Asha waited silently for Ivan to finish the sorbet.
“…Seems like I like it.”
“Was it delicious?”
“If it’s something you give me…”
“If I give you something, you’ll say you like it no matter what?”
It was a statement that meant “That won’t do,” but Ivan looked at her with a look that read “Of course.” Asha let out a sigh.
“There might be things among what I give you that don’t match your taste. You can say you don’t like those.”
“…”
Asha had never seen Ivan express his thoughts so clearly before. His expression now clearly conveyed the sentiment of “That can’t be.”
“Well…you’ll figure it out as time goes by.”
<Still, it’s a great improvement.>
‘Really?’
<At least superficially, he seems to know what he wants. Seems like he just wants to say that anything you give him is good.>
‘…’
Phoebe, who blurted out an incredibly embarrassing statement, was enjoying her sense of accomplishment alone.
<The day to handle the Prasti isn’t far off. Just keep going like this. It’s fine to feed him well and let him do what he wants.>
Asha coughed briefly.
“Well, do you really want to continue training as a knight? Is it enjoyable? Maybe you should try something else just in case. Something else might be more fun. Like, for example, making pastries.”
Asha realized that her example was too narrow, but she couldn’t think of anything else. And once again, Ivan firmly denied it.
“This is the best.”
“Learning swordsmanship?”
“Yes.”
“…Why?”
“Because…”
Ivan naturally continued to talk, then suddenly bit his lips. Asha tilted her head, but no further words came out.
“Because?”
“…”
Asha silently watched Ivan and tried to predict a few reasons.
‘Is it because you enjoy moving your body? Because you can protect yourself? Or is it because you can become a knight?’
A few ideas came to mind, but desires only hold meaning when they are expressed by the individual. Asha tightly held Ivan’s hands.
“Why do you like this?”
I’m not interrogating you. You can take your time to answer slowly. Asha made eye contact with Ivan, saying so. Understanding why someone likes something can help in finding other things they like. Knowing what they like can also help in knowing what they dislike. Accumulating knowledge of what one likes and dislikes becomes their life.
“Someday…”
“Yeah, someday?”
“Later.”
“Later? When you’re all grown up?”
“I want to be useful to you, Your Highness. I want to…protect you. If possible…”
Asha opened her mouth. Ivan kept his head down. And after opening and closing her lips several times, Asha closed her eyes and smiled.
“Ivan, it’s amazing that you want to be someone who protects others. I’m sure you can do it. Even if the person you protect isn’t me, anyone…”
“I want to protect you.”
Ivan spoke a little hastily. Asha opened her eyes wide as if surprised and smiled again.
“Just a while ago, when I mentioned I needed a knight to accompany me to the marchioness’s place, you ran away, remember?”
“Well, it’s because…my skills are lacking.”
“Then, when do you think you’ll become a perfect knight?”
“That…I don’t really know.”
Ivan looked rather dejected, so Asha smiled quickly and said, “You can do it by the time you’re eighteen.”
Ivan nodded again with a firm expression. He promised that he would definitely become Asha’s knight when that day comes.
━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━
“…”
“…”
As Asha completed the sorbet presentation at the Knights Templar and was on her way home, there was a knight who volunteered to accompany her. It was Tarjei Nellin.
Asha walked through the palace hallway in awkward silence, as she had never had a conversation with her maternal grandfather before. Lise, trying to be considerate of Asha, had moved away silently, which only made Asha feel more frustrated.
“It’s…hot, isn’t it?”
Tarjei, who was walking beside her, spoke with sweat dripping down his face. Asha glanced briefly at her maternal grandfather and nodded her head.
“Yes. It’s quite hot, it’s summer after all. Everyone must be struggling in this heat.”
“…”
Tarjei, who was about to answer, twisted his lips. Asha almost burst into laughter for a moment but held it in. Asha had said, “Everyone must be struggling,” but it seemed like he couldn’t give a response like, “No, it’s nothing, what’s the struggle.”
As he was a knight commander himself, he couldn’t denigrate the hard work of the knights. However, it was not possible to say, ‘Yes, I am suffering tremendously!’ It wasn’t cool to show off your troubles to someone who asks after you.
“That… The sorbet you made was really delicious. The one you made for me…”
“Really? How did it taste?”
“Well, it was really… tangy… refreshing… cold…”
Tarjei wanted to prove that he meant it when he said it was delicious, but the thin expression stemming from his indifference to food and drink caught him back. Tarjei clenched his fist and couldn’t help but feel anxious.
A cool breeze gently blew through the hallway, slightly relieving the heat within the palace. Asha slowly stopped walking as if pushed by the wind. Tarjei, who had also stopped in his tracks while struggling to find a suitable response, looked at Asha as she brushed her tousled hair.
“…Maternal grandfather.”
“…!”
Tarjei opened his mouth as if his jaw was about to fall and looked at Asha.
“All this time… Why didn’t you come find me?”
“W,well! Well! It’s not because I didn’t want to! I was really, truly worried about how you and Irina were doing, living alone and all… so…”
“No, after returning to work. Why didn’t you come to see me?”
