EP: 110
‘Have faith in me.’
Muriel’s words had shaken him; that’s why he couldn’t kill Katrina Nox. So he quietly slipped away while Muriel was asleep to stand before the woman as menacing as a poison ivy.
He wondered as to why Katrina Nox, who seemed obsessed with Muriel, was so easily willing to release Muriel’s seal.
“Did Muriel want to erase her own memories?”
If those were memories she had gotten erased because she wanted to, was there even a need to get them back? How terrible and agonizing must it have been for her to want to erase those memories. Was there a reason to repeat the pain she hadn’t been able to bear? Kaiton, caught between concern for Muriel and his belief and affection for her, couldn’t easily come to a conclusion.
“Muriel… used to cry a lot. She was tormented in fear that a scary man named Kaiton Ur kept saying he would kill her.”
She was tormented by the fear of Kaiton Urr, a terrifying man who kept saying he would kill her.”
“…What if she mistook him for killing Sharan? If she didn’t know she was possessing someone every time she had a vision of prophecy, she could have been mistaken.”
“Wouldn’t you like to think so, Kaiton Ur.”
As expected, Katrina Nox knew who Kaiton was. What did Muriel tell her about him? When he imagined the nightmares he might have caused Muriel, he felt devastated.
“Do you know how old Julia was when she died? Despite having less foresight than Muriel, Julia barely made it to thirteen. She suffered from dreadful calamities every day, wasting away until she died. Did Muriel want to erase her own memories? Muriel would rather have died than endure such a terrible life. She wanted to find peace in death every time she experienced the agony of being possessed by the victim or perpetrator of those disasters. It is all thanks to me that Muriel is sane and beautiful until now, Kaiton Ur.”
“Then why help Muriel unseal them?”
“Because Muriel will ultimately choose me again.”
Katrina replied confidently with an eerie smile.
“You can only cause her pain, but I can bring her peace. Muriel needs me.”
“…”
“In the end, you’ll be discarded again, won’t you? Tick, tock, tick… Once she realizes that you were the one who left that curse mark on her, she’ll want to get rid of it by killing you. Or maybe she’ll just want to kill herself.”
Kaiton had lifted the spell that had been protecting the home in the plateau. It was to protect Muriel’s pacio. The first snowman they had together had melted away and disappeared.
“I’m sorry.”
He also bid a final farewell even to Fen, who was born in the plateau and had been waiting for Muriel with him all this time. Then the white creature, as if comforting Kaiton, placed its head in his hand and disappeared.
‘Have faith in me.’
Muriel’s words echoed in his ears.
⚜ ⚜ ⚜
While Kaiton was away in the plateau, Muriel went to Katrina and unsealed her blocked sense of pain. There was no reason to hesitate in retrieving her memories. Kaiton would be angry when he returned and found out, but it couldn’t be helped. This was her life. She was grateful for the help, but she was not open to interference.
Katrina was right when she said she would no longer be immune to pain. Muriel was overwhelmed by the curse’s agony, relentlessly tormenting her nerves and her entire body. She couldn’t gather her thoughts, feeling as if her whole body was being held against a burning stake, terrifying and frightening. Pain seemed to weaken not just her body but also her previously indifferent mind.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re breaking out in sweat.”
After she declared a break from all activities, Ondal and Sadie, concerned about Muriel, came to visit. It would seem suspicious if she didn’t show any signs of improvement even after Sadie casted a healing spell, so Muriel put on a casual smile and nodded.
“I’m alright… I’ll be alright.”
Then, Kaiton came in. Without saying a word, he assessed the situation with Muriel, then approached her and bowed. He touched her sweaty forehead and worry filled his deep eyes.
“Since when have you been in pain?”
“…It’s not really that painful… Just bearable…”
Kaiton bit his lip at Muriel’s half-baked excuse, stared at her still, and then looked at Ondal standing beside her and said.
“…Ondal. I’m sorry, but I’ll have to cover your vision again.”
“Kaiton! Why… why are you saying that to Ondal?”
As a startled Muriel pulled Kaiton’s hand as if to stop him, he firmly clasped her hand but kept his focus on Ondal’s face.
“I’m trying to protect Muriel. I bear no ill will towards you.”
