EP: 99
Muriel opened her eyes in a familiar place. A place where an unmelting snowman sat by the window, where firewood with the smell of snow was piled high next to the fireplace. The house was also filled with hand-made props that seemed to be made with sincerity. It was the house on the plateau.
Why was she here…?
As Muriel’s eyes roamed around the room, buried under blankets and cushions, she suddenly felt a sense of fear. She thought she’d made sure he was safe before losing consciousness… Was it all her imagination? Could it have all been an illusion? Was her chronic problem of not being able to distinguish between dreams and reality playing tricks on her? Was Kaiton truly unharmed? Where was he?
The warmth from the fireplace, fueled by the burning logs, was vivid and real, not magic. But it didn’t mean anything. Muriel’s dreams were always more vivid than reality.
“Kaiton…”
He should have been here.
There was the only way she could get rid of this anxiety and confusion.
Muriel hurriedly stood up. There were an abundance of cushions and blankets covering her despite the thick carpet on the floor, so she struggled for a long time to get up.
“Why… if you’re here, why won’t you answer? You scared me….”
Muriel saw Kaiton sitting nearby in an armchair and sighed in relief. Although he looked at her with a hint of annoyance, still not answering, she was surprised how quickly she became calm.
“Again…”
“Yes?”
Feeling secretly relieved, Muriel approached Kaiton a little more, who only opened his mouth a long time later. She pretended not to hear him and got closer, tilting her head slightly, but it was a pretense. She just wanted to get a little closer.
“Say it again.”
“What?”
“What you said as soon as you saw me earlier.”
“If I say it… Can I hold your hand?”
His expression grew fierce as if he hated the idea. In an instant, a mix of surprise and a sharp pang in her chest overwhelmed Muriel, but she offered her own explanation. Why she wanted to hold his hand… It was the best explanation she could give.
“B-Because… I’m anxious! I just want to make sure… that you’re really okay!”
…
He didn’t answer, nor did he extend his hand. He simply looked at Muriel silently, which made her feel a bit nervous because she couldn’t read him. Worn out by worry, Muriel eventually asked first.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
“…I’m fine. I’m not hurt.”
“The d-demon…?”
“I caught it. And I retrieved the fragment, too.”
“Oh…”
Kaiton gave a sly but sincere answer despite his stubbornness. She felt a bit better after shaking with anxiety. However, the unease had not completely disappeared, so Muriel approached him hesitantly. Tap, tap. As if seeking permission, she lightly touched his fingertips. She wanted to firmly grasp his long and elegant, yet masculine and pale hand without leaving any gaps.
“Can I hold your hand…?”
“You haven’t said it yet. Say it again, the words you said to me.”
“I like you.”
Suddenly, she felt like she was going to cry. She felt strange. So she closed her eyes. It was just expressing her feelings… but she felt so vulnerable and overwhelmed with tender affection that it felt like she was going burst into tears.
Kaiton stood up and came close. But he didn’t hold her hand. Even though their breaths were mingling, it didn’t feel real. Her heart felt like it was tossed and swaying on a small boat floating out to sea. She pursed her lips, holding back, but she almost wished tears would pour out.
It felt like it would settle and calm her nervous heart then.
“Again…”
“Why won’t you hold my hand?! I’ve said it again! I’m anxious… I can’t be sure if it’s real or not unless I touch you… I’m asking you to hold my hand…”
“Just one more time. Say those words… I’ll hug you.”
She felt frustrated and sad, as if he was negotiating. What’s so great about holding hands? She could just take the initiative and hold him so he wouldn’t let go. But still, she didn’t want it to be like that. She wanted a gentle and comforting hand that seemed affectionate.
“I like you, Kaiton Ur.”
So she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing and said it like that. She didn’t know what made her so sad, but she kept sobbing. The tears did not stop, rolling down her cheeks and gathering on her chin before dropping with a thud.
“Sniff… I like you, so…”
So give me a hug as you promised… Without even having a chance to say it, his hot lips touched hers. It was a desperate move, as if stealing her breath. If he showed any hint of teasing, she would tear his lips apart, but his breath was just as disheveled as hers.
She couldn’t breathe. He held onto her tightly as he swept her wet cheek, clinging. The hotness of his lips dipping everywhere he could see left a trail of heat. His gaze was as turbulent as her heart, like the waves of the sea… she kept feeling short of breath.
“Keep saying it. I want to hear more.”
Instead of answering, Muriel looked for his lips and exhaled her breath. She didn’t want to be separated even a bit, but she had no choice but to whisper softly while pressing her forehead against his as he stepped back.
“Don’t let go.”
