There Is No Way You Love Me

Even now, Kieran occasionally found it strange to share meals with Alyssa.

It was only natural to feel that way.

Though they now saw each other every day, in his previous life, he hadn’t dared to speak to her. Back then, he believed she disliked him, and he, in turn, had felt uneasy around her.

‘There’s no need to dwell on the past.’

What would his self from just a month ago think of his current situation? Just a short while ago, he’d been stepping into the dining room as a calculated effort to assert his rightful place with a seemingly indifferent wife.

Back then, he never would have believed he’d end up sharing breakfast with her even after fulfilling his duties.

In truth, Kieran didn’t need to join Alyssa for breakfast anymore.

 Before, he’d needed her approval for various matters, and because she avoided him so thoroughly, he’d insisted on their breakfast meetings as a way to see her.

 But now, he was fully capable of handling his responsibilities on his own. And even if something did require her input, Alyssa no longer avoided him as she used to.

Still, every morning, as soon as he would wake up, Kieran would find himself heading to the dining room where he knew Alyssa would be waiting.

Because Alyssa’s day started exceptionally early, this meal always felt a bit too early for him. Each morning, he struggled to pull himself out of bed, wincing as he forced his groggy self awake, yet he unfailingly kept to their breakfast schedule.

He couldn’t quite put a finger on why he did it, but there were a few things he just couldn’t shake from his mind.

Once, Kieran had overslept and ended up late for breakfast. It was a rare day when he had nothing pressing on his schedule, and by the time he woke up, an hour had already passed since their usual, unspoken meeting time. He considered his options briefly, then got up slowly, taking his time to prepare.

At that hour, he was certain Alyssa would have finished eating. It didn’t cross his mind even once that she might still be waiting for him.

“Did you sleep well?”

But when he finally came down to the dining room for a late breakfast, he froze, startled by a soft greeting. Alyssa was still there, waiting for him. The food was cold and untouched, each dish still perfectly arranged.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said hurriedly, looking at him with genuine regret, not a trace of resentment in her voice.

Noticing his gaze on the food, Alyssa called for the servant to warm the dishes.

“I wasn’t sure when you’d come… I’ll have it reheated right away, so please wait just a moment.”

From then on, Kieran began waking up earlier. But no matter how early he made his way down, the dining room was never empty. When he opened the door, he’d always be greeted by the warm scent of freshly prepared food, and there she’d be, smiling at him from her seat.

Alyssa was always there, waiting for him.

This made Kieran uneasy. The thought of her sitting alone in that vast, empty dining hall, waiting endlessly, left him with a sharp pang in his chest. One word from him, a simple request to not wait, would have solved everything. Yet he never said it.

Instead, he chose the more uncomfortable path, pushing himself to rise even earlier, quickening his steps to the dining room each morning.

“Because you’re willing to have breakfast with me.”

That shyly murmured phrase kept echoing in his ears, spoken in a voice that was genuinely glad, filled with sincere gratitude.

The sky, just breaking into dawn, was a clear blue. Kieran quickened his steps, practically running towards the dining hall.

As he approached, he spotted the familiar figure reaching for the door handle. Unconsciously, a smile spread across his face.

“Looks like I’m not late today.”

At the sound of his voice, Alyssa turned her head instinctively. Her face was mostly hidden, but her lips, the one feature clearly visible, parted slightly in surprise.

He felt his breath come a little quicker from the rush over, and as he adjusted his silver hair, which had been loosely tied back, he found himself smiling even more.

“Good morning, your grace.”

Throughout breakfast, Alyssa remained a bit on edge.

‘I almost made him wait for me.’

Every day, she arrived early to wait for Kieran in the dining room. But with his arrival time seemingly getting earlier each morning, she felt a bit anxious. Today, they had nearly arrived at the door at the same time.

While she’d narrowly avoided being late this morning, if things continued at this pace, Kieran might end up waiting for her one day. She resolved to arrive even earlier from tomorrow, determined to wait for him without fail. She couldn’t bear to waste even a moment of his time, especially when she felt she contributed so little.