Ondal was briefly taken aback by the sudden statement, but upon seeing Kaiton’s serious expression, he quickly composed himself. His eyes sharpened to find out the situation, yet there was not a hint of resentment in them. Kaiton met his unwavering gaze.
“We found out that Muriel’s pacio… isn’t infinite. Like you warned me… I’ve been slowly pushing Muriel into disaster. Yet this… stubborn one won’t return the fragment to me. I can’t stop the magic yet.”
The fragment embedded in Muriel’s pacio was bound by a contract. Unless Muriel’s heart was torn out, there was no way to retrieve the fragment without her consent.
“…I must lift the curse on Muriel.”
“…curse? Muriel is under a curse?”
“Yeah… Right now, she’s under a curse that makes one feel like their back is on fire. I… was the one who placed it there. A long time ago.”
“You crazy bastard!!”
Ondal’s fist connected squarely with Kaiton’s jaw. His lip burst, and blood seeped out of his mouth. Even though the agitated Ondal grabbed him by the collar, Kaiton only responded with a smile. A bitter, sad smile.
“Release her right now!! I’ll do it! I’ll give you all my pacio, just let Muriel go!”
“…Would you? As long as Muriel is safe… I don’t care.”
Kaiton replied with empty eyes. Ondal looked at him perplexedly, then threw him to the floor. Kaiton raised his upper body as if to get up, but then lay back down as if he was exhausted. He then laughed like a broken madman.
“Are you okay?”
Muriel asked as she knelt beside him, and Kaiton’s face contorted in pain.
“Who… Who are you asking? Didn’t you hear that? The pain you’re feeling right now… It’s because of me! I’m causing you pain right now…!”
“I… I’m fine…”
“Hng. Sob.”
In the end, Kaiton broke down. His fear, anxiety, self-reproach, and disgust poured out in the form of tears. From the moment he saw Muriel’s face when he opened the door, he wanted to cling on to her and cry. He wanted to beg her for forgiveness, to plead for her not to be so stubborn, not to bother recovering her memories. However, because Muriel had asked him to trust her, he couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t stop her because he knew just how much she wanted to retrieve her memories.
But he was scared. Scared that Muriel would suffer too much. Scared that she would give up everything because of the pain. Kaiton hugged Muriel tightly, who was surprised by his tears. He curled up, holding Muriel close.
“I’m scared.”
“Kaiton…”
“The more I love you, the more scared I get.”
⚜ ⚜ ⚜
“How is it now?”
Ondal, perhaps exhausted from the continued failures, offered a wry smile before lowering his head. After Kaiton had removed the magic from Ondal’s eyes, August, Debbie, and Sadie gathered. They aimed to replicate Kaiton’s magic to restore Ondal’s vision.
However, casting darkness over Ondal’s eyes proved to be a more delicate and demanding task than expected. Despite the several attempts, creating the subtle darkness that adjusted automatically to changing light proved challenging. Not only did they struggle to match the precise level of darkness, which wasn’t too much but not insufficient either. It wasn’t possible for August, who wasn’t a black wizard, to try in the first place. Ondal’s eyes either became excessively shrouded in darkness or overwhelmed by excessive light.
“Is it because it’s too dark? Or is it the opposite?”
Debbie persistently inquired, feeling frustrated that she couldn’t see what he was seeing in person, but Ondal seemed ready to abandon the fruitless work. He let out a suppressed heavy sigh, unable to open his closed eyes. He fiddled with his old blindfold, as if wanting to put it on.
“I’ll just… wear the blindfold… I’m sorry. You’ve tried so hard…”
“There’s no need to give up already. If we just take a bit more time and try-“
“Let’s call it a day.”
August intervened, grabbing Debbie’s arm as she attempted to persuade Ondal to continue.
Debie protested, saying, “If we try a little more…” but when she saw Ondal’s resigned, doll-like smile, she regretfully kicked her tongue and relented, withdrawing the magic.
The atmosphere in the room was awkward and heavy. No one was at fault, yet everyone felt the pain. Ondal put the old blindfold back on. Muriel, who was watching it, felt frustrated and guilty. She felt trapped, as if confined inside an hourglass, unable to do anything as Ondal bore a pain that only ever returned to him.
“I’ll… try to persuade Kaiton again. It’s not like I’m going to become a demon right away… I think Kaiton is taking the matter too sensitively.”
“It’s scary because you never know.”
