EP: 105
“I’ll start.”
Without another word, Kaiton immediately placed his hand on Ondal’s eyes. Before placing his hand, he glanced at Ondal once. He had a grim and desolate expression, as if he had come to sell his soul to the devil. He also looked exhausted and worn out like a man who’d been wandering in the desert for a long time. But Kaiton did not point that out, and Ondal did say anything either.
Darkness was laid over the clear red eyes. The method Kaiton came up with was simple; It was just to apply the appropriate darkness to Ondal’s light-sensitive eyes. Of course, it wasn’t an easy task to put darkness over them without making them completely dark. It had to be not complete darkness, nor insufficient. It had to be just right. However, considering the hardships and past torment that had made Ondal blindfold himself for a lifetime, it was an unexpectedly easy solution.
Ondal followed the scattering darkness with his gaze like dark clouds. He had to press down on something in his chest that wanted to burst out, as if it wanted to jump out from inside and hit his ribs with a dull thud. He didn’t even know what he was holding back. He didn’t think he should find out what it was either.
But then he remembered the day when stars were falling. The day when shooting stars created beautiful and sad arcs. The emotions Ondal was feeling now were similar to the emotions of that day. Blinking. As the focus became clearer and the colors of the world entered his eyes, he blinked, and something fell from the deep night sky, drawing a long arc.
Sigh…
Still, Ondal wept at the beauty of the world. The sound that flowed between his lips to draw a breath as his heart was overwhelmed was eerie and chilling, like the cry of a monster. But the world in his eyes was beautiful.
Darkness had blunted the world so much for him. Ondal finally realized it. He didn’t know the world shone so brilliantly. He didn’t know that the world was filled with small, lovely things, all coming together to create it. This was a world completely different from his, free from darkness that overshadowed everything and filled with light.
“Was the world always like this? And I alone… lived without knowing?”
Kaiton watched Ondal, who was crying like a beast as if feeling unjust, pounding the ground. And impulsively, he asked. It was because he felt his heart ache with the anger and injustice that Ondal expressed for the first time.
“Didn’t you see it through Sharan? It’s not like you didn’t know.”
Ondal looked up at Kaiton with red, bloodshot eyes. Perhaps it was because of his clear red eyes which could now exist under the sun, but what clung to Ondal’s eyes looked like blood, not tears.
“No, I didn’t know.”
Ondal said firmly.
“I prayed all my life to see the outside world with Sharan’s eyes, and I thought it would be okay if I could see the world even like that… But I was completely wrong. It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t the same. Even if you call it a gift from the gods, it’s still a curse… because they are not my eyes. I knew nothing.”
Ah, that’s why his eyes were like that. Kaiton smiled as he looked at Ondal’s venomous eyes. Uness it was about Muriel, he neither cried nor laughed, and like a paper doll, he did not show any emotions. He showed nothing more than a well-tamed appearance to Kasal. It was probably because he had been abused, but he seemed to have forgotten that he had sharp teeth. It was much better to growl fiercely like this than be lethargic and defeated.
“Congratulations.”
Kaiton unintentionally felt secret joy, even though his intentions had only been to separate Ondal from Muriel.
“You now have good eyes.”
***
The attention of the people who were busily preparing to go to Rockford’s hometown was focused on one person. It was Ondal, with white hair and red eyes.
“Why is his hair so white if he’s not some grandpa?”
“Dummy. Black magicians can use magic to stay young. He must’ve used magic to become young but accidentally forgot about his hair.”
“No, maybe he just made a mistake and only his hair aged?”
“Wow… but he’s really handsome.”
“Hey, be careful. That’s all magic, too. He used magic to become handsome. That’s why Kaiton is handsome too. People who are good at magic are all good-looking.”
“Whether it’s magic or he’s actually a grandpa, he looks handsome either way, right?”
“Yeah? That’s true, I guess?”
“But why is his face so red? Huh? His eyes are even redder. I’ve never seen a color like that.”
As Ondal descended the stairs, the momentarily quiet hall quickly became noisy. The children who were seeing Ondal for the first time gathered together and chattered excitedly. They may have thought others were too engrossed in their conversation to notice, but in the tall and wide hall, even small voices echoed and spread far away.
