“Ma, Ma.”
“Vardian, come here.”
“Mama!”
The little child toddled toward me, clutching a stick cookie in his hand.
“Don’t look at the cookie. Watch where you’re going.”
I was worried he might fall, but he was focused solely on the cookie, holding it as if it were the world’s most important treasure.
“Mama.”
It was no more than ten adult steps away, yet it took Vardian quite some time to reach me. He then offered me the cookie he was holding.
“Are you giving it to me? You’re not eating it?”
Nod.
Although he could speak a bit now, Vardian still preferred to express himself through actions first. He talks well in front of Valery, even making sentences. Given his age, his learning speed was definitely not slow, yet in front of me, he always seemed to get by with just that one word.
His young eyes were a vivid purple like violets. The light eyelids already seem to be observing someone. Even his blond hair, which looked as if it had been perfectly stamped out, was very much like Valery’s. His hair was a bit more curly than Valery’s, though neither Valery nor I had such curls, but his soft, curly hair felt incredibly lovely to touch. Seeing such adorable features always reminded me of the day he was born.
* * *
That day, I felt so much pain that I was sweating profusely. There were no complications, and we were just waiting for the due date, but then Vardian was born.
Despite the presence of the head mage at the imperial palace and waiting doctors, including Peiz, the pain did not subside. Neither magical potions nor doctor-prescribed medications helped.
I struggled desperately to stay conscious, fearing I might lose consciousness. The pain was so severe I thought I might die, but the sensation of suffering was mine alone; yet, I couldn’t let myself lose consciousness seeing Valery in even greater agony and distress. I managed to endure the excruciating pain by holding his hand through the night.
Vardian was born at dawn, and only after it was confirmed that the baby was safe did I finally lose consciousness. When I regained consciousness hours later, Valery was massaging my hands and feet, calling my name, and caressing my cheek. Feeling the gentle strokes on my hair and a kiss on my forehead, I barely managed to open my eyes.
The first thing I saw was Valery crying. I was too weak to even move a hand, but the warm tears falling on my cheek shocked me into blinking rapidly.
“Bella.”
“…Ah.”
“Bella, Bella. Oh, thank God. Bella.”
He sighed as if releasing a held breath, hugged me, and buried his face against me. His body trembled more intensely, the damp sensation growing stronger. I wanted to comfort him, but I was too weak to move even a fingertip.
“Bella, are you okay? Should I call the doctor? If it’s hard to speak, just blink your eyes.”
“Valery.”
“Yes, I’m here, Bella.”
Even as he moved frantically, Valery never let go of my hand. I realized too late that his hand was trembling with fear.
“…I’m okay. How’s the baby?”
I was more concerned about the baby’s condition than my own. I needed to know if everything was as I remembered, if the baby was safe now, or if there was anything wrong. Surprisingly, I felt no pain, although I must have exerted myself significantly because my body felt completely weak.
As I asked with a little effort in my grip, Valery, wiping away his tears, arranged my hair and answered. “The baby is healthy. Surprisingly so…”
Relief washed over me, and I smiled faintly without realizing it.
“That’s a relief…”
And then, I think I fell asleep again.
When I woke up, Valery was still by my side. But unlike before, Peiz and the servants were busily moving around in the background.
A little later, after regaining consciousness, I received a simple medical check-up and drank a recovery potion before I could finally sit up. The medications that had been utterly ineffective during labor began to work only after giving birth.
“How are you feeling? If there’s any discomfort…”
“I’m really fine now. Maybe because you kept massaging me, I feel much lighter.”
Feeling almost weightless, I wanted to see the baby. And it seemed Valery needed some rest too. He had been doing that earlier, and according to the doctor, he had been checking on the baby and then coming back to stay by my side.
“Valery.”
“Yes, Bella.”
“I want to see the baby. And you should rest a bit too.”
Valery would rather I rested more, but he couldn’t refuse my wish to see the baby.
It was a little later. Valery brought the baby to me, holding him in his arms.
“Ah…”
“He was awake just before, but it seems he’s fallen asleep again.”
This is my child.
Wrapped in soft cloth, at first, I couldn’t even see the baby’s hair well. His eyes were closed too, so I couldn’t quite make out his face.
Valery gently stroked my eyes. Unknowingly, I was crying again.
“It’s amazing.”
Then Valery chuckled a stark contrast to his previously serious demeanor all day.
“Is it the fact that the baby was born?”
“That it’s my baby, just… It all feels so surreal.”
The realization that I finally had a family of my own, following Valery, overwhelmed me.
I had never felt the warmth of a family before, despite having a mother and her family behind her. It felt like I had gained another precious treasure that I needed to protect with my life.
Holding the baby, I cried in Valery’s arms for a long time. And later, when the baby woke up hungry, only then did I see his eyelids and notice the fine blond hairs, realizing my wishes had come true.
The baby’s name, unlike the carefully considered prenatal nickname, was quickly decided. Valery wanted to derive the name from mine, bringing names like Velsian, Belard, or Velin, which I didn’t like, so I quickly combined the meanings I had been considering, pretending it was a spontaneous decision, although I had actually been mulling over it throughout the 10 months I carried the baby.
And so, Vardian has been growing just as I hoped from the day he was born until now.
* * *
As I reminisced, seeing my child made me even more affectionate, and I stroked his slightly tousled hair for a long time. Then I ate the half-crushed cookie he had held tightly on his way here. It crumbled crisply in my mouth, releasing a savory sweetness.
“Seems a bit stale, doesn’t it?”
As I smiled slightly, Vardian vigorously shook his head, indicating a definite “no.”
“Mama.”
“Behave properly.”
He had walked all this way energetically, but now Vardian stretched out his arms, wanting to be held.
