꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦THERE IS NO WAY YOU LOVE ME꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷
‘Anyone would think you’re the one who’s sick,’ was the first thought Kieran had when he saw Alyssa’s face.
Her face, illuminated by the bluish moonlight, looked even more paler.
Kieran blinked slowly and gestured for her to come closer.
“My arm hurts. Or should I come to you instead?”
Startled by his words, Alyssa quickly approached him. Kieran looked up at her as she stood by his bedside.
“Why aren’t you sleeping? Are you feeling unwell again?”
Despite her pale complexion and the cold sweat beading on her face, her concern for him was genuine.
“It felt strange not having someone who’s always been by my side. I woke up because of it.”
Kieran gazing at her pale face, suddenly blurted out his words. His usually soft and gentle tone carried a slightly raw edge to it.
The part about waking up was true. He blinked his heavy eyes a few times, trying to shake off the fatigue.
After returning to his room following the treatment, Kieran had been thinking about Alyssa, who had appeared so deeply shaken. But the thought was fleeting. His rapidly deteriorating condition left him unable to focus on anything.
As the scholar had warned, severe chills surged through him, only to recede and return again. Waves of drowsiness overcame him, and he would drift into a brief slumber, only to be jolted awake by the pain wracking his body.
It felt similar to a feverish body ache, yet far worse—like his entire body was being slowly chopped to pieces.
His poor physical condition seemed to unravel his grasp on rationality. He had no strength left to maintain formalities or politeness.
Normally, Kieran would have considered Alyssa’s perspective, trying to understand her feelings.
But now, he was unwell, and with that came a foggy, immature state of mind. Throughout his bouts of waking and sleeping, he grew increasingly irritated by the absence of Alyssa in his sight whenever he opened his eyes.
You were worried about me. So shouldn’t you still be here, fretting in front of me?
Selfish, almost childish thoughts filled his head, as though her being at his side was something he was entitled to simply because he was sick.
Kieran suppressed these thoughts with the last remnants of his adult rationality. But that threadbare patience finally snapped when Alyssa failed to return to his room, even past midnight.
He hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d spoken earlier—if she hadn’t come, he truly would have dragged himself out of bed, enduring the wretched chills, to search the castle for her.
“Are you planning to avoid seeing me forever?”
Her head was bowed so low that he couldn’t see her face. He felt another flare of irritation; after waiting for her all day, she wouldn’t even meet his gaze.
His half-asleep mind felt heavy, and his cold hands ached with emptiness.
He missed her.
“Even if that’s what you intend, I’ll still call for you, just as I did today.”
Without waiting for her reply, he continued. Only then did Alyssa finally raise her head. Her widened eyes, filled with surprise, no longer sparkled like they once had.
“If you truly feel sorry, then you’ll listen to what I have to say. And if you don’t, then clearly you’re not as remorseful as you claim, so you may as well stay by my side regardless. Isn’t that so?”
Kieran hated how her clouded, distant eyes seemed to wander elsewhere. He needed her to look at him again, just as she had before.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking or how far you plan to go in trying to consider me, but…”
As he spoke, his emotions intensified. His already poor health only made the growing headache worse.
“If you truly care about me, then stay by my side.”
The unfiltered words spilled from his lips without passing through his mind. Another wave of chills struck him, and Kieran’s face contorted in discomfort.
“Are you cold? Shall I add more wood to the fire—?”
Alyssa, who had been staring at him in a daze, quickly moved when she saw his trembling fingertips.
As she turned her back to him and moved away, Kieran instinctively reached out and grabbed her. His cold, thin fingers wrapped around her wrist, causing Alyssa to freeze in place.
“It’s fine. I’m fine, so… just come here.”
Kieran, drawn to the warmth he felt in his hand, instinctively pulled her toward him. The strength in his grip was weak—easy enough to resist—but Alyssa found herself unable to pull away.
In a moment, she ended up half-sitting on his bed, almost lying beside him. Kieran, curled up and half-asleep, blinked drowsily up at her.
Despite her flustered state, Alyssa immediately thought she should lay him down properly. Carefully, she adjusted his position and helped him lie flat.
She then tried to leave the bed, but Kieran, sensing her movement, gripped her arm even tighter and pulled her closer.
“…!”
Losing her balance, Alyssa nearly fell face-first onto Kieran. At the last second, she twisted her body to avoid him, but the situation remained far from ideal.
Alyssa found herself lying face-to-face with Kieran, unable to breathe properly. His labored breaths sounded so loud to her that she worried he might hear her own.
“Don’t leave. You have to stay here and sleep,” Kieran mumbled, his voice heavy with drowsiness, as though stubbornly clinging to her presence.