It was innocent curiosity without malice, but for Ondal, who had to overcome the fear of fainting he felt when standing in front of people, their interest felt like thorns. Sharp thorns flew along their gaze and pierced his chest.
Naturally, Ondal cringed and habitually lowered his head, trying to cover his eyes. He didn’t have the courage to confirm the faces people were looking at him with his own eyes, so he just walked while looking at the ground.
“Ouch.”
Them Chen, who’d been hastily coming out to load freshly baked bread into his bag, bumped into Ondal. The two of them had similar builds, but Ondal, perhaps due to his natural strength, didn’t falter at all, while Chen stumbled and dropped the bread basket he was holding onto the ground.
“Ah…”
Chen, too focused on admiring the steaming bread, checked the face of the person whom he collided with and his face distorted in despair. Chen was fearless and courageous as always, even braver than Kaiton, but this time his face was frozen and tears welled up in his eyes. Ondal whispered in a hurry as he quickly backed away.
“I’m sorry…”
“Oh… No. It’s my… fault.”
When Chen, who quickly tried to stand up and give a polite greeting, froze when he saw Ondal once again, Ondal tightly closed his eyes. His shoulders trembled as a chill ran down his spine. He must be creeped out. When he had that thought, he couldn’t bear to stand there any longer. He wanted to run away. He stumbled as he took a step back, but kept his eyes closed.
“I… I’m sorry. Don’t be scared… I… I’ll go….”
“Don’t move.”
Chen abruptly grabbed Ondal’s arm. Startled, Ondal reflexively opened his eyes, and Chen stared directly into his red eyes without looking away. Though his face remained stiff as if he was upset, there was no trace of fear in the gaze looking at Ondal. Ondal felt bewildered, but couldn’t look away from those unwavering eyes. He wanted to twist his hand free, but he had to obediently keep his hand still like a wooden puppet in case he hurt the young boy with his strength.
“The bread… fell.”
As Chen asked him to ‘please stay still for a moment’, he knelt down and picked up the fallen bread one by one from the floor. Then he bent down right in front of Ondal, tapping his foot lightly.
“The bread I prepared with care for Mrs. Rockford’s funeral… you stepped on it. Will you please lift your foot?”
While speaking, Chen’s emotions seemed to rise again, and he took a deep breath and exhaled tremblingly. As Ondal looked down in surprise, he saw a small, compacted bread that was no longer edible.
“Ah… I’m… sorry.”
“It… took… a… long time… how….”
Chen stared at Ondal with eyes filled with resentment, wondering how someone could crush such a beautiful and tempting bread without looking at it. However, he verbally reassured Ondal, saying it was okay. He had received indoctrination to “act with courtesy” from Cece so deeply that it had become second nature, and he also knew that Ondal was associated with Muriel.
Of course, he felt upset because it’d been a bread that he had put much effort in preparing for Mrs. Rockford, and he’d made the starter for the dough himself as well. It was a waste to throw it away like this, so he examined the heavily crushed bread to see if there was still a part that could be eaten. He felt both frustrated and disappointed.
“Please keep your eyes open from now on. It’s odd to stand in the middle of the street with your eyes closed like that. I’m already busy with many preparations.”
Chen glared and rapidly spewed out words without listening to any response, then abruptly left. Even as he was leaving, he didn’t forget to give a thoroughly polite greeting as ordered by Cece.
“Y-Yes….”
Only after Chen left did Ondal respond belatedly in a daze. He wasn’t scared… At first, when he saw Chen’s hardened face, he assumed it was because Chen was scared of him. But tears had welled up in Chen’s eyes at the fallen bread on the ground. And Chen hadn’t even blinked or flinched when he glared at Ondal with axed eyes. As if he had no interest in the color of his eyes at all.
Twitch…
Ondal felt a strange thrill spreading through his chest. His heart pounded happily.
“Rockford, Tucker’s followers trust and follow them as their captains. There’s no way they’d be scared of you.”
Sadie approached with a chuckle.
