Chapter 33
When Shin Hae-jun learned that Min Ahyeon was also an experiment, something inside him felt like it was crumbling.
Why.
That thought crossed his mind.
Why are you different from me?
That absurdly childish question raised another question in his heart, perhaps a self-condemning one, wondering if he could have lived like Ahyeon. It was a question that held a thread of feeble hope deep within Shin Hae-jun’s innermost being, yet at the same time, it harbored an answer that could push him back into despair.
‘Damn it.’
Of course, Shin Hae-jun could not have become someone like Ahyeon. As lamentable as it was, it was all too obvious.
“Shin Hae-jun, if you had to choose between you and me, who would you choose?”
He remembered his friend who had always been there with him.
“I’d choose myself. I have to survive first!”
The child who was giggling chose Shin Hae-jun instead of himself when he really had to make a decision. “You have to live. Just make sure to live well.” He had said that while Shin Hae-jun pointed the gun at him.
Was Shin Hae-jun’s action merciless? He had been merciless to his friend, but held a certain mercy for himself. But looking back, even that action was ruthless to Shin Hae-jun himself. Would it have been better if he had chosen death at that moment?
What was your expression back then? And what was mine? Was I crying? Or was I forcibly holding back tears, thinking that even crying was deceitful? In truth, I don’t know. No, what I really don’t understand is why I survived at that moment…
I regret it.
Every day feels like hell. Every day is terribly difficult. I regret and I despair.
In the process, Shin Hae-jun tried to protect himself in any way he could. So he chose his current life. As the military dog who could live without any thoughts.
So,
‘I…’
Could I have lived like Min Ahyeon?
‘…No.’
The question he had asked himself became a needle, repeatedly pricking his throat.
He knew it. He was admitting to himself that he was also a coward. And Min Ahyeon, he knew exactly the opposite…
Like light and shadow, Min Ahyeon was a person of extraordinary light that everyone could admire, while Shin Hae-jun was one of endless, pitiful darkness that everyone condemned.
Shin Hae-jun was a terrible person who used every excuse to trample on others, but Ahyeon was not. Despite having the same past, she did not do that and had arduously strived not to. So Ahyeon deserved respect, but Shin Hae-jun could not earn that respect. He was more suited to condemnation than admiration.
Was it because of that?
He felt small in front of Min Ahyeon. She was a perfect example of how Shin Hae-jun should have lived, or rather, a presence on the standard path that prevented Shin Hae-jun from making excuses and running away. She was a mirror that candidly reflected his own tattered, broken self.
So when they were together, Shin Hae-jun intentionally annoyed Min Ahyeon more, got angrier at her, and fought with her more frequently. He knew it was childish behavior, but he couldn’t stop. He wanted to make her angry. He wanted to torment her. He wanted to see her at her lowest… and convince himself that she was not much different from him.
‘Stupid bastard.’
Shin Hae-jun sighed deeply, berating himself.
‘But of course, it’s not like she hates me just because of those behaviors…’
He chuckled bitterly, then turned his gaze to Min Ahyeon, who was sleeping peacefully, oblivious to the world in her dreams. Her quiet breaths were quick, perhaps due to a tiring day. Gazing at her pale face, eyes closed peacefully, Shin Hae-jun reached out. Brushing the soft, slightly graying hair strands, her whole face came into view.
‘The reason you hate me…’
Even in her sleep, a slight furrow formed between her brows, as if she was deep in thought. Shin Hae-jun gently smoothed her neatly trimmed eyebrows and smiled bitterly.
‘Because I don’t think while living.’
Shin Hae-jun withdrew his hand as Min Ahyeon’s furrowed brow relaxed slightly. Ahyeon, now appearing more at ease than before, stirred slightly in her sleep. Fortunately, it seemed like she didn’t fully wake up, so Shin Hae-jun just watched quietly for a while before eventually retracting his hand.
He was someone who knew better than anyone else that he was a scumbag. A despicable being worthy of the noble nicknames “mongrel” and “military dog.”
Ahyeon probably disliked him because she knew he would always follow military orders unconditionally and even go as far as dying for his father’s commands. Ahyeon probably despised people like him who didn’t have a spine.
That’s why they were always at odds, with Ahyeon always questioning him—Why are you like this, General? Why don’t you think about it?
“Then why did you like it when I pinned you down?”
Shin Hae-jun muttered these words, almost sneering. He liked it when he pinned her down because she felt the same way.
No, was that sensation something he could simply describe as liking it?
The overwhelming sensation flooded not only his body but also his mind, as if it would devour even his sanity. It was closer to madness than pleasure.
At that moment in the warehouse, Shin Hae-jun had lost control, experiencing a rapture akin to the adolescent fantasies of wet dreams. The searing thirst was still parching his throat.
It was unthinkable for someone like Shin Hae-jun to lose control of his body, writhing uncontrollably, while Ahyeon caressed him like a beloved puppy, ultimately granting him access to her most intimate place.
As Ahyeon’s slender body had been pinned beneath him, her pale breasts had bloomed like mist flowers.
Shin Hae-jun ran his fingers, which had just brushed her fine hair, across his lips. There was no place that these lips had not touched.
Just imagining it made lukewarm heat rose in his lower abdomen.
“Do you like clinging to someone you hate?”
Or perhaps, she didn’t really hate him that much after all.
Either way, Ahyeon would never give him an answer.
In the face of unanswered questions, Shin Hae-jun chuckled involuntarily. Both interpretations were based on what he himself wanted, regardless of Ahyeon’s actual intentions. Despite reflecting on his own cowardice and pettiness just moments ago, he was once again trying to interpret things the way he wanted. His tongue felt bitter, like bile. Shin Hae-jun roughly rubbed his lips and turned his head.
Or rather, he tried to.
“Mmm…”
Min Ahyeon, who had been lying straight, turned over and lay towards Shin Hae-jun. Her hair, which Shin Hae-jun had just brushed aside, cascaded down softly. In contrast to her rough speech, with the coarse language used by mercenaries wielding sniper rifles, the labored, drowsy breaths she was exhaling made her seem incredibly delicate—even more so than when she was in the military.
The dark and sultry gaze of the man passed over her clear and transparent face, tracing along her jawline. Then, it lingered on the ear that had been sucked and nibbled just a while ago. With her small face fitting so neatly in his hand, Ahyeon’s ears were just as petite. The slightly stiff cartilage would fold when he took that ear into his mouth, and Shin Hae-jun found that sensation quite enjoyable. It satisfied his predatory dominance.
Indeed, he was a despicable human being. Despite not deserving even to touch a strand of Min Ahyeon’s hair, futile desires bubbled up within him.
Shin Hae-jun’s eyes darkened with a black, lustful intent. The heated gaze, burning hotter than before, traced down the neck still bearing his marks, into the deep cleft between her budding breasts revealed by her open collar, and lingered near the area where his handprints had imprinted her waist during their intimate coupling.
Yet, when his gaze returned to her face, it was met with a countenance of innocent purity, entirely at odds with the scorching desires possessing his body.
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Chapter 34 Password: Zdvc0
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