“Tomorrow morning, we’ll have breakfast together… and greet each other if we meet. That’s how it should be.”
“…”
“It doesn’t matter. Just stay next to me…”
With those last words, Kieran fully drifted into sleep. His deeply slumbering face looked peaceful.
As if seeking warmth, he curled up closer to her in his sleep, wrapping himself around her. Startled, Alyssa froze as his ice-cold body pressed into hers.
It wasn’t just the chill of his body that shocked her. Her naturally warm body, now flushed with heat, seemed to attract him instinctively. Kieran unconsciously pressed even closer, seeking the comforting warmth she provided.
As her heat transferred to him, Kieran’s body began to regain some warmth, though it still felt lukewarm compared to hers.
Should I even be allowed to do this?
Alyssa thought, her heart heavy and on the verge of tears. The question she had repeatedly asked herself and answered with a firm no was met with an entirely different answer from Kieran.
After remaining frozen for a long time, Alyssa finally reached out with trembling hands. Her shaky fingers brushed lightly against Kieran’s shoulder.
And so, until dawn gave way to morning, Alyssa didn’t sleep a wink.
Kieran, on the other hand, woke up much later than usual. Thankfully, the worst of his symptoms seemed to have lasted only a day, and after a deep sleep, he felt surprisingly refreshed, as if none of it had ever happened.
As his mind cleared, fragments of the previous night’s memories began to surface. Kieran shut his eyes tightly, wincing at the realization.
I acted no better than a drunken fool.
Although he rarely drank to begin with, now he had even more reason to avoid it altogether.
He’d always known he became particularly irritable when unwell, but he had no idea how much his behavior could affect others.
Probably because I’ve never had anyone by my side when I was sick.
Kieran had always been alone. Even when his body ached and he was confined to bed, he had no one to rely on.
It was the first time he had sought someone out while ill, the first time he had stubbornly clung to anyone.
The lingering warmth of Alyssa’s hand against his flushed cheek soothed him. Kieran let out a deep sigh as he sat up in bed.
He reached for the bell pull to summon a servant but hesitated. The memory of his words to Alyssa the night before—demanding that she behave as she once had—came rushing back.
The clock on the wall ticked past ten, creeping toward eleven.
…Surely not?
For a brief moment, Kieran found himself hoping that Alyssa had ignored his demands entirely.
But, of course, she hadn’t.
“Did you sleep well?”
When Kieran hurriedly entered the dining hall, he found Alyssa sitting alone at the table, waiting for him. He swallowed a sigh.
It wasn’t the first time he had seen her like this, but this time, he felt a much heavier weight of guilt.
“You’re up early. You could have taken your time… You didn’t bump into anything rushing down, did you?”
Despite likely having waited for at least two hours, Alyssa spoke with an easy smile, showing no trace of irritation. She seemed more concerned about Kieran’s disheveled appearance, the result of him coming downstairs in haste.
“Have you been waiting this whole time?”
Alyssa shyly nodded, but instead of looking annoyed, she appeared genuinely happy.
“Next time, wake me. I’m sorry for making you wait so long.”
At Kieran’s guilt-laden words, Alyssa blinked in surprise before her face bloomed into a gentle smile.
“It’s okay. I’ll wait… next time, too.”
Looking at her radiant expression, Kieran couldn’t help but feel like the most shameless person alive.
He resolved then and there to ask the attendants to wake him every morning moving forward. With that thought, he sat in his usual seat at the dining table.
But something felt off. The view from his seat was unusual—Alyssa, who should have been seated directly across from him, was sitting one seat to the side instead.
Puzzled, he looked at her, and she subtly averted her gaze. Though she wasn’t outright avoiding him anymore, it seemed she hadn’t completely shaken off her lingering guilt.
“You seem to have misplaced your seat, Madam,” Kieran said calmly.
Alyssa blinked a few times in confusion. He gestured to the spot directly across from him.
Her mouth opened slightly, as if she wanted to protest, but no words came out. In the end, she quietly moved to the seat he indicated, her expression faintly awkward.
Kieran began eating as though nothing had happened, his demeanor calm and composed.
It seemed that, at least around his wife, he would need to embrace being a little shameless.
And then, one month later—
The haggard faces of scholars appeared at their office door, their eyes gleaming with determination.
“It’s complete!”
This got me hooked! I’ve just started reading it but I’m at the last available chapter already *sigh*. I’ll have to patiently wait for more but I’m already desperate to know about what happens next, thank you for this wonderful translation <3
Thank you for all the love🫶🏻💌
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