“Would kids who can casually mess with those cutthroat-looking people be afraid of you?”
Sadie blatantly looked into Ondal’s eyes. Although Ondal’s face slightly blushed, he didn’t close his eyes or step back. Because he knew Sadie, who couldn’t resist pretty and rare things, often sent such gazes to him, as well as to Muriel and Debbie. Even after the incident where she’d almost drowned in the lake because of him, Sadie occasionally stuck close to him like this, coveting his hair. Therefore, Ondal had developed resistance to her blatant interest.
“Wouldn’t they… be scared since I look like a demon?”
“A demon?”
Sadie’s voice rose as if asking what nonsense was that.
“If someone is a demon because they’re a little pale, wouldn’t everything in the world look like demons?”
“…Is that really so?”
“If you don’t believe me, ask directly. Hey, Chen! Are you scared of Ondal? Hey! Chen, can’t you hear me? Chen! Yeah, you, I’m talking to you!”
Chen, who was busily packing the necessary items for the funeral, succumbed to Sadie’s persistent call and eventually called back. Though annoyance over being bothered was evident on his face, he politely stood there pretending not to notice Sadie’s relentless beckoning.
“…Should I be afraid?”
Needless to say, his tone was irritated, showing that it wasn’t the case at all. However, there was also a hint of arrogant politeness, as if saying he would reluctantly pretend to be scared if Sadie wanted him to. Sadie chuckled at the boy’s response and playfully smacked Ondal’s shoulder.
“Look, look. He’s not scared at all. Did you think they’d be scared just because your eye color is a little unusual? They’re strong. They’ve overcome hardships, just like you and me.”
“Is it… really not weird…? Scary or… gives you the creeps…”
As Ondal hesitated to ask, Chen’s head turned slightly to the side.
“The only time I’m scared is when I’m hungry and there’s nothing to eat, and it seems like there won’t be anything in the future either. The creepy thing is when no matter how hard I hide them, Cece always finds my emergency ratios. Being scared of an unusual face is only a pastime hobby that snobby nobles with full bellies have. Such a comfortable and easy thing to say isn’t scary, is it? It seems more fitting to call it amusement than fear, doesn’t it?”
Although Sadie had indeed asked Chen to speak honestly without reservation, Chen’s words were sharp and biting, like thorns. However, Sadie knew Chen’s story of losing all of his parents to demons and learning how to pickpocket for food before even learning to read, so she just laughed. Indeed, it seemed like only wounded people gathered in the Ghost Estate. Still, she wanted to tell him that Ondal wasn’t such a weak or snobby aristocrat like he said. Chen would regret saying those words if he knew Ondal’s story, and above all, because Ondal now looked more at ease.
“Yes…. Thank you.”
Ondal said with a smile, embarrassed. He looked relaxed as if he’d been unburdened by something.
See? He wasn’t weak at all.
***
With a grateful expression on his face, Ondal mumbled his thanks repeatedly, leaving Chen bewildered. Despite Chen’s harsh words that were close to criticism, Ondal seemed pleased and shy as he left. However, Chen couldn’t understand it and kept turning back to look at Ondal, tilting his head.
Sadie chucked, amused by Chen’s reaction and patted Ondal’s shoulder with thrill.
“Look. how does everyone look at you?”
Taking a deep breath and holding it for a moment, Ondal raised his head. He was less tense than when he first entered the hall, but still nervous. He was afraid to open his tightly closed eyes too much, so he grimaced his nose and cautiously looked around with half-open eyes, little by little.
No one was looking at him. They were all busy with their final preparations, and seemed to have long forgotten their curiosity for Ondal. They meticulously checked the quantity of food in their pouches, dusted off the blankets to ward off the cold, and divided the knots for the funeral ceremony. All performing their roles with no room for time to waste.
Hah…
Ondal’s rigid breath loosened. His inflated chest slowly sank, and his stiff jaw relaxed.
“No one… is looking….”
Sadie grinned at Ondal’s murmured words.
“It’s not a big deal.”
As Ondal’s eyes widened in astonishment, Sadie pressed down on his eyebrows. Ondal’s shoulders, still not quite comfortable with Sadie’s touch yet, stiffened with tension, but he didn’t push her away in case he flung her like he had done back at the lake.