“Ha…”
The kiss deepened. It was… The movement of his tongue, digging into her tender flesh, was too vivid and hot. Muriel, who was trembling, tried to pull her lips away and create some distance, but Kaiton grabbed her waist and lifted her up.
Muriel looked up at him with surprised eyes, unable to even scream.
“You told me not to let go.”
“No…”
“Don’t push me away.”
Kaiton sat Muriel at a table. It seemed to be a dining table, quite high, but even sitting there, his gaze was a little higher. He didn’t stop, his lips trailed down. On the strands of hair that clung to her forehead, her flushed cheeks, the still-moist eyelids, and the tender lines drawn by her neck and collarbone, that’s where his hot and damp lips landed.
As Muriel exhaled a hot breath, he plunged his teeth into her neck. A dizzying pain overcame her. She couldn’t move or escape, no matter how hard she tried. Between her legs, he’d trapped Muriel between the table and his own body. Unable to bear it any longer, Muriel let out a whimper with a tremble.
“Why…”
As she looked at Kaiton with vacant eyes, he soothed her wounds by pressing his lips against them.
“Does it hurt…? …Did it hurt?”
The corners of his mouth curved into a smile and his eyes traced a line of satisfaction.
“Here… was this just the Dream Butterfly?”
She struggled to push him away, but he firmly gripped her thigh.
“No. Dream butterflies can’t be like this.”
“Then…”
Why does it hurt? I can’t be in pain… Perhaps he read the question in her eyes, as he ran his fingers over the red marks he had created. The touch on her neck was so hot that her mind momentarily recoiled. With a chuckle, he continued to trace the marks with his hand, undeterred.
It was embarrassing… She was ashamed and embarrassed of this ticklish and sticky atmosphere… Muriel clasped Muriel’s hand. Not to stop him, but simply because she just wanted to touch him. He looked at Muriel’s hand that was holding his own with strange eyes and gently swept the back of her hand with his thumb.
“This place… is something I created. It’s a room in my consciousness.”
“Are you saying it’s… not real?”
“It is. Because our hearts have met.”
He kissed each of her fingers gently, as if to reassure her.
“I couldn’t wait for you to wake up. I wanted to meet your heart as soon as possible.”
***
Tap, tap. The sound of burning wood was sweet. As she listened quietly, a feeling of longing and nostalgia washed over her. Sitting on a rough but thick carpet, pulling her knees close didn’t feel unfamiliar, nor did spending time feeling the warmth of the cozy fireplace while listening to the fierce rush of the cold air outside.
It felt like I had regained a familiar calmness that she’d lost a long time ago. The gentle breeze blew, as it could to brush away the stagnant dust and bring back moments she’d forgotten, evoking both longing and joy.
However, Muriel had to examine the authenticity of her emotions. Were the feelings she was experiencing truly hers? Why did a place she’d only visited once feel so comforting and cozy? Why was it that she seemed to miss and cherish it?
Because she had strange dreams, Muriel was very attentive to distinguishing reality from fantasy. She had to be. Muriel experienced things that could not possibly be her memories as vividly as if they were, so she couldn’t help but be sensitive to distinguishing between what’s fake and what’s real. Moreover, where her memories should have been, there was only a blank void. If she didn’t pull herself together and kept her mind straight, her sense of self would crumble.
Muriel quietly looked at Kaiton. The fact that there was someone who became a demon after experiencing a tragic death on the day the star of calamity rose was something Muriel had to bear alone. She was the only one who had experienced that dream, and since she experienced it alone, she had to be the one to make the judgment and prevent it.
But now, Kaiton was with her. He was her anchor, her gravity, her home. With him by her side, firmly holding her ground so she could always return, Muriel nerves loosened a bit.
“Have I been here before?”
Kaiton paused, filling the fireplace with firewood before looking back at her. If this was just a virtual space he had created, he could simply change the backdrop instead of actually putting in firewood the fireplace. He had been doing it to prevent the fake cold he had created.
“Apart from the night of the snowstorm, I mean. I was wondering if I came here a little before that…”
“Why…? Did something come to mind?”
So, there was something that should come to mind. Muriel looked bitterly at Kaiton, whose dark eyes glimmered with expectations he could not hide, and shook her head.
“I just… I just have this familiar feeling.”
Kaiton looked at Muriel gently and seemed to be pondering whether to answer.
“You asked if I remembered you before… I came here to remember Kaiton, right?”
“It’s… better not to ask that now. If I impulsively answer… I don’t want to erase your memories.”
“Erase… memories?”
Muriel was shocked by Kaiton’s words, but he remained nonchalant. He took a seat beside her, playfully grabbing the ends of her hair and twirling his fingers through them. He enjoyed the leisurely time, gently stroking her hair as if trying to braid it, and casually moving his joints.
