Fortunately, they knew how to keep their promises.
Because when I came back in, I was able to fill my stomach with bread topped with stinky milk and camel cheese.
Danny still didn’t act friendly though.
However, he no longer used excessive threats or violence against me, and I knew it was only because he was scared another scorpion might reappear at some point.
Me too. I wish there was just one more scorpion.
.
.
The next day, Tutu, who had gone out to find food, came back in a startled state.
“Danny!” He screamed.
“What?”
“I went to the village and heard that the princess had disappeared!”
“What?”
“She must have been kidnapped!” Tutu exclaimed naively
But Danny, his eyes immediately turned in my direction.
And they weren’t a very good sign for my safety.
I was worried about how he would react if he knew the truth, and that’s precisely why I didn’t say anything about my origin, but it happened anyway.
Who the hell was it? Who was the fool spreading words about the princess’s abduction?
This matter should have been kept a secret at least for the sake of the Imperial Family’s reputation.
“Damn it. Things got bigger!” Danny cursed as he punched the wall before saying,
“Tutu, follow me.”
Then, he took Tutu out, leaving me alone in the basement.
Honestly, my thoughts were as complicated as Danny’s.
He certainly didn’t mean to touch the Imperial family in the first place.
He just targeted a girl who looked like she was from a rich aristocrat family.
But since the target turned out to be from the imperial family, they would most likely have to face the death penalty for treason, and all other kinds of punishment.
Now their only options were to kill me, and live in hiding for the rest of their lives or flee the empire altogether.
So, I needed to get out of here right this instant!
I was crazy to wait for Carnan.
After the two of them left, I searched the room and found a piece of leftover bread, a half full water bottle, and a dagger that Tutu had left behind.
Grabbing the dagger, I swung it around a few times.
My arms felt rather stiff, but it should still be better than that of an ordinary kid.
I was still the same sword master I had been before going back in time, even though I took a long break from training.
If only I had a map…
I desperately needed a map since I had no idea how to get to the next village and all. But there was no way my kidnappers would carry such a great object with me in here.
I hid the dagger and bread under a cloak and put my ear against the door.
“….Kill that bitch and go straight to Hark…” I could heard Danny say
“But she’s a kid! No need to kill her…”
“She is a princess! If that bitch stays alive and exposes our faces, we will die.”
“Still…”
“Do you think the emperor will keep the princess’s kidnappers alive? You go and get two camels. In the meantime, I’ll deal with her.”
Yes, my fate had been decided.
In the end, I had no choice but to pick up my sword again.
I didn’t have many options left.
There was only one way for me, who had a physical disadvantage, to defeat Danny.
The sound of Tutu’s footsteps moving away played in my ears, then the door burst open.
“Where did this girl go?” Danny asked.
Hiding behind the door, I swiftly slashed through the back of his ankles as soon as he entered the room.
I only had one chance to take him by surprise.
“Ugh! You little bitchl!”
Danny groaned and turned to face me.
Shit.
Because of my weak body, and the knife’s blunt blade, I was unable to go in as deeply as I wanted, and failed to cut off his ligaments.
Danny brutally grabbed my neck.
“Ugh!”
And my body, unable to overcome his strength, was pushed back and crashed onto the wall.
I reached out, trying to stab his arm, but my own arms were too short, and only allowed the knife to slip, leaving small wounds all over his limb.
It’s because I’m weak.
Because I’m not strong enough.
I neglected what I was best at because I was afraid that I would become greedy after becoming strong again. But right now, I resented my weak body more than my past greed.
Danny twisted my wrist to force me to drop the knife and continued to strangle me.
I felt like my neck was going to break; I was suffocating.
“No matter how hard you try, there is nothing you can do!” He said, smiling wickedly.
And I don’t know why, but those words stabbed me so deeply.
He was right.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t be better than Raymond.
I can’t go to Episteme.
I can’t get Carnan’s attention.
I can’t get Theon’s love.
And I can’t stop the people I trust from abandoning me and putting me on my deathbed.
Even if I try, I can’t do anything.
