Chapter 49
In the end, there was no definitive action I could take for Dave’s sister.
Darnnella’s Disease could only be treated with the root of a fully bloomed Rosier flower.
Of course, palliative medication could be used, but that was only effective in alleviating symptoms like dizziness, headaches, and hemoptysis associated with the disease in its early stages. It wasn’t a cure.
Thus, all we could do was helplessly watch over Dave and his sibling.
But even that couldn’t go on forever.
Time was passing, and Dave’s case wasn’t the only matter we had to deal with.
“Diarna, you should return to the hotel and rest for now. There’s the trial tomorrow, after all.”
“…Yes, I understand.”
Fully aware of my situation, I obediently rose from my seat.
This was, after all, a clinic. Two knights assigned by Richard were already standing guard over Dave and his sibling. My presence here wasn’t necessary.
If anything, staying here might inconvenience others further.
Reluctantly, I got to my feet.
Still, my steps were hesitant.
I looked back at them several times before I could bring myself to leave completely.
Slowly, I walked away.
When I stepped outside, I saw that a carriage had already been prepared and was waiting in front of the clinic.
With Richard’s assistance, I climbed into the carriage. Soon after, he got in as well. Once the door shut and Richard signaled the driver, the carriage began to move.
Even as the carriage rocked gently on its journey, my thoughts lingered on the clinic.
On Dave, who had been gravely injured because of me. And on his sister, who shared my illness.
There wasn’t a single thing that didn’t weigh on my mind.
“Still blaming yourself?”
As I absentmindedly fidgeted with my fingers and thought about the two left behind at the clinic, Richard suddenly broke the silence with his question.
I looked up at him.
He was watching me with that characteristically cool and composed gaze of his.
It felt as though his eyes were filled with reproach for my self-blame, and I instinctively turned away.
…Of course, there was no real reason for him to look at me that way. It was my own discomfort twisting his gaze into something accusatory.
I was the one misinterpreting it because of my guilty conscience.
After a moment’s hesitation, I lifted my head to look at him again.
Upon closer inspection, his expression wasn’t as critical as I had imagined.
“Yes, I’m blaming myself.”
For a fleeting moment, I considered denying it, but I didn’t want to lie to myself. I chose to be honest instead.
Richard didn’t respond immediately. He simply remained silent for a while.
The silence felt heavy, so I forced a laugh in an attempt to break the awkward atmosphere.
But even that was swallowed by the somber air.
I briefly gazed out the window of the carriage and let out a small, bitter chuckle.
“I must look like a fool, don’t I?”
“Diarna, I haven’t known you for very long, but I do understand the kind of person you are.”
“The kind of person I am?”
“Yes.”
Richard paused for a moment, waiting until the mood had settled before speaking again.
“You’ve spent your life resigning yourself to everything. That’s why you’ve forgotten how to hope or how to be selfish.”
I mulled over his words.
There was nothing incorrect about what he said.
After being robbed of everything and subjected to Duke Tristan’s abuse, I had learned resignation far quicker than anything else.
Letting go of everything was easier.
Suffering silently and eventually relinquishing the pain in my heart was a simple enough solution.
The pain was mine alone, and if I bore it quietly, no one else would be inconvenienced.
But on second thought, it seemed I hadn’t included myself in the category of “no one.”
Perhaps I had been conditioned by the abuse, unable to consider anything beyond the immediate consequences.
I had stuffed all my complaints and pain deep inside, fearing that voicing them would lead to even worse treatment.
“Diarna, you need to be a little more selfish.”
“How?”
“Well, that’s not something I can tell you how to do.”
In the end, even that seemed like something I would have to figure out for myself.
“Still, keep this in mind: what happened to that kid, Dave, wasn’t your fault. That boy made the choice to try and kill you. Just because his circumstances are pitiful doesn’t mean it’s excusable. If someone tries to take a life, they should at least be prepared to lose their own.”
Richard’s words were gentle yet oddly devoid of warmth.
It was probably because his way of life was reflected in them.