It was Debbie.
“The scariest thing for a wizard as powerful as Kaiton is ignorance. Even more so if it’s about you. Even though most people associate sorcerers with demons, no one becomes a demon without knowing. When they feel their pacio depleting, they get angry because of their greed. They check how much pacio is left every time they use magic. But you can’t tell exactly, Muriel. That’s why Kaiton, who has to use your pacio, is basically gambling every time he uses magic, wagering whether you’ll become a demon or not. It’s like playing roulette. On top of that, Kaiton mostly uses complex magic that requires a pacio like a waterfall, and your pacio, if not regenerated, is at best a teacup… If it runs out, you’re bound to die. The matter is so sensitive that it’s almost maddening.”
“Still, I’m going to unseal it soon enough. Once I get my memories back, the seal on my pacio will be released too.”
“They say the Saint’s power of prophecy isn’t controllable. Since it cannot be controlled, you’ll see the future regardless of your will. Then you won’t be able to protect your Parzio.”
“…”
“If I were you, I’d take out Ur’s fragment and seal your pacio. That’s what’s best for you.”
“Of course.”
Before Muriel could respond, Sadie gave Muriel a burdensome glance and replied,
“I think we should seal your pain right now and kill Katrina Nox. Of course, it’d be best to regain the lost memories and then seal the pain and pacio, but we can’t predict how Katrina Nox will act. That wicked woman wants to wield the captain as she pleases. She won’t do any good to the captain. So, for now, sealing the pain and ensuring that the wicked witch never touches the captain again is the safest option.”
Sadie looked at Muriel with hopeful eyes. That gaze urged her to choose a life without pain and her pacio running wild.
“I…”
It would have been nice if she could choose such a life. But without Kaiton, it meant nothing. The most important thing for Muriel was for Kaiton to not become a demon or a devil.
“I’ll unseal my pacio. Then Kaiton won’t have to be anxious, either. And… Sadie, you’re right. It would be good if I could regain my memories, unseal my pacio, and just get rid of my sense of pain. But… I can’t trust Katrina. I will never allow her to cast a spell on me again.”
“What if I take the fragment?”
It was Ondal.
“If I distribute my pacio to Kaiton…? Then Muriel won’t have to suffer, and her pacio won’t have to run wild, right? If I… if I take the fragment instead of Muriel, and we lock Katrina up… Muriel will be safe, won’t she?”
“That won’t do.”
“…How come?”
“Because Kaiton is mine.”
It was half a joke, but no one was laughing. Muriel smiled wistfully and placed her hand over her chest. The heart, connected to Kaiton, throbbed with a heavy, palpable beat.
“I can’t live without Kaiton. My willingness to give pacio to Kaitpn… it’s actually for my sake. Because I truly need him so much. Without Kaiton, I won’t be able to discern this life from being a nightmare. To endure this dreadful power of a saint, I need Kaiton’s warmth, not Katrina’s magic… That’s why.”
“What about me? If Muriel is gone… What about me? I can’t bear to see Muriel die because of Kaiton… I need Muriel, too.”
“Don’t try to take away my warmth from Kaiton.”
I’m sorry, Ondal. Muriel thought so, yet gazed firmly at Ondal, who cried and sadly reached out to her. Keeping Kaiton alive was the weight that Muriel had to bear, and it was also a joy.
“Kaiton might touch someone else’s pacio to save you.”
August spoke in a fairly firm and callous voice.
“He’ll want to save you. To protect the person you love, you can betray your conscience and lifelong beliefs. I, too… for Rovelia, I tolerated you twisting the arson charge onto yourself, Muriel. Would Kaiton be any different? Would he choose conscience and justice over you?”
“….”
What are you going to do then?
August’s eyes seemed to be asking that.
⚜ ⚜ ⚜
In any case, meal times went well. The magic that had bound the pain disappeared, and the only good thing was that her sense of taste had returned. It seemed like the messed-up sensory system had finally returned to normal. Muriel, instead of hastily swallowing the watery soup, savored each bite as best as she could. Today’s dish was crispy fried chicken legs. Perhaps due to her prior experience when she used to only enjoy the smell and not the taste, every juicy bite seemed so delicious that it almost brought tears of delight to her eyes.
They say when you’re in pain, food doesn’t taste good… However, this didn’t apply to Muriel, who had finally started to taste food after chewing on soaked scraps of paper for several seasons.