He was right, and thanks to his cruel words, the limits I put on myself suddenly blew off.
And when I hit his chin, it was with a strength I didn’t know I had.
Danny bent over from the impact, reluctantly letting go of my neck.
I picked up the knife that had fallen and sliced one of his legs, but deeper this time.
Red blood spurted out before his body leaned to one side and collapsed on the floor.
“Damn it!”
Next, I cut through his other leg while he was cursing his lungs out…
I tore off his clothes while he screamed and struggled.
And in a few minutes, he was trembling and looking at me with fear in his eyes.
I remembered those eyes.
A lot of people used to look at me with that gaze before I came back.
Yes, many people had this look in their faces just before I cut them in half with my sword.
My gaze fell on my ugly face reflecting on the dagger’s blade, only then did I regain the reason I had lost for a moment.
No, I didn’t mean to be bad. I just wanted to live…
I shook my head, staggering back.
“ I really want to live a good life. Why can’t everyone leave me alone?” I said, desperate.
I wish I could just live quietly until the day I die.
I stumbled backward before outrightly running away, and leaving Danny bleeding on the floor.
After running up the dark basement, what greeted me was the desolate wilderness.
I escaped, but I had no destination. I had no idea how to get to the nearest village, where I could find people, or who could save me.
It would have been nice to be able to follow in stupid Tutu’s footprints, but the strong wind had long erased his traces.
I looked at the sky and shadows casted by the sun.
I saw the sun the first Milanaire had created, and it was shining on me.
Let’s walk towards the rising sun.
The desert was in the west, so it was reasonable to think that if you walked east, you would eventually find something.
So I blindly walked towards the east.
I encountered dry trees and cactuses that could be sparsely marked milestones on the way; ruins of a house buried in the sand, and a dried-up well.
When I finally found traces of a village, I started to have hope again.
I hoped I could survive this.
I thought I would soon find a village full of living and breathing people.
With every step, dust was rushing into my lungs.
I was sweaty and thirsty, but only had half a bucket of water left.
I walked diligently, wetting my throat just enough to moisten my cracked mouth. But no matter how long I walked, I couldn’t find the shadow of a single person, even as the sun started to go down.
And when the night came, the wilderness showed me a totally different kind of violent appearance than before.
The heat was gone but the cold replaced it.
The hot wind had lost its warmth and became icy.
It was Fried’s time.
Still, whether it was Milanaire or Fried, they were both equally harsh on me.
The sand where my feet had been buried became shallow, but the ground was still dry. All I could do was look at the stars in hopes of finding some sort of direction.
But even that was obscured by the clouds along with the increasingly chilly wind.
The astronomy I learned was useless here, and in the end, I had to move forward with the first direction I had previously taken as a guide.
There was no light in the wasteland.
It was so dark I couldn’t help but wonder that if I had the spirit of light, would I have been able to illuminate the dark path ahead?
Would the situation be different if Ray was in my place?
As time passed and my body got more and more exhausted, the dred I felt for hurting Danny and tried to forget came back.
Is Danny dead? Or did Tutu go back, see him and was now chasing after me realizing that I had run away?
Taking a life wasn’t scary to me since I’ve already killed quite a lot.
Yet strangely, my body was trembling.
And I realized that what terrified me was my helplessness.
The helplessness that left me with no choice but to walk in this endless darkness without knowing where I was going.
I wanted to pray to a spirit or God, but I refrained from doing it.
Spirits would never come to my help, and God was no longer merciful towards me.
I was not worthy of God’s love.
Then, finally, my legs lost strength and I fell forward.
The now ice-cold sand immediately took me in.
There was a rough noise with every breath I took, and I was coughing because of the sand I was inhaling. My body, which had been shaking since before, was no longer in my control.
Great. It would be okay to die like this.
It’s much better than being executed for being a tyrant or killed by a stupid kidnapper.
It wasn’t the long life I wanted, and I didn’t want to leave a name for it.
No one will remember me or mourn my death.
The life I got in order to pay for my sins, it would be nice if it ended sooner than expected; I crouched against the rock and thought.