Tarjei nervously licked his lips, desperately trying to form a response. However, no words came out. The wind blew once more. Tarjei finally spoke in a hoarse, whispered voice.
“… I was afraid you would hate me, resent me…”
Asha stared at Tarjei, her lower lip jutting out.
“So if I were to say I hated you, resented you, would you just say, ‘I understand,’ and leave it at that?”
“N-no! No, it’s not like that! I wouldn’t!”
Tarjei quickly reached out his hand. The old knight didn’t know what to do and repeatedly wrung his hands, trying to squeeze out something to say. Asha continued to look at Tarjei with a stern expression.
“And if you came to the Imperial Palace to see me, you didn’t have to go as far as becoming knight commander.”
“But… even so, I thought I should have a respectable position… now that I can finally meet you. I couldn’t show you the image of a retired old man just idling away…”
Tarjei mumbled with frustration. Asha pounded her foot.
“Then what would other people think? ‘Oh, look at him, the retired man coming to see his granddaughter for some favors.’ That’s what they would say, wouldn’t they?”
“Who dares to think such an absurd idea? If there’s someone like that, I’ll kill them all… No… I’ll give them a piece of my mind.”
Tarjei quickly corrected the harsh words. Asha looked up at her maternal grandfather with her arms folded and sighed. Seeing that sigh, Tarjei quickly became restless and busy clenching and unclenching his fist. Asha asked again.
“Then when are you going to make up with Mom? Are you not going to?”
“Well, I do want to. I really want to reconcile, but Irina…”
“Excuses?”
“It’s not that…”
“An excuse?”
“No, really, it’s not like that. Reconciliation is not something that can be achieved with just my own desires…”
“Then you have to make an effort to reconcile, don’t you?”
“Yes… yes, you’re right…”
“What effort have you made?”
“Effort is not something I can do alone, it has to be mutual…”
Asha looked disappointed as she gazed at Tarjei. Tarjei startled, frantically waved his hands.
“No, I, I mean… Your Highness, I…”
“It’s said that grandfathers, being older than moms, know the world better, so I heard you got angry when mom didn’t listen to you.”
“That’s true, but…”
“Then you should know better than Mom how to reconcile, right?”
Asha looked at Tarjei with a firm gaze.
“If Mom doesn’t try, shouldn’t Grandfather do it first? Did you? Even after becoming the commander of the knights and coming to the palace, you never once came to see me first.”
Tarjei looked as if he had nothing to say and listened silently to his granddaughter’s rebuke.
“You could find Mom and Dad if you wanted to.”
Asha spoke with a frustrated tone. If Tarjei had truly been indifferent to his daughter and granddaughter, Asha might have been able to act more casual, as if she had just met a stranger for the first time.
However, Tarjei missed his daughter and granddaughter, who he never knew was born, so he didn’t know what to do. And yet he didn’t budge. He just stood there, just one step away, waiting for the other person to reach out their hand.
“Mom can be angry, too. If Mom gets angry, you can fight together and make up.”
“It’s not as easy as that…”
“I know it’s not easy. But someone has to be the first to initiate the conversation, right? Then shouldn’t it be the person who got angry first?”
“Well, how am I supposed to do that…”
As if wanting to be spoon-fed every single step, she couldn’t help but weaken when she saw the desperate eyes of the old knight.
“Start by writing a letter.”
“But what if I don’t get a response…”
“If there’s no response, maybe Mom is still really angry! But sending the letter gives you at least a chance of receiving a reply!”
Tarjei shrunk back in the face of Asha’s scolding. The once-formidable knight looked incredibly gloomy. However, Asha didn’t back down.
“Letters! Send them tomorrow if you can! If tomorrow is difficult…”
“Uh, I have, I have a lot of already written letters, so I’ll send one of those.”
“Oh, then don’t choose, just send all of them.”
“All of them… you mean?”
“To reconcile, you have to show that you’re trying. And to show that you’re trying, you have to put in effort. And to put in effort? You have to show that you’ve made an effort without hiding anything!”
“Oh, I see.”
Tarjei quickly nodded his head. Asha sighed heavily, seeing the damp and heavy emotional current flowing from his shoulders.
She understood his fear of irreparably damaging their relationship. She also understood the fear that was so strong it prevented him from doing anything at all.
‘I can’t believe he kept writing letters that he couldn’t even send.’
Asha looked still at Tarjei, who was dropping his head, and pulled his sleeve.
“My leg hurts.”
“What? I’ll… I’ll call a healer right away!”
“No! No, it’s not that.”
Asha hurriedly stopped Tarjei, who was about to dash off.
“Y, Your Highness.”
“I think it’s just a slight sprain from before, but it suddenly hurts, so just take me to my room.”
Asha held out her hands, saying so. Tarjei panicked for a moment, then carefully picked up Asha with a half-crying expression.
“Off to the room we go!”
At Asha’s playful words, Tarjei fought back tears and quickened his pace, his head held high.