Just as she began to think she was eating too hastily, a glass of water was placed in front of Muriel. It was from Kaiton. Oops… Was he watching the whole time? She should have eaten more elegantly… Feeling embarrassed, she quickly wiped the grease from her lips with the back of her hand, but Kaiton pressed a napkin to her lips.
“Drink some water.”
“Yes…”
Although Kaiton was sitting across from her, he didn’t seem to have any intention of eating anything. He crossed his arms and stared at Muriel, who also elegantly crossed her legs.
“You’re not eating?”
“I don’t feel like it.”
“Yes…”
She wanted to eat more, but it wasn’t like she could keep clumsily gnawing on the chicken legs in front of her with Kaiton there. Muriel pushed her plate away with a bitter taste in her mouth.
“Eat more. You eat well.”
It was hard to tell whether he was being teasing or sincere, given his calm and troubled expression. His thoughts weren’t easy to tell. When she shook her head to say she was finished with the meal, he sighed – it seemed as though he had truly wanted her to eat more.
“I want to see Fen.”
When else will they be able to share peaceful and enjoyable mealtimes together? Kaiton’s expression turned sharp upon hearing Muriel’s words.
“Fen… can’t you return him to me?”
“If you return the fragment.”
“What about Ondal? You know giving something and taking it back is the worst, right? Shouldn’t you give Ondal back his vision?”
“He said… when the fragment is returned…”
“Everyone is saying that…”
“…”
“In that case, how about this? Nevermind Fen or Ondal. Let’s go to some remote countryside and live there together. If we don’t use magic, won’t we be able to live together until we become some old grandfather and grandmother, even if I don’t have much pacio? We’d have to diligently chop wood for the fireplace, fetch medicine when we’re unwell, and travel by horse or carriage instead of flying, but still… I think I’d be happy if I were with Kaiton.”
He wished he could just say, ‘Let’s do that.’ Kaiton clenched his jaw so tightly that it seemed to tremble, but he said nothing, just gazing at her. Come to think of it, he mentioned there was still something that required the use of magic. Something other than lifting the curse on her… Was that why he wouldn’t give her an answer?
The raw energy in his cold eyes hurt her heart. Kaiton was her sanctuary, a comforting presence when she was anxious or confused, but now, when she faced his rigid stance, it took much more energy to cope.
It seemed she was now not immune to any type of suffering, especially the anguish of the heart. Even though she knew his aloofness was for her own good, it pained her deeply and made her cry. She longed to be hugged and comforted to her heart’s content, to express herself freely and receive solace.
“Then… just smile.”
Though she thought it absurd, it was a genuine plea to stop herself from bursting into tears.
“No, give me a hug.”
What if he refused again? If he glared at her with those cold eyes that seemed to be piercing her again, what then? As her anxiety peaked, Kaiton stepped forward and embraced her tightly. Despite the firmness of his hold, Muriel sought even deeper refuge within it, digging deeper without a gap, and tearfully murmured, “Stronger. Hold me tighter.”
“How… how much more crazy are you going to drive me?”
Funnily enough, as she caught his familiar scent, her sorrow surged even more. Tears streamed down her face onto his chest, and with a tender touch and gentle breath, he comforted her. Completely enveloped by his warmth, Muriel found relief.
“I’ll be alright as long as I have Kaiton.”
⚜ ⚜ ⚜
However, the physical pain refused to dissipate entirely. Muriel, in slumber, thrashed and flailed in the relentless grip of excruciating pain. The torment relentlessly haunted her, as if determined to consume her entirely.
“Ugh… Aaaah!!”
Muriel, consumed by the unbearable pain, cried out in anguish, startling herself awake. Her back still felt scorching hot, and the torment showed no sign of easing. She would rather the skin on her back was ripped off. But that was just an impulse that popped out because she was alone. a result of her frayed patience during fitful sleep.
“Phew….”
Nevertheless, she had to endure. She could do it. Taking a deep breath, Muriel quickly regained her composure, or at least portrayed a semblance of it. Then, when she lay back on the bed, groaning… she realized she was not alone.
“K… Kaiton…”
Kaiton, taken aback by her distress, was looking at Muriel with eyes widened in shock.
Wtf author why’re you trying to rip my heart out