After losing his parents as a child, Richard grew up constantly battling relatives and others who sought to take his title and wealth.
Suspicion and hatred for others had been his means of survival as a young boy.
No one had ever embraced him, nor had anyone ever truly understood him.
For him, losing his parents as a child had meant losing the great shield that protected and saved him.
The world was harsh, far too harsh for a child to face alone. For a child like Richard, burdened with wealth and a title, it must have been even crueler.
Everyone must have tried to use him, wanting to take something from him.
Having grown up in such circumstances, it was no surprise that his heart had grown dark and calloused.
As I looked at Richard, someone with a past similar to mine yet a completely different life, I felt a small pang of empathy stir in my chest.
Perhaps it was the same emotion he felt when he looked at me.
“Richard.”
I called his name softly.
He looked at me with his usual impassive expression. Yet, in that cold, detached gaze, I saw the image of a child barely holding on.
A young boy desperately masking his loneliness and hiding his wounds.
I imagined that this was what Richard must have been like as a child.
And in that moment of understanding, his loneliness seemed to resonate with me.
“Could I… hug you, just once?”
“What?”
His response was a mixture of disbelief and surprise, as if what I’d said was utterly absurd.
I shrugged and offered him a faint smile.
“To help me muster a little more courage and free myself from this guilt. I think it might make me feel a bit better.”
Truthfully, it wasn’t entirely for myself. I wanted to embrace the child Richard once was.
To tell him he’d done well, to ask if it had been hard for him.
Richard had offered me advice and comfort countless times, but I felt I had never truly been a source of solace for him.
“I don’t see how that and this are connected,” he replied, his tone firm and skeptical.
“Then at least give me your hand.”
Realizing that a hug wasn’t going to happen, I extended my hand toward him, as if asking for a handshake.
Richard stared at my hand for a moment before sighing and reluctantly taking it.
His hand was much larger than mine, rough with calluses.
I held his hand for a moment before slowly letting it go.
“Thank you.”
“…Hmph.”
Richard frowned slightly, as if displeased, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at his expression.
“Thanks for comforting me. I’ll think over what you said about Dave.”
With that, I turned away. For some reason, the atmosphere felt awkward, and it made me a bit uncomfortable.
Thankfully, we soon arrived at the Starlight Hotel, breaking the tension.
I returned to my room right away.
Since I had no reason to go out again, I changed into a comfortable dress and sat on the bed.
By the window near the bed was a Rosier flower.
The Rosier flower still hadn’t bloomed. It remained in the same budded state as before, showing no progress.
I stared at the flower with pursed lips.
Dave’s younger sibling had the same illness as me.
Even if Dave had managed to earn 10 silver coins by attempting to kill me or 10 gold coins for testifying for me, neither would have been nearly enough to save his sibling.
An unbloomed Rosier flower alone cost 5,000 gold.
Unless by some miracle he found one in the wild, Dave could work his entire life and still not afford to cure his sibling.
What’s worse, his sibling’s condition was far more severe than mine.
While I was still able to walk around, his sibling couldn’t even stand on their own anymore.
In that child, I saw a vision of my own future.
If the Rosier flower didn’t bloom, I, too, would end up like that child. And eventually, I would die.
The vague concept of death felt a bit more real now.
When my condition worsened, I’d likely lose the ability to walk, just like that child…
Still, there were two small things I could be grateful for.
First, I had two Rosier flower pots.
Second, I now knew how to make the flower bloom.
“Richard.”
As I sat there in my room, I suddenly called out to him, who was still working nearby.
He looked at me, puzzled, wondering what I wanted to say this time.
“Once the trial is over, and if Dave wakes up safely…”
I hesitated, anticipating his rejection, but continued.
“How about we take Dave and his sibling with us?”
“Fine.”
“…I knew it’d be too much. Even I think it’s a bit…”
I trailed off, already convinced he’d refuse, but then I processed his words again.
He hadn’t rejected the idea—he had agreed.
Dumbfounded, I widened my eyes and stared at him, who responded casually.
“If it’ll ease your mind, then do it.”
