Chapter 15: Death Part 2
However, Lucifella, who Eozif saw, was lost her way, and although she looked a little upset, she was normal, he said. He even said that she saw through him with her unique way of speaking.
So what’s the reason? Eozif seemed to know something, but he didn’t tell me.
Did she really go crazy? I’d like to decline a crazy fiancée.
Then Zed realized that he was thinking deeply about Lucifella.
But it wasn’t exactly the wrong direction to be interested in her that he didn’t deny the feeling or be surprised, and anyway, he was tied up as her fiancé, so what’s wrong with being interested? That’s what he thought.
She brought up the divorce, but they haven’t divorced yet, so he just have to do what he want about it.
We’ve known each other and shared the same secret. Is there a law that we shouldn’t do this?
Zed, who has proudly rationalized himself, has now openly thought about Lucifella.
He had faced Lucifella a few times before, but they weren’t too interested in each other.
Lucifella’s beautiful appearance has as enchanted Zed as many men, Lucifella also never gives him the same gaze she gave to the crown prince.
Zed, who recalled Lucifella’s gaze toward the crown prince, seemed to have been hit on the head.
Don’t tell me you said it was okay, but it wasn’t okay? In fact, she may have been suffering. The iron rule was to hide emotions on this place. It made sense.
It means that she had a pretty big grudge if she kicked the crown prince’s d*ck. If Lucifella’s words were true, she would have suffered the worst betrayal.
Suddenly, his subordinate, who was dying for love, came to mind.
Zed had never really felt what “love” was like, but he knew that a person had the strongest power to become a madman.
There was no need for him to comfort her pathetic past, but he took it too lightly.
He knows. The extent to which Lucifella has lost her place in society since jumping into the imperial palace lake.
For the ladies, the social world was a battlefield. At such a place, she had already been savagely defeated.
Even the crown prince didn’t do anything for her, even force her to join the banquet after the accident.
He thought it was to make fun of him, but when he thought otherwise, she was a real bastard to Lucifella. She shouldn’t have been kicked just once, she should have been kicked a little harder.
Isn’t it because her heartache hasn’t disappeared that she’s done something she’s never done before? In the end, Zed concluded that Lucifella had not forgotten the crown prince.
But I don’t think so…… At that time, Lucifella’s face seemed really bad, but this is the only explanation. I felt dirty.
“Damn rain.”
Zed gritted his teeth and muttered.
***
When I opened my eyes, my vision was blurry. I was out of breath. Even rolling your eyes might be hard, so I looked around thinking that way, and my Father was next to me.
Looking at the anxiety and sadness on his face, she blinked slowly.
My head is getting hot. It was only when I was very young that I had a fever, and I have never had such a fever since I grew up.
The bed was a place where she had no connection except when she slept. But since I became Lucifella, I’ve been staying in bed almost all the time.
It was a damn weak body. That strong self disappeared. Sickness does not come a day’s walk either, and she should always be careful.
If she gets caught in the rain foolishly, this price will come back. Not only was she not able to wield a sword, but she also needed to pay attention to everything.
Every movement of her finger and every act of exhaling her breath felt as far away as other people’s actions.
At the movement of her Lucifella, Count Ayden raised her head and looked at Lucifella. When he looked into her eyes, he somehow felt his heartthrob and guilt.
“Lucy.”
Lucifella blinked at the call mixed with a sad cry. Count Aydin’s face was contorted.
“Was it that hard. Was it that hard?”
Count Aydin was in tears. Lucifella sighed inside, looking at his face, which was crying with red face.
“I won’t ask you anything. I don’t want anything from you. Can’t you just live a healthy, happy life? Can’t that be the case?”
I am neither healthy nor happy. Do you realize that what you’re asking was such a difficult question? She helped herself.
What is life like to live happily like this?
Now that Estelle is dead, is it happiness to adapt to Lucifella and live happily? Is this how she lives?
Then, where does Estelle go?
My heart aches like this, but I’m boiling with hatred, and I’m overflowing with sadness. A life that was unjustly taken away and an infamous death left in history. Everything is getting sick in there.
“Don’t worry, this dad will do everything for you. If you suffer, I’ll relieve you of the pain.”
The Count’s words were not heard in her ears, it only lingered outside.
If this is another chance for her, she has been given a new life. Still, she couldn’t get up. But she didn’t want to die in despair again.
As she experienced a true “death,” she realized how terrifying it was to end her life. Rather, it began to burn her will to live.
She wanted to live. If I die this time, maybe it’s because I vaguely realized that Estelle was really dying. Estelle, this time she didn’t want to die again.
The deeper her despair, the more she wanted to live. Because when she dies, she can’t even feel despair.
Every time she despaired, she fell asleep. When she fell asleep, she would dream of Lucifella. Finally, when she admitted to death, memories crawled in.
She saw how lonely Lucifella was when she was young. On the day of her Mother’s death, Count Aydin was disappointed, leaving Lucifella unattended.
He cried, saying he would follow her Mother. No one comforted her.
The count literally wanted to follow his wife. He tried to kill himself by taking poison. It was Lucifella who found her unconscious Father.
The suicide was unsuccessful, and the Count survived. When the Count woke up, he hugged Lucifella and cried.
He never gave up on life again. Then he always tried to show Lucifella his best love as a father.
But Lucifella knew it was because he felt guilty that he was trying to abandon her. The Count had already abandoned her once.
He is someone who can abandon her at any time. The Count would not know how much that love has afflicted Lucifella. It tormented her.
Sleeping so helplessly repeated Lucifella’s memory. Like telling her to forget Estelle. So she tried to stay awake as much as possible.
For her health, and for fear that Estelle’s remaining ego will be buried in Lucifella’s memory.
But she continued to suffer. Why is this memory flooding in? Why does she keep having memories that Estelle doesn’t have…..
Eventually, the memory repeated itself, and she began to get confused.
Am I Estelle? Or is she Lucifella with Estelle’s memories? Am I Estelle, who has Lucifella’s body and has Lucifell’s memories?
It was a question that had never been asked properly. It’s just that she thought she was Estelle.
Her body has changed, her environment has changed, and no one knows that she is Estelle, so how can she think of herself as Estelle?
After three days, her fever went down to the point where her life was not threatened. Then the Count began to enter the Palace again.
Lucifella felt bitter when the Count who was next to her was not there every time she woke up, but she was well aware that there was nothing she could do.
In Lucifella’s memory, the Count was always busy with work. Loving his daughter and the importance of work acted separately for him.
After meekly following the directions to take medicine and eat for her treatment, she now has some energy to get up and move around.
But, horribly, her weak body took longer to recover. The fever didn’t seem to go down, and Lucifella had to stay dazed all the time.
That day was even worse. Lucifella’s mood was running the worst.
Because I had a dream that Lucifella was bullied in the social circle, the maids soothed her, but to no avail.
Because she was a woman with this weak body, she was in a position where she could not do anything and lay down, swallowing only her tears. The more she accepted her weak body, the more her despair grew.
“My lady, he’s here! You have to get ready.”
“Who?”
“It’s Duke of Heint.”
Why should I prepare? Lucifella thought blankly.
***
Thank you for reading!
