Although I only uttered a single phrase, the tension I had been chewing over as I waited for Valery all day, thinking about how to convey it, spilled out as tears.
There was no fear that he would dislike the idea of having a child. I knew better than anyone that Valery would stand by my side even if I were to give birth to a monster rather than a child.
Even though it wasn’t something I had been desperately hoping for. Even though I hadn’t been waiting just for this news. Just sharing this unfamiliar news with Valery overwhelmed me profoundly.
“Bella.”
Like ink soaking through paper and then drying, Valery’s voice came out strained as he called my name. He didn’t even ask if it was true.
“It’s still very early, so maybe…”
“Bella.”
Our foreheads touched. The tips of our noses touched.
“…”
“Bella.”
Bella, Bella, Bella.
As if he hadn’t learned any other words, Valery held my cheek and repeated my name for a long while. I burst into laughter.
“Why do you keep calling me like that?”
“It feels like a dream,” Valery spoke dreamily, like someone intoxicated. He looked at me with such fondness that it tickled right to the heart.
Suddenly, Valery pulled me into a tight embrace. Leaning his face into my shoulder, his scent became much more intense.
“So, now that we’re here, ah, can I hold you like this?” As if realizing too late, Valery stammered, flustered.
“You’re already holding me. It’s okay. Surely, it’s not that we can’t do even this.”
“I didn’t know what to do and just…”
As I reassured him again that it was okay, Valery relaxed his arms slightly and hugged me once more.
Breathing became easier thanks to him, but even then, Valery seemed cautious. His large body trembled as if chilled, despite usually wearing just a simple coat, even in severe cold.
His unusual behavior felt strange, but somehow, I thought I understood Valery’s feelings. I pretended not to notice and slowly moved my hand up to stroke his back.
* * *
“I don’t know what to do first. Maybe I should start preparing a room for when the baby arrives. No, maybe I should start with making clothes first.”
This was the serious conversation he was having, lying sprawled out on the bed, hugging me. Even though I had told him not to tell anyone yet since it was very early, Valery was already imagining our child growing up.
What would it be like if it were a girl or a boy?
What might be a good hair color, and what color should the eyes be?
“That.”
“I think it’s best to make the room right next to here. It’ll be where Bella can see the most. I will move my work from the emperor’s palace to here—”
“Valery, listen.”
“Ah, we should probably start by relaying the carpets tomorrow. Winter might be coming soon, and we should look for thick carpets that are absolutely non-slip. Maybe it’s better to start with changing the bed…”
I couldn’t stay silent any longer, so I reached out and grabbed Valery’s cheek to stop him. “There’s no need to do anything yet. I told you, it’s very early. The doctor couldn’t even confirm it yet because it’s so early. I just felt unusually sensitive.”
“But still… We should start preparing now,”
“Later. We can prepare slowly, later than now. And just in case. It’s good not to expect too much in the very early stages.”
As I spoke these half-worried words, Valery caressed my cheek in response.
“That’s okay. As long as Bella is not hurt. I wish I could carry and give birth to the child myself… Since I can’t, I want to do everything I can. That’s why… that’s what I’m doing. I’ll find the safest ways possible to help the child come out from your womb.”
I really can’t stop him. Things seemed to improve a bit, but it ended up going in circles again.
Once he started, he planned to move his office here starting tomorrow, even asking how many steps a day are safe to walk. Despite having a good memory, he feared that he might forget it by morning and even planned to jot down questions for the doctor and the Magic Tower.
It seemed no amount of dissuading would work. I finally gave up and chuckled, shaking my head. There’s no stopping him.
“Really… do as you like. But there’s something more urgent to do first, so I guess I shouldn’t say it.”
Valery’s eyes widened.
“Please tell me.”
“Ah, I’m sleepy.”
“Bella.”
“…”
“Wife.”
“…”
“My Love? Honey?”
As I pretended to sleep, closing my eyes, he poured out every endearing nickname he could think of, and I burst into laughter again. The tension that had gripped my body had long since dissipated.
“We have to name the baby before it’s born. To grow healthy inside the mother.”
“Name.”
Valery suddenly swallowed hard as if his throat was tight.
“Yeah… My doctor’s mother used to call me plumpy. Ironically, I’m slim now.”
Valery moved once again, briefly pressed his lips to my forehead, and then pulled away. “We’ll have to think hard about it.”
“That’s right.”
“No matter how much I think about it.”
“Yes?”
“I hope it resembles you, Bella. From head to toe.”
“I like your eyes better.”
Truth be told if I were to speak my mind entirely, Valery would scold me, but I hoped our child wouldn’t inherit my eyes. Not many people like blood-red eyes. I hoped our child would inherit Valery’s deep eyes.
“Let’s sleep.” Valery, holding me close, rhythmically patted my back.
“Yes, you too, Valery.”
Though I wasn’t sleepy, I felt relaxed enough to feel a bit drowsy. I closed my eyes, attempting to sleep, influenced by Valery’s soothing strokes.
* * *
While talking yesterday, I thought he had come to his senses… But somehow, he seemed to be sleeping in exceptionally late today.
Unlike me, Valery always got up before sunrise. Whether it was to go exercise or finish state affairs he couldn’t complete yesterday. Or he would check in advance what he had to do today, but he was never late. Even if I asked him to wake me up as well, he would always get up so carefully that I wouldn’t even notice.
But today, Valery was still holding me when I opened my eyes. I thought it was strange.
“Leave quickly.”
“No. No matter how much I think about it, I’m too worried to leave you.”
“No… Valery, you need to clearly understand who you are and what position you’re in right now.”
“I already know very well.”
“No, you don’t. Otherwise, it doesn’t make sense to cancel a whole month’s schedule!” In the end, I shouted, still held in his arms.
“Shh. You need to rest.”
“…”
I glared at him so hard that my eyes bulged in disbelief.
Here’s what happened. While I was asleep, Valery had canceled all of his schedules as the emperor and settled in my room. He intended to personally take care of me because no one else could be as trustworthy.
How absurd.
From outside, strange crying voices pleaded for him to change his mind. It was the sobbing of Valery’s aides.
I held my throbbing head from the morning.
