episodes, then what had he been doing all this time? The moment when long-neglected wounds finally surfaced was both ugly and sorrowful.
“……No.”
After contemplating, Tommy roughly swept his face with his palm and muttered in a trembling voice. The truth he had finally realized kept prodding somewhere dead.
A child who has lost emotions doesn’t know how to cry, and at the same time, doesn’t even realize that he is crying. That was why. After belatedly rubbing his cheek, Tommy finally became aware that he was crying.
Could this be the feeling of sadness I felt before? Was it this unbearably intense?
Tommy clutched at his chest as if it were about to burst, shaking his head. The sense of touch, which he thought he had completely lost, was still alive and breathing within him.
Without knowing exactly why, Tommy immediately concluded that this pain was named “sadness”. He had often wandered tearfully without emotions, but never was sure if what he felt was sadness. But this time was different.
“I’m not happy at all right now.”
What he finally realized was that he was not happy at all, whether it was because he had lost his emotions or because he had been too caught up in past cycles to reflect on himself.
Why is that? Why am I not happy now that I’ve finally achieved my long-held desire?
“I thought your happiness would be my happiness.”
Tommy curled up in the face of a sadness he hadn’t felt in decades, as if he were back in his mother’s womb.
“Why is that, miss?”
The tears he could no longer hold back split his dry cheeks and fell.
“You’re happy, but I’m not happy at all.”
What should I do now? Please, help me.
So cried the straggler who had lost his way.
***
“Bunny.”
A tender being playfully touched the tip of the ear of a bunny munching on grass. Startled, the rabbit scampered away over the hill, forgetting that it was still within the tender being’s reach.
Watching the bunny, the tender being chuckled, then sighed deeply, spotting the reflection of a crying Tommy in a small lake. And then, a bitter snivel was heard.
“What should I do?”
Why does my love always bring tragedy to someone? The golden fur I gave to be loved and to grow, turned out to be poison for that child. This time too, what was meant to make him happy only ended up provoking tears.
The tender being sank into sorrow for a moment, then clapped its hands.
“If you can’t undo a choice you’ve made, why not take responsibility for it?”
With this flash of insight, the tender being regained its calm and dipped its fingertips lightly into the lake, murmuring softly for its child who was already broken and crying bitterly.
“May you have another milestone.”
This was the tender being’s gift. For another child who had cherished the love of the being. For the child who has lost its way now that everything is over. To ensure that the child could live as a human being from now on.
“I hope you won’t be too startled when you receive it.”
The affectionate being hummed with anticipation as it looked at the lake. It was the third gift given to the human world by the affectionate being.
***
“Sigh.”
Tommy, who had spent three days and nights crying, finally regained his senses and took a deep breath. There was no strength left to open a gap in time. Therefore, no matter how sad it was, one had to let oneself flow with the current of time and live on.
What should I do now?
His mind was dazed as if he had lost his way. His eyelids, damp with moisture, moved slowly.
“I guess I should return to the Mage Tower for now.”
Although he had neglected his work for a long time, he still held the status of the tower’s master here. Therefore, if he was to continue living here, he had to return to the Mage Tower.
Of course, having accumulated wealth meant that he wouldn’t have problems even if he lived idly, but he didn’t want to continue wasting time powerlessly. Since he could no longer turn back time, his future was finite. Having lived in what seemed like infinite time, now constrained by finiteness, he felt an inexplicable pressure.
“But now, I don’t know what to do.”
The clock that used to revolve solely for a child had stopped, and the lone hour hand remained in its place endlessly, like a gift abandoned by someone, waiting for something indescribable. That something he belatedly realized was ‘reason.’
Returning to the Mage Tower, Tommy worked frantically to catch up on his backlog. It was the only way to keep his mind from being idle. Tommy pushed himself hard, not wanting to confine himself to a cycle of endless torment.
It’s been quite a while since I lost my emotions, so I haven’t felt tiredness or the boredom that makes you want to drop everything. Those feelings require emotions to arise after all. Tommy just breathed, watching time flow by through the growth of his hair, in the midst of nothingness. It was then.
“Uwaa!”
“…What?”
Having been asked by the Khan Empire to clean up after a war that occurred in the north, Tommy, who went there, heard an out-of-place sound. It was a vibrant cry, completely mismatching the ruined village.
