The Tyrant Wants To Live Honestly

There was another reason why the Milanaire name felt like a curse.

As the prestigious Imperial Family, it was crucial for us to project the image of a united and harmonious family.

So, once the ceremony concluded, I was obligated to stand beside Ray and Carnan in the banquet hall simply because I was a Milanaire.

“You bear an uncanny resemblance to her Majesty, the late Empress,” someone exclaimed.

“The princess looks just like Her Majesty, Empress Alice, when she was a child,” another person remarked.

“You’re talking nonsense,” Carnan swiftly dismissed those who had shown interest in me, and changed the subject.

From that moment onward, the focus of the entire gathering shifted to Carnan and Ray, leaving me to linger in the shadows like a decorative candlestick on a wall.

With the towering presence of adults engrossed in conversation, I became completely invisible, and was pushed to the outskirts of the group, isolated from the lively discussion.

I hate this.

They brought me in here just to treat me as a background presence, and I can’t even leave because I’m bound to this damn family.

If this had been before I traveled back in time, I would have found myself desperately seeking attention among them.

I would have attempted to prove just how smart and valuable I was; I would have cursed, and pointed out Ray’s incompetence as the Crown Prince.

But this time, I kept my mouth shut and waited for this party to quickly end.

“Dorothea. come here.”

Amidst the adults, Ray would sometimes glance in my direction and call me back in the shadows, but today’s main character, swept away by people’s attention, turned away from me again.

Then, someone approached, and handed me a glass of juice..

“Isn’t it fun?” someone suddenly said.

It was Theon. He was holding red pomegranate juice that looked like wine. The pomegranate color, as clear as his eyes, suited him perfectly.

I stood there, frozen like a fool as I looked at him.

Theon is talking to me, and offering me juice…!

I couldn’t help but be surprised.

Theon was always polite but he usually kept a certain distance from others. There always seemed to be an invisible barrier around him, making it difficult for anyone to approach him.

Except for Julie Delevingne.

But why was he talking to me? Did he specifically bring the juice for me? Really?

As I thought about Theon bringing me juice, my heart began to race with a sense of anticipation.

“Please, have a drink. You haven’t had anything since earlier.”

Since earlier? Are you saying you’ve been watching me for some time now?

Whenever something involved Theon, I found myself regressing to a childlike state, filled with excitement and anxiety over the smallest details.

Accepting the juice he offered, even though I had no intention to drink it, I tried to steady my trembling hand.

With Theon beside me, my mind seemed to overlook  the idea of consuming anything. Considering this was the first time he had ever given me something, I couldn’t help but feel it would be a waste to consume it.

I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

In fact, I even pondered the idea of taking the glass of juice to my room and putting it on display. I wished for this crimson drink to last forever, untouched by the passage of time, never evaporating or decaying.

“His Majesty Raymond is very proud of the princess. He keeps saying that you are a genius.”

“Ray said that?”

“Yes. I’ve heard from him that you have already memorized all of the curriculum.”

Theon’s compliments left me speechless. 

It was indeed true that I was smarter than Ray, and it wasn’t because I knew the future. Even before the regression, I learned at a much faster pace than my brother.

Despite the two-year age difference, I outperformed Ray in various fields such as geometry, philosophy, and history.

Driven by the desire to capture people’s attention, I made sure there was nothing I couldn’t do better than Ray.

I thought that If I could decipher the constellations and calculate the time before Ray could, someone would love me for it. I believed that if I answered any question before Ray, others would recognize my worth.

However,what I got in return was not recognition I anticipated, but shackles.

“I hope to see you at Episteme.”

At Theon’s words, I had to put a leash on my expression again.

Episteme was the Empire’s best academy, a prestigious school that nurtured talented individuals, serving as a meeting ground for high ranking nobles to forge early alliances.

Not only Ubera, but also foreign royalty and nobles, most of whom graduated from Episteme, and even formed factions among the nobles who graduated from Episteme.

Yet, unlike Ray who was able to enter the academy, I was denied admission because I wasn’t allowed to surpass the Crown Prince.

Was I simply born to make Raymond’s life better?

‘If I go to Episteme, I can show you how great I am, so why are you saying no?’ I pleaded with Carnan.

At that time, I couldn’t quite understand the reasoning behind his rejection. After all, there were so many nobles at Episteme who couldn’t summon spirits, yet they managed just fine. So why was I, the princess, barred from attending? I felt like I was going crazy.

In the end, unable to accept the fact, I fiercely rebelled.

I fled the palace and threw stones at the school. But one of the stones I threw accidently broke a window and hit the eldest son of the Duke of Bronte on the head.

The Duke of Bronte protested, and Carnan imprisoned me in the palace and didn’t allow the maid to feed me anything except water for a whole week.