“When you leave here, I can erase memories. The Room of Memories… or the Chamber of Consciousness, whatever you want to call it.”
“No, I don’t want that. You’re not going to erase them, are you?”
Muriel asked as she held his arm and blocked it. Her voice came out rather desperate, surprising both Muriel and Kaiton. Only after he gently held her hand in response did the tense expression on Muriel’s face soften.
“I won’t erase them. I want you to remember it forever. This time, the two of us.”
Kaiton looked down at Muriel’s hand, which she held tightly enough for her own to pale.
“What’s wrong?”
“…”
“Mure, look at me.”
Kaiton met her gaze, watching her eyes move restlessly, and he almost kissed her again. He had hoped to give her reassurance by showing his vulnerability… but he didn’t expect his wish to be granted so quickly. He felt sorry for Muriel, who was anxious, but at the same time, the fact that she clung to him like her only lifeline made her irresistibly adorable and lovely.
“I… don’t want to have no memories… Actually, it’s so scary. I’m so sorry I can’t remember Kaiton… And maybe… the Muriel Storm that Kaiton remembers from back then… I’m afraid I might not be her… it’s so terrifying.. The thought that it wasn’t me who was me back then… It’s frustrating… and suffocating. I don’t want to know the future.. It’s imposed on me while not being able to remember who I am and what happened to me… It makes me so angry.”
Muriel’s eyes, which poured out the anxieties she had endured alone, became moist. Kaiton struggled with conflicting feelings of wanting to see her tears again and wanting to console her as soon as possible. He couldn’t say, “Don’t cry,” but gently kissed her face, trying to comfort her.
“I was wrong. I won’t say anything about erasing memories. I’ll never do it again. I promise.”
“You… erased my memories here before, right? Tell me.”
“I won’t ever do it again. I won’t scare you.”
“Why did you erase my memories?! Give them back to me. My memories…! Why are you trying to keep it to yourself…! Do you know how miserable it is to not remember enough about myself…? Do you know how terrifying it is?”
In the end, Muriel burst into tears. She held onto Kaiton tightly and sobbed uncontrollably. Kaiton kept apologizing for keeping their memories to himself. She felt sorry for him too, who cherished them alone. She cried as much as she felt sorry.
“I didn’t know. I didn’t know you were hurting too, Mure.”
Kaiton whispered as if he were glad. She thought she was mistaken, but the black eyes staring directly into her, as he brushed aside a strands of hair next to her cheek and tucked it behind her ear, were filled with a strange sense of upliftment. The figure was so uncouth that she felt like she was waking up.
Muriel quickly wiped away her tears and glanced at him. Then Kaiton melted into a smile. His eyes curved downward, his lips softly parting and collapsing. He acted like a man who had just received a confession of love once again. With her hand on her chest, Muriel gently bit her lips.
“But… I’ll still like you as I please. Even if I can’t remember what happened to me… Even if I can’t remember the old you… I won’t feel sorry at all and shamelessly continue to like you, Kaiton.”
Muriel said brazenly, putting on a bold front. Yet, Kaiton’s smile grew even deeper.
“Yes. You just have to keep liking me. As long as you do, I’m fine with everything. And if, for some reason, you forget about me again… I’ll forgive you once more. All you have to say is you like me next time.”
“I won’t forget next time… Who would do such a thing again?”
“Come here. Are you done crying now?”
They were already stuck so close together that they couldn’t get closer, where was he asking her to come? Muriel was still trapped in Kaiton’s arms, who hugged her even as she grumbled. His body temperature, touching her cheek, was hot. For a moment, the thought crossed her mind that she shouldn’t feel relieved by his fake body temperature, but it didn’t matter anymore. Since Kaiton said he was okay, she thought he’d truly be fine. By his side, relief came too easily, whether in reality or dreams.
“Try to remember me more fiercely.”
“…I will.”
“I’ll be waiting for you… Because I can wait. So make sure to remember me.”
“…Yes, I will.”
“Good girl.”
“…Let’s go now. We should leave… What will happen if your pacio runs out? You’re not even using my pacio right now…!”
Muriel wriggled to break free from his embrace, feeling embarrassed. However, Kaiton rested his cheek against Muriel’s hair and tightened his hold around her waist. He seemed to have no intention of going out..
“A little longer.”
“No… Kaiton, if we continue-“
Muriel couldn’t finish her sentence. It was because Kaiton’s lips covered hers, gently at first, the most lips moved to her cheek and rubbed them. Overwhelmed by his ticklish, affectionate gestures, Muriel murmured, almost inaudibly and meekly.
“Then… Just a little bit longer….”
“Yes. Just a little more.”