Considering ignoring it, his curiosity piqued by the persistently crying creature led him to search in the direction of the sound with his magic. Then, he found a child wrapped in clothes, lying in a corner of an inn that was about to collapse. It was a living child.
“Uwaaaa!”
“……”
Moved by an inexplicable attraction, Tommy, holding the child, remained silent for a while. Though not visible to the eye, the child he saw with magic was wrinkled and ugly. Buried under a blood-stained blanket, the child had pale skin and light blond hair; unfortunately, the color of the eyes was indiscernible.
…Unfortunately?
Tommy showed a slightly surprised expression at the distinct emotion he felt for the first time in a long while. Nevertheless, he tightened his grip around the child he was holding, so as not to let go.
Thump-thump. The pounding of a tiny heart could be felt through the skin, accompanied by the delicate, whisper-thin sound of breathing that echoed in the ears. Perhaps that’s why the feeling of being alive was so tangible.
“Umm.”
After holding each other for a while, the child stopped crying and gradually started to fall asleep a few minutes later. Even as the child drifted off, they made sure to keep a light grip on Tommy’s index finger, as if not wanting to let go.
“Ah.”
Tommy could only let out a short, stupid breath. A strange feeling filled his belly.
A strange feeling?
Tommy quickly lifted the child into the air and placed his palm over his heart area. A space where he was sure he couldn’t feel anything suddenly began to tickle, as if he had swallowed countless dandelion seeds.
As soon as Tommy let go, the child started crying again. Waaah. Waaaaah. It was as if crying was all they knew how to do, as if they had to cry to live.
Thanks to this, Tommy, who had regained his composure, picked the child up again and stared blankly at them. After hesitating for a moment, he poked the child’s cheek. The child’s skin, soft as cream, easily yielded to Tommy’s finger without resistance.
The child stopped crying once more in Tommy’s arms, like a young animal finding its nest.
Tommy, looking at the child who fell asleep with a serene face, eventually buried his head in the child without realizing it and took a deep breath.
Then, a warm energy filled deep into his lungs. There was no particular scent, but it was clearly a warmth like no other.
I have to raise him.
Was it a coincidence that this thought suddenly came to him? Tommy, after holding the child in his arms and breathing in for a long time, came to that conclusion. For some reason, he felt as if the road ahead, which had been dark for the past few months, suddenly brightened.
Only then did Tommy smile brightly for the first time in a very long time. Smiling, he burst into tears.
It’s you. You are my new milestone.
Struck by this sudden realization, Tommy sat down powerlessly and cried. At the same time, the child curled up tighter, not to be let go. More, more, and more curled up.
Thus, the once huge mountain became a blunt hill.
***
After 7 years.
“Daddy!”
Tommy, who was processing documents, looked at the girl running into the room through the wide-open door. Then, with a faint smile, he hugged her and lifted her onto his lap.
“Baby, I told you not to run inside the building.”
“But, Uncle Heger said he would make cookies only if Daddy allowed it? By the way, Daddy, when I went outside, I met a squirrel and a bird this big…”
Tommy looked affectionately at the child babbling on his lap and then glanced outside the window. The barren tree branches were now adorned with round flower buds, heralding the spring.
The seasons swiftly changed from spring to summer, from summer to fall, from fall to winter, and from winter back to spring, and then summer once again. The same seasons came and went multiple times.
After meeting the child, he had been pretending to see all the time because of the magic he kept running 24/7. He did this so the child wouldn’t worry. Also, living with the child made him want to see more things.
In the blink of an eye, as time swiftly passed, the child grew up little by little. From a baby who couldn’t even open her eyes, to rolling over, to crawling, and eventually to standing on her two legs.
And while initially searching only for milk, her mouth learned to eat finely chopped vegetables, and eventually, she was eating the same food as Tommy.
And so, the child grew. She grew rapidly.
As Tommy grew up with the child, he began to value the passing time more than just killing time. He learned to make decisions for himself rather than just sacrificing for others. Instead of wondering why the child was crying, he was quick to give a hug, and when the child laughed, he wanted to make them laugh even more.
Making a huge mountain into a blunt hill was easy. It was not about abandoning oneself but about being humble. And that’s how Tommy was living. And he planned to continue living that way.
“Yeah, this is pretty good life,” Tommy thought to himself as he gently stroked the child’s soft back of the head. “It’s not perfect, but it’s a good life.”
No, perhaps it could even be a great life.
(TL/N: I’m happy for Tommy he got a good life now)