I waited for the punishment to end, thinking about why I was brought back to life, thinking of the many punishments I should have received.
Then a faint light suddenly flashed in the distance, while what sounded like horseshoes echoed in the distance.
The flickering light at the edge of the horizon was getting closer.
It was a person.
Why does God always torture me with hope?
Why can’t he let me give up?
This was a dead-end situation but because I was greedy by nature, when I saw hope again, I longed to survive and live.
I struggled to get up on the rock and raised my trembling hands, hoping the lights would find me.
“Over here…” I tried to scream but my voice was so dry and cracked that I couldn’t make a proper sound.
I wanted to call them with all the strength I had left, but my voice pitifully scattered in the deep darkness.
I tried to move my heavy feet to get a little closer to them.
Not worrying whether they might be bandits, good men, or slave traders, I saw a glimmer of hope and I held onto it.
They could be the people Carnan sent to rescue me.
He must have sent someone.
Anyone.
Truthfully, it was funny that I was thinking like this even after being neglected for so long.
Yes, I was originally that kind of person.
I wanted to believe that someone would eventually love me.
I tried to walk but after taking a few steps, I fell again.
The night sky, which even covered the moon, was really dark. It looked like it was going to rain soon. What a coincidence in this barren land.
I became more and more dazed, and I no longer had the strength to chase after those lights.
“Princess!”
While my consciousness was rapidly fading away, a familiar voice rang in my ears.
* * *
When I woke up I was back at the Imperial Palace.
There was a wet towel on my forehead and my body still felt grimy and cold.
The curtains adorning the windows were dark, and a small ray of light was leaking through the crack of the door.
“They were unnamed kidnappers.”
“She has been kidnapped by those kinds of people?”
Carnan’s voice could be heard from the doorway.
It was the first time he had come to my room, and I was so shocked by the fact, I thought my heart would suddenly stop beating.
Carnan came to see me?
I felt like my chest was burning with anticipation.
I was kidnapped, and he tried to save me.
He was my father and had the same blood flowing through our veins after all….
“Everything about this is annoying me.”
But as his next word leaked through the slightly open door, my heart, which was starting to feel warm, turned cold again.
Annoying?
He dismissed everything I’ve been through as ‘annoying.’
“Find out who leaked this and deal with it. Let it be known to the public that the princess’s kidnapping is a false rumor, and anyone who continues to spread such rumors will face severe punishment.”
Then, I heard him let out an annoyed sigh, and the sigh became a dagger that stuck me in the heart.
Seriously, why did I stupidly expect something different? I must have lost my mind for a moment because I was sick.
I clenched my teeth, trying to rein my emotions back in.
Maybe it was because my body was weak, so my mind also became weak.
Carnan was always like this.
He hated me from the very beginning.
In my first life, It was always my fault if I fought with Ray, and it was also my fault if Ray did something wrong.
When Ray turned ten, Carnan bought him a steed, but when I turned ten, he didn’t get me anything.
The birthday bouquet that my nanny gave me then, turned out it wasn’t from Carnan, but from the servants in the Imperial Palace.
And when I found out, I got so angry, I destroyed everything in Ray’s room.
Carnan imprisoned me in my chamber for a whole month because of that.
And after that incident, he treated me as the embodiment of greed itself.
Well, I guess I was indeed an overly greedy person since I wanted to have everything.
Like Tantalus, tormented by eternal thirst and hunger, I longed for all that Ray had, everything I didn’t have, and everything else that could make up for the lack I was feeling.
I know it was stupid.
I convinced myself that Carnan hated me because of that flaw.
I wanted to believe that was the reason because in some way it made my own father’s hatred for me easier to accept.
But after the regression, this belief was proven wrong.
Ever since I came back, I never fought with Ray nor did I take anything from him, but Carnan still didn’t like me.
So, guess what I did?
I found another excuse.
I’m being punished for being a tyrant in the past.
Yes, I told myself that I was just paying the price for the crimes I committed in my previous life this time around.
I decided to rationalize it like that.
Otherwise, I think I would just go mad.
* * *