“You seem to enjoy pudding.”

“…Pardon?”

Startled by the sudden question, Alyssa fumbled her hand, causing the small pudding in front of her to wobble. Fearing it might fall, she quickly popped a spoonful into her mouth.

At that, Kieran let out a quiet chuckle, prompting Alyssa to lower her head, her cheeks burning red.

‘He laughed again.’

This time, it might have been a laugh at her expense, but as long as he was smiling, she didn’t mind if she looked foolish.

“Do you not?” Kieran asked, his voice still tinged with laughter. After a brief pause, Alyssa nodded slowly.

“Well… I suppose I do.”

The pudding was a dessert that appeared now and then since Kieran had changed the cook. Having known hunger as a child, Alyssa never turned down any food, but she had an undeniable soft spot for sweets.

This particular pudding, made from milk with a generous amount of sugar, was one of the few desserts she had tasted and immediately loved. Whenever it appeared, she’d savor it in small bites, as she was doing today.

“I’ll ask the cook to serve pudding more often,” Kieran said, nudging his portion toward her. Alyssa hesitated, unsure, glancing down at the extra dessert.

“Oh, but you should have some too.”

“No need. I don’t particularly care for sweets.”

At Kieran’s words, Alyssa paused, her spoon frozen mid-air. The sweetness that had been melting on her tongue suddenly felt cloying.

“Then perhaps we should stop serving dessert altogether,” she murmured.

The idea that dishes he didn’t even enjoy had been prepared all along for him felt like an unnecessary waste.

“But you enjoy them, don’t you?”

“Oh, no, it’s… it’s really not worth making them just for me,” she replied, putting her spoon down.

“We’re hardly so poor that we need to cut back on ingredients.”

Kieran’s voice held a subtle confusion, as if her suggestion carried a weight beyond simply not making dessert. Alyssa shook her head slowly, the unease on her face deepening.

“It just feels… wrong of me to take so much.”

Though Kieran had assured her that she should rest if she had no tasks, Alyssa couldn’t shake the feeling of unrest since then.

“I’m just… completely useless right now. I don’t have any tasks, and I’m not of any real help…”

Alyssa hadn’t started her formal training as a successor until the relatively late age of fifteen. Until then, she’d lived feeling guilty even for the food she ate, seeing herself as a burden.

‘A worthless creature, doing nothing but devouring precious resources!’

It was only after her father, tired of searching for a suitable heir among the extended family, had finally turned his attention to her that she found her place.

For Alyssa, fulfilling the duties of a duke was not only a responsibility but a permission for her to exist.

‘But once summer starts, things won’t be like this anymore. When the monsters begin their attacks, there will be a lot of requests for mercenary jobs.’

In spring, when there were no monster incursions, the servants carried out all their duties without missing a beat. Amidst this, Alyssa felt as though her own usefulness had dwindled away.

“This summer, I’ll take on more requests. Then maybe we’ll have a little more income coming in…”

She wanted Kieran to find a use for her, to see her as someone valuable enough to keep around.

“…Not now, but maybe then, I could be of some help.”

What began as a casual remark had turned into a plea. Alyssa forced a smile, but Kieran didn’t return it. Instead, he frowned slightly, looking almost troubled, as if he had received something he hadn’t asked for.

“So, I…”

At that expression, a sudden fear seized her.

“I…”

She couldn’t finish the words she had tried to say. She wanted to offer something more but couldn’t think of anything else. This was all she had to give, and if even this was unwelcome, she didn’t know what to say next.

“I… still…”

But her small voice soon faded away.

Ding, ding, ding…

The sharp sound filled the entire castle in an instant, and Alyssa instinctively pushed back her chair and stood up.

“What’s happening all of a sudden…?”

Unlike the bewildered Kieran, she understood the meaning of the bell better than anyone. It was the alarm signaling a monster invasion.