And my already troubled relationship with Carnan reached its lower point.

So I told Theon, “ I’m not going to Episteme.”

“Why? You are the princess, obviously…”

As Theon spoke, he noticed the change in my expression, and wisely chose to stay silent.

Unlike Ray, he was quite intelligent and knew when to stop talking. Despite his young age, it seemed that he inherited the Fried family’s silent nature.

I didn’t mean to make a grim face. I wanted to talk to Theon, but when he mentioned Episteme, I just…

Not wanting to miss the opportunity to spend time with him, I hastily tried to divert the conversation elsewhere.

“Today’s weather…”

“Theon, the Grand Duke is calling you!”

But before I could finish my sentence, Julie interrupted.

“Oh, my apologies, Princess. The Grand Duke is calling for me. See you again later.”

And Theon dashed off towards Julie.

“Okay,” I softly answered at Theon’s back as he moved away, but he didn’t hear me.

Somehow I felt even worse after Theon left than before he came to talk to me.

No one seemed to care about me.

If I am not here, no one will care.

I already knew this, but it felt more obvious right now.

I should just go to my room.

Exhausted, I walked over to Carnan to tell him I would retire first

The temptation to just slip away from here was like a billowing chimney, but the politeness of this place meant nothing.

“Your majesty.”

As I called out to Carnan, a nobleman standing beside him turned abruptly and accidentally struck my arm, spilling the pomegranate juice Theon gave me on my white dress.

“Oh, Princess!”

“Dorothea.!”

Initially, I was on the verge of irritation, but Carnan’s cold gaze brought me back to reality.

“Dorothea, apologize.”

“Pardon?”

Wait, you think it’s my fault?

The disbelief left me speechless, making me forget that it was impolite to make the Emperor repeat himself.

Someone else bumped onto me, and got my clothes dirty, but he expected me to apologize? 

I was furious for a moment, but I quickly realized why Carnan was doing this.

The person I happened to collide with was Duke Bronte, and he was an important guest.

 As a consequence of accidentally hitting the Duke’s son on the head with a stone in my previous life, I was forced to starve for a week. So, I already knew that the great Emperor valued this Duke more than the princess he would only see a few times in his lifetime.

And I’m sure the other guests immediately grasped what Carnan’s actions meant.

“Your Majesty, Dorothea…”

“My apologies, Duke”

Ray, who didn’t understand what was going on, tried to intervene, but I apologized before he could say anything.

What’s so hard about an apology? I decided to live a good life anyway.

In the old days, I would have shouted at the top of my lungs, I would have protested that it wasn’t my fault, but now I was too tired to engage in meaningless fights.

Furthermore, Carnan’s unjust behavior towards me wasn’t limited to a day or two. Therefore, if I got too emotional here, I would be the only one to get hurt even though I wasn’t to blame.

It was only natural…as natural and normal as breathing.

“Princess, no. I accidentally…” the Duke tried to say.

“It was my mistake for interrupting the conversation.”

It was my fault for intervening between His Majesty the Great Emperor and the Duke, who was talking without even knowing my place.

It was my fault…

Because I’m a bad person.

“Robert. The princess’ clothes are dirty, so escort her to her nanny.”

Carnan summoned an aide, Robert, and ordered for me to be taken out of there. His fingers move with one swipe, as if removing dirty garbage from a noble place.

My grip tightened around the empty glass. The juice that Theon had given me was spilled and not a single drop remained.

I grew accustomed to these kinds of situations, but it’s been a while since I’ve experienced them firsthand like this.

Robert gently patted me on the back and led me out of the banquet hall.

It’s for the best. Now, I have an excuse to leave; I thought to myself before turning around quietly to follow Robert.

However, I immediately made eye contact with Theon and Julie, who were standing together on one side of the banquet hall. Their gazes were filled with concern and sympathy.

And in that instant, blood rushed to my face.

This situation with Carnan was definitely something that I could easily deal with, but as soon as I realized that these two were watching, I became infinitely embarrassed and wanted to hide somewhere.

So, I ran straight to my room.

Without waiting for an assistant or nanny, I ran to my room alone, forcefully shutting the door behind me.

But Theon’s expression persistently lingered in my mind.

Please, don’t look at me like that, Theon.

Don’t look at my ugly face.

Don’t look at my shame.

If you don’t love me, please don’t worry about me.

I locked the door and sank to the ground, clutching onto my juice-soaked dress.

I thought it was acceptable to have juice spilled on my clothes, to endure Carnan’s mistreatment, or to even bow my head and apologize for something I didn’t do, but I couldn’t handle Theon’s gaze on me.

A gaze overflowing with pity.

With an uncontrollable torrent of emotions, I gripped the hem of my dress.

I hate myself.

* * *