“Now you understand, right? Kids can’t hide their emotions. You’re not anything special. They’re not scared at all.”
“…Yes.”
Sadie looked satisfied as she gazed at Ondal’s eyes, moistened with joy, and quietly said.
“But you should be a little afraid of me. I’m really coveting your eyes right now.”
Startled, Ondal looked at Sadie warily, and she raised her eyebrows with a smirk.
“I want to pluck and collect them since they’re so pretty.”
As Ondal carefully widened the distance between them, Sadie disappeared with a chuckle. Ondal, unsure if it was a joke or a serious remark, stood still for a moment at her words.
He wanted to blend in with the crowd. Occasionally, there were people who looked at him as a nuisance like Chen, and others who would curiously observe him with innocent eyes, but most people showed no interest in him.
It meant Ondal was nothing special. He felt like he was allowed to be one of them, just ordinary. It was different from before when he could only watch them from afar without being able to mix in. It was the moment his dream, a dream he had spent his whole life isolated and confined for, came true. Even though it was an unremarkable dream, he thought there would be a loud and intense burst of joy, like fireworks inside his heart when he realized it had come true. He had thought that there would be a boisterous and exhilarating explosion of happiness, like laughter erupting.
However, perhaps because it was an unremarkable dream, or maybe because he didn’t know how to properly express happiness, his dream came true quietly and subtly. Like the sea that he thought was far beyond the horizon, one he thought he never would be able to reach, suddenly came to the shore before he knew it, his dream came silently to his side and reached out its hand.
Firmly.
Ondal carefully clenched his fist, just as he did once when he had tightly grabbed the hem of Muriel’s dress in the past. He couldn’t even take a deep breath for fear that his cautious happiness would escape if he made a fuss. He just held his heavy heart preciously and peeked into it. That’s when Muriel appeared. It was a moment when he wondered what it would feel like to plunge into the gentle waves that tickled his ankles.
“Ondal.”
His joy, which had been calm, changed in an instant and a strong wave crashed against his face. In an instant, a massive wave swallowed him, and Ondal fell into the depths of the ocean, feeling the powerful force of the moon with his body.
As if a small typhoon had occurred, the waves swirled around him vigorously, tossing him around. Unable to regain his senses, he cried, swept away by the salty scent of the sea resembling the smell of tears. His heart soared like the waves, then with a loud crash, it disappeared, replaced by the ticklish lingering sensation of the white foam that resembled fireworks, making his body shudder.
“Muriel…”
Ondal lowly recited the name of the one who brought upon the massive wave, barely audible. Then he strode up and embraced her as hard as he could.
“Hng, Muriel…!”
Only when he held Muriel tightly did tears finally pour out. Sobs and tears flowed out so uncontrollably there wasn’t even a moment to breathe. Finally, he felt happy. Finally, he could be relieved, and deeply moved. Even though he wasn’t tense, when he felt the warmth and comfort in Murel’s embrace, he was overwhelmed with emotions that felt like waves.
“Sob, sob…”
He worried that Muriel might be startled or hurt if he didn’t speak properly and just hugged her. She might dislike it… Despite his concerns, he couldn’t let go of Muriel. He couldn’t find the words to properly explain his feelings. He poured out the turbulent emotions he feared might be impossible to handle alone like the cries of a beast.
It was different from when he cried in front of Caitlin. Back then, he was a predator who regained his anger and roared belatedly. But now, he was a timid creature who had finally found his pack and relief after wandering alone for a long time. Ondal dug into Muriel’s embrace like a child burying himself in his mother’s arms. He may have been the one holding Muriel tight with his large frame, but he was also the one being held.
“I’m so glad.”
Muriel received Ondal’s trembling emotions directly. The two of them leaned their foreheads against each other, crying and laughing together. Ondal’s red eyes, which could now see the light, met Muriel’s eyes without hiding away. Her once pitch-black irises now held a pale and clear blue hue. Ondal smiled brightly as he looked at the hazy pattern that could only be seen up close.
aww, Ondal..
